Fire Emblem Fates Beta Fan-Fiction Discussion: Working Titles

[Luankachu]

I don't have much to add this time. I enjoyed reading this. I feel like the battle scenes were well structured.

However, you typed "Why are you doing this to us Marx, An’ya-ōji?", when he introduced himself as Xander.

Takumi and Leo are shaping up to be my favorite characters in this fanfiction. "If I do that then my neck’s exposed to attacks. You wouldn’t want that for one of your precious little otōtos would you?" I really like characters who are smartasses (I'm not sure if "otouto" should be pluralized or not and "little otouto" feels a little reduntant as it pretty much would mean "little little brother") and I love how Leo and Camilla don't tolerate racism.

But Xander... "We’re not going to attack fleeing opponents in the back. That’s an act of cowardice and dishonor." I'm not sure if that makes me like him more or less, as it shows that he can have honor, but it also shows that he's a hypocrite.

"His skill with a katana is unlike anything I’ve ever seen before, aside of otōsama’s of course" Siegfried is not a Katana. A Katana is a sword with a curved blade longer than 60 cm. A better japanese term to use is yōtō (洋刀), which is a general term for western swords. This link might be useful to you https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Japanese_sword

Edited July 25, 2015 by Luankachu

[Blue Sun]

I don't have much to add this time. I enjoyed reading this. I feel like the battle scenes were well structured.

However, you typed "Why are you doing this to us Marx, An’ya-ōji?", when he introduced himself as Xander.

Takumi and Leo are shaping up to be my favorite characters in this fanfiction. "If I do that then my neck’s exposed to attacks. You wouldn’t want that for one of your precious little otōtos would you?" I really like characters who are smartasses (I'm not sure if "otouto" should be pluralized or not and "little otouto" feels a little reduntant as it pretty much would mean "little little brother") and I love how Leo and Camilla don't tolerate racism.

But Xander... "We’re not going to attack fleeing opponents in the back. That’s an act of cowardice and dishonor." I'm not sure if that makes me like him more or less, as it shows that he can have honor, but it also shows that he's a hypocrite.

"His skill with a katana is unlike anything I’ve ever seen before, aside of otōsama’s of course" Siegfried is not a Katana. A Katana is a sword with a curved blade longer than 60 cm. A better japanese term to use is yōtō (洋刀), which is a general term for western swords. This link might be useful to you https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Japanese_sword

It'd be easy to make up an excuse and say that Ryōma simply didn't catch the part where Xander said his actual name or that he's still calling him Marx since Xander himself still called Byakuya "Hoshido" but I'm not going to do that. It totally slipped my mind and I have this mindset where the Byakuyajin almost always refer to anything from Nohr with the hepburn/NoJ romanized names. It's fixed now.

Yeah, I tried tranlating "little brothers" and a specific plural term is not coming up. "Little otōtos" have been changed to simply "otōto" thusly.

Leo, Corrin, and Takumi are the smartasses of their families. Leo takes after Corrin in that regard but he comes across as less of an ass and more of a funny ass with class (I'm not sorry for the rhyme). And Corrin's the token racist of the Nohrian siblings, taking a bit too much after Garon compared to them (him raising her has very much taken a toll on her personality). Xander would take to such antics less kindly than the others so Corrin kind of avoids acting like that around him. Not that Leo and Camilla are going to put up with it though :) (Elise is more annoyed than cross with Corrin's behavior but it's clear that nobody likes it).

Xander being hypocritical? I guess I'm a little confused here. Care to explain?

I looked it up, and thanks to reading that section the katana in Ryōma's line is fixed to yōtō.

I wanted to make the battle scenes close to how a battle in Fire Emblem go, rather than how they would most likely go in real life to capture a feel of Fire Emblem. The hardest part in writing them was the skills. I don't have a concrete grasp of some calculations work in Fire Emblem fates, namely weapon triangle (dis)advantages (and for each rank), critical rate [Awakening's was Weapon Critical + (Skill ÷ 2)], combat forecast, (in)effective damage, weapon rank bonuses, and support level bonuses. The more I know about these things the better I can write out the battle scenes. I tried my best though, and I think that I did a decent job so far. The next hurdle I'm trying to get over is writing how the rest of the army battles each other before the royal siblings finally get to have at their personal nemesis.

Again, nice catches there Luankachu.

Just for fun, in my free time I'm trying to imagine what the class sets of the SSB4 cast would be.

Edited July 25, 2015 by BlueSunStudios

[Luankachu]

Xander being hypocritical? I guess I'm a little confused here. Care to explain?

...I actually had an argument about why he was being hypocrital when I had typed that but I forgot what it was. I hate it when this happens. I think it might have been something like this:"First you kidnap Corrin, then you kill otōsama and then okāsama…and now this‽ This invasion was your doing…wasn’t it?" The fact that Xander is willing to accept, approve and aid in his father's actions so easily shows that either he's really naïve or doesn't care about the fact that he is slaughtering hundreds/thousands of innoccent people who have done nothing to deserve it, as well as invading a country for no apparent reason despite the fact Mikoto and "Garon" had an agreement to abstain from further conflict.

Just for fun, in my free time I'm trying to imagine what the class sets of the SSB4 cast would be.

Are special classes and classes from past games included?

I feel like Link would either be a Mercenary (Promotes into Bow Knight) or Villager (Promotes into Weapon Master)

Toon Link could also have Pirate (Reference to Wind Waker)

Ness and Lucas could either be Mages or Priests (Promote into Sages, the Mother Series protagonists tend to also be the main healers.)

Pit and Dark Pit could be Pegasus Knights (Pit promotes into Falcon Knight and Dark Pit promotes into Dark Flier)

Greninja and Sheik could be a Ninja (Promote into Jonin).

Jigglypuff - Singer?

Mewtwo - Dark Mage?

Ganondorf - Dark Mage>Dark Knight?

Sonic - Myrmidon. (I feel like he can also have Knight/Cavalier because of Sonic and the Black Knight)

Palutena and Zelda could be Light Mages.

I have some more ideas, but I'm going to sleep soon

[Blue Sun]

...I actually had an argument about why he was being hypocrital when I had typed that but I forgot what it was. I hate it when this happens. I think it might have been something like this:"First you kidnap Corrin, then you kill otōsama and then okāsama…and now this‽ This invasion was your doing…wasn’t it?" The fact that Xander is willing to accept, approve and aid in his father's actions so easily shows that either he's really naïve or doesn't care about the fact that he is slaughtering hundreds/thousands of innoccent people who have done nothing to deserve it, as well as invading a country for no apparent reason despite the fact Mikoto and "Garon" had an agreement to abstain from further conflict.

Are special classes and classes from past games included?

I feel like Link would either be a Mercenary (Promotes into Bow Knight) or Villager (Promotes into Weapon Master)

Toon Link could also have Pirate (Reference to Wind Waker)

Ness and Lucas could either be Mages or Priests (Promote into Sages, the Mother Series protagonists tend to also be the main healers.)

Pit and Dark Pit could be Pegasus Knights (Pit promotes into Falcon Knight and Dark Pit promotes into Dark Flier)

Greninja and Sheik could be a Ninja (Promote into Jonin).

Jigglypuff - Singer?

Mewtwo - Dark Mage?

Ganondorf - Dark Mage>Dark Knight?

Sonic - Myrmidon. (I feel like he can also have Knight/Cavalier because of Sonic and the Black Knight)

Palutena and Zelda could be Light Mages.

I have some more ideas, but I'm going to sleep soon

I might have answered that in an earlier post, and some more information about how things went down are below.

To quote Super Kami Guru "Yeah, see, I might have shifted the blame on that one." In a nutshell, that's what "Garon" did about a lot of stuff among other things, and the Nohrians are split between not being heartless towards the Byakuyajin and not to be racist, but they also want to tear the Byakuyajin responsible a new one (Xander and Corrin have this the worst). I know I have the rest of the details written down somewhere. I'll pull them up when I find them, but long story short, the Nohrians are convinced that Byakuya had crossed a line which fuels their efforts to invade and conquer on "Garon's" order, but they have no idea that they're being massively used because "Garon's" that good of a manipulative bastard. Suzukaze and Rinka shoulder a fraction of the blame when they broke through Nohr's barrier to retrieve Corrin.

I was actually thinking of classes from this game; I already made a list of classes that the Reawakening characters would be if they were in Fates. I'll PM you the beta-list soon though.

Edited July 26, 2015 by BlueSunStudios

[Taka-kun]

Apologies for the late post, I was away on a trip for a week and only managed now to reach this topic and read your drafts. I might have missed some details but I will give some of my thoughts on your preliminary chapter zero.

I am very much of a protagonist-centric story-lover. If the MC is bad, then I am liable to drop the story (unless the story has no MC). So I am pleasant to see that you managed to contrast Kamui and Corrin, instead of being gender-swapped versions of each other. Kamui the indecisive yet idealistic classical hero and Corrin the pragmatic yet cruel anti-hero. Kamui just following his siblings while Corrin is actually active in planning. It sets up a good groundwork for development with and between the two protagonists.

My mind boggles over the Japanese names, despite my (admittedly limited) knowledge of Japanese. IMO, it can cause alot of confusion for the reader, if they can't remember what the term meant before and having the translation in the bracket after every Japanese word would make the text very cluttered. That said, it certainly adds an unique flavor to the Hoshidans and reinforces their xenophobic attitude, denying to use the words of Nohrians.

I have mixed feelings about OCs. I don't think they should be added, unless they fulfill a role that other canon characters can take. Michael could instead have been a short cameo of Silas or Pieri for example.

Various spellcheckings: After mentioning Ryujin-tatsu, you spell with onmyoji with a capital "O". Unless you intended for onmyoji to be a title, you should revert it to a small letter to keep consistent with other class names.

I don't think this is your fault (probably the games) but calling the lance fighters sojutushi feels wrong, as I associate that with the art of sojutsu. Sojutsu uses the yari spear, which looks more like a traditional spear than the naginata, which resembles a glaive.

Oh, and at some point, you just got to call Xander the Black Prince. Historical references ftw!

I might bring up some points later, when I have rested a little.

[Blue Sun]

Apologies for the late post, I was away on a trip for a week and only managed now to reach this topic and read your drafts. I might have missed some details but I will give some of my thoughts on your preliminary chapter zero.

I am very much of a protagonist-centric story-lover. If the MC is bad, then I am liable to drop the story (unless the story has no MC). So I am pleasant to see that you managed to contrast Kamui and Corrin, instead of being gender-swapped versions of each other. Kamui the indecisive yet idealistic classical hero and Corrin the pragmatic yet cruel anti-hero. Kamui just following his siblings while Corrin is actually active in planning. It sets up a good groundwork for development with and between the two protagonists.

My mind boggles over the Japanese names, despite my (admittedly limited) knowledge of Japanese. IMO, it can cause alot of confusion for the reader, if they can't remember what the term meant before and having the translation in the bracket after every Japanese word would make the text very cluttered. That said, it certainly adds an unique flavor to the Hoshidans and reinforces their xenophobic attitude, denying to use the words of Nohrians.

I have mixed feelings about OCs. I don't think they should be added, unless they fulfill a role that other canon characters can take. Michael could instead have been a short cameo of Silas or Pieri for example.

Various spellcheckings: After mentioning Ryujin-tatsu, you spell with onmyoji with a capital "O". Unless you intended for onmyoji to be a title, you should revert it to a small letter to keep consistent with other class names.

I don't think this is your fault (probably the games) but calling the lance fighters sojutushi feels wrong, as I associate that with the art of sojutsu. Sojutsu uses the yari spear, which looks more like a traditional spear than the naginata, which resembles a glaive.

Oh, and at some point, you just got to call Xander the Black Prince. Historical references ftw!

I might bring up some points later, when I have rested a little.

While Kamui and Corrin share some characteristics, they are designed to be two distinctly different people in my stories. Their contrast also serves as a contrast to the Robins in my Reawakening story, who are largely similar but share some distinct characteristics.

I'm actually planning to have the translations of certain words on the bottom of a page. I actually thought about having the translations in the story text would make the text cluttered and a chore to read, so while I'm still writing the third to last battle scene I'm thinking about how I'll handle the translations. But with the Byakuyajin referring to Nohrian people, places, and things with their own language mirrors how the Nohrians do the same, it's a bit of a cultural thing that I thought might be a little more interesting.

Michael is actually a generic Paladin (generics get names when you recruit them). I should have mentioned it somewhere, but any named character who is not an already established character from Fates (or Adam and Eve who are still on the fence) is a generic unit. In fact, generics will probably play a greater role in the Fates stories than they will in Reawakening.

That capital "O" is an error; it's fixed now.

I'm mostly referring to Byakuya classes by their hepburn names to retain a sense of the culture differences. I'll see what to do about that whole "wrong type of weapon" thing.

One of Xander's titles is "Black Prince" (his most common one). He'll get others soon.

Edited July 28, 2015 by BlueSunStudios

[Luankachu]

I don't think this is your fault (probably the games) but calling the lance fighters sojutushi feels wrong, as I associate that with the art of sojutsu. Sojutsu uses the yari spear, which looks more like a traditional spear than the naginata, which resembles a glaive.

I'm mostly referring to Byakuya classes by their hepburn names to retain a sense of the culture differences. I'll see what to do about that whole "wrong type of weapon" thing.

To be honest, I don't think you have to change it. Otherwise, Samurai would be a really OP class capable of using Swords, Yumi, both Yari and Naginata, Tanegashima, Staffs, Clubs, Truncheons, Chain Weapons, and CANNONS. (Also, just for curiosity, since I know it's too late to change the names, there used to be a famous Samurai known as Sakamoto Ryouma. Found this out while looking up Samurai Weaponry.)

Speaking of weapons, there are some supports that show some characters being able to wield weapons that they can't use naturally (Such as Kamui learning archery from Takumi, or Takumi training with Kazahana when they were younger). There are even weapons like "Takumi's Bamboo-blade" and "Ryoma's Practice Club" and they can't wield them without reclassing (you even need to buddy or marriage-seal Takumi so he can wield it). Are you going to incorporate stuff like that in your fanfiction? (Also, an item known as "Hana's Pretty Blade" has the Dual Wielding Katana animation, so maybe you can include that in her fighting style when you write more battle scenes.

[Blue Sun]

To be honest, I don't think you have to change it. Otherwise, Samurai would be a really OP class capable of using Swords, Yumi, both Yari and Naginata, Tanegashima, Staffs, Clubs, Truncheons, Chain Weapons, and CANNONS. (Also, just for curiosity, since I know it's too late to change the names, there used to be a famous Samurai known as Sakamoto Ryouma. Found this out while looking up Samurai Weaponry.)

Speaking of weapons, there are some supports that show some characters being able to wield weapons that they can't use naturally (Such as Kamui learning archery from Takumi, or Takumi training with Kazahana when they were younger). There are even weapons like "Takumi's Bamboo-blade" and "Ryoma's Practice Club" and they can't wield them without reclassing (you even need to buddy or marriage-seal Takumi so he can wield it). Are you going to incorporate stuff like that in your fanfiction? (Also, an item known as "Hana's Pretty Blade" has the Dual Wielding Katana animation, so maybe you can include that in her fighting style when you write more battle scenes.

Maybe not, but after I've written the whole thing I'll go back and make some changes if necessary. And yeah, the names are already set in stone by now. Better luck next time man. ^^;

On the note of Takumi's bamboo blade, Takumi's kensei/sword saint/trueblade uses Sumeragi's model instead of the generic model. Make of that what you will.

Some characters are already planned to use weapons named after them.

Edited July 29, 2015 by BlueSunStudios

[Taka-kun]

To be honest, I don't think you have to change it. Otherwise, Samurai would be a really OP class capable of using Swords, Yumi, both Yari and Naginata, Tanegashima, Staffs, Clubs, Truncheons, Chain Weapons, and CANNONS. (Also, just for curiosity, since I know it's too late to change the names, there used to be a famous Samurai known as Sakamoto Ryouma. Found this out while looking up Samurai Weaponry.)

Well samurai was nothing more than denoting the warrior class of feudal Japan, just like knights in medieval europe. While samurai could use any other weapon (and did), ONLY they were allowed to use katanas and wakizakis and the associated blades and wear them around, to show themselves as samurai. Foot soldiers (the ashigaru) were relegated to using the other weapons (yari, naginata, yumi, tanegashima) and the ashigaru that did use katana didn't care a hoot about samurai tradition (and were consequently killed for it).

I actually knew about Sakamoto Ryoma, but he does not fit the traditional mold of a samurai. Sakamoto Ryoma was more of a skilled diplomat and politician, along with Saigo Takamori, and wasn't renowned for his sword skills, like Ryoma here. There also were no famous Sakamoto clan, it was just that one guy.

[Blue Sun]

Even if the exact terminology is incorrect to some degree, to maintain some accuracy with Fates the classes are still referred to by their in-game names (whether or not I'll leave the original hepburn terminology in for Byakuya is still up in the air). The previous posts won't be updated until I get this chapter done (about 10059 words right now). Also, if anyone has any questions about how a character's acting (or how they're meant to act) in the Fates then feel free to ask.

[Taka-kun]

I am actually more interested in the relationship between the siblings, cause they are family. Tell me, what are the siblings' role(s) in their respective family and the army?

[Blue Sun]

I am actually more interested in the relationship between the siblings, cause they are family. Tell me, what are the siblings' role(s) in their respective family and the army?

All of the siblings are on good terms with one another and rank high within their respective armies.

In terms of the chain of command in their armies, on the Byakuya side we have Sumeragi>Mikoto>Ryouma>Takumi>Hinoka>Sakura>Kamui (Kamui is later bumped up to a higher position than Sakura), and on the Nohr side we have Garon>Xander>Camilla>Leo>Corrin>Elise. Ryouma and Xander are the ones who deal with the major decision making in the army aside of their more intelligent younger brothers Takumi and Leo. Ryouma also holds optional meditation sessions for the army to participate in to clear their minds while Xander hosts his own mandatory exercise program for the army. Takumi, Leo, and Corrin are the general tacticians of the army (the latter of whom also takes care of inventory), and once Elise promotes into the strategist class she joins in on the planning. Hinoka and Camilla are the type of soldiers who are essentially "just tell me whose heads to knock" and because they're flying units they primarily function as the head scouts for the army, but they're not kept out of battle planning nor do they not make any suggestions when the group are going over strategies. Hinoka also has her own mandatory exercise program and regularly inspects the armory. Sakura and Elise are the traditional medics of the group and tend to hang back since they're unable to fight for themselves at the time being, and aside of the other healers they're effectively doctors who treat illnesses and do counseling thanks to their insightfulness. Sakura, Leo, and Elise are also the local food health guides for those who want to want to watch their diet. Ryouma, Hinoka, Kamui, Xander, Corrin, and Elise are the general encouragement of their armies, easily rallying others to fight for their kingdom. Kamui himself is a very new addition to the army so he doesn't have much authority aside of relegating some of the lower ranked soldiers (i.e. some generics). Only Felicia and Suzukaze serve directly under Kamui (Felicia only serves Kamui directly in the first story and Suzukaze is actually higher ranked than Kamui in both stories but serves him freely). Corrin is also similarly ranked as Kamui is in the beginning due to her imprisonment in the Northern Tower, and Garon/"Garon" reluctantly gives her as much authority as he does. Jakob is her immediate retainer, while Gunter and Flora don't exclusively serve her. Silas later becomes a direct retainer of Corrin once he becomes a knight of Nohr.

Among their own family they also play similar roles to their counterparts.

Ryouma and Xander are the father figures of their respective families in the absence of their parents. Xander is the most strict of the parental substitutes and Ryouma's likewise the most lenient. They're both the overall mediators of their families and they want everyone to get along. Hinoka and Camilla are likewise the mother figures of their families. In a twist, Hinoka's the more strict elder sibling (not as much as Xander who is a no compromise type) while Camilla's the lenient, doting one who sometimes spoils her younger siblings (she tends to let her younger siblings get away with more than Ryouma would). Hinoka and Camilla fret over their families more than anyone else (Camilla's rather possessive of hers) and they don't take extended periods away from just one of them very well. Leo and Takumi are the most level headed members of their families and the most intelligent, though Takumi is said to have some violent moodswings. They're the resident smartasses, and Takumi tends to act like an older brother to Kamui in contrast to Corrin's big sister attitude toward Leo. Kamui and Corrin love their families deeply, though they both have some kinks to work out. Kamui's kind with a big heart and shows much promise in battle, but his problem is that he's very naive (which makes him somewhat tactless) and indecisive. He can also get a tad emotional and sometimes lacks self-confidence. He eventually grows out of these traits later. Corrin's as sharp as a killing edge, as tough as a general's armor, and like Kamui is just made for combat, but she is in desperate need of a better crowd of people to be around (aside of her loving siblings and caring servants of course). Having "Garon", Iago, and Ganz around continuously for much of her formative years really shows, and while she can show some compassion towards others who aren't her family and servants it's not usually the case. She too grows out of these negative characteristics, but it takes a longer process than Kamui's. Another note is that Corrin takes the role of the loyal child of "Garon" while her siblings start doubting their "father" after a few choice of actions on his end. Moving on to the babies of the bunch, Sakura and Elise are the little cheers of the family, always watching out for them given that they're the healers and giving them advice when need be. Everyone dotes on them (despite their annoyance with being "babied") and places their safety first given their young age. They also hate giving up on anything once their mind is set to it, and not many can convince them otherwise.

Edited July 30, 2015 by Blue Sun

[Luankachu]

I've only noticed this now, but in the game, Aquazura doesn't seem to have any retainers despite everyone in the Hoshidan Royal Family (Aside from Takumi) treating her like family. Will this be addressed in your story?

I'm also curious about how

Felicia started working under Kamui, since in the game,

she was kidnapped by Garon and taken as a hostage (It was said in Felicia and Zero's A-Support. I think it was mentioned somewhere else as well, but I can't remember where.)

Edited July 30, 2015 by Luankachu

[Blue Sun]

I've only noticed this now, but in the game, Aquazura doesn't seem to have any retainers despite everyone in the Hoshidan Royal Family (Aside from Takumi) treating her like family. Will this be addressed in your story?

I'm also curious about how

Felicia started working under Kamui, since in the game,

she was kidnapped by Garon and taken as a hostage (It was said in Felicia and Zero's A-Support. I think it was mentioned somewhere else as well, but I can't remember where.)

I don't know exactly why that's the case in the games (maybe being "Nohrian" had something to do with it), but in my stories Aquazura's role is a little different from the games proper. She's a lone, wandering agent who grew up in the Touma Kingdom instead of Byakuya or Nohr and only recently left it, and thus is a complete mystery to the rest of the world outside of her homeland. Her retainers were killed by Anankos's invisible demons (depending on the story of the DLC that might change). In the stories proper she's of neutral alliance; in the first story she occasionally assists both Byakuya and Nohr under the guise of "Mizuchi Aqua" for Byakuya and "Azura Pallas" for Nohr, wherin she wears a different outfit (white in Byakuya, dark blue in Nohr).

In the first story Felicia is exiled from Nohr by Garon following the battle with Mose at the Infinite Chasm. Garon went so far as to have her chased out by some of his soldiers, and outside of Nohr she came across Byakuya patrol guards who took her to Byakuya. She's taken to the royal family who decide to assign her as Kamui's retainer after a background check and listening to her situation. Takumi and a few others (Saizou, Oboro, and Rinka) were vehemently against it fearing that the Nohrian Felicia would kill Kamui in his sleep but you know how that song and dance goes /:). Suzukaze was ordered to keep an eye on her just for the dissenters' sakes.

JULY 31ST EDIT: Progress is going really slow writing the next combat scenes. I had a bit of debate with how I wanted to write them out, and while I did settle on something I've been a bit busy and tired lately. I'm getting them done for sure, hopefully before the third of July, but it's taking a little while. I'm going to sleep right now to help get back into better sleeping habits. Peace.

Edited August 1, 2015 by Blue Sun

[Blue Sun]

Here's another part of the prologue to keep you guys busy for a bit and to let you know that it's almost done.

“For Byakuya’s peace‼”

“For Nohr’s glory‼”

Further south in the plains was the rest of the army battling with one another. The general army was handling the other standard army, while prominent figures of both Byakuya and Nohr were engaged with each other.

“I am Saizō of Ryōma-ōjisama’s elite,” a red-haired shinobi said to a cotton candy-haired cavalier. He was aided by a yellow-garbed kunoichi and the cavalier was backed up by an azure-garbed mercenary. “For invading the holy land of Byakuya, I – direct servant of Ryōma-ōjisama – shall mete justice upon you An’yajin!”

“And I – Kagerō of Ryōma-ōjisama’s elite – shall do the same,” the yellow-garbed kunoichi said. “Do you have any final words before we execute you?”

“You want to fight Pieri?” the girly cavalier squealed. “Ooooh, Pieri loves a good blood-bath! Pieri promises to make the best blood-bath for Lord Xander!”

“I personally prefer making love to making war,” the mercenary said, “but I suppose that I can carry out my lord’s wishes. Ladies and gentleman, introducing the one and only Lazward, aspiring dancer and loyal vassal of Lord Xander!” In the blink of an eye Saizō closed the distance between him and his enemies and slashed at Pieri with his bakuen-hari, and though he entered the range of her binding curse he was fortunate and swift enough to evade a direct strike from her little lance. Kagerō followed up with her own genwaku-hari from a distance to strike Pieri and avoid entering her cursed range, but Lazward was quick enough to catch the attack. He wasn’t – however – able to stop Saizō from slashing Pieri a second time, again not able to see the ninja move in to attack. The ninja backed off for a moment and Pieri felt a burning sensation inside of her blood, looking to where Saizō had hit her; she saw her blood mixed with snake venom. She could also feel her arms grow weak and her body grow frail. Before she could regain her composure Kagerō went straight for Lazward and Pieri tried as she could to defend him, but not only was Lazward fast enough to dodge the kunoichi, he was fast enough to counterattack, driving his dancer’s-sword non-fatally into his enemy. Saizō was immediate and furious in his attack but Pieri was close enough to block the blow for her partner.

“Ninjas no kill Lazward while Pieri lives!” the cavalier yelled out. Seeing his attack deflected and his partner in pain Saizō opted to retreat while the Nohrians were catching their breaths, helping carry Kagerō away from them. Kagerō clutched her midsection in agony and wondered why the attack hurt her as much as it did and why it left a burning pain inside her. She looked to her wound and found the tell-tale snake venom pouring out from her. Saizō also saw this and his eyes turned to Lazward with a fierce glare.

“A shinobi eh?” Saizō snarled. “Of what clan do you hail from?”

“I hail from no clan sir,” Lazward answered. “I simply learned the trade from a lone ninja during my visit in Hoshido long before this war started.”

“Shinobi, not “ninja”, and Byakuya, not “Hoshido”. This shinobi you spoke of, what clan did they hail from?”

“Can’t say that I remember sir.”

“Hmph, very well then. At least we know to take extra caution around you.”

“That would probably be for the better.” Elsewhere, a purple-clad kenjutsushi and an orange-garbed sōjutsushi were battling an eyepatched outlaw teamed up with a yellow-garbed dark mage.

“Um, Oboro?” the kenjutsushi said somewhat breathless. “Maybe we should go see how Takumi-san is do—”

“Takumi-sama gave us orders to clear Byakuya of this filthy An’yajin trash Hinata,” Oboro said glaring intensely at her enemies. “If you want to run scared because you goofed earlier then go ahead; I will take care of these black-hearts just fine by myself.”

“Really now?” the eyepatched outlaw questioned with a mocking smile on his face. “Two against one is hardly a fair fight my little Hoshidan birdie, but then again I’m not the type to play fair.”

“Brace yourselves Hoshidan soldiers, for now you face the wrath of Lord Leo’s elite-most warriors: Zero and Odin, the Dark Avengers of Nohr. I should warn you; within us each brims an untold power, a dark power that has been passed down the Nohrian royal retainers for generations…”

“What power Odin?”

“Such a power cannot be fully tamed, and we are in constant danger of losing ourselves to its overwhelming might, yet we are able to fight against such corruption and bend it to our bidding, if only briefly.”

“Oh for the love of—Odin, we don’t have time fo—” Zero tried to get through to Odin, noticing how Oboro seemed to only get angrier by the dark mage’s rambling for each second that passed. Hinata also looked ready to attack, growing weary of the display.

“Upon this twilight bathed ground the time for our powers to be fully realized draws nearer, like a slumbering beast emerging from its cave. If you do not wish to fall victim to its awesome might Hoshidans, turn back to the safety of your villages. We can only contain it for so—” The turning back part was the straw that broke the camel’s back for Oboro, yelling out in fury as she charged ahead to skewer the Nohrians. Odin finally snapped out of his rambling only to take a direct hit from Oboro’s hifuku naginata, suffering from a lot more damage than what he originally thought. Recoiling from the pain, Odin was open to a strike from Hinata’s takeshi katana, though it did not have the blistering power that Oboro’s weapon had.

“See what happens when you just talk about that power of yours and don’t actually use it?” Zero scolded.

“I was warning them!” Odin protested. “But alas, they failed to heed it. Even now, I can feel the darkness threatening to—oh to hell with it. Take this!” The chūnibyō dark mage pooled magic from his black-tome into his hand and cast it at Oboro, failing to hit her. Zero only groaned at his partner’s screw-up and readied his sadist-bow.

“If you think you know pain, then you haven’t tasted real torment yet…” He held his hands up high and tugged on the bow extra hard, letting the arrow fly faster than usual and hitting Oboro with critical might put into it. Rubbing the proverbial (and literal) salt into Oboro’s wounds, the arrow decided to make its home inside of her.

“Oboro!” Hinata called out in shock.

“Don’t just stand there…” Oboro groaned out, “waste them!”

“Got it!” The kenjutsushi went on the offensive and went for Zero, having the weapon advantage over the man. Sadly, the outlaw was too light on his toes and dodged the attack with a sneering grin.

“You’re not as tough as I thought, samurai boy,” Zero taunted. The time spent doing so should have been spent paying attention to Oboro who – despite her grievous injuries – had enough energy left in her to rush up to and stab her nemesis. Letting her intense hatred of the Nohrians guide her, she twisted the blade of her weapon inside of Zero for extra measure before yanking it out of him.

“An eye for an eye…” the sōjutsushi growled, “…An’ya garbage…”

“You flatter me…” Even with the rapidly bleeding wound that Zero was suffering from he had enough wind in him to crack a joke. “You’d make a fine prisoner for Lord Leo…”

“I can’t tell if you’re serious or not,” Odin said. “Lord Leo can’t stand racism and he’d probably kill her on the spot. Maybe now’s a good time to retreat for the moment as much as every instinct in my body screams against it.”

“Oh no you don’t…” Oboro spat out. “You’re going to die here, even if I have to drag you down with me…”

“Maybe he’s right Oboro,” Hinata said still exhausted from earlier. “Takumi-san needs us in good shape to carry out his orders, and I don’t want to press our luck here with these guys anymore…” Oboro looked as if she was going to absolutely murder her partner but she could see reason with backing out of a fight while she still could, if only for Takumi’s sake.

“You An’yajin are lucky that Takumi-sama still has need of us…otherwise I would have shoved my naginata up your collective—”

“Yes, yes, we love you too,” Zero quipped with a wide-arm gesture. “Guess we’d best get back to Lord Leo then, though I am interested in this “naginata” you speak of shoving into me. Ta-ta my dearies…”

“Though we may have staved off the shadow beasts within us, their craving for blood shall not be abated for long, for the next twilit noon our powers will meet once more and—”

“Oh shut up with that already. Honestly, I—” Zero’s and Odin’s voices were drowned out in Oboro’s mind as she focused on the backs of the quasi-limping couple, an evil thought quickly festering within her. Thanks to her partner though it was never realized.

“Come on Oboro, we have the chance to get away. Don’t mess up this possible last opportunity of living to see another day…be better than them…” Oboro gave the thought one last moment before she relented, allowing her partner to carry her on his shoulder. “There we go…now let’s go find Takumi-san.” Though Hinata hurried to get away from the chaotic battlefield he was gentle in handling Oboro while he scampered away from the fighting. He didn’t even notice a red-headed mercenary preparing to blast them both with a levin sword.

“Um, excuse me miss, er, ‘Luna’ was it?” a poofy-haired shugenja called out to her. “I thought we were fighting with each other?”

“Huh? Oh, right, I almost forgot about you,” Luna replied.

“Good thing you didn’t; I could’ve gone off to Hinoka-ōjosama and called in for reinforcements.”

“But you didn’t,” a wyvern rider with a headband pointed out.

“Well, that’s probably because you were watching me. But honestly, I was just going to see how long it took until she remembered that we were still here.”

“That’s my job.”

“Right you are again. See, that’s what being a good teammate is all about.”

“Um…Asama?” the shugenja’s kyūtsukai partner called out. “Shouldn’t we fight them? They’re our…enemies.”

“Good point Setsuna. But you know, I can’t really fight as it stands right now, not until we get back home maybe. Do you think you can fill that role in for me?”

“Sure…” The soft-spoken kyūtsukai pulled an arrow out and held it up to her yuru yumi. She took aim at the wyvern rider before her and focused the projectile on the bow.

“Oh this is just precious,” Luna said snickering. “You seeing this Belka?”

“I see it,” the wyvern rider replied.

“She thinks that she can hit you with a crap bow like that.”

“Not to be rude miss, but looks can be deceiving,” Asama said.

“He’s right you know,” Belka said.

“I know that, I just don’t think that—” Faster than either of the Nohrians could see Setsuna let the projectile loose, apparently intending to fell Belka in one hit. The wyvern rider narrowly dodged the arrow that whizzed past her ear, and that was the red flag that the Nohrians needed to tell them that the Byakuya kyūtsukai was dangerous. Already brandishing her weapon in hand Belka rushed forward and managed to land a hard hit on Setsuna with her killer axe while Luna cut through her with her sharpened sword. Both Nohrians turned around for a second round but found the kyūtsukai gone; they scanned the area for her and found Asama already treating her wounds with his nejire hanaegushi. As soon as the kyūtsukai was healed up the hanaegushi broke. On Asama’s person he also carried a shichinanshokumetsu, a wazawaikototsumikegare, and two dangokushi curiously.

“There you go,” Asama said. “Feel better?”

“Yes…’ Setsuna replied. “Thank you…”

“Don’t mention it. Had I been fast enough I could’ve rescued you sooner from that but, oh well, we can’t always succeed.”

“Wait, did he just use a rescue staff?” Luna asked. “And are all of her wounds gone just like that?”

“Seems like it,” Belka said.

“Okay, new target: get the priest guy!”

“Got it.”

“I probably wouldn’t do that if I were—ow!” Asama was cut off when Belka cut through him with her killer-axe, a barely five seconds later the wyvern rider found herself struck by lightning from above.

“Gah!” Belka yelped. “What did you do‽”

“Aside of trying to warn you I didn’t do anything: if you attack me with any kind of weapon and I’m not wielding any weapons myself then Kami visits divine retribution upon you in the form of a lightning bolt, and it never fails. Plus, I can’t actually wield a weapon until later since I’m a shugenja and all.”

“Are you serious?” Luna deadpanned.

“Yup. Totally serious. It won’t hurt you as bad as you hurt me – about half as much – but yeah, that’s a thing.”

“That’s totally unfair! How come Anankos doesn’t—”

“Not to interrupt you, but it’s best not to make light of your Kami, or other Kami for that matter. Also, can I take a short snack break? I haven’t really had a meal since this morning and I’m really hungry.”

“No.” Belka quickly answered. Luna on the other hand said otherwise.

“If it’s just a snack then I guess we’ll let you take a short break.”

“Why? He’ll probably use a vulnerary to heal himself.”

“Belka, he had five things on him, and I don’t see a single vial on him in sight. Plus, it doesn’t look like his partner has anything either.”

“What about that thing he’s eating?”

“What thing?” Belka pointed to Asama who was munching on one of his own dangokushi, eating it until two thirds of it was left.

“Mmmmm, tasty, filling, and actually helpful on the battlefield,” Asama said. “If only they healed you a little more, but this is just fine.”

“…What?” Luna said in disbelief, followed by a flat “told you” from Belka. “What was that?”

“Dangokushi,” Asama answered. “It’s the latest in culinary and medical sciences. A tasty snack that acts as a hanaegushi while in the possession of a healer. Otherwise it’s just a plain ol’ snack. I’d share with you, but, I might need these for later, in-case I need to heal myself or unless I just need a quick bite.”

“Okay, that’s it,” Belka said. “Divine retribution be damned—”

“Careful what you say about the Kami—”

“Don’t care. Divine retribution be damned, you’re going to die here and now, and no ‘kami’ will save you.” Belka rose her killer-axe up high and swung it down upon Asama with such force that the shugenja thought that she split him in half, but something inside him kept him from that as if it was a miracle. Belka’s eyes widened in slight shock and then horror seeing that she hadn’t killed her target, and sure enough an even more vicious lightning bolt blasted her, almost killing her right on the spot.

“Crap, Belka‼” Luna called out. “You know what? I’m sick of you people; to Hell with you all!” Luna charged at the near-dead Asama with a spinning jump slash, but Setsuna moved in to protect her partner from further harm, even kicking Luna away when the mercenary slashed down with great power. Belka managed to move away from her enemies and Luna attempted to retreat back to her, but Asama and Setsuna had other ideas.

“I really don’t want to have to kill anyone,” Asama said. “Not that I really can, but I should probably stop fooling around now.” The shugenja took his wazawaikototsumikegare and cast it upon Luna, managing to hit her and cutting her vitality in half. The mercenary gasped out as she almost tripped to the ground, trying to breathe after the spell hit her.

“What did…what did you—”

“I used one of my combat hanaegushi to stop you. Setsuna, if you please.”

“With pleasure…” the kyūtsukai said already having an arrow ready. She let the projectile fly and it went straight into Luna’s right shoulder. In no-time flat Setsuna prepared another arrow and fired it at Luna, managing to strike her dead in the back of her knee to prevent escape. Afterward the mercenary could feel as though she couldn’t hold her weapon in addition to feeling lethargic and light, and while she couldn’t see it she had snake venom dripping out through her injury.

“Luna…!” Belka was too far to reach Luna in time for the second arrow, and trying to fight through her pain she had her wyvern close the distance between her partner and Setsuna to deflect the third arrow. She dragged the mercenary on to her mount as fast as she could and commanded it to take off, escaping the shugenja and kyūtsukai before another hit could have been landed on them.

“Darn…she got away…” Setsuna said.

“Eh, I wouldn’t worry so much about that,” Asama said. “We should probably get back to Hinoka-ōjosama, make sure she isn’t dead you know?”

“Yeah…” With that settled Asama and Setsuna set out to find their superior, allowing Asama to take another bite of his dangokushi to get some of his health back. They didn’t make it far until a fighter and a mercenary collapsed dead on the ground near them, startling them a little.

“Better be careful you guys,” a female’s voice called out to them. “That could’ve been you ending up like that instead.”

“Kazahana? Tsubaki?” Asama said when the two Byakuyajin were in sight. “Well isn’t this a pleasant surprise?”

“Hi…” Setsuna greeted.

“Hey there,” the kenjutsushi named Kazahana responded. “Heading out so soon? But we have so many An’yajin to take care of!”

“We know,” Asama said finishing off the last of his dangokushi. “We’re just going to find Hinoka-ōjosama real quick and come back out here for another round or two.”

“What for?” Tsubaki asked. “Hinoka-ōjosama should be fine.”

“Yeah, see, I don’t want to leave things up to chance. Plus, it’d be good to see how she and the others are doing – especially Kamui-ōjisan – after what happened back at the capital.”

“Kamui-ōji—wait, you mean that he’s here? Now?” Kazahana asked.

“Yup. Hinoka-ōjosama brought him here to keep an eye on him and figured that it’d be a good idea to use this battle as training.”

“That’s so…unlike her…”

“Exactly. She hasn’t been acting the same since the attack on the capital. Anyways, here’s to the best of luck on your end. We’re off!”

“Er, bye!” Kazahana bid farewell to Hinoka’s retainers before giving a worried glance to Tsubaki.

“Do you think we should…”

“Maybe we shouldn’t,” Kazahana said. “Sakura-ōjosama and the others are counting on us to drive the An’yajin out of Byakuya.”

“I know that but…”

“You’re worried about the royal family?”

“Of course. The earlier attack rattled us all, but it hit them the worst. And Kamui-ōjisan is on the battlefield so soon…”

“Almost too soon. But let’s focus on that another time yeah? We’ve got enemy soldiers to take care of.”

P.S., don't ask me about the Japanese terminology right now. I'm still on the fence with it and once I finally finish writing Chapter 0 I'll decide on whether I'll keep them or not, or how much I should keep. Now to get some sorely needed sleep; I'll see y'all soon.

[Taka-kun]

To be frank, I think that played out pretty weirdly, since the matchup between the characters were horrible. I mean, Zero going with a bow against two close-quarters warriors seems pretty careless, for someone experienced in manipulating as him. Odin... is Odin so I am fine with that, but it feels weird for Luna to take her eyes off her enemies, as she is the most-level headed of the trio. Belka shouldn't talk at all, all her supports is all about "I kill, I don't talk". I do like the reference to Lazward's secondary class though.

I guess you are fond of making hammy characters, but it feels like everyone in the battle is that. Feels more like an episode of shonen anime than a, well, battle. Sorry if I seem harsh, but I thought I should be straightforward.

[Blue Sun]

To be frank, I think that played out pretty weirdly, since the matchup between the characters were horrible. I mean, Zero going with a bow against two close-quarters warriors seems pretty careless, for someone experienced in manipulating as him. Odin... is Odin so I am fine with that, but it feels weird for Luna to take her eyes off her enemies, as she is the most-level headed of the trio. Belka shouldn't talk at all, all her supports is all about "I kill, I don't talk". I do like the reference to Lazward's secondary class though.

I guess you are fond of making hammy characters, but it feels like everyone in the battle is that. Feels more like an episode of shonen anime than a, well, battle. Sorry if I seem harsh, but I thought I should be straightforward.

Don't apologize, I'm honestly glad that you're honest about how you took the scene. To explain the weird match-ups, I wanted the retainers to fight their counterpart; I could say that the Nohrian siblings ordered them to take out the other team's royal retainers if not the royals themselves but that clearly wasn't the case when I wrote most of these scenes out. If I'm being honest, I figured that Luna was probably the type to take down weary soldiers if given the opportunity but having her take her eyes off of the enemy was probably not a good way to go about it, especially when I had the retainer fight theme going on. Thanks for the catch with Belka; I'll rectify that when I can. Lazward having the shinobi class's skill was also to keep in line with Fates and Reawakening characters (even generics) to have all of their skills readily available; for gameplay purposes having to select which skills to use is good for balance, but I figured that in a more realistic setting they'd have all available skills with them (though not all of them will be active at the same time). Lazward havin the shinobi classthat felt too good for me to pass up unnoticed, what with him fighting shinobi; I always wondered how he got that class since he doesn't have the closest counterpart (Thief/Outlaw) in his original base class set, so the explanation offered is how I figured he obtained it (which reminded me of Vega/Balrog somehow).

I actually don't have any sort of strong favoritism toward hammy characters (though I do adore Owain/Odin), and the closest to a shounen anime I've ever avidly watched was a parody of one (Dragon Ball Z Abridged and Hellsing Ultimate Abridged no less). I just got back from a nine hour trip to Compton with a visiting relative/family friend and now I have a headache; I wanted to get Chapter 0 done before midnight but I'm not sure if that's possible at this point.

Again, I don't mind you or anyone else being upfront at all. I'd prefer it that way. And again, this is something I want to share with you all before I actually publish so that if there's something you feel is out of place, or factually incorrect feel free to let me know. I'll take constructive feedback. With that all said, I may start doing this for the rest of my Fire Emblem stories to gather some pre-release feedback.

Edited August 3, 2015 by Blue Sun

[Taka-kun]

In my opinion, you don't need to match the exact sibling's retainers, as you have done now (Camilla's vs Hinoka's, Leo's vs Takumi's etc.) as there is no actual established rivalry between the siblings (nor do I see any need to, as they don't fight for the right as "brother/sister" of Kamui). Odin&Zero would match better against Asama&Setsuna, making it bow and magic vs bow and magic. Tsubaki&Kazahana would match against Belka&Luna, air and ground. Hinata&Oboro vs Arther&Effie should work I guess, upbeat and somber vs upbeat and... less upbeat. I still don't like the Pieri vs ninja matchup, but Lazward vs the ninja is fine, to show off his own ninja skills. That said, it really depends more on how much you want to reveal the characters' skillset and personality, which I guess is just brief in this skirmish.

I haven't read enough supports to comment on most of the characters (I've been mainly focusing on Kamui's retainers' supports) so I have no further nitpicking.

[Blue Sun]

In my opinion, you don't need to match the exact sibling's retainers, as you have done now (Camilla's vs Hinoka's, Leo's vs Takumi's etc.) as there is no actual established rivalry between the siblings (nor do I see any need to, as they don't fight for the right as "brother/sister" of Kamui). Odin&Zero would match better against Asama&Setsuna, making it bow and magic vs bow and magic. Tsubaki&Kazahana would match against Belka&Luna, air and ground. Hinata&Oboro vs Arther&Effie should work I guess, upbeat and somber vs upbeat and... less upbeat. I still don't like the Pieri vs ninja matchup, but Lazward vs the ninja is fine, to show off his own ninja skills. That said, it really depends more on how much you want to reveal the characters' skillset and personality, which I guess is just brief in this skirmish.

I haven't read enough supports to comment on most of the characters (I've been mainly focusing on Kamui's retainers' supports) so I have no further nitpicking.

Fair enough. I'll get the new feedback inputted in now that I'm actually home again (yes, I was taken out of the house again for nearly a day and it's probably going to happen again tomorrow while our relative/family friend is staying here). I do want to keep the partners together with each other but now I want to write their battles as their superiors ordering them to seek out and take out the other side's best soldiers; the Nohrians got the jump on the Byakuyajin thanks to prior extensive preparation before the war started. The match-ups you suggested are fine too. That will be explained a little more in the Nohrian chapters after "When White and Dark Clash". Here's who's going to be taking place in the battle during Chapter 0:

Kamui, Corrin, Felica, Jakob, Suzukaze, Silas, Ryōma, Saizō, Kagerō, Xander, Lazward, Pieri, Takumi, Hinata, Oboro, Leo, Odin, Zero, Hinoka, Asama, Setsuna, Camilla, Luna, Belka, Sakura, Tsubaki, Kazahana, Elise, Arthur, Effie, Orochi, Tsukuyomi, Rinka, Nyx, Benoit, Charlotte, Yukimura, Gunter, Crimson, Flora, Yūgiri, Ganz, Nishiki, and Flannel.

Every naturally available skill a character has access to will be available to them during Chapter 0 while they're there based on what class they're in (first tier skills only for first tier classes, all skills for second or special tier classes); whether or not that will hold true immediately afterward is up in the air for now. And a small reminder for everyone here; these stories aren't strict novelizations of Fates (one thing I'm not particularly fond of). I will do my best to keep characterizations and the plot itself close to the original, but there will be some changes here and there, both minor and major. I'm not sure how I'm going to work the support conversations in but everyone will have a maximum support level with all available partners by the time the stories end. Other characters will be present as well (second generation characters will be recruited before certain plot events transpire, all capturable bosses will be captured during the necessary time frames, and amiibo will be present).

[Taka-kun]

The list of characters in the battle doesn't really match in-game (though of course, this is a fanfiction) and I will try to recall why:

Orochi and Yugiri were away from the Hoshidan capital and couldn't answer Ryoma's summons, which is why they weren't by Mikoto's side at her demise, despite being her retainers.

Tsukuyomi is still in the Wind Tribe village, which at this point hasn't declared for the Hoshidans yet (they are independent but with close relations). The Flame Tribe declared for Hoshido much earlier for some reason.

Nyx is not part of the Nohrian military proper and had to be convinced at some point to join Corrin.

Benoit and Charlotte are guards at Nohr's border to Chevalier and I don't think Xander would pull troops from the border regions not directly adjacent to Hoshido, for strategic and logistical reasons.

Crimson is a Chevalier knight, which again, hasn't declared for any side yet (though they are more friendly with Hoshido for some reason).

Flora is a political hostage for the Ice Tribe, same as Felicia. Difference between the two is the Felicia is all about Corrin/Kamui, while Flora is more mindful of her tribe's standing in Nohr.

Nishiki and Flannel are, again, part of villages which hasn't at this point declared for any side (though this one is easier to slip by, since they are essentially Hoshidans and Nohrians respectively).

I suggest you shouldn't have too many characters in one battle. Makes it a nightmare to write about as thinking up and incorporating every character's unique fighting style in one single chapter is helluva lot of work to do.

Will you be using the Astral Realm thing for the children? You better have a better reason to put them in there than IS had...

[Blue Sun]

The list of characters in the battle doesn't really match in-game (though of course, this is a fanfiction) and I will try to recall why:

Orochi and Yugiri were away from the Hoshidan capital and couldn't answer Ryoma's summons, which is why they weren't by Mikoto's side at her demise, despite being her retainers.

Tsukuyomi is still in the Wind Tribe village, which at this point hasn't declared for the Hoshidans yet (they are independent but with close relations). The Flame Tribe declared for Hoshido much earlier for some reason.

Nyx is not part of the Nohrian military proper and had to be convinced at some point to join Corrin.

Benoit and Charlotte are guards at Nohr's border to Chevalier and I don't think Xander would pull troops from the border regions not directly adjacent to Hoshido, for strategic and logistical reasons.

Crimson is a Chevalier knight, which again, hasn't declared for any side yet (though they are more friendly with Hoshido for some reason).

Flora is a political hostage for the Ice Tribe, same as Felicia. Difference between the two is the Felicia is all about Corrin/Kamui, while Flora is more mindful of her tribe's standing in Nohr.

Nishiki and Flannel are, again, part of villages which hasn't at this point declared for any side (though this one is easier to slip by, since they are essentially Hoshidans and Nohrians respectively).

I suggest you shouldn't have too many characters in one battle. Makes it a nightmare to write about as thinking up and incorporating every character's unique fighting style in one single chapter is helluva lot of work to do.

Will you be using the Astral Realm thing for the children? You better have a better reason to put them in there than IS had...

Maybe not having that many characters is a good idea, but I have no idea why some of them were there in Chapter 0 (like both Nishiki and Flannel), maybe to evoke the sense that it's all a dream? That's my guess. They all won't be there when the war starts proper.

The Astral Realm includes My Castle correct? It's still a ways off before I start writing about the children but as far as I know the kids were put there while the parents were busy with war right? I don't want to reuse Genealogy's time-skip or Awakening's future travel though. I'll take a look real soon.

I'm out of the house AGAIN thanks to our guest wanting to take us out for ANOTHER full day of things to do (I had enough foresight to bring my phone this time) so I'll talk a little more later.

[Taka-kun]

Maybe not having that many characters is a good idea, but I have no idea why some of them were there in Chapter 0 (like both Nishiki and Flannel), maybe to evoke the sense that it's all a dream? That's my guess. They all won't be there when the war starts proper.

The Astral Realm includes My Castle correct? It's still a ways off before I start writing about the children but as far as I know the kids were put there while the parents were busy with war right? I don't want to reuse Genealogy's time-skip or Awakening's future travel though. I'll take a look real soon.

I'm out of the house AGAIN thanks to our guest wanting to take us out for ANOTHER full day of things to do (I had enough foresight to bring my phone this time) so I'll talk a little more later.

Huh, I don't recall anyone else besides the siblings and their retainers in the battle. Could possibly be what you said, to evoke the sense of a dream.

IIRC, My Castle is in yet another realm, while the Astral Realm (or the secluded lands, not sure what they call it) is where time goes faster and where the children are kept, because apparently some shadows were haunting them for some reason. The whole thing is pretty much handwaved, including the 9 months pregnancy period, so yeah, try to come up with something plausible.

I forgot to mention about Gunter

he is supposed to have been thrown down in the Endless Chasm, though I guess this can be averted

I understand your pain with having a guest, but courtesies does have priority after all :)

[Luankachu]

I am so sorry I took this long to respond. I had to do 3 tests today, so I was studying for it.Chemistry, Art and Sociology, for those who are curious. Aside from what Taka-kun has already mentioned, there are a few things I'm wondering about.

Why did you use the term "Kenjutsushi" for Hinata instead of Samurai like in the games? And also, while I do like the reference to his secondary class, I just don't see Lazward using poison/venom (I have no idea how to differentiate the two, since my language uses the same word for both). Considering how much he dislikes killing and seeing other people suffering, I'd imagine that he'd go for a more "painless" way to kill others. I can, however, see him learning about poison/venom/toxins, even if it was only to learn how to apply it into curing others

specially if his father is Stahl, whose family owns an apothecary

That's just my opinion, though. And also, if Asama's personal skill makes it so people who attack him while he's unarmed are struck by lightning from above, what would happen if he's in a building, for example? Would the lightning be stopped by the ceiling or would it go through it? Or would his ability manifest in a different way?

Edited August 5, 2015 by Luankachu

[Blue Sun]

Huh, I don't recall anyone else besides the siblings and their retainers in the battle. Could possibly be what you said, to evoke the sense of a dream.

IIRC, My Castle is in yet another realm, while the Astral Realm (or the secluded lands, not sure what they call it) is where time goes faster and where the children are kept, because apparently some shadows were haunting them for some reason. The whole thing is pretty much handwaved, including the 9 months pregnancy period, so yeah, try to come up with something plausible.

I forgot to mention about Gunter

he is supposed to have been thrown down in the Endless Chasm, though I guess this can be averted

I understand your pain with having a guest, but courtesies does have priority after all :)

You don't remember all those characters there in Chapter 0? If you don't do anything you can actually see a bunch of them apparently there, and who can possibly miss Benoit moving in to attack Saizou with Belka supporting him (and Rinka supporting Saizou)? There's a video that shows everybody who's present but they won't do anything at all:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y-OkbT6xhV4&list=PLx9ijRlws3qakB5oYiVYSXbpi6OL5OFkW&index=1

​I just included a few more people to kind of emphasize that it's all a dream.

What other realm |:(? I'm down with the Outrealms and the My Castle Dimension but an entirely different realm with no prior knowledge of it is just too WTF for me. Do they even explain what this realm is at any point beyond "hey, let's drop off our kids here while we go fight"? Sheesh, they better merge that Hyperbolic Time Chamber realm with My Castle or something, otherwise that's what I'm doing. Have Lilith take care of the kids while the parents are gone and even let the parents visit or something (they already said that time works differently in My Castle anyways). That's just...ugh. Excuse me folks.....................okay I'm back. I had to get that out of my system. I have little issues with this game so far given everything we know about it right now (I adore it as much as/more than Awakening), but that just did not sit well with me. I'll try and see if I can work the nine months pregnancy thing out (that's what I'm trying to do for Family Matters II with Lissa, but that's another story for another discussion.

I'm thinking of giving the amiibo characters their own recruitment chapters (whether inserted into the main story through a story chapter or through an intermission chapter). Thoughts? The key is to keep them in the story somehow but make them relevant and make their debut make sense.

That much is true. The guest is a military man and he's real cool and caring, but he can be a bit much to handle sometimes. I'll miss him when he goes back out to Texas this week, but he's planning to move out here where I live so his absence won't be too great.

I am so sorry I took this long to respond. I had to do 3 tests today, so I was studying for it.Chemistry, Art and Sociology, for those who are curious. Aside from what Taka-kun has already mentioned, there are a few things I'm wondering about.

Why did you use the term "Kenjutsushi" for Hinata instead of Samurai like in the games? And also, while I do like the reference to his secondary class, I just don't see Lazward using poison/venom (I have no idea how to differentiate the two, since my language uses the same word for both). Considering how much he dislikes killing and seeing other people suffering, I'd imagine that he'd go for a more "painless" way to kill others. I can, however, see him learning about poison/venom/toxins, even if it was only to learn how to apply it into curing others

specially if his father is Stahl, whose family owns an apothecary

That's just my opinion, though. And also, if Asama's personal skill makes it so people who attack him while he's unarmed are struck by lightning from above, what would happen if he's in a building, for example? Would the lightning be stopped by the ceiling or would it go through it? Or would his ability manifest in a different way?

That's fine. Better late than never I always say. The story's still in the Beta-Phase, but I figured that Kenjutsushi (which can translate to sword-art samurai) would be a cool analogy to the Soujutsushi (which can translate to spear-art samurai). That's just me and Kenjutsushi just sounds cooler than plain ol' Samurai. I might rename Kyuutsukai into Kyuujutsushi just to match the other two.

Lazward using Snake Venom is something that all shinobi must adhere to when in combat (obligatory Shinobi code). They could use different types of Snake Venom and different doses. Plus, he's pretty desensitized to having to kill people before, and in a war with another nation it's generally either kill or be killed. Not everyone believes in that but Lazward does, not that he has any hard feelings toward his enemies (unless they specifically pissed him off but that's neither here nor there).

Asama's personal skill works wherever, as the lightning bolt will pass through anything and anything to strike the jackass who was enough of an ass to hit an unarmed priest like Asama; nothing can truly stop divine retribution you know.

[Taka-kun]

You don't remember all those characters there in Chapter 0? If you don't do anything you can actually see a bunch of them apparently there, and who can possibly miss Benoit moving in to attack Saizou with Belka supporting him (and Rinka supporting Saizou)? There's a video that shows everybody who's present but they won't do anything at all:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y-OkbT6xhV4&list=PLx9ijRlws3qakB5oYiVYSXbpi6OL5OFkW&index=1

​I just included a few more people to kind of emphasize that it's all a dream.

What other realm |:(? I'm down with the Outrealms and the My Castle Dimension but an entirely different realm with no prior knowledge of it is just too WTF for me. Do they even explain what this realm is at any point beyond "hey, let's drop off our kids here while we go fight"? Sheesh, they better merge that Hyperbolic Time Chamber realm with My Castle or something, otherwise that's what I'm doing. Have Lilith take care of the kids while the parents are gone and even let the parents visit or something (they already said that time works differently in My Castle anyways). That's just...ugh. Excuse me folks.....................okay I'm back. I had to get that out of my system. I have little issues with this game so far given everything we know about it right now (I adore it as much as/more than Awakening), but that just did not sit well with me. I'll try and see if I can work the nine months pregnancy thing out (that's what I'm trying to do for Family Matters II with Lissa, but that's another story for another discussion.

I'm thinking of giving the amiibo characters their own recruitment chapters (whether inserted into the main story through a story chapter or through an intermission chapter). Thoughts? The key is to keep them in the story somehow but make them relevant and make their debut make sense.

That much is true. The guest is a military man and he's real cool and caring, but he can be a bit much to handle sometimes. I'll miss him when he goes back out to Texas this week, but he's planning to move out here where I live so his absence won't be too great.

Oh damn, you are correct, that makes no sense at all. Cameos perhaps? Or just to invoke the sense of scale of the war (which is somewhat immediately dropped afterwards). I know that, based on datamining, IS tried to make the whole scene reminiscent of the Battle of Sekigahara, which was large. Guess they wanted to insert characters instead of generics.

No, there is no explanation about the Astral Realm at all. Instead of just having the kids in the My Castle, where they could be safe since no outside force can interfere and the parents periodically return there anyway, they drop them into some weird realms. I suggest just going with MyCastle if you plan to have it anyway. I think both of the Astral Realm and My Castle are ridiculous, but you can at least limit it to one.

Since all the four 4 (perhaps 5) amiibo characters aren't really the characters and just manifestations of them in a vessel, they are somewhat seen as legendary characters, heroic spirits whose tales have traveled through the Outrealms. With the dark magic Nohr drabbles in, they could come up with a way to manifest these powerful warriors for use in the war. Whether the warriors comply or not, depends on how the story goes. One short I wrote for fun was for the Nohr path, where Lazward, Luna and Odin assisted Kamui and Leon in summoning Robin, whim the latters have only heard as the "Supreme Grandmaster" and sought to summon him for increased military assets. The trio I enviosioned, were on a mission to find a way to get Robin (which was my reason why they were in the Fates world) and somewhat used Kamui and Leon. The whole scene worked like the Servant summoning in the Fate/stay night series, where a catalyst is needed to summon the character itself. In my (very rough) short, Severa was the daugther of Robin (though Inigo or Owain could very well be his son) and carried a momento of his (as a placeholder, it was the Book of Thoron, though I would like something more personal connected the father and child), which served as a catalyst.