Lemmings on the Run (part 2: not serious)

[Integrity]

I don't think I'll ever refer to them as anything but Big C and Double D again. Thanks.

[eclipse]

I don't think I'll ever refer to them as anything but Big C and Double D again. Thanks.

Tee-hee, you're welcome!

Chapter 10

"Open up the period of imaginings to what's beyond the stars"

-- Star Gate Heaven by sota fujimori

"Take me out to paradise!"

"Maria, you're not supposed to be here! You're in some prison cell, remember?"

"Why would I be in such a horribly boring place? They left the door open, so I walked out. Leave this note there, will ya?"

"Young lady, you get back in that prison cell and--"

"I think this sword rack will fit nicely with the slumber party. Wait for your cocktail waitress, my dear customers!"

". . .and there she goes. I hope her fans don't mind her in a short, tight cocktail dress. . ."

---

"I think this is a really bad idea," Gordin told everyone.

"Ooh, more people who need my services," Abel drooled.

"CLOTHES!! I mean, TREASURE!!" Julian shouted.

"Maybe they'll have a new axe for me," Draug mumbled, much to everyone's surprise.

"Well, more stuff can't hurt," Sedgar said, as ten wagons full of loot from conquered castles followed him.

"That girl said she'd join our army if she did this," Marth fantasized. Finally, a proper woman who could do laundry, clean up after everyone, cook, and generally be easy on the eyes!

"We're so dead," the archer-turned-mage whined. No one paid any attention to him, as usual.

---

"What are you guys doing here?" Julian asked the very well-armed soldiers standing near a door.

"We're, uh, doin' nuttin'," one said.

"Yeah, nuttin'!" a worthless follower repeated.

"That looks like the door to a prison cell. Are you sure nothing's in there?"

"Absolutely nuttin'," the first guard repeated nervously.

"Well, if there's nothing there, then you won't mind if I take a look, will you?"

"I--uh--well--," one of the guards stammered out, but it was too late. Julian had picked the lock, retrieved "nuttin'", and stood next to the guards, intently reading "nuttin'".

"This is very interesting. I'll make sure to let Marth know," the thief muttered, as he exited stage right.

"Uh, was nuttin' in there?" asked a guard, once Julian was well out of earshot.

"No, she left when we let her cell air out. I kinda miss nuttin'. She'd always make funny jokes about bein' nuttin'," the most talkative of the guards replied.

"So much for nuttin'," a guard that had been otherwise silent said. Several guards grunted their agreement.

"With no more nuttin' to watch, let's go to the concert that's comin' here. . .er, who was performin' again?"

"Four Axes and a Sword! I heard they got their start in Talys, because the king fired 'em after they'd skipped out on some prince-or-other."

"Ah, bother. I'd rather see Big C and Double D," a younger guard piped up.

"You keep that nonsense outta this discussion! Four Axes and a Sword are much better than that kiddie pop group!"

"The fresh sounds of Big C and Double D totally outclass the man band from Talys!"

And so the guards argued, completely forgetting the fact that their castle was in the process of being invaded. Perhaps this was for the better.

---

"Hey, you're forgetting about that note," Julian said to the wall.

"Why is this important?"

"The next bit won't make sense without it. I already showed it to Marth, and his face went as red as Minerva's--"

"Alright, alright, make this quick!"

"To whom this may concern, If you are reading this, then I'm off to Aurelis to offer my waitressing services. . .among other "services" I provide. Please don't tell my sister and brother. Signed, Maria."

---

"You mean my sister's not here?!" Minerva shrieked at Marth. This woman would be no good for cleaning OR cooking, and she wasn't easy on the eyes!

"One of my men found a note saying that she was off to Aurelis to offer her services--" Marth was cut short by the great wingbeats of a dragon.

"That stupid girl! She doesn't know how to properly host a party! Big Sister Minerva will show her how it's done!" The fiery princess from Macedon spurred her mount towards Aurelis.

"I hope she remembers to bring a piece of furniture, or she's not going to be allowed to attend. I guess I should've told her, but she kept interrupting me! What a horribly unpleasant woman!! I hope she ends up with Jagen!"

Reclassed Sedgar to Horseman, which turned out to be quite the boon on this map.

Thanks to Abel and Armorslayer, I was able to catch the thief and get the other chest with minimal hassle. My generics waylaid the reinforcements long enough for the duo to rejoin everyone else, who had taken the fastest way to the boss. Draug Hammered him off the throne, and Merric was bait for my Master Seal and Hauteclere. Gordin on Excalibur makes things SO much easier! I can't wait to promote him!

Edited October 15, 2010 by eclipse

[eclipse]

Sorry, had other stuff to do.

Chapter 11

"Everbody shout, let's get it on! Clap your hands and shake your body!"

-- GUHROOVY fw. NO+CHIN

"Over there, in the distance! I see them!" Abel jumped up and down excitedly.

"The enemy? I'm ready!" Sedgar said easily. He'd somehow found the perfect Hero's get-up.

"NO! It's Four Axes and a Sword!" The army let out a collective groan. Abel could go on and on about those musicians!

"It looks like they're carrying some heavy-duty stuff," someone else commented.

"Hello, my groupies!" one of them said. He wore a bandanna.

"We're Four Axes and a Sword!" one of the brown-haired members stated.

"We'd love to stick around and chat, but we've been called elsewhere," the lone blond said with a wink.

"Can you introduce yourselves to the uninformed fans behind me?" Abel asked.

"Anything for a fan! I'm Ogma, lead singer!" The blond somehow struck a pose while carrying a cabinet.

"I'm Barst, lead guitarist!" The blue-haired guitarist turned the microphone stand he was holding into an improvised instrument.

"I'm Bord, and I play bass guitar," the one with the boring brown hair said, while balancing a dish drainer on his head.

"I'm Cord, and I'm on synthesizer!" The other brown-haired band member put the bed frame he was holding down, and air-synthed on it (don't ask).

"I'm Darros the drummer! How do you like my life-sized doll? I found her on sale at the market down below." The one with the bandanna hefted his doll. It had a brown ponytail, and looked very life-like.

"For the last time, I am NOT a doll, you lunkhead! Put me down!" Darros obliged, and the doll protested when it hit the ground, butt-first.

"You are a mighty strange doll. I tried to name you, but you insisted you already had a name." The army exchanged worried looks.

"My name is Linde, and I am NOT a doll!" Merric facepalmed.

"Now, now, little doll, you're my ticket to the Aurelian Slumber Party. Up we go~!" The doll named Linde screamed as she was hefted on the drummer's shoulders. Four Axes and a Sword waved merrily before disappearing down the road at an impressive pace.

"Aw man, I totally forgot to ask them to sign my album collection," Abel mumbled with a pout.

"We'll see them again," Gordin said sarcastically. Abel brightened, ignoring/missing the sarcasm.

"Oh, you're right, Gordin! Thank you!"

"You're welc--HEY, hands off! I don't like guys! MMRMPH!"

Marth and his army once again conquered the obstacles in his path, even if Gordin momentarily became Gaggles on that fateful day.

Reclassed Sedgar to Hero.

The guys in the marketplace barely did damage to Merric, so he became bait. Sedgar helped out, in the name of his Sword rank. Random Generic Pegasus Knight ran the Thunderbolt. Merric ran out of the market and to the forts, to draw the ranged guys (14 DEF while on fort, huzzah!) Abel and Marth ran the gauntlet down, while my generics provided cover (by cover, I mean ballista distraction). The horses went down fast to a Ridersbane courtesy of Merric, the ballistae were burned, and my last unlucky generic died to the boss (who in turn died to Abel). All in all, good run!

Merric got the Energy Drop.

Chapter 12

"We're heart to heart, if only all my dreams come true."

The Smile of You by 猫又 Master feat. JESSY

"Yes, my lady, how did you know that's exactly what I wanted?"

"What is it about people in prison cells talking to me?"

"You are a breath of fresh air, because the only chick I've seen in the past two years was Midia."

"Your point?"

"She's taken, and you're not."

"You do know what I have in store for you, right?"

"A badly-written fic where I get to marry the author?"

"You did not just say that."

"So I can finally be with you, dearest?"

"You're not getting a woman. Ever."

---

"Bookcase?"

"Check."

"Sofa?"

"Check."

"Dining set?"

"Check."

"I've got the shower caddy. We should be all set to go to the slumber party, once we figure out how to get out of here!"

The four prisoners whispered among themselves, eager to join the party. The last prisoner sat alone. He'd rather rot in the cell than join his fellow inmates for anything. The door creaked open.

"FREEDOM!" four voices shouted, as they ran past their liberator, without so much as a thank you. The remaining prisoner slowly stood up. The redhead at the door cocked an eyebrow.

"Thanks, dude. Do you happen to have a clean set of clothes? I don't want to be seen like this." The one at the door sighed, then proffed a set of clothes he'd procured from an unsuspecting enemy.

"I'll be right back." Julian didn't want to say anything, for fear he'd end up laughing. Long hair made that boy look like a girl!

---

One change of clothes and hour-long bath later, and the newly freed prisoner faced Marth's army. The first thing that greeted him wasn't an introduction or questions. It was a lot of laughter and a twitch from the resident myrmidon.

"Go. . .see Abel. . .*snort*" the pirate managed to choke out, between giggles.

"You look like Lucius," a mage laughed out.

"You're not gonna snag a chick in that!" a berserker gasped, holding his sides. The prisoner sighed, and glared at the priest's habit he wore.

"That hair. . .how could they. . .you're coming with me right now," the myrmidon growled. He seemed to be the only one that wasn't laughing at him, so the one in need of a haircut sat down where the barber indicated.

---

"MUCH better," Abel proclaimed, while looking at his masterpiece. Gone were those silly long locks. Instead, the boy's wavy hair had been styled such that it flowed neatly around his head.

"Thank you," the much-relieved customer said. Abel gave him a warm smile.

"No problem! You might want to see--uh, hi Marth." The girly prince had a very uncomfortable grin on his face.

"Since you seem to be a curate, I got this staff for you."

"But I--" the boy started, but Marth cut him off.

"We could use a healer, and you'll do nicely, miss." The unhappy curate's face went red.

"You're never getting a woman in that," the berserker from before said, still giggling.

"WHY DID I HAVE TO JOIN THIS STUPID ARMY?!"

---

"Marth, I found another note," Sedgar said, while holding some very feminine articles of clothing.

"Gimme!" the prince demanded. The packrat obliged, all the while looking at the clothes in his hands and blushing.

"NO! I've been foiled!" Marth screamed.

"Dearest Marth,

Wrong castle.

-- Not Nyna"

The prince tore the note to confetti and stomped out. Sedgar shook the cloth in his hands before looking up.

"I wonder how you'd look in this?"

"Keep wondering. Forever."

Reclassed Sedgar to Berserker.

Hustled everyone into the treasure room, then had my generics block the door, while Merric convinced the Sniper to go elsewhere. The General was Excaliblicked, and the Sniper was pinned between Merric and a wall. My generics were used as shields so Sedgar and Draug could snipe at the enemies. The boss fell to Accurate Abel. The unlucky Paladin died to a well-placed Ridersbane, courtesy of Merric.

Chapter 12x

*insert kickass instrumentals here*

-- moonglow by AKITO

"Water water everywhere, AND YOU ARE GOING TO DIE!" Draug hummed merrily, as he carelessly threw his axe around.

"Watch where you throw that thing!" Gordin yelled.

"Oops. Sorry Mr. Archanean traitor-dude," Draug mumbled.

"Hmm? You got his armor off, which means. . ." Mr. Archanean traitor-dude yelped as his shirt was stolen off his back.

"It's a little big, but I think Sedgar will appreciate it!" Julian muttered to himself.

"No, give it back!" Mr. Archanean traitor-dude whined, as he made an unsuccessful lunge for his shirt.

"I think I'll go for your pants next. Hey, why'd you do that for?!" Julian scowled at Mr. Archanean traitor-dude, who had averted the theft of his pants by sitting down.

"That armor was meant to contain my immense manliness. You've stolen that, and the protective shirt. Now that poor girl over there will--" A very unfeminine string of curses came out of the "girl's" mouth.

"I AM NOT A GIRL, AND I'M STRAIGHT!" Tomas yelled, as he furiously attacked Mr. Archanean traitor-dude with his staff, with very little success.

"Is it just me, or did that curate's voice crack?" Gordin asked a bewildered Julian.

"When I'm through with him, you're next, Gaggles!" Again, the curate's voice cracked.

"Hah. I might be a terrible archer, but at least I'm done with puberty!" the mage said triumphantly.

"My, you give good back massages," Mr. Archanean traitor-dude said contentedly.

The irritated curate stopped his backside pelting and walked calmly to face Mr. Archanean traitor-dude. Before the man on the ground could react, Tomas buried his fist in face. The man's eyes rolled back in his head before he crashed to the ground.

"You're next, Gaggles~," Tomas sang. Gaggles fled for his life.

---

"Oh dear, he was right," Julian said with a blush, as he hastily put the unconscious general's pants back on. REAL MEN wore heavy suits of armor and no underwear!

"Hmm, what's this?" Sedgar asked, as he ambled over to the man on the ground.

"No, don't touch him! You'll only end up feeling inadequate!" Julian warned.

"Nonsense, I--ACK! I. . .I hate myself. . ." Sedgar whimpered, as he put the general's pants back on.

"We cannot let this kind of manliness run around," Julian said, a serious expression on his face.

"I agree with you. How about this?" The thief regarded the garments that Sedgar held up.

"I do so hate parting with clothes, but for the sake of all the women in the world. . ."

---

Much later. . .

"Huh. . .ow! That kid sure packed a punch." Horace slowly got up, then fell back down. What had happened to his shoes? His sides felt tight. He looked down at himself and--

"Who DARED cover my manliness with a maid outfit?! I'll hunt them down and flay them alive!"

"I believe you have better things to do with your time," a calm voice from behind him said.

"Jeorge? What are you doing here?! Weren't you captured or something?"

"Do you look like a maid? Hey, don't glare at me like that, I'm stating the obvious."

"You still haven't told me what you're doing on my property," the unhappy general demanded.

"I was hoping the war of insanity between Marth's troops and the Aurelian slumber party would cease, but I am wrong. It looks like you are affiliated with neither. Care to--" A chuckle interrupted the sniper.

"The fashions in this world are so very different," a calm female voice observed. The speaker, a redheaded woman with a sword strapped to her side, regarded the general-turned-made with a small smile on her face.

"I assure you, miss, that this is a one-off event. Let me change into something more presentable. This is no way for me to greet a lady like yourself." The woman laughed.

"Rest assured, my only interest is in the sword. Neither of you seem like worthy opponents. Would you happen to know of any great fighters in the land?" The two men exchanged hurt looks.

"There's some dude named Camus running around. Can you please give him our regards?" The mysterious woman nodded at Jeorge, before calmly walking back into the forest.

"I heard there's a nice place that's been peaceful for a while. Lycia, or something like that. It's small, but I think a sniper such as me and a general like you could find something to do. Interested?"

"Sure. Can I change first? I'm having problems breathing." Jeorge snickered, as Horace hauled himself up and walked unsteadily towards his castle. Hopefully, things would remain peaceful in Lycia. . .

---

In Lycia

"Heh, even Eliwood, the greatest knight in Lycia, can't beat an illness, eh?"

"Hehehe, you were right when you said there wouldn't be many soldiers around here because they're getting ready to take on Bern!"

"Hey, you two! Help defend the castle!" Before Jeorge or Horace could object, they were handed weapons and shooed towards the bandits.

"How did they know--" Jeorge muttered, staring at the bow in his hands, but Horace cut him off.

"You're the best sniper that Archanea had, and I'm a general. We've got a castle to defend!" An axe-wielding bandit ran around a corner. He'd learn what it meant to take on Archanea!

Reclassed Sedgar to Horseman.

I used this time to build sword rank in Merric and Sedgar. Julian and Marth got kills when they could, and my girly-priest ran around patching people up. After the rush, I calmly walked Marth to the village, then baited the sniper with a disposable unit. After more drawing and killing, I defeated the boss, then Excaliblicked Horace and his underlings.

Merric with this kind of Defense is so very wrong, but so very, very hilarious!

Edited October 18, 2010 by eclipse

[Integrity]

In Lycia

"Heh, even Eliwood, the greatest knight in Lycia, can't beat an illness, eh?"

"Hehehe, you were right when you said there wouldn't be many soldiers around here because they're getting ready to take on Bern!"

"Hey, you two! Help defend the castle!" Before Jeorge or Horace could object, they were handed weapons and shooed towards the bandits.

"How did they know--" Jeorge muttered, staring at the bow in his hands, but Horace cut him off.

"You're the best sniper that Archanea had, and I'm a general. We've got a castle to defend!" An axe-wielding bandit ran around a corner. He'd learn what it meant to take on Archanea![/i]

wut.

I LOVE FOUR AXES AND A SWORD!

best band evar

[eclipse]

wut.

That's what's said in the beginning of FE6 (before Roy pops up).

[Integrity]

That's what's said in the beginning of FE6 (before Roy pops up).

Less wut. at the first and more wut. at the whole. :P

[eclipse]

Less wut. at the first and more wut. at the whole. :P

I had to dispose of those two. . .couldn't have them wandering around, ruining Marth's plan of invasion the story. That's Lena's job.

They'll be staying in Elibe for the rest of the story.

[Darros]

FOUR AXES AND A SWORD IS BACK!!!!

SQUEEEEEEEEEEEE

[/fankidding and MEGA axebias]

Oh hey, eclipse, let them visit FE7, Im currently playing it ;)

*has new spriting ideas* hmmmm

[CT075]

*falls off his chair... again*

Oh my god, oh my god, I CAN'T BREATHE. *keeps laughing*

EDIT: Although, I like serious better.

Edited October 19, 2010 by Camtech086

[Byte2222]

It's good. Yes, definitely good. A fine way to pass the evenings. I still prefer serious, though .

You seem to be reclassing Sedgar a lot: all you need now it to say he needs some resistance as a sorcerer and a map as a general and he'll have been in every class (male set B). Oh and is Merric back as a mage these days or is someone else using Excalibur?

[Rewjeo]

And yet again: lollinde.

Although I still do prefer serious.

[eclipse]

FOUR AXES AND A SWORD IS BACK!!!!

SQUEEEEEEEEEEEE

[/fankidding and MEGA axebias]

Oh hey, eclipse, let them visit FE7, Im currently playing it ;)

*has new spriting ideas* hmmmm

Maybe in the end. . .maybe. . .

*falls off his chair... again*

Oh my god, oh my god, I CAN'T BREATHE. *keeps laughing*

EDIT: Although, I like serious better.

I'm glad I amuse you! I didn't bother going as in-depth as I did with the serious run. Instead, I type the first thing I think of.

It's good. Yes, definitely good. A fine way to pass the evenings. I still prefer serious, though .

You seem to be reclassing Sedgar a lot: all you need now it to say he needs some resistance as a sorcerer and a map as a general and he'll have been in every class (male set B). Oh and is Merric back as a mage these days or is someone else using Excalibur?

Thank you! You'll find out why Sedgar's doing what he is in the next chapter!

Gordin's my current Mage, and he's doing a fine job of it!

And yet again: lollinde.

Although I still do prefer serious.

This time, it was intentional.

I guess I should go more in depth with the cast. . .

"NO! Leave my character out of this!!"

"Shut up Julian, the only reason why you're here is because I need a thief."

Chapter 13

"My pleasure, you're welcome anytime~!"

-- BOUNDARY by SPARKER

"You forgot the awesome laugh at the end!"

"Like anyone cares about these songs, dearie."

"You have a very strange way of showing affection for your dear characters, missy."

"Shall I rig it so you become a Sorcerer, Mr. Hero?"

"I think someone called me that not too long ago. . ."

"Get OFF the boards, and get to work, Sedgar! This log isn't gonna win itself!"

"Fine, fine. . ."

---

Marth picked his way around the myriad boxes, wagons, and other assorted containers that had cropped up around Sedgar's tent. It was one thing to be prepared. It was entirely another to lug around all this stuff! Quite by accident, the prince walked straight into the plainsman's tent. A chart was affixed to a wall, and a dice sat on a surprisingly clean table. The tent's owner looked up, expressionless.

"Sheesh, announce yourself next time. I could've been doing something important," Sedgar grumbled.

"I didn't know your stupid tent was in the middle of this junk heap!" Marth shrieked.

"A little kid like you wouldn't appreciate the pains I go through for this." Marth had stopped paying attention. His gaze was fixed on the wall chart.

"You mean to tell me that the CHART pinned up on the wall is--"

"Yep. It helps me to decide what I'm going to be for a given battle."

"Why is number 4 an automatic reroll? Shouldn't that be Sorcerer?"

"I couldn't find the right outfit." A likely story!

"There's another note. . .you aren't the same class twice?" Marth cocked an eyebrow at Sedgar, who smiled lazily.

"Right. It's boring, otherwise."

"So you have a one in three chance of rerolling your stupid dice?! That's like--"

"Gordin's Magic growth, am I right?" Marth stumbled backwards in disbelief, which caused him to trip over a stray lance. His momentum caused him to hit the back of the tent hard, which in turn disturbed the delicate balance outside of the tent. In the space of a breath, the prince had gone from shocked to buried. Sedgar had anticipated the avalanche, and had made a run for it. He regarded the disorganized pile in front of him.

"Hey, what was that?" Gordin asked, as he stared at the mound in front of him.

"Oh, just a little instability," the bored plainsman replied.

"Do you much care for that stuff?" the mage said, a very evil gleam in his eye.

"Uh. . .nope," Sedgar said with an equally evil grin.

"FIRE! This will be grand!"

On that fateful day, Sedgar and Gordin learned the secret of the human projectile - light the prince's cape on fire. On that same day, Sedgar became a neat freak.

"Hey, you didn't need to put that in there!"

"I really wish I had sarcasm tags at my disposal."

"You didn't need to mention that, either."

"Now you have more stuff to collect!"

". . .and you wonder why I'm single. . ."

Reclassed Sedgar to Hero.

Merric had a grand time not being targeted by ballista. Gordin and Draug set fire to the northern enemies, Marth, Merric, Sedgar, Julian, and Ricky Redshirt took out the middle, and Abel gained sword rank on the southern ones. Tomas didn't do much of anything, as he hadn't hit C in staves. I decided to stick around and kill EVERYTHING, but I think it was worth it.

Gordin promoted, which should make things much more interesting.

Chapter 14

"Let's JAM!"

-- Jam and Marmalade by FINAL OFFSET

"Oh, do I have to? They look kinda strong. . ." Palla whimpered.

"C'mon sis, it's Marth. If you look at him from this angle, he looks like a girl." Catria said, in an effort to cheer her sister up.

"But those other men scare me!" Tears formed in Palla's kind eyes. Catria rolled her not-so-kind ones.

"Look, they're following Marth without question. I'm sure he'll be happy to see you! You can do it, Palla!"

"I. . .uh, right. I'm the oldest, so I have to introduce both of us. Can you. . ." The elder sister's eyes dropped.

"I'll be right behind you!" Catria promised, while hiding a foot stool behind her back.

"Thanks, sis. Here I go!"

Catria watched her sister fly down, brave as can be. She chuckled to herself before flying off in the opposite direction as fast as she could.

"Sucker. I can't wait to join the slumber party!!"

---

"What kind of woman are you?! You can't clean OR cook, and you're deathly afraid of men?" The lonely pegasus knight cried harder. Marth threw his hands in the air.

"Ugh, you're hopeless!" Palla's pegasus whinnied, though it was hard to tell if it was amused or upset.

"You don't need to be so mean to her," Tomas said evenly, his voice cracking yet again. The crying girl looked up at her unexpected savior. A freckled yet friendly face, flowing white robes, and such a lovely voice. . .before Tomas could object, Palla latched herself to him. Literally.

"Just what I need! Another girl!" The curate's expression was torn between an angry scowl and a desperate smile.

"Well, you two ladies can get acquainted. Maybe the one in white can teach you how to be useful," Marth said with a dismissive wave of his hand.

"I feel safe around you. Can I stay by you? PLEASE?!" Palla's face was uncomfortably close to his.

"Um, what?" the smitten/embarrassed/violated curate said uncertainly.

"Oh, you'll let me! THANK YOU!!" She jumped up and down with glee. Couldn't she do her little victory dance AFTER she let go of him? One of her hops landed directly on his foot. He let out a very long string of unpriestly language. Somehow, his voice didn't crack.

"ACK! You're a guy?!" Tomas nodded mutely, afraid that his voice would make the situation worse.

"I'm right here, and you're not doing anything. I thought men took advantage of women? Oh, are you the type that's not interested in girls?" What kind of world was she raised in?

"Not all men who are interested in women take advantage of them. You grabbed me without asking, then landed on my foot. I think YOU'RE the one taking advantage of ME." His voice didn't crack. Again. Perfect. Palla had the decency to look guilty. She detached herself from her savior.

"I. . .I never thought about it like that. I'm sorry."

"I'm glad you understand that. If you still have doubts about men, go find the resident barber. He's only threatening if you have bad hair." Palla nodded, then walked off in the direction Tomas indicated.

"You really do want to be single for life," a very irritating voice said behind him. It was Sedgar the Undecided.

"I'm not interested in disrespectful girls, you freak," the curate muttered.

"Calm down, will ya? I'm joking. I'd be worried if you had decided to abuse her trust," came the unexpected reply.

"Why would you care?"

"Do YOU want to be backstabbed by someone like her? No? That's what I thought. Don't give her a reason to betray, and she won't. It's common sense, kid." Sedgar walked off, humming some tune or another he'd heard along the way. Tomas scowled.

"You're such a jerk. . .hiding your true nature behind that sloppy exterior. . ."

Reclassed Sedgar to General.

Marth immediately went for Thoron, while a generic held up the thieves long enough for someone more competent to kill them. After Palla and Catria recruited themselves, I sent the latter to her death, while the former kept out of trouble. Sedgar and Merric walled the reinforcements (literally). Sometimes, I'd let Sedgar get a potshot off. Abel ran down to the throne room, with Tomas and Gordin in tow. The Armorslayer saw a lot of use, but the boss eventually went down.

Merric promoted on this chapter. Just in time!

[eclipse]

Now, for a dramatic change of pace. . .ITC: Work-related stress relief.

Chapter 15

"No more pencils, no more books, no more teachers' dirty looks"

-- School's Out by Alice Cooper

"You're not a student!"

"Merric, take my advice, and never, EVER get a job at a school!"

"Uhhh. . .nah."

"So much for listening to one's elders!"

---

"WHY are we here?" whined a certain mage-turned-cavalier-in-the-vain-hope-of-becoming-a-valkyrie.

"So I can get a sword that does more damage than this sewing needle," sneered a certain blue-haired misfit.

"I got out of this stupid school, and now you brought me back. How could you, Marth? I thought we were friends." Something bright shone in Merric's eyes, though it was hard to tell if it was tears or the gleam of mischief.

"Your only purpose was to make Elice scream every time you were caught peeping while she was changing clothes," came the snarky reply.

". . .so you could get a better view," Merric mumbled. Marth pretended he didn't hear that.

---

"What's that in the distance?" a nameless mage asked his classmate.

"That aura of failure. . .it can only belong to one person. Merric's back, everyone!" The class put away their books, in favor of more mundane projectiles.

"Hah, he must've been such a failure that he was shoved in those priest's robes. He's coming this way! Aim well, everyone!" The white-robed figure with green hair ducked as a hail of chalkboard erasers came towards him.

"YOU SONS OF A RAPPER'S DANCE TROUPE ARE ALL DEAD!" yelled Tomas, his voice cracking. The class stood still, absolutely stunned. Then they burst out laughing.

"Oh my gosh, how old is that kid?" one of the females said, feigning shock.

"Hey miss, that robe really shows off yer hips!" a raunchy male catcalled.

"That's the kind of face not even a mother could love!" someone unimportant yelled out, in a feeble attempt to insult the ever-approaching failure in white.

"Oh great, a curate. What are you going to do, preach us to death?" Waves of laughter rolled through the unsuspecting fools. The laughter was cut short when the first of them hit the ground, courtesy of a left hook by Tomas.

"I'll rearrange your face, sinners, and enjoy every minute of it!" Tomas cracked his knuckles, a very unpriestly grin on his face.

"As a curate, our magic can't hurt him. RUN!" The bullies ran towards the school. Perfect.

"I did my part, Merric. You get revenge on the rest of them." A straggler looked back, confused. Tomas buried his fist in his abdomen, then smiled as the student collapsed in front of him, unconscious. Who else was dumb enough not to follow the main pack?

---

"Hey baby, what's up?" a coarse mage hopeful asked Palla, as she finished the contents of her canteen.

"What are you. . .why. . .ah. . ." The sneer on the boy's face widened as tears formed in her eyes.

"Aww, don't cry, honey. I'm never rough the first time 'round!" Palla screamed as the boy roughly grabbed her arm.

"You've never had a first time," Merric said coolly, as he walked out from behind the trees he'd been leaning against. Three punches later, and Palla was freed from the one who'd been so rude to her.

"How in the world does Tomas do it? It takes me at least two before I knock their lights out!" Merric massaged his sore knuckles. He'd never finish at this rate!

"Thank you," Palla said quietly. Merric shot her a big smile.

"No problem! These guys are a bunch of hooligans who pretend to study magic. I'll make sure they don't hurt you! Hmm, what's this?" Merric relieved the unconscious boy of his eraser. Two more bad memories ran down the halls. Merric chucked the eraser in his hands much in the same way he'd throw a heavier javelin. One of the bullies stopped advancing. Before the other one could get off a spell, Merric delivered a swift kick to the other boy's knees. He went down, screaming.

"Who let you run around like this?" demanded Merric. The only answer he got was bawling that put Palla to shame.

"Yeah, well, I hate you too." The one on the ground screamed, two octaves higher than he should have, before falling silent. Palla stood over him, looking rather pleased with herself. The heel of her boot was planted firmly in a place that no boot should ever be planted in.

"That was, um, very effective. Thank you Palla, and never do that to me."

"Tee-hee. One of my sisters taught me that one! Why are you turning white, Merric?"

"Uh, well, don't do that to guys you like, okay? Let's go to the cafeteria, so I can show you the true horrors of Khadein!"

"Um, wait for me!"

---

"Sir, we've got trouble!" an administrator reported to Gharnef.

"What do you mean, trouble?!"

"There's a curate who's punching everyone's lights out outside of the main office, and a couple of kids seem to be wreaking havoc in the main building. It looks like they're headed for the cafeteria!"

"Initiate school lockdown procedures!" Gharnef ordered.

"Begging your pardon, sir, but most of the students are running around outside in a panic."

"According to the emergency handbook that was given out at the beginning of the school year, this type of situation calls for a lockdown. Get everyone inside! I need to report this to the Department of Education." Gharnef warped out before the overworked administrator could protest.

"Ah, right. Where's that stupid intercom? Attention everyone! Begin lockdown procedures! All students and faculty are to report to the cafeteria!"

"Perhaps I should return the part of the handbook that had the procedures where everyone was outside and the trouble was inside? Nah. . .this is far more amusing!"

---

". . .and here's the menu for the week. It looks like things have gotten worse since I dropped out." Palla examined the sheet of paper Merric had handed to her. Her stomach turned.

"Octopus seasoned with fresh seaweed, soy sauce, garlic, green onions, and chili water. . .roasted pork wrapped in boiled taro leaves and served with mashed taro. . .diced tomatoes and salmon served with green onion and raw onion. . .something involving spam, dried seaweed, and rice? What kind of food is this?!"

"That's a small sample of what I was forced to eat!" Merric proclaimed.

"Is that why you left?"

"Stupid classmates, boring curriculum, awful lunches. . .who would WANT to come here?" The sound of many, many pairs of boots on stone brought both of them back to reality.

"Merric, is that you?" a kindly old voice asked.

"Wendell? Didn't you die back in Chapter 5?"

"What did you say, kid?"

"Ahem."

"Oh, right. Wendell, what happened to you after the events in Aurelis? I didn't even get a chance to say hi!"

"Several kind men let me rest on a spare bed while they prepared for some slumber party or other. I do not care for such things, so I left before the guests arrived." Palla and Merric blinked at each other.

"Slumber? Party?"

"That's not important, Merric. What's important is that you're back. We have a chance to redeem our awful scores from last year's AYP!"

Author's note: AYP = Adequate Yearly Progress, which is something that was instituted as a part of No Child Left Behind. For more information, read the Wikipedia article here. Back to more important things!

"You're not supposed to talk about such things, teacher!"

"But that's why we need you at this school, Merric! Our scores for Altean Math were absolutely abysmal! You're the only one that passed the standardized testing in that subject!"

"Why should that matter? Didn't most of the school ace it?"

"That's not how it works, Merric. Not only does the entire school have to pass, but a certain percentage of each country's students must pass, or this school won't pass AYP. This year, it's 40%."

"That is the lamest thing I've ever heard," Palla interrupted.

"The original intent of dividing it by countries was so that--."

"You three, that's enough. If anyone wants to know more about how it works, there's an article for that."

"Yes, narrator," the three replied.

"While you guys were busy talking about politics, I knocked everyone in the cafeteria out," Tomas said coolly.

"Merric, you've been hanging around toughs like him instead of going to school?"

"Hey, old man, I was in prison for the past two years. I've learned a thing or two about taking care of myself." Despite his tough words, Tomas' voice cracked.

"Oh, child, what could you have possibly done to land yourself in such a horrible place? You should be studying to make yourself a better person." Tomas and Merric simultaneously rolled their eyes.

"I got into a fight with some guy named Camus, and was locked up before anyone bothered listening to my side of the story." Palla took two steps away from Tomas.

"Yo, you gonna stand around all day chatting or what? My sword ain't here, so we're leavin'!" The three members of Marth's army bid their farewells before heading towards the voice that had called them.

"Children these days. This world is doomed!" Wendell lamented, before walking in the middle of the room and knocking his own lights out. He'd rather have a concussion than be the one to write the incident report about THIS mess!

Reclassed Merric to Dracoknight and Sedgar to Hero.

I got rid of the two mages near me, then the one to the right of the island with the bridge. My generics kept Gharnef busy, while I played a little game of Block That Fort. Draug wandered over to the oasis, while Palla didn't quite level (this was intentional). Julian went chest hunting once I was certain no more reinforcements would show up.

[Grace]

Oh. Heck. Yes.

Possibly the best one yet. Brilliantly done.

That gives me an idea for an interesting story relating to this...oh. Hehe.

(Wondering why I hadn't chimed in earlier? I don't know myself.)

[Integrity]

"Your only purpose was to make Elice scream every time you were caught peeping while she was changing clothes," came the snarky reply.

". . .so you could get a better view," Merric mumbled. Marth pretended he didn't hear that.

OH SNAP

Best line in the series.

[eclipse]

Sorry folks, I've been busy!

Oh. Heck. Yes.

Possibly the best one yet. Brilliantly done.

That gives me an idea for an interesting story relating to this...oh. Hehe.

(Wondering why I hadn't chimed in earlier? I don't know myself.)

Uh-oh. . .um, sorry, and thank you?

OH SNAP

Best line in the series.

I'm not done yet!

Chapter 16

*when in doubt, make the prettiest damn music you can find*

-- Roric by Eka

---

"Huh? Who are you?" Marth had run into the nearest place with a roof, because there were fluffy white clouds in the sky, and he'd JUST finished styling his hair.

"I'm not important. But YOU are."

"What the--MMRMPH!"

"Sorry princey, but you'll have to stay like this for now."

"MRRPH! MRMRMRMRMMPH! *sniff*"

The prince exited the building with a suspicious amount of purpose and poise, but no one felt like asking what had caused him to change. . .or what that weird ornament in his hair was.

---

"Can you see 'em?" a random villager asked his neighbor.

"Yeah, it be. . .ah, that skin! It's Dolhr! Run for your lives, everyone!" As one, the villagers shut themselves in.

"I suppose I'll be a landlubber just this once, but why are the villagers running? We're here to free you!" commented Draug. A little girl stopped her crazed sprint and looked up at him.

"Ye LIE! Yer skin's too dark to be one of us!" screeched the girl's mother, as she picked up her wayward daughter and ran.

"We just came out of a desert!" Gordin complained.

"A likely story. If yer's skin's not as white as fallen snow, we don't like you! Now scram, you punks!" Gordin's fingers twitched. Draug shook his head.

"Right. . .it's Altea, home of insularity," Draug commented dryly.

"Look you lily-livered lightskins, get your collective asses out here RIGHT NOW, or I will take great pleasure in turning this village into my next ash pile! Anyone that brings a weapon will be fertilizer. GOT IT?!" Gordin's voice cracked as he finished his demand.

"Did you just call us lily-livered lightskins? KILL THEM!" Contrary to Gordin's orders, the villagers rushed out with all sorts of warlike implements. Draug swallowed hard. Gordin set a hay bale on fire.

"Yo, who wants a haircut?" Abel barged in. The crowd stopped in its tracks.

"A darkskin with a lisp? KILL HIM FIRST!!!" The mob roared to life with a new objective. A large shadow stepped between the mob and the unfortunate Alteans. It was a dragon, and it held several people. One by one, they hopped off.

"This is the height of Altean fashion? It stinks. I want no part of it," grumbled Julian.

"There's nothing here that's valuable," Sedgar noted. Palla said nothing, instead opting to hide behind the larger man.

"Which one of you pieces of excrement wants to have their face rearranged?" Tomas asked coolly.

"You punch, I'll stand here and grab weapons. It's not like they can hurt me," Merric whispered. Tomas nodded in response. The dragon shrank before turning into an old man.

"That's the LAST TIME I ferry all of you, got it?" Bantu complained.

"The darkskins brought reinforcements! They're gonna--oof!" The troublemaker was silenced by a priestly fist to the gut.

"Anyone else have something stupid to say?" Gordin sneered. The crowd slowly backed away.

"My people, I have returned!" Marth proclaimed, completely out of character and far paler than his army remembered him.

"Prince Marth! You've come! Save us from the darkskins!" a woman shouted.

"Everyone, pizza at my castle!" Marth's army immediately ditched him, in favor of something delicious.

"The darkskins are no more! You really are a hero, Marth!" a manly voice called out.

"Erm, I'm a Lord, not a Hero--"

"All hail Prince Marth, savior of Altea!" The crowd surged again, but this time in adoration.

(THIS is why I was in that prison cell? Marth, your country sucks.)

---

Reclassed Sedgar to Berserker, and kept Merric as Dracoknight (because horseslaying weapons suck).

Used my generics to bait the enemy Dracos, while Sedgar and Draug strolled across the sea to deal with the riffraff left at the castle. Gordin pecked at the Silver Sword dude, Palla killed him, then Tomas did his thing once the Levin Sword guy showed up (Barrier Palla, then heal her). Once both were dead, I fed Xane to Palla, then rushed to the now-vacant throne, courtesy of two watery guys with Hammer.

[eclipse]

I will heed the nonexistent cries for more, and write another chapter.

Chapter 17

"What the hell kind of music is this? It's supposed to be my homecoming!"

"I think it's awesome."

"I think it's worse than the cacophony Abel blares from his tent at night. I can't understand what the singer's saying!"

"Hmm. . .you're better when you were hogtied."

"Wait, what the--AAAAAHH!"

-- Volt by SpeedFreaks feat.kzt

"I have prepared the ultimate defenses for this army! I'm bald, and have glued my fire-and-punchyproof armor to me. There's plenty of water near my throne, and there's a ton of interesting things in the next room over. There's nothing that--" The boss (herein referred to as Mid-Boss) stopped his monologue when a feminine head peeked in.

"Um, mister, where's the bathroom?" asked a very shy female archer. Mid-Boss went over his report. She was scared of forward men!

"Right over there, where I can see you!" Mid-Boss said with a twinkle in his eye. Palla blanched and ran.

"Hah, I'll never be touched at this rate!" The figure on the throne allowed himself a laugh that was normally reserved for more important bad guys. His preparations were going well!

"That was the most pathetic bad guy laugh I've ever heard," Merric said flatly.

"Eh, who are you? There's nothing about a boy on a horse with curly hair in my info!"

"That's because the author barely gave me a character. Now if you'll excuse me, you're between me and some really nice weapons." Merric hoisted a Dragonpike he'd found in Palla's tent. Mid-Boss squeaked and fainted.

"Nicely done, Merric," Marth stated, as he walked into the room. What was that hair ornament--

"Please stop spoiling the story, Merric."

"Thank you, sire," said the victorious paladin.

"How did you manage to get past your own weakness?" asked Marth.

"It helps when you steal your own information page." The one on the horse proudly waved a piece of paper that had his weakness.

"I don't understand. The paper stating your weakness is blank!"

"Only to your eyes, prince."

"And to yours, dear reader. I promised Merric that I'd keep it a secret."

Reclassed Merric to Paladin and Sedgar to Horseman.

I would've really appreciated any class but Horseman, because those armors were not that easy to get rid of. Once I got past them, I blocked the thieves, and had Palla snipe at them for more experience. Sedgar muscled his way in, and Julian went chest-happy. Everyone else moved the other way. Merric on Barrier was enough to take out both Bishops and the Sniper. I ended the reinforcement spawning nonsense with Abel on Wyrmslayer. Draug went shopping, and Marth eventually seized. Fun times!

Tomas and Draug are really close to promoting.

Edited October 25, 2010 by eclipse

[Integrity]

I'm still reading, I swear. I've just been too busy to formulate intelligent commentary.

[eclipse]

I'm still reading, I swear. I've just been too busy to formulate intelligent commentary.

Don't worry, I'm poking at ya! ;)

The winds are doing some weird things tonight. I'll do one chapter, and maybe do another if things don't get too wild.

Chapter 17x

"Feelings of warmth and security, willing and unwilling sensations of the mind."

-- LUNASA the Stormcauser by ZUN remixed by EXCALIpUR

"You're gonna make me do WHAT?!" screamed Etzel, even though the chapter story had yet to start.

"You have a thing for a ring. What did you expect?"

"No. I refuse. I'd rather join Lena's boy harem that do THAT." Several half-dressed people poked their heads out of the dressing rooms they were assigned to in response to Etzel's bold statement.

"Yo author, can we go out of character for now? The chapter hasn't started yet," Abel asked the wall.

"Fine, fine, but make it quick. I have a story to write."

"Dude, do not joke about Lena's boy harem," Gordin stated gravely. Tomas nodded mutely in agreement.

"You'd be better off asking for my personal growth rates," Bantu chimed in.

"Do any of YOU want to do an awful Lord of the Rings reference?" Etzel demanded furiously.

"At least you'll walk away from that," Jeorge and Horace interrupted.

"Aren't you two supposed to be in Lycia?"

"Our bases were so scary that every bandit turned into a law-abiding citizen. Eliwood quietly sent us home, for fear that we'd ruin Roy's adventure," explained Horace.

"I'm glad he didn't look at your growth rates."

"I'm supposed to be a wandering spell slinger who's attached to his dead wife, and that ring is a memento," pleaded Etzel.

"And I'm one of the best snipers in Archanea," Jeorge retorted.

"I found this tape in Elice's room," Sedgar said, in a tone that would make my previous runthrough proud.

"I wanna see! The Boy Toys of Tellius?! Why would she have that?!" Merric whined.

"This is the fate of those in Lena's Boy Harem," Palla said softly. Everyone whirled around and more-or-less cocked their eyebrows in unison. "Sedgar had it on when I walked by his room. Stop looking at me like that!"

"Someone had to investigate the contents of that tape," the green-haired Aurelian mumbled.

"Then you should have let me done it. No one cares enough about me to draw me in compromising situations with my best friend," Draug whispered.

"I'm not about to find out if this is accurate. Sorry, folks."

"No one cares enough about me to draw me, unless someone specifically requests it," grumbled Tomas.

"I'd rather have no art than bad art featuring me and some guy I'd rather not share a picture with," Roshea shot back out of nowhere.

"Hey, wrong run!"

"Ehehe, sorry. I'll go back to being angry with the fanartists who think I look cute with Wolf," the youngest member of the Wolfguard said, as he left the set.

"Gordin, Tomas, Marth, you might want to leave the room. This tape is pretty traumatic," Sedgar warned.

"Hey, what about me?" complained Merric.

"We all know you like my sister," Marth announced. Merric winced.

"I'm the only one that's appeared in every run that the author has written. I'm prepared for anything!" exclaimed Tomas. Gordin nodded his agreement.

"Don't blame me if you guys can't sleep," the new owner of the tape mumbled, as he pressed play.

---

"That's some pretty bad opening music," Etzel commented.

"This is why you're not part of the Lemmings run," Abel muttered.

"I thought it was because his hair wasn't green," Julian muttered back.

"Hush, you!"

The next scene made several people gasp in horror. It was. . .

"I'm currently a Myrmidon, and I understand how hard it is to train for the role. How could she do that to Edward?! He can't move in that maid outfit!" Abel cried out.

"After my two runs as an Archer, I have more respect for them. Leo. . .you shouldn't have to be Edward's opposite," Palla said softly.

"Wolf ears, bushy tail, and a pink fluffy collar? I think I'm going to be ill," Tomas mumbled to himself, voice cracking.

"That poor kid with the green hair, knife, and schoolgirl outfit. . .he could be one of us. . ." Julian said, as he wiped a tear from his eye.

"Little green-haired archer boys should never go loli," Gordin stated flatly.

"Super Sneakers. . .why are you dressed as a nun?" asked Etzel to no one in particular.

"Soren. . .as Elincia? What is this madness?!" demanded Merric.

"Your Highness. . .why are you dressed like my original incarnation?" Marth questioned the screen.

"Angel girl. . .boy. . .I'm glad I turned it off when I did last time," Sedgar grumbled.

"I suppose a shirtless soldier-guard is--oh gosh, he's wearing nothing but a pink bikini bottom. TURN IT OFF!" Draug yelled, clawing at his eyes.

"That conniving harpy is doing WHAT with my body?!" a female voice screeched. Something that appeared to be Lena stood in the doorway. Her priestly robes had been discarded in favor of something that allowed for greater movement. It had the side effect of showing off her now-toned arms and legs.

"Whoa, you're a piece of work!" Abel whistled.

"Defeating someone as untrained as you would be a waste of time," the former priestess declared.

"What are you talking about?" Tomas asked naively. He motioned towards Draug, whose massive frame was hiding a certain redheaded thief.

"I am known as the Black Knight, and I'm stuck in Lena's body. Likewise, she's stuck in mine. I've done her a favor by whipping her body into shape. She returns it by making that kind of shameful video using boys I wouldn't dare associate myself with?!" As the Black Knight's rant went on, his/her voice rose in volume and pitch.

"How did you get here?" Sedgar asked, surprisingly calm given the circumstances.

"Warp powder malfunction," came the unamused reply.

"We don't have warp powder here. Your Tellius seems to be quite far from Archanea, so you'll need to wait a few more weeks before the stretch in dimensions is so great that it snaps you back into your proper bodies," Horace explained patiently.

"Aren't you supposed to be an armored lunkhead?" Jeorge and the Black Knight asked simultaneously.

"Studying such things is a hobby of mine," the blue-haired general replied coolly.

"So you want me to wait until this rights itself?" the Black Knight asked rhetorically.

"It would be safest to do so. If you try to reenact the scenario that caused this mishap, there's a very high chance that you'll end up in this body permanently. Given what I saw of your original body, this would be a very big hindrance," the Archanean traitor answered, completely oblivious to the rhetorical nature of the previous question.

"Very well. I hate being idle, so I'll find another arena to clear out," the man/woman fumed, as he stormed out to continue training.

"Well, that was completely unrelated to everything. As such, I don't think I'll have time for a proper story."

"Good riddance," Etzel stated to a wall.

"I'm not sure what I'll do with you next time. . .but it will be something super-special, to make up for the lack of story here~!"

Reclassed Sedgar to Berserker. Blew the Arms Scroll on Palla, so she could start abusing the Longbow.

Poleax abuse allowed Draug to promote. Random people forgetting how to dodge allowed Tomas to promote. Feeding kills to Abel made him ready to promote (if I've counted my Master Seals right, the only one that should need one is Palla, and she gets hers next chapter). Despite my reclass abuse, Sedgar looks like he'll turn out all right.

[Byte2222]

That... was... interesting... I'd say you have a flair for the bizarre. Still good though.

[eclipse]

That... was... interesting... I'd say you have a flair for the bizarre. Still good though.

It was meant to be weird (for Lena's sake). Thank you!

So. . .can you name everyone that's in Lena's Boy Harem?

Chapter 18

"New password standby in stores now."

-- So Fabulous !! -ONLY ONE Remix- by Ryu☆ remixed by SUPER STAR 満-MITSURU-

"That makes no sense!"

"I don't remember asking for your opinion, Est."

"You're not using me, so I can do whatever I want!"

"I think Palla needs more target practice. . ."

"Oooh, horse guys! We could always use more light armor!" squealed Julian.

"Ugh, who does their hair? It's horrible!" exclaimed Abel.

"This is. . .a river?! Why do you taunt me, oh water gods?" lamented Draug.

"Everyone, the Sable Order stands between us and Chiasmir. We'll need to work together to bring them down!" Marth encouraged, completely out of character.

"They. . .they scare me," Palla mumbled.

"I'll hold ya, baby!" Gordin volunteered.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!! GET AWAY FROM ME!"

---

"You. . ." Abel whispered to himself, as a certain pink-haired pegasus knight made herself known to the army.

"Hmmmm? Who are you?" Est asked. Abel's mouth worked, but no sound came out.

"That's Abel, our resident hairdresser. He's really nice," Palla told her sister.

"He's so dashing!" Est giggled.

"YOUR HAIR AND YOUR FACE DO NOT SUIT EACH OTHER! IT'S SO SHORT THAT EVEN MY AMAZING SKILLS CANNOT FIX IT! BEGONE, FASHION DISASTER!" exclaimed the self-proclaimed hair stylist, face red with pent-up rage.

"HOW DARE YOU?! MY HAIR WAS STYLED BY THE TOP MACEDONIAN STYLISTS!" Est shouted back.

"Um, can you two please stop fighting?" asked Palla.

"THAT KIND OF CUT IS BEST SUITED FOR A LITTLE BOY!" Abel went on, completely ignoring Palla.

"IT'S CALLED A PIXIE CUT, YOU FAILURE OF A BEAUTICIAN!" Est screamed.

"CUT IT OUT, YOU TWO, OR I WILL USE YOU BOTH AS MY PRACTICE DUMMIES!" The entire army stopped and stared at Palla. No one had expected her to have THAT kind of shouting power!

"Sister. . .ehehe. . .here, you use swords. Take it. I'm outta here!" Est quickly mounted her pegasus and flew away from her angry sister.

"Future disaster averted," Abel said with a sigh of relief.

"Why can't she be that furious when she's going against the enemy?" Sedgar whispered to Julian.

"I HEARD THAT!!"

Reclassed Sedgar to Horseman, because his dice hates me like that.

Before this chapter started, managed to promote Draug, Abel, and Tomas. This turned out to be awesome, as Draug waded across the river to distract the Horsemen, while everyone else took their sweet time walking behind their generic shields. Est was again used as target practice, and I took too long, so two waves of reinforcements managed to show up before Merric killed the boss. I heart Ridersbane (as it does very little against Merric at this point, but plenty against the enemy horsies).

Got the final Master Seal, which means I can promote Palla in the middle of the next chapter. She's level 19 with spare change.

[eclipse]

I'm bored. . .so here's another chapter.

Chapter 19

"The gods, in their compassion, turned them into halcyon birds"

-- the video of Halcyon by xi

"What is up with that depressing nonsense in MY chapter?!"

"Stop complaining Tiki."

"Bantu, this army needs a proper maid. Go recruit that Tiki chick you mentioned earlier, will ya?" Marth demanded, back in character.

"Um. . .okay. . ." Bantu mumbled, as he walked off.

It was a pity that he did, for no sooner than he turned the corner than a shadowy figure slipped a slender needle into the petulant prince's neck. Marth collapsed without a sound. The assailant smiled before methodically tying the unconscious boy's extremities up, and stuffing a gag into his silent mouth. With that being done, the redhead with the hair ornament lifted Marth as if here were a sack of potatoes, and stuffed him into one of Sedgar's wagons. He concentrated on the restrained boy, and. . .

---

"We have now entered Chiasmir. I do not know what lies ahead. Please, be on your guard. I would be very sad if I lost even one of you," Marth proclaimed to his army. The ragtag excuse of an invading force nodded their assent. Far in back, Bantu cocked an eyebrow. That hair ornament. . .

---

"Oh, what lovely hair! Imagine what I could do with it~!" Abel sang merrily to himself, as he approached the girl on the throne.

"Hold, Abel! She does not respond to strangers very well! Allow me!" The hairdresser glared at the old manakete.

"Why should I listen to you, baldie? Hey, don't ignore me~!" Bantu purposefully walked towards the throne, and whispered something to the girl on it.

"Her sense of fashion is exquisite! Truly, I cannot bring myself to touch such impeccable beauty!" Julian cried out. He held outfits that looked like they belonged to larger, male enemies.

"Who are you weirdos?" the girl asked flatly.

"I am Abel, a lowly hairdresser. I wish to make your lovely green locks accent your youthful appearance~!"

"I am Julian, and there's no way I'm taking your clothes. That would be illegal."

"Ban-Ban, they're weird. Why do you associate yourself with such nutcases? Ban-Ban? Ah, he ran out of the story already! Did he take one of the candle stands near me, too?"

"Hey Tomas, you're not the only girl around here," Gordin said. Tomas responded with a well-placed fist to the other boy's face.

"Hitting other people is rude! Don't do that, or I'll kill you!" Tiki exclaimed.

"I think you just contradicted yourself," stated the thuggy bishop. Merric buried his face in his hands.

"Stop using such big words, you meanie!" The stone in Tiki's hands glowed menacingly.

"Tiki, please stop. They're not mean people," Marth gasped out. He had to sprint to reach the dragon girl, but it looked like he was in time.

"Hmm? Your hair ornament. . .you remind me of someone." Tiki cocked her head at Marth, who shook his head.

"It's a coincidence, Tiki. Please, you'll be safe with us."

"I don't know who you are, but how do you know my name? I know I didn't tell it to you, you blue-haired misfit!" Marth gulped hard. Think fast, think fast. . .!

"Bantu mentioned a green-haired dragon girl before coming here. You are the only green-haired dragon girl in this Fane," the "prince" said hastily.

"Fine, but only because Ban-Ban said so! No more hitting other people, missy!" Tiki ordered, as she stuck her tongue out at Tomas. Tomas responded likewise.

"Well, that's settled. Shall we get going?" The army gave a hearty cheer before heading away from the Fane.

---

"I. . .I can't do it," Draug whimpered.

"Oh?" Palla inquired.

"I'm supposed to be a berserker. . .but I can't be mean! Not to you, or anyone else in this army, and definitely not to that little dragon girl! What am I supposed to do?!" the lone berserker blubbered.

"I think you're a very nice berserker. When I'm around you, I don't feel as scared as when I'm around the other guys," Palla said softly.

"How did such a sweet girl as you end up in such a horrid situation?"

"My sisters. . .they would be lonely if I wasn't around. . .but they're not here. . .*sniff*"

"You two, we're going to regroup outside shortly! I don't want to leave you behind!" Marth called to the crying duo.

"Ah, right, sire. . .*sob*" The berserker and sniper supported each other as they left to join Marth's kind army.

---

"Hello? Guys, I can't go anywhere in this armor! Someone, gimme a hand!" Sedgar's desperate pleas for help echoed off the empty walls of the Fane.

"I didn't even move, and they didn't even notice. . .how could they. . ." Sedgar's pity party was interrupted by a figure in heavy robes. Its face was impossible to see.

"I really hate self-insertions, but just this once. . ."

"Why are you dressed up like that?"

"So no one gets any funny ideas, including you."

"A Warp staff? Since when did you learn how to use that?"

"Since right now. Toodles!" In the blink of an eye, Sedgar vanished.

"My turn to go. It would be bad if the story ended here!" With a generous application of Fanfiction Author Power, the one clothed in robes disappeared, back to parts unknown.

Reclassed Sedgar to General.

Palla promoted mid-chapter by sniping one of the Heroes. Julian and Marth looted the place. Merric and Abel merrily chopped the guardians to pieces. Tomas' one moment in the sun came when he applied a Barrier to Merric, so the mage with Bolganone wouldn't do too much damage. My generics died luring the mages near the throne, and I managed to convince one of them to kill Bantu, after he'd recruited Tiki. The bow guys died to Palla's Longbow.

True to my story, Sedgar didn't go anywhere (he was at 14.91, and I didn't want him leveling as a General).

[CT075]

...the fuck is with everyone replacing Marth?

Hilarious as always, though. Don't stop now!

[Flux_Blade]

Good chapters as usual, I have to laugh at the team's reaction to Tiki and how the guys react around Palla, though poor Gordin.

[eclipse]

...the fuck is with everyone replacing Marth?

Hilarious as always, though. Don't stop now!

Marth is so bad that he's being replaced. How sad is that?

Good chapters as usual, I have to laugh at the team's reaction to Tiki and how the guys react around Palla, though poor Gordin.

That's what happens when you push the guy that doesn't even look like a girl too far.

I think I'm having a little too much fun with Tomas. . .I'll try to give him a break next time.

Chapter 20

”君の心が鼻ぶる神が生きる道を開く”

-- 風仁雷仁 by カラフル・サウンズ・ポート

"Is this supposed to be something by Big C and Double D?"

"No, Merric, this is the music in this world."

"Oh, good. I thought they dropped in quality."

"They can't come close to the level of awesomeness that this song exudes. Too bad it's Nicovideo only."

"It is almost time for that brat Marth to show up. What say you, Wilson?" Camus muttered to the mask he held. The mask's reply was only for Camus' ears.

"No, I don't care if you're named after some star, I'm calling you Wilson!" the greatest warrior Grust had insisted. The mask gleamed in the sunlight.

"You have no confidence in my fighting ability. What are those guys going to do, give me a haircut and steal my clothes?" The mask's gleam slowly faded, as the sun was partially obscured by clouds.

"Oh, that crazy mage boy on a horse who claims that he'll be a graceful valkyrie some day, even though he dropped out of school? I think I'm winning this battle!" Camus hummed some drinking song or other as he placed his friend back in his pocket. That mask was the only one in the world that truly understood him, but why did it have to be so. . .unenthusiastic?

"Uh, are you done? I'm standing right here," stated Merric awkwardly. Camus hastily readied his lance.

"You have green hair and ride a horse! You must be the crazy--"

"That's why you have no friends, mister," Merric said with a sigh. "Honesty is important, but not at the cost of insulting someone."

"But. . .I can't think of anything good to say about you!" Camus replied.

"I'm willing to follow my dreams, no matter what! Isn't that worth something?"

"Uhhh. . .no, not really." Had Merric been a little closer to the ground, he would've executed a perfect facefault.

"It is an admirable trait for one to have! What do you want to accomplish?" the overly optimistic mage-turned-paladin-with-dreams-of-being-a-valkyrie asked.

"Well. . .I'm a big fan of Boy Toys of Tellius. . ." Camus mumbled as indistinctly as possible.

"NO! DO NOT EVER MENTION THAT AGAIN!" Merric screamed, his voice cracking.

"Hah, you're WELL on your way to becoming a cute valkyrie," came a very familiar mocking voice. Gordin lazily sauntered up to the duo, wielding nothing but a staff.

"Didn't you learn your lesson last time?" Merric snapped.

"Uh, hello, I'm feeling a little left out," Camus interrupted.

"It's not like either of you can punch worth a damn," Gordin mocked. His eyes widened as Merric hefted his lance. The sage had just enough sense to dive to the side, as Merric charged, lance at ready. Camus wasn't so lucky. The force of the blow was enough to send him off the map, to parts unknown.

"So much for Grust's greatest warrior. You ready, Gordin? I'm gonna send you to the same place Boy Toy Tellius Fanboy went!" Gordin squeaked like Tiki on sugar and ran for his life, angry valkyrie hopeful hot on his heels.

Reclassed Sedgar to Hero, because he's awesome.

Everyone that could forded the river, while my generics baited Tiki's level ups (the four lance paladins). Palla, Draug, and Sedgar went on General Takeout duty. Didn't have time for the Arrowspate, but it didn't matter. It targeted a generic Dracoknight, which was enough for me! I had to kill the Arrowspate on turn 3, and Hoistflamme on turn 5. The lone thief died to a tag team of Gordin and Tiki. Lorenz was yet another level for Tiki.

And Camus. . .couldn't hit Merric to save his life. Merric had no such problems with Ridersbane.