Let's Play! X-COM: UFO DEFENSE

[Integrity]

No, scratch that. I decided you guys were more important than my last hour of sleep anyway and made for churning out the update before I leave.

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This is my favorite screen to be greeted with after any given TACTICAL update.

Producing UFO Nav is much like producing UFO Power Supplies or Alien Alloys. Elerium-115 is the fuel on which everything alien is based - Plasma ammo, fighter fuel, everything. Yes, every time an Elerium fighter goes back to base it takes from your store to refuel. Joyous. We'll need to start getting landed UFOs.

Small UFO!

GOD I love Plasma Beams. Shot him down over the ocean. That gets you more points than making a crash site and ignoring it.

heh. Let's follow it just 'cause.

...

I never, ever catch Very Small UFOs.

As you can see, the INTERCEPTOR missed TEN SHOTS WITH EACH WEAPON before destroying it utterly.

The crystals are pretty, ain't they?

Six recruits arrive. I consult an old post of Furetchen's to name the excess because I happened across it.

yawn.

And I begin work on it just for you bastards.

Our tank ran out of bullets after that hellish last mission.

Now I can restock the 'Ranger. Congratulations, Levin, you're back on the team.

Where INTERCEPTOR-2 goes, he leaves only smoking craters and broken hearts.

You see your Firestorm now. Yeah. That's what the last couple GEOSCAPE updates have been for. Incidentally, we fulfilled the criteria for Hovertanks at the same time, so I'm gonna produce some next GEOSCAPE. I start interrogating a Floater Navigator in the off-time, but it's time for RESEARCH. Details at the end of the update.

Now shit starts to get funny.

Quick burst of supplies to Inn'n'Out.

Two more UFOs...

The one we were chasing LANDED OUTSIDE OF VANCOUVER. SKYRANGER, GO.

Your eyes do not deceive you, those are TWO DIFFERENT BATTLESHIPS.

Red dots across America!

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PrioriTAH one: SCIENCE.

Obviously, we could continue down the path to better airplanes, if you lot are so inclined. Alternately, the research of this Navigator will grant us the ability to research the Ultimate Radar. If that doesn't float your boat, we could shoot for Personal Armor, Power Suits and Flying Suits for the men. Failing that, there's always researching alien explosives. Your collective call.

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Stats!

[spoiler=Kitty the Second]

Oh how far we fall.

Good Stamina, and that's it. At least there's nothing *especially* bad :/

[spoiler=MIDBOSS]

I decided to do away with the hyphen and it worked this time.

I like his naturally perfect Health, and otherwise he basically just one-ups Kitty in every way.

[spoiler=Cruniac with more umlaut]

I honestly couldn't remember which letter was umlauted, but ü is just so badass.

Besides his LAUGHABLE Bravery, this guy's not too bad. Too bad he's a sub, and therefore most likely relegated to base duty.

[spoiler=Tarii...again.]

I feel like we've done this a lot before.

Do you SEE that Throwing Accuracy? Too bad it means just about nothing. Low Bravery is not. good. but everything else is okay to good.

[spoiler=ODERIC, CHIEFTAIN OF THE FIR-BOLG]

Yes, Furetchen, the Bowman Hero has good Firing Accuracy.

[spoiler=Crazy Yossarian]

Told you I consulted Furetchen entirely on these. I'll go find a post by Lightning or something next time I need recruits.

eh. nothing to say on him.

[Jaybee]

Awesome LP

Any chance of me getting a character?

[Parrhesia]

Silly Integrity. The thing that made Oderic THE KING OF SHIVER wasn't his accuracy, which was...variable, but the ability to kill a yak...from two hundred yards away...WITH MIIIIIIIND BULLETS to shoot as quickly as the animation restricted him to.

EDIT: I prefer this rueful, regretful line to what was here before I got here.

Edited February 22, 2012 by Furetchen

[eclipse]

Absolutely no clue, but I'm tickled and amused anyway.

Excuse me, but it's way past my bedtime.

[Parrhesia]

[spoiler=Cruniac with more umlaut]

I honestly couldn't remember which letter was umlauted, but ü is just so badass.

Besides his LAUGHABLE Bravery, this guy's not too bad. Too bad he's a sub, and therefore most likely relegated to base duty.

It was the u.

"There's nothing you can do for him?"

"He's dead, Garrick."

EDIT: No, he doesn't. /edit

I love how all my dudes are just so...mediocre.

Edited February 22, 2012 by Furetchen

[Integrity]

Awesome LP

Any chance of me getting a character?

Absolutely. Whatchu want it named, just JB25?

but the ability to kill a yak...from two hundred yards away...WITH MIIIIIIIND BULLETS

That's called telekinesis, Kyle.

[Parrhesia]

That's called telekinesis, Kyle.

How 'bout the power...to move you?

Awww dammit, now I'll be trying to get my Heron Guard to grab Soulblighter's scrote mid-last battle...

[Jaybee]

Absolutely. Whatchu want it named, just JB25?

Yeah. Then JB25 II, etc.

Sounds weird, but eh.

[Integrity]

Yeah. Then JB25 II, etc.

Sounds weird, but eh.

It's a robot. Pronounce it "Jay-Bee-Two-Five-Two".

[riariadne]

I actually had an awesome idea for new recruit names.

Name them after internet memes. Because when they die, it'll be like killing off an internet meme! We can kill the Rickroll and Over 9000 and stuff for real!

[Integrity]

Eighty images uploading now, folks! This is probably gonna be a two-poster.

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Holy crap, that's a big UFO.

Reaction fire on the ramp!

Of *course*, due to the fucking WONKY-ass 'Ranger ramp, I turn towards the shooter and can't see him.

but I can after moving off the ramp.

WAIT FUCK THAT'S A MUTON AGAIN ALREADY?!

Two of them. This is shaping up to be awesome.

WHAT.

Kitty killed that thing in THREE DIRECT HITS out of THREE SHOTS with a LASER RIFLE. She must have inherited some serious mojo from her past incarnation or something.

Pride is not nearly so good a shot (?!)

...but in fairness, the one hit he did score hurt the bastard BAD.

tarii tarii pew pew

Incidentally, I said "fuck classes" and promoted Furet to Plasma Rifle permanently.

Ah! You meet one of the Mutons' two Terror Units. This thing is either the Silacoid or Celatid and I have to check the wiki to remember.

Ah. That little purple blob is the Silacoid. He's funny, because he's really slow, really tough, and only has a melee attack. Essentially, all but harmless - but REALLY good for training Reactions or Accuracy. Hell, he single-handedly makes Muton Terror Missions easier than Muton non-Terror Missions.

NNG. That flying lighter-purple blob is the Celatid. Celatids are like Silacoids, except they shoot and are fast and not durable at all. So actually, they're the exact opposite of Silacoids. How papery is their armor?

Kitty dropped it in a single hit. With a Laser Rifle. Now, let it be said, their acid spit has something retarded like an automatic chance to kill any soldier it contacts in less than Power Armor - AND they're hyper-accurate AND they can shoot up to thrice per turn...

This mind probe shows you the durability of a Silacoid. That's after repeated hits from the rifles of Tarii, Levin, and Eclipse.

de blob rolls out of de ufo

Fun game: I'm going to show pictures of Mutons in grass for the rest of this update. You get to try to find them!

ooh, crikey. Good thing Joey turned.

I have him shoot at the Muton to a hit but no kill.

Evidently Celatids are like alien hedges, as Eclipse's first shot hits and kills it, while the next two fly perfectly through it as though they rolled perfect hits.

Levin finally ends the Silacoid.

Kitty and I crouch and let this thing run around for free Reactions XP while other people do other things.

The only thing harder than seeing a live Muton in grass is seeing a dead Muton in grass.

Incidentally, see the little burn marks on the ground and the smoke to the right? Another trait of the Silacoid is the ability to randomly burn the ground wherever they go.

There is a Muton in this picture.

lol poor Muton #2 woke up and tried to run away and was cut down by reaction fire from Soren.

pew pew reaction fire on de blob

Yesterpicture's Muton is also in this one.

Amendment: Eclipse HATES green things.

When a Silacoid contacts a tree, Smokey the Bear cries.

Kitty ended our fun.

b00m, Pride. He and Kitty gang up on this poor bastard...

...who dies.

Joey works his reaction magic.

and Levin kills it on the PP. I kinda like this guy.

There's a Muton in this pic- wait, too easy.

I extract the Tank and set Joey up to kill it on the next turn but it disappears :/

what

Just about to happen, upper-left, is the death of CAPTAIN INTEGRITY, First Among Many.

Kitty and Pride fuck the poor dumb green motherfucker right the fuck up for me.

Edited September 22, 2010 by Integrity

[Integrity]

A Celatid's firing accuracy stat, for your pleasure.

A dead Celatid, for my pleasure.

And an empty room, for the tank's pleasure.

poor de blob was only stunned and woke up and dieded.

AFFIX BAYONETSEquip Stun Rods!

Incidentally, Kitty is once again a black man.

so he pokes out, shoots once at the tank, and runs off.

Okay, I SWEAR these guys weren't here a minute ago. There's only one door to the central room for fuck's sake! I was covering it with the tank!

Wait, what? The tank is facing away from the Muton.

The cursor only flashes yellow over a target.

Apparently, according to the Balcerzakian Mind Meld, the Celatid woke up and walked off without a model.

Kitty reveals that it has a corpse, at least.

Muton #1 woke up and is in this picture.

Tarii got stunbombed.

tactical_500 consists of the tank shooting the Muton responsible in his stupid green balls repeatedly.

well so would I given the circumstances!

As Jesus is our Lord and Savior, so too is Balcerzak a fucking terrible shot.

Fortunately, Pride is a vaguely better shot.

Levin...can...see through the floor? He can't shoot up there, so oh well.

WHERE THE FUCK ARE THESE COMING FROM?

Full health, so it's not like he's one I "killed" but only stunned who woke up so what the fuck?

pew pew fuck you

Wait, WHAT? Levin just died?

What the FUCK?!

Joey kills it, but still what the fuck?

FUCKING HOW?!

I'll just have the tank chase it around. Tanks can't go in these little lifts anyway.

holy shit shiny walls

I can't communicate this in screenshot, but THEY'RE STROBING.

That'll be the command room. We'll find a Leader there hopefully!

what.

The bridge is empty. Weird.

wow. That poor bastard ran all the way around to get shot at. Let it be said, Soren missed twice and hit once, Pride missed twice, Furet missed thrice. And you see the range involved.

This little dude just walked up and chewed on Balcerzak's ankles.

bzzt

Yes, Kitty can carry a full-grown stunned Muton. In her backpack.

Another round of chewing later, I decided fuck running and have Balcerzak shoot.

Well, turns out the thing had like no health left, so it died.

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BAMF

Yeah, I understand those.

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GET BACK TO ME ON THE SCIENCE, PEOPLE

Oh, and incidentally I think there were holes in the wings of the upper floor's, uh, floor that the Mutons were dropping through. I dunno.

[spoiler=bonus shot for you, Furetchen]

Furet is now our first Level 6 unit! Ever! Fuck yes!

Edited September 22, 2010 by Integrity

[Jaybee]

Nice

Here's hoping you get to fight more Chrysalids.

Also, I still do not exist. >:

[Integrity]

Also, I still do not exist. >:

One TACTICAL, one GEOSCAPE, dear. You'll exist tomorrow.

[IGdood]

LOL! I spy......a green...hulk-ish......WHERE THE FUCK DID THEY GO!?

[eclipse]

So if I hate all things green, those Mutons are toast, right?

Whee!

(BTW, this is in direct conflict to my Lemmings, run, where the only survivors have green hair. Go figure.)

[riariadne]

When a Silacoid contacts a tree, Smokey the Bear cries.

Sigged.

When will I be back on the team?

[Integrity]

I think you'll be going back onto the team to fill the void left by Levin. As I said to Kitty IRL, my priorities for unit-bringing are 1) Excellent units, followed by 2) Pathetic units to meatshield. Decent units are priority 3, and Levin was an older decent unit than Light II. Or something. Either way, next TACTICAL ought to have you.

[Specta]

Bitches don't know 'bout my backpack

O:<

[Parrhesia]

I think you'll be going back onto the team to fill the void left by Levin. As I said to Kitty IRL, my priorities for unit-bringing are 1) Excellent units, followed by 2) Pathetic units to meatshield. Decent units are priority 3, and Levin was an older decent unit than Light II. Or something. Either way, next TACTICAL ought to have you.

Pathetic units eh? This LP needs more Berel the Unworthy.

...And sadly, all of my dudes seem average.

EXCEPT FURETCHEN BOOYAH

Edited February 22, 2012 by Furetchen

[Balcerzak]

Woot, take that ankle-biter. Level x Shock, I'm in ur tactical, logging actual kills. XD

[Integrity]

Pathetic units eh? This LP needs moar Berel the Unworthy.

...And sadly, all of my dudes seem average.

EXCEPT FURETCHEN BOOYAH

All your dudes are out because I deploy forumites first priority. The extra dudes are for security purposes.

EDIT:

Folks, our next TACTICAL update is going to ROCK. I just learned that I've been overlooking a very simple line in the Buy menu:

High Explosives.

You may know them better as Satchel Charges.

Suddenly, Furet's remarkable STR and Throwing Accuracy mean something.

Edited September 22, 2010 by Integrity

[IGdood]

Hell yeah!

1. BUY SATCHELS

2. EQUIP SATCHELS

3. THROW SATCHELS

4. ?????

5. PROFIT

PROFITEERS! Dammit Integrity you reminded me of the Potsdam Giant Grenadiers just now.

[Parrhesia]

Folks, our next TACTICAL update is going to ROCK. I just learned that I've been overlooking a very simple line in the Buy menu:

High Explosives.

You may know them better as Satchel Charges.

Suddenly, Furet's remarkable STR and Throwing Accuracy mean something.

Suddenly, I feel like I can avenge the death of Megadwarf WITHOUT LIFTING A FINGER.

[Integrity]

Tomorrow is going to be pure glory, my friends.

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The Battleships are grounded outside LA and Chicago. That bodes ill.

Since it doesn't look like the 'Ranger will be ready in time (and damned if I'll throw away Inn'n'Out's five recruits on a Battleship) I console myself by selling THREE MILLION DOLLARS worth.

Shit arrives at I'n'O, letting me start manufacturing.

The Large UFO just grounded outside New York. Remember what I said about Alien Subversion missions?

tilde tilde heart

Work complete. I start researching Personal Armor because nobody voted last time.

Now the tank is ammo-free. However, he has to be rebuilt if he dies instead of getting rebought.

Engineers facilitate the production of things.

Stats follow, as always.

FUCK. FUUUUUUUUUUCK. The US is the sole highest contributor of funding to X-COM in the world. If all nations pull funding, you lose the game.

On the other hand, as long as Nigeria is still funding me I can keep playing. I may found Base #3 down there soon.

Minor consolation over the failure.

Guess what I do next.

It leaves before day breaks, and it's America so I don't give a shit anymore.

Don't have the attention span to get it.

Just guess.

:D

Stupid Very Small UFOs.

I demolish a Small UFO because I'm angry now. The chase path was funny - we went over Moscow, made a counter-clockwise circle around mainland Europe, then I caught him again going northeast over Greece.

Just guess.

Since research is moving spectacularly fast, I return to the original propulsion.

You guessed right. Flying Suits are a little pricey to manufacture, but I'll take it.

Incidentally, with the advent of Plasma Beams a single Interceptor can take on any Large or smaller UFO. Battleships still require hitsquads, but they're rarer. I stall 'Rangering the site until...

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If you guys care, the 'Ranger now consists of:

Balcer: None

Kitty: Personal Armor

Pride: Personal Armor

Tarii: None

Eclipse: Flying Suit

Light: Personal Armor

Soren: Personal Armor

Joey: Personal Armor

Baster: Personal Armor

Furet: Flying Suit

Oh, and if the soldier wearing armor dies, the armor is destroyed forever. You can't salvage it.

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Stats!

[spoiler=me!]

OH how the mighty fall. Level X Shock. At least I have better than passing Firing Accuracy.

[spoiler=the mighty Avitus]

Yeeeeeah. Even worse than me.

[spoiler=Levin. Again.]

Finally Levin turned out good! Shit Bravery and Strength, but do you see that Firing Accuracy? That's a natural cap.

[spoiler=the robot]

Very well-rounded. Actually, very, very well rounded. Definitely getting on the 'Ranger next time.

[spoiler=Cyrus]

My blessed Satchel Charge Whore becomes a Level 1 Medic. Well.