First-born child, are they expected too much from?

[Jiac]

First-born children are often placed in positions where they are suppose to be the model for their younger siblings. Dealing with unreasonable expectations like getting high grades while doing many other things. Leading to huge amounts of stress. Not meeting this expectations more often or not leave them in a pool of disappointment and are often punished for it, ignoring their efforts for attempting to meet them. Do you think parents expect too much from the first-born child?

Edited June 7, 2014 by Jiac2001

[Aisuko Lyrical]

Nope it's not fair one bit why judge on your first? it all should be fair treatment but it's not sadly

[eclipse]

This sounds more like a cultural issue. If you want to vent, lemme know, and I'll listen (but as venting isn't really serious discussion, I'll have to close this). If you want to talk about how first-born children are viewed, that's fine, but you'll have to find a way to word it so that your intention is clear.

[Jiac]

This sounds more like a cultural issue. If you want to vent, lemme know, and I'll listen (but as venting isn't really serious discussion, I'll have to close this). If you want to talk about how first-born children are viewed, that's fine, but you'll have to find a way to word it so that your intention is clear.

I'll edit it then, thanks ^^

[Anacybele]

I think it's more so that by the time the younger kids are middle school and high-school age, the parents are tired and stressed themselves from having to raise the older ones. Mine are like this. I'm technically my mom's oldest child, and my stepbrothers are just one and two years older than me. My mom and stepfather always made us do chores and get good grades and all that business. But my half-brother, who's a lot younger than us? He hardly has to do any chores and my parents buy him more stuff than they ever bought any of us (though that could partly be due to the fact that previously, my parents were spending on THREE kids at once rather than just one). They're a lot more lenient with him.

My half-brother still has to do a few chores (and get good grades), as do I, but not nearly as many as me and my stepbrothers did back when we were his age and younger.

Edited June 7, 2014 by Anacybele

[Phoenix Wright]

uh...no, not really. my mom expects a lot from all of us (meaning myself and siblings, of course). i also used to have "middle-child syndrome," until i was 16 and realized my mom isn't actually probably the nicest to me, haha.

obviously, i can't speak generally. but my mom isn't like that.

[Rewjeo]

That definitely hasn't been the case in my family. Obviously, as the youngest, I've had less to do much of the time on account of having more people available to do whatever work, plus generally as the youngest being the least competent at the work.

The big thing I've noticed, both with my own and my friends' families, is that parents seem to be much more controlling of their older kids. I and those of my friends who are the third or fourth child tend to be able to very easily just go out and do whatever. My friends who are the oldest child tend to have much tighter restrictions placed on them. And this, mind you, is a group of friends that is not going to go out and do dangerous things, regardless of how much freedom we're given. We do things like play board games and go stargazing at the park.

[Soledai]

Not in my case, all I see is the youngest child being the child parents pin their hopes on. I guess that depends on the length of time between you and your sibling's DOB, though

In my case, as the youngest, I catch the most grief about having a good future and getting a good job and not making the same mistakes as everyone else... I understand why (I want a good future for myself too), but it's annoying to have to keep being told this constantly.

[MercyWalk]

This is really too broad of a question to be answered with a yes and no but I guess that's why people are just putting down their personal experiences

No, I don't think my parents had unrealistic expectations. My brother is 8 years older than me, naturally they would have put the focus on him to do well, although their expectations were high, it was understandable for them that he wasn't going to always get the A's they wanted. Since my parents were poor immigrants, they and I assume a lot of others had to leave school early and work from a very young age so the opportunity for a great education where things could only get better if you worked harder is a very important thing to them. My brother now designs in the field of architecture and it most definitely payed off, they put the hard work ethic into him and it pulled through.

Sure, I didn't cop as much pressure and didn't get the belt beatings he did, that felt great, but I ended up unmotivated for a while and less confident in my abilities when every day I compared myself to my him. I realized that if I don't work just as hard, I probably won't get to travel as much as him or enjoy a plethora of other things that he can, so I pushed myself to the point of mental exhaustion to step myself up, sometimes I wish my parents were as hard on me so that work ethic he has was drilled into me.

[Ciarre]

My parents had really high expectations of me but they're not nearly as high for my little brother. They didn't necessarily punish me or do anything about it, they just pushed me harder (which I resisted lol) and had higher expectations. I guess it helped that I've always excelled academically without trying much, but my brother has to try harder to get equal or worse grades so my parents have gotten used to that. They understand that he tries so they don't try to push him as much, but they also know that I don't try for shit so they try to push me harder.

I wouldn't say they put too much expectations on me because I've had it so much easier than others. My parents never gave out punishments or grounded me (which if they did, I would've laughed because I never go anywhere anyway), I never had to make my bed or do chores on a daily basis, etc.

[Snowy_One]

Yes. I feel that they do, especially in a broad, non-American, sense.

In many places in the world the first-born is expected to be many things, such as male. So if you are the firstborn and a girl, you will be despised a LOT in some cultures; moreso than later siblings. Even if that were to be ignored many people simply expect things from the elder child that they do not from the younger. Does your family only have the money to send one of you to college? Unless one of you is stand-out good or stand-out bad, they'll usually opt to send the elder. Even with that gone a lot simply expect the eldest child to be better unfairly so. So I would say that, yes, too much is expected from them.

[Magical CC]

First-born child? How cute! Try being the only child.

Edited July 9, 2014 by Char

[MisterIceTeaPeach]

I'm only child god thanks.

In general this question is hard to answer. It mainly depends on social factors, culture and religion.

It's probably more important in low-income families with many kids.. If the mother has to earn a living, you automatically will have to look after your siblings.

Edited July 21, 2014 by TalesOf Hysteria

[DragonLord]

I'm the middle child with an older and younger brother in the family. I'd say my parents expect a lot more from me than both of my siblings. My elder brother is somewhat of a slacker and my younger brother is dealt with in a more lenient manner than my parents. So, no not necessarily.

[Lann La Mirah]

It's tough to say; like the others have mentioned, it's kinda depends on the person's family and culture. I would imagine that the first born child would always have it rough, since the parents might not have had experience raising a child. I've also heard of cases where the older siblings basically have to raise their younger ones; that sounds tough.

I'm the oldest among four girls, though the only one I live with is my twin. No pressure there, really. My mom and dad didn't really seem to expect much out of us, I guess. Then they got a divorce, and my dad got a new wife and kids. Then the "first-born" thing became a pain in the ass because we were expected to watch the baby siblings whenever we were over. It wasn't a bad thing, but it could be a pain.

My sister and I were expected to be the "mature" ones in family get-togethers too--even though we have older cousins. :I So it might not completely be a "you're the first-born" thing; it might be a "you're my not-favorite kid so you have higher standards" thing.

[Agent Shade]

It really depends on the parents and the culture. In some Asian and African countries, this mainly applies only if the first born child is male, but the parents rely on that child to support the parents and the younger siblings he will have later, therefore expecting more of the child.

In American culture, whether parents expect more of their first born can vary; however, they usually are spoiled by their parents at a young age, and closer to their parents than (most of) their younger siblings, which may lead to their parents expecting more of them. I personally am a twin and I have no other siblings so I haven't seen that happen in my family, but most of my friends are the youngest, or at least not the first born, and have seen this.

[--------------------]

This really varies from parent to parent. It depends on a bunch of things, like how much your parents want in the first place, how much it looks like you can do (misinterpretation or not), parents's stamina and what your younger siblings are like etc.

Lets look at these in a bit more detail. The first born child can be in one of the following 1. All expectations are put on him/her because your parents were idealists (only to have it betray expectations and tire out the parents- So it would look like the younger siblings are expected less from, even though its just because the parents are too tired to care.) 2. No expectations are put on him/her because they are treated as a prototype to pave the way (or part of the way) for younger siblings (This is can occur when the younger sibling is prodigious), the younger siblings are the ones that cop all the pressure. 3. Parents don't care in general, so no parental pressure-free.

So I think its not that first born children in particular are expected too much from, it varies too much to make such a generalised claim. Note, I have personally experienced 1 and 2 of the situations I described above.

I *could* analyse all the factors but this intro should be sufficient to illustrate my position in this discussion.

[Life]

#firstworldproblems

It really depends on a child's upbringing.

[--------------------]

#firstworldproblems

It really depends on a child's upbringing.

Uh, the child's upbringing is precisely what the topic is about, so of course it depends on it. Thats like saying the dependant variable is dependant on the dependant variable ._.

Besides, it is not just a first world problem. As far as I know, first-born children have been expected to become 'the best' since ancient times - See crown princes etc.

Edited July 22, 2014 by Akinaoki

[Zeithri]

In my personal experience, No.

Then again I've always loved my little siblings and always put the bar on myself to be an inspiration to them and have always advocated that school isn't everything in life.

One of my siblings is exactly like me, only more positive I guess. While the other rejected everything and is nothing alike me, only similar looks. But I will always be there and try to help if I can because that is what I feel is the right and just thing to do. As for expectations, according to my mother and stepfather, I did that and more when it came to help raising my siblings.

Edited July 22, 2014 by Zeithri

[TheGreatNothing]

I have a younger twin brother and a younger sister,but because I am a twin, not too much.

EDIT: Oops Nercro-Post sorry.

Edited August 16, 2015 by Ron of Ylisse