Let's Play Mount&Blade Warband

[Gone2Ground]

Soyeah.

For those of you unfamiliar with Mount&Blade Warband, it's an Action/RPG/RTS/Kingdom Simulator set in a fictional world of Caldria.

It's just as awesome as it sounds.

Warband is the first Standalone expansion pack for the original Mount&Blade, and is basically Mount&Blade 1.0 with new factions, new heroes, the ability to get married and all that jazz - basically an Enhanced Remake more than anything else.

There's also With Fire and Sword, which is set in 1700's Europe, but that is...irritating.

Stupid one-hit-kill muskets.

Anyway, the objective of the game is to become King of all Caldria. This takes for fucking EVER. I may stop when I finally control a decent-sized country of my own. You start as one guy with some basic equipment, do a tutorial quest, and then basically get dumped in the world with a message saying basically 'kthanksbai'. Think what happened to you in 'Morrowind', but EVEN MORE open-ended.

Without further ado, enjoy my bungling third playthrough of Warband, this time NOT as a noble, meaning making friends is so...much...harder...

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THEY ARE NOT KIDDING. Even if you become a Vassal of a king, as a woman it is INCREDIBLY hard to be rewarded your own territories. The most likely way to is to conquer an enemy castle by yourself, and even then a large number of your fellow lords have to like you.

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So FUCK THAT

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No nobles this time. Let's go with the hardest parent! Yay no Melee weapon or shield for starting character!

Wait...crap. No melee weapon or shield for starting character.

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Keepin' with the theme. STILL NO STARTING WEAPON! My Agility's going to be pretty high though...

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Yay Archery! AND A MELEE WEAPON! Thank the gods!

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There's only really one option here, isn't there?

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Damn right. Especially not you, KING RAGNAR.

That'll be funny in, like, 100 in-game days.

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Ayup. This is like turning Permadeath on/off in Fire Emblem.

Being able to undo disastrous battles are for pussies who don't run away like scared little girls most of the time.

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Lesson time, kiddies!

SCORES

STR - Each level gives you some hit points and boosts your damage

AGI - Movement speed and an additional 5 Weapon Proficiency points

INT - An additional Skill Point

CHA - ...access to the best skills in the game.

SKILLS

Too many to list. Basically, they are linked to one of the three scores, and for every 3 points in the linked ability score they can be increased by 1 point. Charisma and Intelligence have the most useful skills, as they revolve around having more men in your army and NOT having them all die if they get hit by a fly going too fast respecively.

WEAPON PROFICIENCIES

Higher the proficiency's score, the more accurate and more damage that weapon group is/can do.

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Eddard Stark, for we are probably going to end up like him at some point.

By which I mean 'Captured, beaten up and executed', and replace 'executed' with 'escape but cycle repeats every ten in-game days'.

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Oh facemaker, the bane of RPG's everywhere.

Five hours later...

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Dat Stache.

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Swadia - Medieval Europe. Best heavy knights in the game, with the best crossbowmen and decent heavy infantry.

Vaegirs - Medieval Russia. Medium cavalry with some heavy infantry and the best archers in the game.

Khergit Khanate - FUCKING MONGOL BASTARDS. EVERYONE HAS A HORSE AND EITHER A BOW OR LANCE.

Nords - Vikings. Pure infantry with axes and more axes.

Rhodoks - ...I'm not sure. Pure infantry with pikes and crossbows.

Sultanate - Arabs. Good heavy cavalry and second-best archers, but with absolute crap heavy foot.

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Purdy description

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Nothing ever goes my way, does it?

A few dozen throwing knifes later...

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BITCH

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By 'His house' he means 'The Tavern'.

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Oh good. Bandits.

Just like Fire Emblem. God damn it.

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Well said, sir.

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So you won't pay the bandits, but you'll pay a random game poacher who grew up on the streets with his daddy being a thief and is out for no-one but himself and plans to rule the world but has no money to begin to do so?

This game, man. We do the quest anyway because there's a lot of loot to be had doing it.

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Let's do this.

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Village n1 I'm visiting!

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Recruiting costs money, promoting costs money and EXP, and you have to pay a wage for each soldier. But damn, having a bunch of guys is worth it.

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Weekly wage screen...as you can tell, first-tier 'Recruits' cost 1gp a week, so I have 16 of them. More than three times the amount required, but the ablative shielding to hide behind while sniping HELP is always appreciated

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Quick glance at the World Map! The guys in Blue are quest-related enemies, but there's other people wandering the overworld too.

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TOTALLY WHAT I'D SAY IN THIS SITUATION.

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Bring it, asswhipes.

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OH GOD HORSE ARCHERY IS UNNACURATE AS CRAP IF YOU DON'T HAVE THE SKILL AT LIKE FIVE I FORGOT AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!

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My bodycount so far: 1

My armies bodycount: Four unconcious dudes

I need to step it up a notch...

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Army screen. The + Means level up or promotion. I don't have any ranks in Prisoner Management, so I can't take prisoners.

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Quest screen. You can even use it to show you on the map where you need to go, and just click! Keep an eye out for roaming bands of people stronger than you - so right now, anything more than 10 looters or 3 light infantry.

Earlygame's a BITCH

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Thar it is~!

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CHAAAAAAAAAAARGE!

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How melee combat works - left click is attack, right click is block. However, you have to have your mouse pointing to one of four directions around your character to either vertically slash, horizontally slash either way or stab. Blocking is the same, unless you have a shield, which is for pussies who can't parry.

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Throwing knife IN YOUR FACE

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Alas, dear villager who joined my army, you died well.

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Fuck you, man. I lost a guy for you.

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Sweet.

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That's a looooooooooooot of loot.

Parrying and blocking is for pussies who can't dodge or hit something with their damn throwing knifes.

Also, replace stupid shirt and boots for stupider shirt, boots and wool hat.

You just wait until I get Heraldric Mail...

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First installment? OVER. Now, quick question...which kingdom should I join? See the poll!

Edited June 19, 2012 by Gone2Ground

[Shin]

Beware of the Rhodoks! Their crossbows pierce the hearts of all men... as well as their horses' faces! The Desert guys aren't too bad, the mamlukes are pretty funky.

[IGdood]

Needs moar prophesy of pendor, but going free lance is nice.

[Parrhesia]

Vaegir Marksmen are cruise control for cool.

[Raven]

Never heard of this game before, but it looks interesting.

[Esau of Isaac]

I've gone Rhodoks in my current game, and they're pretty cool. However, it seems the Swadians are the ones that have full helms and more knightly attire, so I think I right fucked up in my choice. Tactical effectiveness be damned I want flair!

[Integrity]

Rhodoks are the coolest faction bar none because of Rhodok Sharpshooters.

Also Prophesy of Pendor is shit.

[Esau of Isaac]

Wait I looked up in the wiki and none of the units from any faction actually use great helms. What's the deal, man? I want all my guys to be riding around in full platemail with lances stabbing shit left and right. :(

[IGdood]

Give to companions

[Rewjeo]

Swadians don't need nice armor because you just plow over the enemy with your knights.

If you go freelance, will you go freelance from the start or join one of the factions to gain some land and then break off?

[Gone2Ground]

Swadians don't need nice armor because you just plow over the enemy with your knights.

If you go freelance, will you go freelance from the start or join one of the factions to gain some land and then break off?

Freelance all the way until I conquer my own castle. This still means I can take Merc contracts, just not becoming a vassal.

Money upkeep is going to be a bitch, but that's what tournament abuse is for.

IBM going to need to make an 'Eddard Captured' counter...yeah, last nights session DID NOT go well.

Eddard Captured count: 3 times in 2 real world hours. Sigh.