Dont you hate it when things are out of your hands?

[Darros]

So my IRL friend lives a normal life.

Or so it seems.

Her biological dad is overly violent from what she tells me. She says he flares up and beats/abuses her for no apparant reason, and alienates her from the rest of the family.

She says her stepmother and stepsister know about this, but do absolutely nothing about it.

Two of the worst accounts of this involve her getting beat with a phonebook (the bruise is giangtic, and reddish) and her dad pouring boling water on her.

She says it's for no reason at all, and I believe her, but am starting to doubt her a bit.

No one does things for no reason.

Me and my other friend sent her to the guidance counseled anonymously in December, but they didn't do anything to help.

Today she wall called down again..

Apparantly someone had saw the bruise and told the teacher.

My friend was speaking to the cops today. They talked with her and were going to contact her dad, until they discovered she was 16. She didn't want them to talk to her dad, as she doesn't want to be seperated from him.

But I don't understand.. if he does that, why does she not want people to know?

Why does she refuse help?

And I don't think there's anything I can do..... is there?

[Randoman]

I think the reason why your friend is reluctant to get others involved, is because her father might get so mad at her for letting others see him as "the bad guy", to the point where she'll get kicked out of the house. Since she's 16, she's legally allowed to get kicked out of her parents' house.

This is a pretty tough situation, seeing how it'll be practically impossible for her to win both ways (have something done about being beaten by her father and having her father not hate her for ratting him out). You've already tried getting her to tell you why her dad really does that, right? I mean, that would be the first step to solving the problem. Whether her and her father get outside help or not, it's really help to know the reason why her father is so abusive either way.

As for how you can help, you're probably already letting her talk out her problems to you, so I guess I won't list that. I guess one thing you can do (though it might really backfire) is hang out at her place more often and maybe her dad won't abuse her whenever you're around, unless he's really that crazy of a person to show his ugly side when a visitor is around. I'm not sure if that's a good idea though, so don't do that if you feel doubtful about it working.

[Junkhead]

Can't she move to another place with a friend or something? At least it's better than to be abused. If she honestly calls a place where she gets abused physically and sexually without restrictions "home", no offense, but she's a total idiot.

[Light Lord]

Truth be told, you're already doing something, so that's a start. Trying to talk it out with him will be quite impossible and if she is doubtful of getting outside help it's even worse.

What doesn't fit right for me, from reading this, is why she won't looke for help with authorities?

A. What Randoman said.

B. I don't really want to make you worry even more, but she could have been threatened by him. That could also explain why the stepmother and sister don't do a thing.

Anyways, as I said you're already doing something by hearing her out. If worse gets to worse, something MUST be done.

Edited January 6, 2011 by Yusei Fudo

[eclipse]

1. Do your parents know about her and her situation?

2. On this side of the border, teachers (and anyone else who works in a school) are required by law to contact the authorities if they suspect physical abuse of their students. Dunno about the laws in your area.

3. Her stepmother is doing her no favors, physically and psychologically.

[Joerachi]

I can't really think of anything that isn't wait it out and stay out of the house as much as possible. Then when she's 18, get the cops to bust his ass.

[Darros]

I can't really think of anything that isn't wait it out and stay out of the house as much as possible. Then when she's 18, get the cops to bust his ass.

I guess, but Im not sure if things will go smooth until then.

1. Do your parents know about her and her situation?

2. On this side of the border, teachers (and anyone else who works in a school) are required by law to contact the authorities if they suspect physical abuse of their students. Dunno about the laws in your area.

3. Her stepmother is doing her no favors, physically and psychologically.

1. They know some things. They know that she cuts, that her dad is abusive, and that I sent her to the guidance counselor anonymously. But I haven't told them all about the specific details. I'm worried that they might tell and something worse will happen.

2. If a teacher knows of any abuse they have to report it. A student told the teacher about her bruise from the phonebook and the teacher set her up to talk to the cops.

3. I'll agree there. As my friend said, "she's just there.". She hasn't even talked to her when her dad isn't around.

Truth be told, you're already doing something, so that's a start. Trying to talk it out with him will be quite impossible and if she is doubtful of getting outside help it's even worse.

Talking? Sometimes it feels more like prying open.

And Im one of the ones she trusts most..

I'm not going to even bring it up with her dad as he doesn't know we know.

What doesn't fit right for me, from reading this, is why she won't looke for help with authorities?

A. What Randoman said.

B. I don't really want to make you worry even more, but she could have been threatened by him. That could also explain why the stepmother and sister don't do a thing.

Something about she doesn't want to be separated from her family, but I think she's not telling us something here..

That actually makes sense. I was guessing that they didn't know, as they aren't nervousaround him, and they get along nicely.

Anyways, as I said you're already doing something by hearing her out. If worse gets to worse, something MUST be done.

I agree. Last month she cut a heart into her wrist. We panicked over that and told the guidance counseled about it.

The scarier thing is that she's open about it, and we asked her, and she said "It looks pretty".

I mean you might not want to be open about it but you don't say that!

Can't she move to another place with a friend or something? At least it's better than to be abused. If she honestly calls a place where she gets abused physically and sexually without restrictions "home", no offense, but she's a total idiot.

She won't come right out and ask. She's hinted before, but those are the two houses that are definately full. Mine, in which my grandmother is still going to chemotherapy, and my friends, in which their house is really smallish.

I don't know, she confuses me, and it's not good.

I think the reason why your friend is reluctant to get others involved, is because her father might get so mad at her for letting others see him as "the bad guy", to the point where she'll get kicked out of the house. Since she's 16, she's legally allowed to get kicked out of her parents' house.

She's gotten kicked out before, but it was only for a day.

This was a while ago though.

This is a pretty tough situation, seeing how it'll be practically impossible for her to win both ways (have something done about being beaten by her father and having her father not hate her for ratting him out). You've already tried getting her to tell you why her dad really does that, right? I mean, that would be the first step to solving the problem. Whether her and her father get outside help or not, it's really help to know the reason why her father is so abusive either way.

She used to go to therapy but they were on her fathers side, they didn't really seem to do anything.

As for how you can help, you're probably already letting her talk out her problems to you, so I guess I won't list that. I guess one thing you can do (though it might really backfire) is hang out at her place more often and maybe her dad won't abuse her whenever you're around, unless he's really that crazy of a person to show his ugly side when a visitor is around. I'm not sure if that's a good idea though, so don't do that if you feel doubtful about it working.

I've been around him before and Ive been over before. He's really nice when other people are in view. I can't go over a lot of the time though because my friends dad and stepmother work together at the same place, and they don't let people over on days they work.

[Mikethfc]

EDIT: I didn't realise it was in general at first

You're doing what you can, might not seem like it but talking to her about it is probably doing a lot of good.

However with the whole moving out issue she would need to know her options and I'd assume somebody else would have to initiate it, (otherwise I assume she'd feel like she's intruding and even more out of place.)

Not sure how much this will help, but best of luck all the same.

Edited January 6, 2011 by mikethfc

[eclipse]

See if your parents would be willing to take her in, even on a temporary basis.

[Darros]

EDIT: I didn't realise it was in general at first

You're doing what you can, might not seem like it but talking to her about it is probably doing a lot of good.

However with the whole moving out issue she would need to know her options and I'd assume somebody else would have to initiate it, (otherwise I assume she'd feel like she's intruding and even more out of place.)

Not sure how much this will help, but best of luck all the same.

Thank you, it means a lot.

I think that someone else would have to initiate it, but she has hinted before. She seems to hint to the wrong people though. It's not like she's friendless, she has lots of friends and could probably find a place to go.

See if your parents would be willing to take her in, even on a temporary basis.

My parents are friends with her stepmom.

I'm unsure if/how things would work out.

I talked to her today, moving out got brought up.

She said if she wants to move out she would rather it be far away. So she's waiting until she can get a job and pay for herself.

[Asassin]

kids help line anyone? sorry but i dont know the number

[Darros]

I have one where I am... but three of my friends, that are her friends too, are part of a Kids Help Phone group at school and I heard something about training and practice.

So Im not exactly comfortable with that.

[eclipse]

This situation is ultimately in her hands. Remind her of her options, and also remind her that she has the power to change it. Whether she's brave enough to do so or not is up to her.

[Phoenix Wright]

Fuck that. She's had plenty of chances. I think you should call the cops for her. What she's living in right now isn't a home, obviously. I'd rather live in the streets.

In my opinion, there comes a time, in certain situations, in which a person realizes that one can help himself, but does not, should be forced to get help (such as your friend). Cutting one self is already a clue, at the very least, to being emotionally "scarred." Getting boiling water poured on her and all this abuse has hurt her psychologically, obviously. She can't help herself. Maybe you can, maybe you can strongly urge a counselor to (why they haven't already makes me facepalm and sad), or your parents, or someone. It is clear she cannot help herself.

She says it's for no reason at all, and I believe her, but am starting to doubt her a bit.

No one does things for no reason.

I understand this isn't your point at all, but I think this is irrelevant. Abuse implies that the "punishment" given was harsh, cruel, and an injustice to the child in the eyes of the law. Edited January 7, 2011 by Phoenix Wright

[Darros]

Fuck that. She's had plenty of chances. I think you should call the cops for her. What she's living in right now isn't a home, obviously. I'd rather live in the streets.

The cops have talked to her. They can't legally do anything with child services, because she's 16.

In my opinion, there comes a time, in certain situations, in which a person realizes that one can help himself, but does not, should be forced to get help (such as your friend). Cutting one self is already a clue, at the very least, to being emotionally "scarred." Getting boiling water poured on her and all this abuse has hurt her psychologically, obviously.

See, the thing is she has been forced to get help. She has such a negative attitude for it so that when she goes in she will not get anything out of it when she leaves..

She can't help herself. Maybe you can, maybe you can strongly urge a counselor to (why they haven't already makes me facepalm and sad), or your parents, or someone. It is clear she cannot help herself.

Counselors know. Therapists know. She said that all they do is ask questions, and I guess she's not telling them anything about abuse.

[Rehab]

3 consecutive times now, I have failed to post this reply due to losing the post somehow, so I’m doing this in Word. If I don’t post this successfully I will cry hamburgers

First, to be clear, nobody, leastwise your friend, is responsible for, that is to be held accountable for, their own abuse. If nobody doubts that, all cool.

That out of the way, @topic:

WEE WOO WEE WOO BIG DEAL ALERT

BIG DEAL ALERT

Not that you need me to tell you, but this situation is bad enough that it’s painful to imagine it going on, much more getting worse, which would probably need to involve suicide threats or something. There are signs of depression so deep that you’ll have trouble finding the bottom of it, alongside a ridiculously neglectful family and, if I read right that your friend had boiling water poured on her, potentially lethal abuse all pushing it on further. There is no grin-and-bear-it option, something has to change, somebody has to intervene, or I very much doubt your friend can sustain herself physically or mentally in that environment, nor should she have to.

I’ve been in situations analogous to this, in that psychiatric help favored my parents and I felt I couldn’t tell my entire story. It’s a hard spot of itself not being able to trust your parents, but it’s even worse if you don’t feel like you can’t get any meaningful help. I may only be able to help so much, being a forum poster, but I can say this: I know it’s damn hard, that it can seem impossible to give all your thoughts, feelings, experiences to somebody else, especially when you think they’re not really on your side, and especially when you have low self-esteem. Keeping it inside, however corny it sounds, really is more part of the problem than any kind of solution, though, and letting out all you can will do you better than not. Psychiatric help in particular can go very, very roughly when the patient feels they have to hide something, anything personal. If there’s anything to tell, I hope your friend tells it. If it seems like there’s really no resource at all that can help, then speak out about that hopeless feeling, there must be some professional help available somewhere.

A side note on suicide: if your friend mentions suicide at all, take it seriously. Don’t let it even be a joke, say anything you can to take away that option. If she mentions a time, a place, a plan and a method to commit suicide, emergency situation is go; you have grounds to call emergency services. It’s practically impossible to truly predict she won’t go through with it, so if there’s a chance she will, use your chance to make sure she doesn’t.

And if you literally do nothing else, don’t let her forget that she has unending support and that she is not to blame, and affirm her self-worth.

Might’ve overdone this post a little, but shit

This story's fucking terrible

Edited January 10, 2011 by Rehab

[deleted35362]

Are you serious? That's insane, man, fuck that man for treating his kid

that way and the girl's family of doucheballs who just kick back and

let all that happen. That bastard needs his ass sent to jail where he

can eat dog turds for lunch and get his sexual fix from having a

rhinoceros sized dick shoved up his asshole at bathtime.

Yeah, that's all I can say, good suggestions and such have already been

given.