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Fire Emblem: A Waylad to the Past


Fateborn
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A story to tease an upcoming hack I plans on developing from the story. This may or may not contains every dialogues for the hack, as it will have either more information for one part and less for another.

Pre-Prologue Chapter Part One.

Clang. A sound of metal gongs throughout the dark stairway as a sword dances through its foes as its master ascend higher and higher. At the last room of the staircase, a foot halts upon the last step and the wind howls behind the owner of the shining blade. As the gale pause, the master walks forward three steps. Stopping neatly before the frame of doorway into the room. Red hair rustles with the gentle gust, young but mature face frames his head with a blue engraved headband of expensive origin, a pair of blue eyes matching the sash and the plate armors he wear. Roy shouts against the voice to silence himself of the story he was being told. A robed figure emerges from the shadow of the other side. With sanguine hair sweep aside neatly to display his face clearly, a male with appearance of ten to twenty years older than Roy with piercing red eyes, and a robe of blood hides his body. Two arms emerge from the robe and extends outward to his side, with a voice of elder he congratulate Roy for making it far high.

"Congratulation Roy, having made it here through slewing hundred of my comrades with your divine blade, really I must applaud you."

Roy respond by raising his sword as he cannot delay any further. With an ominous presence and disappointed voice,

"Very well, this Jahn will be your opponent, I certainly hope you will please me,"he said as his robe rips to pieces as a pair of scaled wings appears from his back as his figure shifts to a redder appearance.

His body grows larger as his teeth sharpens, eyes flooding with pure sanguine color, his arms thicken and mutates into claw. A tail snaps against the ground behind him destroying the flooring shaking the room. He drops on all four and roars. A blast of gust sweep through Roy and echos out into the stairwell.

Seven comrades dash behind Roy lining up with him at his sides with seven different weapons at ready each appearing radiant and glows as they detects the presence of Jahn across from them. With a large lizard-like body, Jahn crawls aggressively toward the party, he closes his crocodile-like mouth and reopens it, an engulfing blast of flame sears the floor as the party scatters in a formation. The dragon shuts his mouth and swiftly looks to his side in a small moment of panic and recovers himself and readies for the barrage. Two comrades slash at his both side with their legendary weapons. The Spear of Ice, Maltet, and The Sword of Blazing easily cut his scale body. The foe groans fully aware of the divine weapon's might but not of their wielder's capabilities and sweep his tail through the two allies knocking them against the wall together knocking them unconscious. Jahn feels three itches across his back, he glances back to the spots... three arrows pierce his protective armor, he wonders how it could pierce his hide, a sphere of gust hovers behind a leaping archer, the weapon of wind, Murgleis. He flex his wings and beat at the air rapidly and forcibly cause the archer to lose his balance in air jump and knocks him down, the fall blacks him out.

"Five left," he thought as he hears three voice speaking together.

He turns toward the source, three figures standing side by side with two reading out of their tomes, and one holding her forehead against a staff. The staff floods the room with light, Jahn recognizes this power and looks toward the three fallen comrades, their blood pools disappeared and all trace of wounds are gone but they are still unconscious.

"Amateurs," he thought the party was, then the cleric switch to a yellow tome and chants with the other two.

The three trinity tomes of magic, Forblaze, Aureola, and Apocalypse. The wielders of Forblaze and Apocalypse completes their chant, the room darkens as the ground beneath Jahn splits and magmas erupts against his underbelly searing his dragon flesh. The darkness intensify and gains mass flying around Jahn. His eyes full of worries as he foresee his doom. He takes a deep breath of the magma, his belly glows with the heat of hell and he spews out his hellfire blaze burning the three comrade's clothing and their flesh from the pain of the heat they pass out as the third tome glows flooding their bodies and dispel the hellfire. Jahn thinking the fate protected the party groans as his underbelly bleeds. A clanking noise of steel grinds against the stone floor, he realizes it's the last divine weapon, Armads, a noise of sparks as electric shrouds the enormous battleaxe.

With little less than a split second, Jahn decides to take the blow and clutches his claw to strike at the warrior. With a slight regret for his life, the warrior hestitates and flinch and struck Jahn's left wing and was demolished by the claw though barely off the mark, the warrior survives but unconscious as the axe flies out of his hand and sticks into the wall with great force leaving it stuck. Jahn unable to preserve his draconian form he transform back to his naked humanoid form bleeding holding his guts in with his left hand and swaying from side to side. With a presence looming from behind, he turns to avoid the incoming blow and extends out his right arm to deflect the sealed sword. Due to the extensive amount of wounds Jahn had received from the other seven comrades he reacted quicker than usual instead, his first half of the hand down to his arm are sliced smoothly as Roy slash at Jahn's chest. His eyes widen as he looks in Roy's eyes, he grins.

"Now that's definitely fun..."

His eyes roll back and his body stumps backward. Roy in a smooth movement flings his sword to his side shaking off the fresh blood and sheaths it. Roy stares down at Jahn's corpse as the body leaks a large red pool. He then looks at the final room of his destiny...

"I will stops you Idoun," he whispers as he walks into the looming blackness leaving behind his comrades.

Table of Content

Pre-Prologue Part 2 - http://serenesforest.net/forums/index.php?showtopic=46153&p=2924535

Pre-Prologue Part Final - http://serenesforest.net/forums/index.php?showtopic=46153&p=2928183

Prologue - http://serenesforest.net/forums/index.php?showtopic=46153&p=2948744

Chapter 1 - http://serenesforest.net/forums/index.php?showtopic=46153&p=2985922

Edited by Fateborn
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This some sort of fanfiction?

Yes, and no.

It is both fanfiction AND a hack story. Though the pre-prologue won't be in the hack since it'd be silly. I'll just summarize it for the prologue. The fanfiction will be probably the longer version of my hack but preserved in a way so both hack and the fanfiction will be different in a way.

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Amazing i love the story giod description of thefight maybe find a word to replace "gong" it is unique but doesnt serve your purpouse as good as maybe clatter or crash all inall well writteni look foward to hopefully playing the hack

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Pre-Prologue Chapter Part 2.

With eyes full of conviction, Roy reach the royal stair ascending to the Dragon Throne. His body aches as he grow closer to the end, fully aware of the possibility failure on his part, he can't help but shudders. His only comfort is the divine sword on his left hip, the Sword of the Sealing, the most powerful weapon in comparison to the eight divine weapons. He sighs with a small feeling of relief, he rubs on his sash of his dead father and walks on. Upon the last step, the throne room lit up. Three hooded figures are visible to him. Two are closer to him in distance but quite tall for their size perhaps even taller than Jahn, and one slightly shorter than Jahn but noticeably feminine with her back to Roy staring at the empty throne. The brief moment of silence between the protagonist and the antagonist as Roy calls out,

"Zephiel and Jahn is dead! There's no point in continuing this madness!"

The next response shocks Roy to the point of dumbfound expression,

"Is... this madness?"

Puzzling over her response, Roy grasp at his sword as the two robed shape shifters step forth, she continues raising her head upward, "I do not know what this 'madness' is, but I will follow my orders to the end." Roy removes his sword from its sheath as the two robed enemies rush forward shifting into their dragon form, though relevantly weak, they're still two powerful dragons. Their sheer size are dwarfed by the room's size, however their mobility is limited while Roy's is not. Just before they reach Roy's location, Roy leaps as the two lizard collides on each other making a terrible sound of snapping bones. Taking this opportunity, Roy lands on the two dragons' back and stab at their nape of the back neck severing their spines. As both dragons return to their humanoid form dead, Roy stands ahead of the corpses raising his sword horizontal level toward the Shaman of Darkness,

"Your two dragon comrades are dead, do you not feel anything on that remorse?!"

"I do not know what feelings are. What feelings I may had were broken centuries ago."

She explains emotionlessly and she glance down toward the throne, where Zephiel would had sat if he had lived. Roy walks closer to the center of the room, as bright as the room may be, Roy feels like the room get darker the closer he gets to Idoun.

"I will carry out my King's last order and exterminate the humanity off this world. Perhaps Zephiel would had rather you as the last one, but there is no avoiding it..."

She turns toward Roy, who lowers his sword in defensive posture, and raise her hand out of her black robe and points behind Roy,

"And they are the same."

"Huh?" Roy asked as he turns his head to his back, seven figures stagger into the room each with their weapons.

"No way you're forgetting us, Roy." The man with Maltet calls out.

"Alan...?"

"That was mean of you to just leave us behind Roy!" A feminine voice shout with Forblaze in her hands.

"Sorry Lilina..."

"Am I still getting paid for this right, Roy?" Armad's wielder ask.

"Of course, Dieck."

"That's just Roy being a General," said the youngster with Murgleis,

"Thanks Klein."

"Oh Brother, you should stop babying Roy, he's above you!"

"Clarine, you didn't have to continue on..."

"No, you're not getting away with this Roy! You still owe me!"

A tattered clothing boy interrupts, "I think I need a new robe, this rags can really ruin my black look!"

"Ray, you still came?"

"Of course, why wouldn't I, still got to test this Apocalypse."

Roy feels an elbow hit at his hip, "Roy, it wasn't nice to shoulder all of this burden, as a fellow swordsman you should share it."

"Fir..." He sighs, and continue,

"Thanks everyone."

A small child-like footstep from behind, the eight are surprised by a survivor of the battle since they only brought this many... and they soon realize who it is as the voice shouts out.

"Roy! I still wanna go with you guys!"

"Fae?! Why did you come?!" Roy feverishly stammers.

"I didn't wanna leave you Roy!" She cry as she latch to Roy's left leg.

"A Divine Dragon?" The female awaiting them calls out recognizing who the child really is.

Fae release her hands from Roy's legs and looks behind him.

"Hey Roy, who's she?" She ask after taking a look at Idoun.

"The Dark Priestess or so Zephiel said."

She looks back to Idoun and cowers a bit. "I ca' feel it..." She fearfully says and clings to Roy's leg again. "Just lik' me..."

Roy blinks and turns back to the direction of the black robe female. Her right green eye, and her left red eye glitters in the shadow of her hood. She removes the hood with her pale and slender arm bound in cloth strips and reveals her pale silver hair, pale face, every feature of hers are pale making the appearance of the dark mood around her even gloomier.

"Are you... Divine Dragon too?" Fae asks hesitatingly.

"Once." A single word rings out of her mouth and hollows out the room.

Roy forcibly moves Fae behinds him in reaction, from the Dark Priestess's back, three pair of black bat-like wings, shaped as if they were drawings on a wall, unlike Jahn's. All nine's break a sweat, and Idoun vanish into thin air, and from the shadow of the room walls a black beak-like crocodile emerges followed by a long purple and scaled giraffe-like neck, a body larger than the standard red dragons Roy and his fellows have encounter, and ripper claws with a long whipping tail. Black smogs leak from her mouth. With her hiss, the room light flickers and dimmers, Roy and his comrades find courage and fit into formation with Fae hanging onto Roy's back much to the latter's objection.

"Break!" Roy shouts as the eight scatters as they did for Jahn.

Edited by Fateborn
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Pre-Prologue Chapter Part Final.

As the battle begins, the first to move Klein shoots out arrows with his wind blessed bow, five to be precise, each aiming for the dark dragon's heart. The arrowhead hits their mark but is deflected one by one by the hard scales. The archer is shock by how dense her scales are and retreats for alternate options. Idoun slithers around with her claws not damaging the flooring as Fir rush toward the back wall dodging the claw movement skillfully and runs up the side performing a repeating backflip toward Idoun holding the flame blade outward. The edge sizzles through the air as the flips turns into a fire wheel aiming for her neck. The draconian squeeze her neck down flexing it, as the razor sharp blade touch the skin of the dragon it immediately bounces off throwing Fir off balance and Idoun raise her claws to finish the falling girl. With a shudder, Fir's shoulders throw out and her eyes fade a bit, she close her eyes and bids farewell under her breath. Before the scythe-like claws found their mark, the Lightning Axe Armads halts their flow. Dieck struggles against the ferocious strength of only a single hand and is knock aside onto a wall as Fir catch her balance and retreats to safety.

Dieck slides down the wall with a grimacing expression, "Ngh, I broke three of my ribs," he mumbles.

Before the warrior hit the floor a black tail tangles on his body, before Dieck could react, he is taken up through air dropping Armads, and being violently shaken of few shaking results in hitting the wall. Dieck, being a resilient man, manages to endure the heavy injuries and the fact that Idoun's tail also take some of the burden of the damages which protects him, before Idoun could deal another violent strike with Dieck, Alan charges forth with the frozen lance toward her stomach. This surprise attack causes the Dark Priestess to drop Dieck, and he crash into the floor with a force strong enough to knock him out, Fir rush in to pulls him away to avoid giving him any more unrecoverable scars. The swordswoman lays him against a distant wall to let him rest and returns to assist Alan. The Red Lance avoids each and every claw swipe by a hair's breath but as each strike increase in counts, so does her speed, it wasn't very long until the claw nibs at Alan's armor making a deep cut in it. The next swipe is his doom he knows that. Idoun pounce at Alan with her left, just before the razor nails made contact, Fir knocks them aside with Durandal and Klein supports them with an artillery of twenty arrows toward Idoun, as both Alan and Fir retreat.

Klein shouts to the two to provide back-up to Ray, Lilina, and Clarine as they finish up their chant. Both looks at each other and nods in agreement as they dash off to hold Idoun in place. With a long history of team work, Fir and Alan easily move in synchronize and launch a pincer attack on the demon dragon, but Idoun knows full well enough that battle after battle would improve an individual's skill with another individual, thus Idoun is luring them into a trap. She carefully held her claws in suspension just close to her chest waiting for them to be closer to be crush by her weight. What Idoun did not anticipate is that Alan would recognize the trap and move out of the trap. Two seconds before the arrival point of the pincer, Alan side steps to push Fir out of the way as Idoun descends on them both. The dirts levitate out from under and float around. Everyone but Idoun and Dieck looks in shock as Alan vanish in the body slam. As the dust settles, a red body lays on the floor unmoving as Idoun raise her body to prepare for another onslaught. A large pool of crimson color oozes from under Alan's body, Fir calls out to him to respond... nothing. Fir notices a pole stick stuck with the blade into the flooring not very far from where Alan pushed her away, the lance of ice Maltat. Everyone, especially Fir, can not accepts that Alan had perished, Fir sits shivering about what had just happened. Not long before the attack on the tower, Alan had lost his friend, Lance in the previous battle and would often despair, but Fir told him that Lance would be disappointed if Alan didn't follow through his duties to the end and Alan smiled to that thanking her for the encouragement. Alan did follow up with his duty to the end... being a knight that protects other.

Everyone realizes that Fir isn't in any shape to move, Klein immediately diverts Idoun's attention away from the collapsed Fir, while Roy grabs at Fir's under chest and jump away. Ray, Lilina, and Clarine finish their tome chants. Five black orbs circle around the dark dragon and a gash of the stone floor beneath her opens up, with a quick decision, Idoun sucks in the five black orbs infusing them with her fire breath and spew into the magma pit below annihilating the hole. A line of light ray glitters on Idoun, she stands up and extends out her claws in preparation for whatever is coming. A chariot circle wheels down the line like a tracking device, before it reach her, she catch it with her claws, the flooring caves in as if a meteor has land, the floor already weakened from Idoun's infused breath of Apocalypse versus the Forblaze magic has given out and Idoun along with Alan's corpse and his spear falls down to the floor under. Realizing the tower is going to collapse from the sheer power clash, Roy orders everyone to retreat down, Clarine rush to holds Fir up and escort her out while Roy ask Fae to go with them so he can carry Dieck out. As Roy fetch Dieck, a shock to the tower occurs as the farthest wall side collapse, Roy double paced it out carrying Dieck leaving behind the Armads as it'll likely survive the fall. After a lengthy run down the staircase, Roy reunites with his crew on the fifth floor where they spots a large gash in the wall on the same side of the distant wall that collapsed and a large fall hole on the floor, Idoun must had flung the chariot ring aside into the wall as she fell down. Everyone quicken their paces down the last five floors where they meet face to face with Idoun's draconian head. With a quick reaction, Roy shouts for everyone to get against the wall away from the gateway as Idoun breaths out black smokes and flames along with a great wind flurry. After the fire ceases, Idoun has disappear from the door's way, a loud crash noise as a black arm sweep through the wall on the floor, Roy and his party rush out the door to escape the destruction. A thrashing tail greets them as they get out into the open, they looks up and finds Idoun holding onto the wall with her left arm through it. She pulls her arm out and climbs down.

An eerie voice looms around the room, "Just as King Zephiel proposes, this is the end."

Roy frown with his eyebrows as an action of a rebel, "This isn't right! Humanity does not deserve to head to extinction! Why won't you stop?!"

A quiet moment before Idoun breaks the silence, "Just as Scouring broke the dragons, they broke me. But this is not a tale for you to be listening to."

The voice vanish as the Demon Dragon rush toward the party, Roy with a burden on his shoulder is forced to parry whatever is coming but Klein delays her movement with arrows providing Roy time to dodge. Dieck groans and awake to the sight of Roy's hair brushing against his face. With a quiet voice, he ask his boss to let him down. Roy explains what happened after his unconsciousness, including Alan's death. Dieck rubs his forehead mumbling to himself and ask where his Armads is, Roy said it fell down with the dragon and Maltat. Dieck looks around and finds a man's body near the other side where Idoun is currently along with Armads and Maltat. He runs over toward them after telling Roy he'll be back in a bit.

Roy starts to move to assist the last five when Fae interrupts him. "Roy, I hears it, I hears it and I don't like it!" She cries cupping over her ears in an attempt to cut off sound. Roy grabs at her shoulders calming her down, "What's wrong? What's going on?"

"Her spirit, I hears it, stabbing, bleeding, screaming, and begging." She breaks out in tear.

"She's suffering!"

"What are you saying?" Roy ask the crying child.

"She got bonded, and she bleed dry to the bad guys, she screamed, and beg them to stop, she beg the red tribe to stop!"

She gasps and continue, "Because of dat, she's like this! Please help her!" She begs Roy.

Even if he wants to help... he does not know how to.

Suddenly, his sword glitters, and a voice echos out into his head, "Pure heart will bring light to hers, concentrate the thought to save her into the sword! Strike at her chest with the sword of light!"

Roy's eyes glows with his heart, his sword slowly shine, and he close his eyes to concentrates. The other five realize what he is doing and attempts to hold back Idoun as Dieck joins in the battle. Roy struggles to distract his attention away from the noise of the combat between Idoun and the six members of which, Lilina, Ray, and Clarine have switch out their tools from the legendary weapons in order to provide support to Dieck, Klein, and Fir. In Roy's vision, all he see is pure darkness from behind the eyelids, but with his concentration he begins to see a figure... He recognizes it as soon as it become more clear for him... Idoun, but the difference is that the Idoun in his vision is wearing a white gown similar to one wore by Fae, unconscious, and held in suspension by four chains, one for each limb. "Is this the real Idoun," he thought as the vision soon show more details. The red dragons, the divine dragons, a desert, and the city that he has visited in this journey. Voices from around begins to clear up, he see another Idoun in the same fashion as the one bound by chains next to the elder Divine Dragon as members of red dragon tribe argues against the elder. Roy makes it out that the red dragons tribe believe they are losing the war against the human, to which he concludes that this is the Scouring, and demands that the Divine Dragon aid them in the fight as they cannot birth as many red dragons as humans does. With a deep regard expression, the elder dragon orders Idoun to aid them, to which she did not disobey and went alongside them. The red dragons thank the elder and depart with Idoun. The vision fades to blackness and another appears, this time with Idoun struggling through the power of five red dragons humanoid holding her down as Jahn appears before her and take out a vial of black liquid to which he thrust down Idoun's mouth forcing her to drink the ebony water. She flails and struggles while screaming, and... drops down and rises with blank expression. What happens next breaks a sweat on Roy's cheek. Jahn brought over a human prisoner from the war and orders Idoun to transform him into a dragon. To which Idoun obeys and holds up her two arms with the two hands overlaying forming a triangle, a bolt of black energy fly into the human. He falls into caustic arrest as his body mutates into a red dragon form.

Jahn simply smiled and offers congratulation to everyone else involved and grabs at Idoun's cheek with his right hand whispering, "I am your Master and follow me everywhere I go."

With that order, Idoun's left eye breaks a tear that flow down her cheek onto Jahn's hand, and he withdraws his hand licking the liquid off. His vision snaps back to Idoun in chains where she opens her eyes and whispers something to Roy before tilting down her head.

Roy heard it clearly, "Kill me... Please..."

Roy opens his eyes and look up toward the demon dragon and the six comrades. The six are struggling as their stamina are depleting.

He then looks down to Fae who has worrisome eyes, "Roy...?"

The last word Roy hears before he dash off toward Idoun. With a foot in front of another he quickly reach Idoun's left arm and leap up high in air. The next moment felt like an eternity to everyone, every second slows down, every moment delays, Roy feels his sword slowly tilts downward as he gains altitude above the black dragon. Idoun with the time slow down opens her mouth to breath out an engulfing dark flame. The sword shines as the mouth of the abyss lights up, the others could do nothing but watch this unfolding final strike.

Through Roy's eyes, he sees chained Idoun behind the Dark Dragon again, who then repeats the sentence she has imposed on Roy, "Kill me. Please." He then hears another request, "Cut off my head and end my misery."

As the vision vanish, the time flows normally, Roy's hairs sway back as the black breath spews out. Roy's sword as if it has a mind of its own slash apart the burning gas and aims for Idoun's neck, within that instant, Roy has to make a decision... Save Idoun or Kill Idoun.

"No!" he thought as he forcibly push away the sword from the neck direction and aims for her chest.

The sword shines its brightest light as the tip of the blade slips through the dragon's body. The dragon disappears with the light and in its place is Idoun bound by chains, just like the one Roy saw in his vision, the sword automatically swings toward the binding chains and break them. Roy let go his right hand as Idoun begins to fall down and grabs hold of her. Roy lands down holding the freed priestess securely as Fae and everyone else rush toward Roy for his victory. Roy lays down Idoun to give her a breathing room. The party debates on what to do for the victory, and Roy simply tell them to go outside and have a breather and to let others know of their battle. They then remembers Alan, and decide to take him outside to bury him with full honor along with Maltat. Roy smiles, happy because he has such good allies to rely on. Fae sits beside Idoun across from where the Pherae prince is. She smiles as she see Idoun's rosy face instead of the pale bland she use to have. Idoun slowly opens her eyes and looks at Roy and Fae. Fae notices her waking and greet her friendly and her name. The Dark Priestess smiles for the first time and close her eyes to sleep. Suddenly the tower begins to rumble as the stones fall down few by few. It seems the Dark Dragon's final breath attack had too much power in it and destroyed the above floors and result in the tower being unstable at standing. Roy shouts at Fae to escape ahead of him while he gets Idoun on his back. Fae stubbornly refuse to leave them both behind and insists on holding Idoun's hand to comfort her. How could Roy refuse? Both runs toward the exit dodging the falling debris. As they reach the exit they both jumps as the doorway collapse blowing out dark brown dusts and debris. Roy recovers himself and got up from his knees and begins to runs toward their camp with Fae and Idoun in tow when he meets up with everyone who came running when they heard the collapse. Roy smiles and tell them to not worry and heads off into the camp to put Idoun on a bedding.

Four months later, Idoun sits on the desert sands under a palm tree with Fae playing nearby. Fae tells her stories about individual objects around, and reach to the point about a coconut from the palm tree, and a coconut drops on Fae's head the exact moment she mentions it. Idoun giggles at the misfortune and the incredible coincidence. Fae can't help it and laughs with her... and she would never knows that another disaster would come to sweep Idoun away again just like it did in the past.

Edited by Fateborn
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There are a lot of punctuation and grammar mistakes. For one thing, you confuse the plural and singular forms of verbs almost regularly. For another, there's also needless repetition of words. Some of your choices prolong sentences that would be better off more concise. For instance:

"She explains emotionless and she tilts her head down to glance toward the throne, where Zephiel would had sat if he lives."

Revised, it would be:

"She explains emotionlessly while glancing at the throne where Zephiel would have sat if he lived."

Other than that, there are plenty of other writing errors that are too varied and numerous to specify. Finally, you need to break up your paragraphs, because a lot of your story is one big wall of words. Separate your lines based on what part of the narrative you wish to convey in which paragraph. Also a character's dialogue usually deserves to be its own line rather than spliced to bigger passages.

I don't intend to be mean but I get the feeling that either English is not your first language or that you wrote this down in a hurry.

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There are a lot of punctuation and grammar mistakes. For one thing, you confuse the plural and singular forms of verbs almost regularly. For another, there's also needless repetition of words. Some of your choices prolong sentences that would be better off more concise. For instance:

"She explains emotionless and she tilts her head down to glance toward the throne, where Zephiel would had sat if he lives."

Revised, it would be:

"She explains emotionlessly while glancing at the throne where Zephiel would have sat if he lived."

Other than that, there are plenty of other writing errors that are too varied and numerous to specify. Finally, you need to break up your paragraphs, because a lot of your story is one big wall of words. Separate your lines based on what part of the narrative you wish to convey in which paragraph. Also a character's dialogue usually deserves to be its own line rather than spliced to bigger passages.

I don't intend to be mean but I get the feeling that either English is not your first language or that you wrote this down in a hurry.

Thanks for the feedback, I'll reconfigure the story accordingly. English is technically not my first language.

Edit: I re-edited the paragraphs to be something close to what you said while keeping a bit of my own style.

I think it's better now?

Edited by Fateborn
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Prologue Chapter

Nine years prior the fall of Bern's Corrupt King Zephiel. Nightfall embraces the desert of Nabata, in a seclude village of Arcadia. Three hooded figures walks through the hall of houses in the village toward a segregated building. Careful to not arise suspicions from other citizens, the leader taps on the iron of the wooden door three times and opens it entering one by one starting with the leader. Inside the room is a small table with two chairs adjacent across each other with a little girl with purple hairs sitting at one. She waves the three visitors in cheerfully. The leader takes off his hood revealing his elderly age and shine like a light bulb in the candle-lit room.

"Oh Mister Elder!" the child remarks.

The elder pulls out his cane and taps on the ground with it to shush her. The remaining two takes off their hood, one is a young woman with blonde hairs covering half her face and a worn out expression with a long hilt poking from behind her cloak, and another is a medium aged man with his black hairs slick back with a silver circlet on his forehead and an ancient enigmatic tome in his left hand.

"Where is she?" The old man ask taking a brief scan of the room seeing only the girl at the table.

"Making dinner for us both!" She smiles as the elder stroke at his short gray beard.

A clattering noise as a shadow outline crawls the house floor and a lavender haired lady with heterochromatic eyes wearing a white robe with gold lacing appears from behind a corner wall holding a tray with four plates of foods with aroma delicious enough to draws Fae from her chair.

"Mmm... That smells so delicious!" She drools.

Idoun sets the tray on the table and place plates around where they both would seat.

"Fae. . . Take a seat." She speaks calmly. She turns her neck toward the three guests and walks around the table to arrive to the front to stands against it. The old man rest his two wrinkly hands on the cane before speaking to her.

"Lady Idoun, it has been three years since our last check up. How have your life been with Fae at your side?" He softly speaks as Fae noisily devours the food at her plate. Idoun close her eyes tilting down her head, and reopens them after a brief moment.

"I do not believe there is evident of Dark Priestess returning at this present time, Fae is truly a good companion," she said.

The elder smile but not as great as one would believe, as he may have heard the same conclusion over and over. He nods at her, and waves her to come a bit closer. Idoun comply to him and takes a few steps forth.

"Fae mustn't know of this. . . but you are well aware that we sealed your draconian power, yes?" He ask, to which Idoun gently nods.

"Splendid, then you knows that you cannot transform into your true form anymore; however, due to a request by Master Roy, the man whom rescued you nine years ago, we left your magical powers alone." Idoun seems dumbfound, what is the difference between magical powers and draconian magics was all she thought.

"I see, you do not understands this, alright." He coughs to himself, and calls to Fae.

"Fae, I will be just a few moment with Lady Idoun right outside."

"Ofay Misser!" Fae mumbled with food still in her mouth, she appears to be very much enjoying the dinner made by her roommate.

The old man gestures to the two companions to step outside with them. The scent of the nightfall make Idoun shivers she rubs her hands together breathing out white puffs of cold air while the other three are unaffected by the freezing environment. The elder taking notice of her state.

"You are slowly turning human because your dragon blood is gone, you will never again become what you once were." He explains, "However, this does not means you are defenseless."

"I do not get your meaning." Idoun reply.

"Very well, this is a good time as any, Lady Idoun I sensed a being of a presence, that you once emitted, a week ago. Seeing as this being might have a common history as you did, I wish you to investigate it in my stead, I am growing pass my lifespan and would only bears futility." He speaks with sorrow as he realize of his coming death. He raise his brows in anticipation as he eagerly ask Idoun.

"So will you wish to save the world from this same presence as Roy did for you?"

A moment of silence as the thin woman rest her right palm against her cheek with her left hand holding the elbow.

"But unlike Lord Roy, I do not have a method of protection as you claim me to have." She points out.

"Ah, that is but a case of patience, you will learn how to. . . now." He pause as the female companion hits Idoun from behind knocking her unconscious.

. . .

Idoun awakes to find herself isolated in the Nabata Desert with the sun rising, unknowing where Arcadia is, she push herself waist up puzzling about what happened, and find a small pouch resting beside her hip. She reach for it and open to look inside. A book, a phial of drinking water, and a letter. Idoun pulls out the letter to examine it, a white envelope with a stamp sign of a dragon insignia. She tears off the seal and read the content.

"My apologies, Lady Idoun, but this was the only way to teach you how to defend yourself. Survive by yourself in the harsh wilderness of Nabata and finds your way back to Arcadia three days from morrow."

She folds the letter and tucks it away into her new handbag and pull out the book. It is pale white in color and has a title written in an ancient language she does not recognize from the time where she were conscious. But for some reason, Idoun feels familiarity with it, no matter how far she can recall this language simply did not exist in her head, yet she finds the language intriguing. As she attempts to read it aloud, she feels her lips are quite dry. She sets down the tome on her laps and grab at the phial, pulling out the clog, the liquid splosh around as she pulls the bottleneck closer to her to take a sip. She let out a sound of relief after finishing a drink, she plugs the cork back in. She shoves the phial back in her bag, picking up her tome she stands up. She glance across the orange horizon for a possible lead, failing to see such, she close her eyes with a sigh. She choose a direction randomly and walks. After ten minutes of aimless wander she feels the sand sinks beneath her as she collapse and slide down the dune. . .only there is nothing below her, the atmosphere around her begins to warp around. She finally hits the sandy floor after a considerable amount of time, she rubs on her butt to ease the pain, and checks herself. . .good no mortal damages, and her bag and book are still safe. She looks around and see a rather run-down shack, with curiosity she begins to stand up and walk toward it. Two minor dust storms begin to rage in an equal distance between each other and Idoun from the shelter. Two pairs of red eyes glow inside the sandstorm as they gain bodily figures. . . a helmet, an axe, and a shield for both.

"What are they...?" Her mind runs as both of them leap for her with intentions to kill.

Idoun fearing for her life, she raise both of her arms and cross them in defensive pose with her tome in a hand. The tome glows black and a flash of nothingness. A gust blows on the priestess's face, she glare at the two phantoms frozen mid-air. After a moment, their bodies begins to implode shattering their shape leaving behind their equipments which falls into sands. They soon vanish as fine dusts as a hooded man exits from the shack. He takes a moment to surrender himself so he can explains the situation.

"My deep apologies, this is but my fail-safe security trap, they are only meant to chase invaders away, but you destroyed them." He speaks with enigmatic voice which Idoun finds it calm but familiar.

"Please, come on in, I just made tea." The unknown man said.

Idoun with little choice agrees and follows him in. She finds herself face to face with another being alike the two from earlier, only it's a female with a pale violet hair and a broken helmet with a gentle expression.

"That's Atarja. She used to be a fine warrior in the long history of Scouring before a fire dragon slewed her down with its claw."

The man walks over to the counter with a steaming pot, he takes off the lid and take a whiff of the aroma, and the phantom extends her ghastly arm to grasp at Idoun's free arm and pull her over to the table. Idoun follows with slight resist before she adapts to Atarja's strange earthly touch and strength. She finds a seat with Atarja's guidance as the stranger brings over a tea cup and the tea pot he had taken a smell from and pour into the cup. The golden liquid flows neatly like a waterfall into the drinking container. As soon as he stops, Idoun picks it up to take a brief scent, and sips from it as politely as she can. The taste is off-world, she never had anything like it in her entire life, even enslaved. She raise her eyebrows in excitement.

"Can I have another cup?" She ask boldly.

"Certainly. . .Idoun."

The cup slips from her hand and shatters on the table.

"Your reaction is understandable, a perfect stranger such as me knowing your name should be a surprise considering you're supposed to be dead to the world as the Demon Dragon back in Scouring."

Atarja stirs a bit but she is perfectly calm. Idoun looks to the hooded man.

"If you knows me... Then does that means you knew I'd come here?"

"More or less. You see, Fate is a strange concept of manipulation. Having lived here since that day I left Phaere, I've learn about history's truth... and you." He explains.

"I'm truly glad, you see, Roy was originally supposed to have slayed you at least in the original Fate, but his will and knowledge of your history twisted it around and brought you back."

"You... know Lord Roy?" Idoun asks to which the man nods.

"Know him? He's my godchild. The previous king offered me that role, and I gladly accepted, but I could not stay because both Bern and Etruria were hunting for me to get me as their tactician." He answers with joyful smile as he recalls his memories.

"Ahem, my name is Mark, we both are here to offer you our assistance in investigating that presence alike your old self." He respectfully bows.

Idoun still could not see his face, as enigmatic as he may be, she feels like she can trust him. She agrees to take their helps, Atarja grins and claps her hands with joy. She had finally found a female companion at long last in her life span as a phantom.

"Ha ha, it seems that she likes you." He teases her, and add, "Shall we be off? You have before tomorrow to reach Arcadia." He exits the shack with Atarja and Idoun following behind.

"Tomorrow? But I had three days after today." She said with a worried and confused expression.

"This space is special you see, it fast forward or rewinds the time, but it never follows the world's time, I made it go forward in the time to get things done quicker. Do not worry I knows the way back." He assures her as he conjures a horseless wagon out of nothing and climbs into it.

"Wouldn't you join me?" He ask.

Atarja pulls Idoun's sleeve and climbs into the wagon, Idoun has no choice but to join them. The wagon moves on its own as Mark wave his arm to the right as a slit in the atmosphere opens up. They pass through it to reappears in the same desert they were before, but the shack is gone.

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  • 3 weeks later...

Clouds of sands wash up as the wagon wheels across the orange desert. The three riders violently bounce up and down with each passing dune through an orange sunlight. Atarja and Mark do not seem to mind this much, but Idoun has difficulty keeping her seat, and to add insult, her hairs are getting in her face. Slightly annoyed by it, she glare at the summoner as he holds his hand in air as if it is holding a ball with occasional finger movement. Mark takes notice of her facial expression.

"I can't help it. I like this design. It makes me feel like I'm home. Wild and violent." He comments.

Idoun sighs with disappointment and looks down toward the magical wagon. It is wooden with a two wheel design and seats shaped like specially designed bar stool with a rearguard to rest one's back on. Could be comfortable if the wagon is not going at the full speed of a pegasi causing it to shake like a seeway. The most interesting thing about the wagon is the fact that it has a pair of long wooden stick on the front side used for horse to pull with. She wonders what are their purpose. Her gaze sways over to a black cloud in the distance on horizon rising up, the closer the party got the more clear it is. . .it's a fire.

"This isn't good, we are late to the incident," the hooded man remarks, Idoun has to wonder what Mark really knows.

"I'm accelerating the wagon," he said.

What?

The wagon suddenly blast off with a burst of speed faster than the previous speed, Idoun falls off her seat into the back of the wagon being blown on by the wind pressure, her tear ducts build up and she begins to cry from her eyes. With little visual, she can see that Atarja is managing on her own just fine, perhaps it is because she is a wraith, while Mark appears to be holding both of his hands in the air mimicking each other with finger movement. What astounds Idoun is the fact that he is not being knock down by the sheer speed. The wagon thrash as the single pair of wheels cross through sands as they near Arcadia. Idoun feels the pressure die down as the wagon slows down to a complete halt as they reach what's left of the Arcadia. Idoun's skin stings as she tries to stand up, feeling numbs she hardly keeps her balance.

"W-What happened...?" The words shake through her voice as she watch the blazes devour the constructs as if they were nothing, stones and all.

"F-Fae!" She suddenly calls out as she dash through the inferno road, the other two follows closely.

Her lavender hairs wave with her body as she search for a sign of her shelter that both she and Fae live in. She gasps as she finds her house... in ruin being burnt down, she shakily looks to her right and left trying to find the tiny child or to listen for her voice. But instead she found the blood splattered corpses of the two escorts that were with the elder the day Idoun woke up in desert. She runs over to them, and see a foot behind the wall near them and examines it, she finds the owner, the man who visits her three times over the course of nine years, dead. Idoun clench her hands on the elder's clothing in grief, and the hooded companion walks up to her.

"Over there. . .I hears shouting." The tactician whispered to her frightening her as she locks her eyes with Mark's shadowed eyes. Golden, she thought.

She makes an effort to rush over to where Mark points out with them trailing behind. She now hears a familiar voice screaming for help, it was a miracle that Mark heard her in all of the hellfire noise. She gets out into the view where she sees Fae hugging her legs under a pile of building stones with two brutes pounding on the heavy pieces with another man ordering them to break through the bricks. Idoun begins to run over with Mark, and she sees something familiar on the roof above...

Atarja leaps down swinging down her crude axe slashing at a brigand's collarbone killing him instantly and phase through the ground, and reappears behind the other brute as their leader backs off in fear as the second brigand falls down dead. The leader looks around himself and see the lavender haired girl and smiles and escape to his back. Idoun runs over to the pile landing her hands on the stone calling to her.

"Fae! Are you okay?!" She worriedly calls to her.

Idoun hears nothing, but crying and hiccups. Mark taps on Idoun's shoulder, gestures her to step aside for now, and she obliges. Crouching down to the stones, his hands glows with a yellowy aura and the stone piles floats up one by one revealing a slightly bruised child, and the stones move away from overhead to the nearby debris pile. His hands returns to normal, and he place his right palm atop Fae's head patting her. The hiccups stop and Fae looks up to him, and bolts toward him hugging him as hard as she can still crying.

"Idoun, they've return, I leave this to you, I will set up a barrier around this area, but I need times, don't let them get through to touch even a single strand of hair on me." He said as he raise his left arm overhead while holding Fae to comfort her. Idoun looks to Atarja who then nods and they both departs together through the rear exit where the leader had escaped through.

"Listen up laddies! The others are fair game, but do not put a scratch on the lavender girl! She's worth pretty pennies!" A voice shouted as footsteps grow closer toward Idoun and Atarja's position with Mark and Fae directly behind them on the other side of a wall. Atarja turns her head toward Idoun, and the white robed girl takes notice of her gesture.

"I counts five coming, and more are on their way," her voice echos in Idoun's head.

Idoun nods after some effort to knocks herself from the daze of Atarja's echoing volume. She breaks a sweat as the footsteps get louder and louder, she begins to recognize the steps they are not walking, they are running. Atarja suddenly bolts-glide to a street corner and throw her weapon to her back making a gigantic strike, the exact moment her axe falls, a muscular man turns the corner and is felled by her steel.

"PHIL! UHOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" A voice nearby shouts as the brigand hits the ground.

"I'LL NEVER FORGIVE YOU!" He shouts as a shadow figure charges toward Atarja.

Idoun grips at her white tome and instinctively raise her hand toward the spot where the shadow figure is heading toward. A sphere of spacial distortion appears at the location and as the raging brigand arrives, his body is instantly torn apart at the center as the void disappears. The upper half stumble towards Atarja, and weakly looks up to her, then at Idoun struggling to get words out but he ceases to live. Idoun looks in anxious as this is her first kill with her own consciousness. The phantom looks at her, then leave toward the shadow of walls to ambush the incoming rogues. Before she fades away with the shadow, she points toward where Mark is in an effort to get Idoun to retreat to aid her. Sure enough, Idoun understands the gesture and turns around to runs toward Mark and Fae. While running, she sees a same pace shadow on the burning side where Idoun, Mark, and Atarja had came from.

Exactly as she predicts, she thought as she pats her tome.

She turns into the area where the bystanders are and begins to aim at the location where the intruder would arrive, a null in the atmosphere appears as it did for the other time, right as the brigand emerges himself and take a swing at Mark, his arm explodes at the joints as his axe shatters to particles. He drops on his knees holding the bloody stump of his arm as he scream his life out. Idoun prepares for another spell cast as the atmosphere shifts with Mark standing up holding Fae on his shoulder with his right arm.

"I am finished. Thanks for your work." He said as he wipes the blood spots from his face with his left hand and walks over to the brute.

"Where is your leader, why did you come here, what is your purpose?" He asks.

The bandit makes no effort to speak up, and within moment, Mark sideswipe kicks him in the head cleanly knocking it off killing him.

"Atarja!" He calls as a blood covered Atarja materialize by his side with a collapsed man in her left arm.

She throws the man to the ground as Mark put down Fae to stands up on her own and he bends down to question the man.

"Hello bandit. You're the leader correct? What is your purpose in coming here?"

The leader's lips are shut tight, but Mark shows him the corpse of the bandit he killed earlier to which the boss begins to talk.

"Okay, okay! We were told if we came here and capture a silver haired girl, we would live like kings, but nobodies told us of that spookie."

"Who told you?"

"I ain't know shits! Some laddies that looks like they could be sisters! They had a cart full of golds waiting for us if we returned with the girlie."

Mark smiles under his cowl thanking him and stands up to which Atarja slays the leader mercilessly.

"I guess we should be going then. Come along Fae. You want to stays with Idoun yes?"

Fae looks at Idoun, who nods at her, then back to Mark.

"Okay mister."

Together, the four walks back to Mark's wagon. Idoun and Fae holds each other hands as Idoun speaks of her story of journey to Mark's shack.

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