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Official FFTF Horoscopes


Parrhesia
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WHAT darn rich people why you gotta be awkward about it

Leo

You might be dissatisfied with your phone today. This will only be exacerbated when people you love and care deeply about insist you upgrade to a smartphone, or a better smartphone, or a tablet or something, which will cause you to suddenly launch into a defence of your own phone.

Weeee time to make fun of aiku's phone

....... even though it's way way better than my own poor excuse of a phone~

Maybe I should be the Leo here...

..... except there's no way I'd at all defend my phone~

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Gemini

Today is a day to look disappointed, but say nothing, when one of your friends says something blatantly racist. A look on the 24th of October 2014 from a Gemini will be worth more than any scolding.

some guy in school said he hated christmas and I looked disappointed at him is that close enough

Edited by Specta
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oh man and I just remembered another friend said she didn't like DWAYNE THE ROCK JOHNSON omg I have never looked more disappointed at someone

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Gemini

Today is a day to look disappointed, but say nothing, when one of your friends says something blatantly racist. A look on the 24th of October 2014 from a Gemini will be worth more than any scolding.

Hasn't happened yet.

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oh man and I just remembered another friend said she didn't like DWAYNE THE ROCK JOHNSON omg I have never looked more disappointed at someone

that is a racism imo

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oh man and I just remembered another friend said she didn't like DWAYNE THE ROCK JOHNSON omg I have never looked more disappointed at someone

The Rock: And who is this jabroni to say that she does not like The Rock?

Specta's friend: well i'm ju--

The Rock: IT DOSEN'T MATTER WHAT YOUR NAME IS!!!

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27/10/14

Aries

Trust in yourself, above all.

Taurus

You will discover that a song you genuinely love has had a terrible parody made of it. You will discover this when a friend starts singing it. Badly out of key.

Gemini

You will be faced with the awkward situation of explaining to either a young child or a very naive teenager who Adolf Hitler was.

Cancer

Stay strong. Your childhood dies tonight.

Leo

This will be a day for common, irritating clumsiness. Nothing will stay in your hands for long. Avoid picking things up, or holding hands with your loved ones.

Virgo

Today is the day when you will discover the colour that really doesn't work on your appearance. By wearing it outside, while your friends make passive-aggressive backhanded comments about how 'brave' your fashion decisions are. Burn the clothing.

Libra

You will face many men with neckbeards, ponytails and hats today, and perhaps a Google Glass. The comforting sights of men in replica rugby kits and wearing proper beards will be far from your sight tonight. Be brave.

Scorpio

Today you will enter an argument with a friend who does not believe in horoscopes. He (and it will be a he) is, of course, talking nonsense.

Sagittarius

The public transport system will fail you today as many times as it can. Discomfort and impunctuality will be your constant companions.

Capricorn

These coming days will be distinctly rural. Expect to be made to feel like a city-slicker. If you are reading these horoscopes there's a downright certainty you're some inner-city trendy anyway.

Aquarius

You will develop a mildly annoying intolerance towards something you actually like. You'll get over it in a couple weeks, but it will suck until then.

Pisces

Today is a day for devising those New Years' Resolutions. Make as many as you like - you'll not keep a single one of them, after all.

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Virgo

Today is the day when you will discover the colour that really doesn't work on your appearance. By wearing it outside, while your friends make passive-aggressive backhanded comments about how 'brave' your fashion decisions are. Burn the clothing.

Light Purple

Huh

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