Judas Posted December 1, 2011 Share Posted December 1, 2011 so get this, guys. earlier today, i was thirsty. but i wasnt just, like, thirsty, it was more like i wanted to rip open my massive, gaping maw and violently suck upon the rivers of existence itself until the world ran dry of life-essence and everyone fucking DIED. so i went to the convenience store on campus and i bought a mountain dew, and i drank it, and it was probably the second best experience of my life, right behind your sister (O HOOOOOOO TWELVE POINTS TO GRYFFINDOR YEAH I'M SO GOOD LIKE SISTER THOUGH HOW DID I EVEN COME UP WITH THAT HA HA YOUR SISTER GET IT MAN PRICELESS), but i was still thirsty, so in one of the gravest decisions i've ever had to make in my entire life i decided i was going to buy another one. YES THAT'S RIGHT TWO MOUNTAIN DEWS well it was good and i enjoyed it. the problem, however, is that these mountain dews come with double xp codes for modern warfare 3. now, being a heterosexual, i don't play modern warfare 3, but it is possible one of you worthless slimecocks do. SO IN THE SPIRIT OF GIVING i am going to give them away. HERE IS THE CONTEST HOLY SHIT SIZE 6 TEXT SO BIG LIKE MY BOOBS whoever tells me the most interesting fact about steam engines gets the two codes OK GO Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Original Alear Posted December 1, 2011 Share Posted December 1, 2011 This is an amazing contest I have no interest in winning. This isn't really a fact but here goes. I mean, it is a fact, but it's not a date or a person or some shit like that. It's a story. Get into it. Are you ready? Are you set? Are you go? Then GO. There is a steam engine in the an old black and white movie I saw which stops for a mule. It's a very small steam engine, only 2 cars IIRC, a locomotive and a passenger car. It's traveling along with its passengers in the passenger car, which looks like the buggy from a horse and carriage, and there's a mule in the way. So it stops for the mule cuz it doesn't want to crash into it - it probably would derail or something if it hit the mule, this isn't a very big or hefty train. So after they realize that they are not going to be able to move the mule, the passengers, or maybe it's the people working the train, get off the train and shift the tracks under the mule's feet over to the right, or the left, but you get the idea, in some direction away from the poor mule, so that they can go around the mule and be on their way. It works. They get back on the train and continue onwards. Here comes the great part. THE MULE MOVES AFTER THEY LEAVE. Isn't that just hilarious? GOOD TO SEE YOU AGAIN JUDAS AKA BETTER THAN DEATH Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Judas Posted December 1, 2011 Author Share Posted December 1, 2011 blue martian kitty did you know that these cretins had the AUDACITY the sheer AUDACITY to edit my thread title? my thread title! i did not give permission! THIS WAS TANTAMOUNT TO RAPE the contest is still up but MODS ARE NOW INELLIGIBLE TO WIN THE FUCKING FANTASTIC prizes. That is all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Erk Posted December 1, 2011 Share Posted December 1, 2011 so get this, guys. earlier today, i was thirsty. but i wasnt just, like, thirsty, it was more like i wanted to rip open my massive, gaping maw and violently suck upon the rivers of existence itself until the world ran dry of life-essence and everyone fucking DIED. so i went to the convenience store on campus and i bought a mountain dew, and i drank it, and it was probably the second best experience of my life, right behind your sister (O HOOOOOOO TWELVE POINTS TO GRYFFINDOR YEAH I'M SO GOOD LIKE SISTER THOUGH HOW DID I EVEN COME UP WITH THAT HA HA YOUR SISTER GET IT MAN PRICELESS), but i was still thirsty, so in one of the gravest decisions i've ever had to make in my entire life i decided i was going to buy another one. YES THAT'S RIGHT TWO MOUNTAIN DEWS well it was good and i enjoyed it. the problem, however, is that these mountain dews come with double xp codes for modern warfare 3. now, being a heterosexual, i don't play modern warfare 3, but it is possible one of you worthless slimecocks do. SO IN THE SPIRIT OF GIVING i am going to give them away. HERE IS THE CONTEST HOLY SHIT SIZE 6 TEXT SO BIG LIKE MY BOOBS whoever tells me the most interesting fact about steam engines gets the two codes OK GO You should probably, I dunno, maybe, post more or something. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Original Alear Posted December 1, 2011 Share Posted December 1, 2011 You have to get used to it if you're going to do it (cursing in thread titles). That's just the rape it is around here! I do my best not to curse here for some twisted reason even though I almost cursed like 5 times when I was making my first post here because cursing is [expletive deleted] infectious. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raven Posted December 1, 2011 Share Posted December 1, 2011 Where the fuck have you been? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Judas Posted December 2, 2011 Author Share Posted December 2, 2011 You should probably, I dunno, maybe, post more or something. listen dude. posting isnt easy, ok. its not like i just punch the keyboard like its a toddler and suddenly words appear. every post i make is carefully crafted in a laboratory guarded by hell-spirits wherein the finest minds of our generation tinker with language itself until it finally all congeals together into a blend of words and grammar. alright, like, that takes awhile bro. calm down. You have to get used to it if you're going to do it (cursing in thread titles). That's just the rape it is around here! I do my best not to curse here for some twisted reason even though I almost cursed like 5 times when I was making my first post here because cursing is [expletive deleted] infectious. super duper, though. that's like, if after the rape, they snap pics of your naked body and send it to your grandparents with the caption "please send me money for meth". i dont see how you can stand for that Where the fuck have you been? look its not important JUST FUCKING TALK TO ME ABOUT STEAM ENGINES Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Original Alear Posted December 2, 2011 Share Posted December 2, 2011 super duper, though. that's like, if after the rape, they snap pics of your naked body and send it to your grandparents with the caption "please send me money for meth". i dont see how you can stand for that I'm not standing for it! I'm just accepting that I'm utterly powerless to do anything about it. Acceptance and submission! Man, parse your words better. And more people need to enter because I want competition with my great choo choo entry to make my inevitable victory more meaningful. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Erk Posted December 2, 2011 Share Posted December 2, 2011 so many lolz in so few posts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Florete Posted December 2, 2011 Share Posted December 2, 2011 blue martian kitty did you know that these cretins had the AUDACITY the sheer AUDACITY to edit my thread title? my thread title! i did not give permission! THIS WAS TANTAMOUNT TO RAPE the contest is still up but MODS ARE NOW INELLIGIBLE TO WIN THE FUCKING FANTASTIC prizes. That is all. You're welcome. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jack of the Dead Posted December 2, 2011 Share Posted December 2, 2011 Why do they bother censoring the thread titles when they let it go in the threads? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raven Posted December 2, 2011 Share Posted December 2, 2011 We're all mature fucks around here, I'm sure we can handle threads with swears in. As for steam engines: Steam engines are old as FUCK. So old they don't even need electricity to work. How fucking awesome is that? Everything needs electricity these days, but steam engines pass through and give a hefty FUCKING V sign to any and all electricity and electronics. Being a steam engine, the fuckers run off STEAM. Which is caused by HEATING FUCKING WATER. Making use of something so natural like that is so fucking insane I can't stop my dick from getting hard and wet over it. Thomas the fucking Tank Engine is a steam engine-powered fuck. How jealous am I that he's got such a fucking machine working so hard inside him? Fuck this I'm off to masturbate. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Judas Posted December 2, 2011 Author Share Posted December 2, 2011 bump we need like two more entries before these WONDERFUL ALMOST-SEXUAL bottle caps which could very well have expired by now i dont really know get auctioned off to you mongrels. like, we're talking about steam engines, here. the one thing that EVERYONE can agree are fucking awesome inventions. i dont see how that hasn't inspired twelve million pages of semi-erotic feverish rants already. if steam engines cant get one hand on your keyboard and the other slowly slipping to parts unknown, THEN YOU PEOPLE ARE DIFFICULT TO PANDER TO. i have a steam engine back home and it is very nice to me and it is polite and always holds the door open for me when we go places. i am going to let it judge the entries to this contest, so DONT DISAPPOINT. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raven Posted December 2, 2011 Share Posted December 2, 2011 I am so hot for steam engines right now. The pressure's really building in my piston. Maybe I should release some of the pressure. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Erk Posted December 2, 2011 Share Posted December 2, 2011 steam engines were first invented in 1776, and it was the steed that gorgio washington rode into battle against the lobstercoats or some shit. With every swing of his glove and toot toot of his steam engine, a hundred foes fell before him. George washington is hero. Steam engines. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
peener weener Posted December 2, 2011 Share Posted December 2, 2011 nuclear generators generate electricity through steam Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Original Alear Posted December 2, 2011 Share Posted December 2, 2011 i have a steam engine back home and it is very nice to me and it is polite and always holds the door open for me when we go places. i am going to let it judge the entries to this contest, so DONT DISAPPOINT. Did you nickname the engine John Stuart Mill? ZING! ~Carlyle Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Judas Posted December 5, 2011 Author Share Posted December 5, 2011 Around midnight yesterday I entered my magical hermitage of wisdom and truth, and there I meditated for a thousand billion trillion years about this contest. During those thousand billion trillion years I got another code from a bag of Doritos. HOLY BALL FUCK THREE CODES I am now gushing out codes from every orifice of my body, which is, depending on your inclinations, either a lot less sexier than it sounds, or A LOT, LOT MORE. FUCK YEAH ORIFICES Well you are all just so... so good at this contest that I'm just going to post these codes RIGHT HERE IN THE FORUM, and WHOEVER CASHES THEM IN GETS THEM. WHAAAT. WCVLC9YNBY xyzakwr49f OH MY GOODNESS due to the ongoing ethnic conflicts in my room the DIRTY PIG DISGUSTING closet people have stolen the last code DEATH TO ALL CLOSET PEOPLE THEY ARE INFERIOR AND FROM SATAN ugh what a terrible end to such a wonderful contest. this is why you CAN NEVER TRUST individuals who are DIFFERENT IN ANY WAY from you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raven Posted December 5, 2011 Share Posted December 5, 2011 i want you so hard inside me Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Judas Posted December 5, 2011 Author Share Posted December 5, 2011 i want you so hard inside me as i consider this question, please peruse the questionnaire below 1) ARE YOU A STEAM ENGINE A. YES B. NO C. I AM AN OIL POWERED FAGGOT this questionnaire is important to my decision-making process so please fill it in to the best of your ability thank you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Defeatist Elitist Posted December 5, 2011 Share Posted December 5, 2011 I FUCKING LOVE THE STEAM ENGINE! The Steam Engine is a digital distribution and fucking online multiplayer platform developed by gods on earth Valve in the incredibly sexy year of 2003. It's well known for being the original method of dissemination for stupid baking related jokes and also tends to involve filling peoples anuses with hats. Also it's not owned by a Swedish Jew. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
peener weener Posted December 5, 2011 Share Posted December 5, 2011 acutelly i dont even nown modern warfair 3{{ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Original Alear Posted December 5, 2011 Share Posted December 5, 2011 ugh what a terrible end to such a wonderful contest. this is why you CAN NEVER TRUST individuals who are DIFFERENT IN ANY WAY from you Melos is the hero of a Japanese story (written by Osamu Dazai) which takes place in ancient Greece. While on a journey, Melos was falsely accused of attempting to assassinate a king and sentenced to death, but Melos pleaded to let him return home one last time before his execution to see his sister get married. The king allowed on the condition that someone else take Melos' place, and if Melos did not return that person would be executed instead. The king deeply distrusted people and thought no one would do it. A man Melos just met trusted Melos completely and offered to be the substitute. Melos began to race home as he had to return to the king within only a few days. Royal assassins tried to kill Melos to publicly prove the king correct, that humans cannot be trusted, but they failed to kill Melos. Melos returned to the king, but the people saw the king was a tyrant and deposed him. Neither Melos nor the other man were executed. Incidentally, Hashire Melos was made into an anime TV Special in the 90s. YA TRUST GO Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raven Posted December 6, 2011 Share Posted December 6, 2011 as i consider this question, please peruse the questionnaire below 1) ARE YOU A STEAM ENGINE A. YES B. NO C. I AM AN OIL POWERED FAGGOT this questionnaire is important to my decision-making process so please fill it in to the best of your ability thank you I AM ANYTHING YOU WANT ME TO BE. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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