(SLIGHT UPDATE, 8/10/15) Rewrite Awakening's plot (now with cinnamon-flavored poll goodness!)

[Kysafen]

We all know Awakening doesn't have the best of plots (that goes to the Yggdrasil saga), and given that the team was kind of rushed with deadlines, we can kind of see why the plot wasn't the most robust in the series. So I've taken it upon myself to rewrite Awakening's plot, and call upon the other members here to try to seriously rewrite Awakening's plot. You'll see a lot of copy/pasting from my topic on GameFaqs, and I haven't played through the Tellius games (which, with Gaiden, are pretty much the only games I haven't beaten), but I wanted to style the rewrite a lot like Turn A Gundam: packed with parallels, callbacks, and plot elements in the ending that, well, you'll read and understand.

1. Make Gangrel and Validar the same person, keep the prior war between Plegia and Ylisse the same.
2. Make the war of Valm the first arc; though Valm's military might is strong, a three-way union between Ylisse, Ferox, and Plegia starts the war off on a more equal footing, Plegia being the tipping edge.
3. Have the character with the highest support level with Chrom marry midway through.
4. Build up Emmeryn's character throughout the Valm arc. She's a playable Sage-like Jeigan, but like Raquel from TearRing Saga, she won't finish enemy units off. Throughout this arc, she goes from being thankful to Validar, to them both agreeing to a marital union, as a symbol of the restoration from the prior Ylisstol-Plegian war, and of Emmeryn's relationship of understanding Validar's pain of losing his wife to the prior war, to understanding Validar as a person, understanding his philosophies on leadership.
5. Build up Robin's recurring nightmares of killing Chrom.

5a. Randomly, in the middle of one chapter of the arc, a girl wearing a turban appears on the battlefield and directly challenges Robin, but Chrom, now having built up enough trust by this point in the story, defends and deflects her strikes.
6. After the Archanean Union delivers a critical strike to Valm, Plegia abruptly turns traitor (Bam, tribute to Shadow Dragon's Gra betraying Altea) against them, kidnapping Emmeryn and massacring their army. With the threat of Valm nearly extinguished, Validar no longer needs Ylisse in the union to quash Valm, and he himself kills the Khan of Ferox to assume control. With two countries spontaneously against him, Chrom falls back to Archanea to rescue Emmeryn and defend his country from the two countries now in position to lay waste to Ylisse.

7. Chrom cuts through the Plegian forces and gets to Validar, who, holding Emmeryn, cuts her throat open and pushes her down the stairs of the throne room to lay in a bloody heap in front of Chrom. "Ylisse kills my beloved, and expects my heart to be filled by her head of state? Here is what I think of that plan, Prince Chrom! Have at you!" Filled with a near-uncontrollable rage, Chrom fights beside Robin and overpowers Validar, and then...
8. And this is key, Robin actually KILLS Chrom, no "WE FAKED IT" bullcrap, because Robin knew he/she was Grima; he/she faked his entire relationship with Chrom the whole time.

9. Cue the second half of the game, where Valm, having its forces nearly demolished due to Chrom's fights in the first half of the game, struggles to resist being overtaken by the Archanean Empire. (Bam, tribute to Genealogy)

10. You alternate between the Lucina route, where you directly confront the Archanean Empire (in levels that focus on tactics that involve breaking through heavily organized and armed forces)
11. and through the Morgan route, which takes you on a path to find the spheres for the Shield of Seals (in levels that focus on tactics involving enduring onslaughts of Risen enemies) (Bam, tribute to Gaiden and Sacred Stones in one go)

10/11a. The same Turban girl from the first arc serves Lucina/Morgan as the Oifey of this arc, vowing to defeat Robin. Here she bears a resemblance to Alec.
12. Lucina actually hides her identity under her Marth persona to keep the people of Valm from finding out she's actually Chrom's daughter, (and this fact is kept even from the player), but she tosses this persona aside and reveals her true identity after discovering
13. Her father's body is being used as the Risen Dreadlord
14. as well as Chrom's allies who became the Dreadlord.
15. When Lucina and Morgan meet up, it turns out that Morgan succumbs to his/her cursed bloodline and hands the spheres over to Robin resulting in you killing Morgan
16. And going through an entirely different ending path, unless you managed to clear Morgan's gaiden chapters, in which he/she successfully resists the urges and acquires the Starlight tome (Bam, tribute to Binding Blade)
17. which is the only thing that can defeat Validar, who holds the final sphere, the Darksphere, and wields its power with the Imhullu tome (Bam, tribute to Shadow Dragon and Mystery of the Emblem)
17a. (And you discover that Validar betrayed Chrom originally because he not only wanted revenge for the war on Plegia, but he also wanted to restore Grima, thinking his ability to harness quintessence would be able to repair the Aum staff and resurrect his dead wife (Orson/Nergal tribute), little did he know Grima can only take quintessence)
18. And after getting all the spheres, the Turban Girl reveals herself to be Tiki, who reveals to Lucina/Morgan that Grima is part-Earth Dragon-part-human, effectively making Grima the descendant of Medeus' bastard child, which means the Shield of Seals is able to seal Grima's draconic form (since the Shield of Seals was, after all, originally made to seal Earth Dragons) (Bam, tribute to Mystery of the Emblem), leaving only the human form, Robin.

19. Robin seems to be cornered, until one of his bishops reveal to him that he's from another world, and they strike a deal: Grima makes a blood pact with the Bishop Galle, and Grima gets to wreak havoc in another realm that doesn't have the Shield of Seals. After the blood pact is sealed and their bodies meshed, they flee for the Outrealm Gate, Lucina/Morgan's forces in pursuit.
20. The final chapter has three endings:
20a. One where Galle, having Robin's power harvested the quintessence of two entire continents' wars' worth, successfully flees into the outrealm and, as Loptyr, causes the ENTIRE EVENTS of Genealogy of the Holy War,
20b. One where striking Galle with Falchion seals him in his human form, but still manages to get through the gate and causes the events of The Sacred Stones (where his human form, unable to contain his quintessence, twists his body into The Demon King)
20c. Or the best ending where you manage to make your way past the Dreadlords and kill Robin/Galle before he can get through the gate.

21. Or the worst ending, where if you didn't get all of the spheres of the Shield of Seals, Grima, after Morgan's death, easily overpowers Lucina's army with the quintessence built up throughout the wars and plunges the entire globe into chaos.

(Updated 8/10/15, to include Galle and change "Dark Crusaders" to "Dreadlords.")

This would work for Awakening's plot for a number of reasons:
1. You'd be forced to actually use the children characters
2. The replayability of the children characters, consequentially, would have farther-reaching implications gameplay-wise, since you're using them for more than whatever time you chose to give to them in the original game.
3. Emmeryn's death and Robin's betrayal would be built up for half of the game, not for 1/3rd of it, giving more room for pacing and character-building to give these events the actual punch they should've had in the first place
4. The scenario for fighting the final boss is actually intertwined with the plot: no longer is it a stereotypical "go up to the big bad beast/king in his cave/castle and kill it", but you're actually in a RACE to kill him. Such a goal would make for a grossly unconventional level design challenge for a final boss. It would be fresh.
5. It would mean that the Sacred Stones of Magvel are actually the spheres from the Shield of Seals.

5a. And by extension, it would mean the Stone of Grado would be the Darksphere, which is logical, given Lyon (like Hardin before him) succumbs to his ambitions throughout his character arc
6. It would explain how Loptyr is actually acquainted with Naga, and it's logical that one with two continents' worth of quintessence could easily subjugate all of Jugdral.

7. Validar's reasoning behind supporting Grima has real personal stakes for him, and makes a LOT more sense and a lot less cliche than the "LUKE I AM YOUR FATHER" relationship from the original.

8. Instead of Grima being an inexplicable entity that bears no connection to Marth, he would have actual ties to the prior conflict between Marth and Medeus.

9. If Loptyr is Loki, it would make mythological sense, as character-wise, Robin believes he has no past or future, and only wants to wreak as much havoc and chaos on the world as possible, or to put it another way, mischief on a continental (or in the bad endings, a transdimensional) scale.

10. It would bring Morgan's ambivalent bloodlines and destiny to the fore in the main game, instead of a purely "what if?" scenario.

11. Should Chrom marry Robin, Robin's final confrontation with Lucina will have a lot more bite.

So if anyone could go over this and critique it, or even rewrite Awakening in ANOTHER way, I'd love to hear either.

Edited August 12, 2015 by Kysafen

[Avi448]

I don't really think Awakening's plot is bad, what's REALLY wrong is the execution.

Either way, this post seems interesting, i'll keep an eye at it

[Limstella]

I'm liking this deeper plot

[DoublethinkAgain]

Hmmm, really interesting way you describe it. I'd actually very much like to have seen this in the game, though I agree with Avi448 in that I still enjoyed Awakening, but the execution was the real problem.

Personally, I wouldn't go so far as to make as many changes to the overall story, as much as just small restructuring and more details to flesh it out more.

Here's how I would improve it, arc by arc:

Plegian arc

1. I really think Emmeryn should have been fleshed out more, and I love your idea of making her a playable unit.
2. Give us more background. It serves the world's lore much more to say "Back when Lord ... (Chrom's father) did this campaign, Plegia suffered. Gangrel wants to get revenge on us because of Lord ...'s atrocities. It's better to give names and actual events and descriptions rather than vague "Chrom's father hurt Plegia."
3. I honestly think the Plegia arc is pretty much good to go. Again, just give Emmeryn more development to make her death more impactful, and give more lore to the previous events in Ylisse before the war with Plegia.

Valm arc:

1. Show Valm invade Archanean continent. Not just the Valmese arrival in the docks scene, I want a cutscene showing part of the battle, and a better defense mission.
2. Make the first part of the Valmese mission playable in Regna Ferox. Ex) Chrom/Shepherds arrive to Castle Ferox at the heat of the battle, and have to fight through an ongoing battle between Valmese and NPC Feroxians. At the end of this mission, there are Basilio and Flavia engaged with a commander, and if you don't make it in time, one of them dies at the end of the mission. Make this force a threat to us.
3. Spread out a few more Grimleal missions here and there. Kinda like the one with Gregor/Nowi, but in the middle of Valm. We are told that Walhart wants to unite the world to stop the Grimleal, but really why does he care? Let us see Grimleal presence in Valm, and maybe even have a small alliance mission with the Valmese for a mission.
4. More of Walhart: we only see him a few times 1) when he "kills" Basilio, and 2) final battle with him. Let him appear kinda like Excellus does a few times, to taunt the Shepherds or explain his motives as he retreats.
5. Final battle should be to storm his castle, and then after you defeat Walhart, he explains his true motives at last, and then dies. After he dies, Grimleal/Validar appear and use Valm's temporary vulnerability to seize control.
6. Valm was the weakest arc, and more Grimleal presence is the key here. That and more Walhart to really flesh this out and give us a sense of purpose in this war.

Grima arc (I actually like this arc a lot, but to really benefit it, here's what I think should be done)

1. Robin and Chrom confront Validar and Validar steals the Fire Emblem. Enter Lucina HERE instead, where she helps the Shepherds escape and saves Chrom from Robin. She explains the state of the future and after this point, the kids become available.
2. Make this arc twice as long as it is. As it stands, it's the shortest arc of the game, but it's the main story of the game in this arc. Making it longer here, and making this the point where kids become available makes the kid's presence have more purpose, rather than just being "hey we wanna help you out and stuff. Oh yeah we gotta fight Grima, but first let's do this Valm thing cause Grima's not THAT important right now".
3. Expand on Validar. Make him slightly less "I'm evil cause evil" and connect Grima's restoration to Medeus and Marth's legends. Tie this all in somehow.
4. More on the Deadlords. Seriously, these things are so cool and are a great reference to Genealogy of the Holy War/Thracia 776. Expand on their presence, and why they hold the legendary Holy Weapons. Maybe these Deadlords resurrect with the Fire Emblem, and Validar uses them to try to capture Robin to fully resurrect Grima or something. Maybe these Deadlords act as the main generals for each of the missions in this arc until the end. Seriously, these would make for a more mythical, and interesting fight.
5. After beating the Deadlords, Validar finally does his control Robin thing, until Robin, after having spoken to Lucina, figures a strategy to prevent himself from being controlled. Give Lucina more development by making her talk to Robin between missions for a few cutscenes to figure out the whole Grima thing.
6. Let the plot continue as normal now, as the rest is fine.

Again, I don't think we need to completely change the structure of the story, rather than just expand on things more and change up a few tiny details to flesh the world out and give more purpose. This is just my idea.

Edited August 3, 2015 by DoublethinkAgain

[Limstella]

Plegian arc

1. I really think Emmeryn should have been fleshed out more, and I love your idea of making her a playable unit.
2. Give us more background. It serves the world's lore much more to say "Back when Lord ... (Chrom's father) did this campaign, Plegia suffered. Gargle wants to get revenge on us because of Lord ...'s atrocities. It's better to give names and actual events and descriptions rather than vague "Chrom's father hurt Plegia.

Edited August 3, 2015 by Manakete Morgan

[Gradivus.]

I bet he means gangrel.

Kids being optional is one of the best things Awakening did about the whole 2-gen system. Like, getting forced to S-rank units and plan that stuff each playthrough would probably add more tedium than replayability (since optional children add replayability equally).

Edited August 3, 2015 by Gradivus.

[ChefGuevara]

Very nice ideas here;I've been waiting for someone to do this for a while now,like that one guy who did this sort of thing for fe10

[Xenomata]

I feel like Awakening places more focus on things such as Lunatic/Lunatic+, Apothesis, and Future Past, choosing to go for a more cookie cutter plot in exchange.

Your story, while pretty deep sounding and paying homage to past Fire Emblems, just wouldn't work with how Awakening placed higher focus on the above, which ergo forces the player to have all the units they can access without letting even one die, and then letting those units make even more powerful units (the child characters).

What you have down, however, could work for a whole new Fire Emblem instead, if that means anything.

[Ownagepuffs]

I'd honestly make it a coming of age story about Chrom.

Robin doesn't exist. Chrom struggles with the ideals of Emm's philosophy because it isn't always so easy to wish the bad away. After Chrom kills Gangrel, he marries Sumia he becomes new King and then Walhart shows up. Chrom realizes that there are many ways to rule after he takes down Walhart.

The dynamic between Chrom and Walhart was such a missed opportunity. It's really interesting that Chrom actually looked up to Walhart. The exchange of dialogue between Chrom and Fred after Walhart's spotpass Paralogue was really well written stuff.

[Augestein]

I'd honestly make it a coming of age story about Chrom.

Robin doesn't exist. Chrom struggles with the ideals of Emm's philosophy because it isn't always so easy to wish the bad away. After Chrom kills Gangrel, he marries Sumia he becomes new King and then Walhart shows up. Chrom realizes that there are many ways to rule after he takes down Walhart.

The dynamic between Chrom and Walhart was such a missed opportunity. It's really interesting that Chrom actually looked up to Walhart. The exchange of dialogue between Chrom and Fred after Walhart's spotpass Paralogue was really well written stuff.

It'd be kinda cool if you went through the Pelgia arc, and then the Walhart arc, and then based off of decisions you made as Chrom would ultimately determine what type of lands the children lived in. So now you don't even need time traveling, it's just the third arc.

Honestly, I kind of like the existence of Robin, because I like the idea of a tactician, I just think that Robin should have been more like Mark rather than well... Robin.

[Xenomata]

It'd be kinda cool if you went through the Pelgia arc, and then the Walhart arc, and then based off of decisions you made as Chrom would ultimately determine what type of lands the children lived in. So now you don't even need time traveling, it's just the third arc.

Honestly, I kind of like the existence of Robin, because I like the idea of a tactician, I just think that Robin should have been more like Mark rather than well... Robin.

Mark basically didn't exist, simply handled all of the tacticianing. His story impact was largely nonexistent, in fact skipping Lyn's story allowed for there to be NO Mark.

And based on my research, most tacticians in prior and future Fire Emblems have either had more of an impact on the story, or were downright playable characters anyways (but never in an explicit Tactician class)

And yet Mark was well liked anyways, which could easily be seen by his/her interactions with the Lyn Story characters after reuniting with them in Eliwood and Hector's stories.

[Alazen]

I bet he means gangrel.

Kids being optional is one of the best things Awakening did about the whole 2-gen system. Like, getting forced to S-rank units and plan that stuff each playthrough would probably add more tedium than replayability (since optional children add replayability equally).

Except the 2nd Gen not being mostly optional doesn't require forcing the player to comb for S-Ranks. It could be set up that past a point of no return the mothers all marry nameless men.

Anyway, Awakening's narrative issues can be summed up by these:

1. A lack of direction throughout the game. From the Valm arc, to the 2nd Gen, to underexplored incidents such as the Hiearch who sold-out Emmeryn, and conflicting details with past games that makes one suspect that the developers weren't sure if Awakening was going to be a follow-up to Marth's games or a reboot.

2. The major antagonists. The Grimleal have no properly explored cause or ideology with Validar himself being a worse written Manfroy. Grima is a Saturday Morning Cartoon Villain who sat around for over 2 years waiting to find a man and gems he didn't need to break the seal. Gangrel and Walhart are used to make Chrom and Emmeryn look good. All of them noticeably fail to serve as effective opposition.

3. Chrom is a raging hypocrite who doesn't really develop or have his issues properly explored. Lucina is a walking marketing gimmick who transforms into an expositionbot besides her amazing plan to commit matricide. Robin is a mess of a character if only due to the blatant worship.

4. Lopsided portrayals of nations at war. The named enemy Plegians at large are cackling mustache twirlers besides Token Good Guy Mustafa with the playable ones who aren't former bosses being a stalker girl and a jokester boy who treats war like a game. The one commander in Walhart's army who isn't a fanatic, a baby eater, or a joke is Yen'fay, who was coerced into it anyway. Ylisse is a shiny ray of shinyness whose shady aspects are underexplored at best, what with how Chrom's father oppressing Plegia in practice serves to glorify Emmeryn and demonize Gangrel for how far he goes due to his grudge.

5. Putting in nods to and returns from past FEs while also mishandling them. Grima being an Earth Dragon descendant does not fit with what was established about the Earth Dragons. Tiki is sitting around in Valm and is so minor for someone of her power that she might as well not be in the game at all. The Fire Emblem has a brand new function. These problems could have been avoided if the worldbuilding wasn't so low.

6. Low worldbuilding. We see so little of Ylisse's government that you wonder who's running the nation while Chrom is running around the world after the timeskip. How did Grima ever start being worshiped in Plegia considering how openly genocidal she is? Who was the First Exalt if he wasn't Marth? And so on.

So, any rewrites should address those problems.

Edited August 5, 2015 by Alazen

[Kysafen]

Except the 2nd Gen not being mostly optional doesn't require forcing the player to comb for S-Ranks. It could be set up that past a point of no return the mothers all marry nameless men.

Anyway, Awakening's narrative issues can be summed up by these:

1. A lack of direction throughout the game. From the Valm arc, to the 2nd Gen, to underexplored incidents such as the Hiearch who sold-out Emmeryn, and conflicting details with past games that makes one suspect that the developers weren't sure if Awakening was going to be a follow-up to Marth's games or a reboot.

2. The Grimleal have no properly explored cause or ideology

I could rewrite this for a variety of reasons: pious who worship the dragon race as the superior race for their longevity, wisdom, and strength, believing the Naga to be traitorous to the manaketes. Some sectors believe in a day of reckoning where the dragons will return from the dead, others believe that devoting their lives to Grima will have them reincarnate as them. Nowi's introduction could alternatively introduced as being chased by the Grimleal who used her body for research, in the hope of finding the cause of the dragons becoming wild beasts, their ultimate goal to change the laws of nature to let them walk the earth again.

Another religious reason that's easy is fear. One day Grima will come, and the devoted shall be saved and beloved by the fell dragon that nearly demolished civilization.

with Validar himself being a worse written Manfroy. Grima is a Saturday Morning Cartoon Villain who sat around for over 2 years waiting to find a man and gems he didn't need to break the seal.

My rewrite seeks to humanize him; a man whose nobility, where he could have closed the wounds from the war prior and opened his heart for another, fell to his personal revenge against Ylisse, despite the prospect of a future between his country and Ylisse, which by Gen 2 consumes his sanity.

Gangrel and Walhart are used to make Chrom and Emmeryn look good. All of them noticeably fail to serve as effective opposition.

Walhart's counteroffensives against the Archanean Union I would write to shed more context within the chapters of Gen 1. Not every battle would be an overwhelming victory.

3. Chrom is a raging hypocrite who doesn't really develop or have his issues properly explored.

Chrom would be rewritten to be raised at odds with Emmeryn's philosophies of peace. Prologue chapter Chrom would witness an old friend he had killed by bandits in the village raid, but deflects the initial attack with Robin and quickly becomes friends, chapter 1 he would ride to the bandits' base of operations and kill all the bandits there, to find that some of them could barely fight back. He'd be heavily criticized by Emmeryn, who would tell Chrom that the bandits themselves were starving, characterizing Chrom as rash, young, and with a naive sense of justice. Chapter 2 his troupe is led into a trap from a village, only to realize that it was captured in the Ylisse-Plegian war and the Plegian citizens were worked ragged by the corrupt Ylissean aristocrat, who also banned Grimleism and publicly executed anyone who practiced it. The chapter boss is automatically killed in a later turn by Validar, introducing his character and introducing himself to Chrom...

...basically, his character arc goes from a reckless boy with a naive sense of justice, to becoming weary of war after the protracted conflict with Valm, only to revert back to reckless rage after Validar kills Emmeryn in front of him... and then Robin kills him.

Lucina is a walking marketing gimmick who transforms into an expositionbot besides her amazing plan to commit matricide.

My rewrite would involve Lucina hiding her identity as Marth, as nobody from Valm would ever want to associate with the kin of Chrom, who fought against them.

Robin is a mess of a character if only due to the blatant worship.

Robin would become significantly different.

Lopsided portrayals of nations at war. The named enemy Plegians at large are cackling mustache twirlers besides Token Good Guy Mustafa with the playable ones who aren't former bosses being a stalker girl and a jokester boy who treats war like a game. The one commander in Walhart's army who isn't a fanatic, a baby eater, or a joke is Yen'fay, who was coerced into it anyway.

Validar and Chrom, when needing to retreat while in Valm, leave Robin to make the decision to raze a large area of Valm's farmland with their Mages, knowing that the land Valm reclaims would be valueless, and the villages along this countryside would starve... but it would also lower the enemy's stats, but prevent you from recruiting a Valmese character later.

Ylisse is a shiny ray of shinyness whose shady aspects are underexplored at best,

See above

what with how Chrom's father oppressing Plegia in practice serves to glorify Emmeryn and demonize Gangrel for how far he goes due to his grudge.

That'd be explored in Validar's base conversations with Emmeryn.

5. Putting in nods to and returns from past FEs while also mishandling them. Grima being an Earth Dragon descendant does not fit with what was established about the Earth Dragons.

So then what was established about the Earth Dragons that my write contradicts? I want my rewrite to be as retcon-free as possible.

Tiki is sitting around in Valm and is so minor for someone of her power that she might as well not be in the game at all.

In the base game, or my rewrite? She originally fought with Robin, but the clash left them both significantly weakened, enough for Robin to escape and meet Chrom later, when he was on the brink of death. Tiki would then attempt to kill Robin again, but with her strength not yet recovered, she is deflected, retreating with a deep wound. In the years of her recovering her power, she would raise Lucina and Morgan, acting as the game's Gen 2 Oifey, and eventually regain the power to use her Dragonstone again.

The Fire Emblem has a brand new function. These problems could have been avoided if the worldbuilding wasn't so low.

The Shield of Seals was built to seal the Earth Dragons originally, right? I'm trying to write it so that it retains its function, and becomes a critical component in sealing Robin's power in the Endgame.

6. Low worldbuilding. We see so little of Ylisse's government that you wonder who's running the nation while Chrom is running around the world after the timeskip.

Oh, Ylisse would be running in Gen 2... terribly.

How did Grima ever start being worshiped in Plegia considering how openly genocidal she is?

That's an opportunity to expand upon Grimleism; maybe Grima spared those who worshipped him/her, maybe out of the delight of crushing their spirits, maybe this, maybe that. The point is, it's an opportunity to write a creative solution.

Who was the First Exalt if he wasn't Marth?

Wasn't that Anri? Nobody else can wield the Falchion, so it was naturally Anri, wasn't it?

So, any rewrites should address those problems.

And I'm willing to keep on writing and addressing them.

[Ownagepuffs]

Thing is Anri is said to be the guy who took down Medeus not Grima so they're different people. Unless Grima and Medeus are the same person but that's a whole lot of fuckery to wrap your head around.

[Alazen]

It was established that most of the Earth Dragons degenerated into feral beasts besides Medeus (who became a Manakete) and Loptyr (who made a blood pact with a human and implanted his will into a Tome that would let him hijack certain members of said human's bloodline). Grima is neither a Manakete or dependant on a Tome, yet he can speak coherently and scheme. Neither of which are the actions of a feral beast.

[Taka-kun]

Nice to see a topic like this. I liked Awakening's general plotline but the execution was terrible. I actually liked the Valm arc most, as it was just pure war (which I happen to like in fiction) instead of chasing evil dragons, but there were so many holes and so little explanation. I liked Robin's character a lot, but to really understand his character, one needs to look quite deep.

Is this just an idea you are toying with or are you planning to do a fanfiction of sorts? I am a recent FE fan, so I am not too acquainted with the mystics and lore of the FEverse. If I did a rewrite, I would probably lessen the fantasy and magic aspect and portray an epic sense of war instead.

[Kysafen]

Thing is Anri is said to be the guy who took down Medeus not Grima so they're different people. Unless Grima and Medeus are the same person but that's a whole lot of fuckery to wrap your head around.

I'm running this under the logic that only those (and descendants of those) who have made a pact with Naga may wield the Falchion. It makes sense because Anri is Marth's ancestor, and since Chrom/Lucina wield the Falchion, then they're distant descendants of Marth, and by extension, Anri. Unless there was something I was missing? If there was the possibility that Awakening's world, and the different Falchion/Shield of Seals, AND the different function of the Fire Emblem in the original Awakening was a result of Marth's lore being different than the lore established in FE3 Books 1/2, I'm not going by that here, as cool of a "what if" scenario that'd be.

And as far as Grima's relation to Medeus... see first post; it's a creative liberty.

It was established that most of the Earth Dragons degenerated into feral beasts besides Medeus (who became a Manakete) and Loptyr (who made a blood pact with a human and implanted his will into a Tome that would let him hijack certain members of said human's bloodline). Grima is neither a Manakete or dependant on a Tome, yet he can speak coherently and scheme. Neither of which are the actions of a feral beast.

The Earth Dragons, along with all the other dragons, turned feral because they refused to assume a human form. Bear in mind that Grima would be in human form 99% of the game. Grima's harvesting of quintessence in the rewrite would reflect an understanding of how to handle it. But yes, Bishop Galle (the human from the Yggdrasil Outrealm that Loptyr made a pact with) would have to be written into the script in some form, as that was a consistency error on my part.

Nice to see a topic like this. I liked Awakening's general plotline but the execution was terrible. I actually liked the Valm arc most, as it was just pure war (which I happen to like in fiction) instead of chasing evil dragons, but there were so many holes and so little explanation. I liked Robin's character a lot, but to really understand his character, one needs to look quite deep.

Is this just an idea you are toying with or are you planning to do a fanfiction of sorts? I am a recent FE fan, so I am not too acquainted with the mystics and lore of the FEverse. If I did a rewrite, I would probably lessen the fantasy and magic aspect and portray an epic sense of war instead.

The core of Robin's character here is, he/she knows who and what he/she is (a literal bastard born to a race/culture that's long dead), he/she's convinced he/she has no future, and wants to drag the rest of the world down with him/her in misery, no matter who he has to lie, cheat, or kill to do it. And if I keep rolling with this, don't go expecting me to write Lucina to be all "I pity you," or "there's always another way, another second chance" for Robin by the end of it; he/she will have killed hundreds of thousands, if not millions by the time they directly confront.

I'll keep writing/revising/developing this, if this is something people would actually be interested in reading. The acts of war laid out within will be given context as the chapters are contextualized, my aim for it to be organic development. That's something I'm hoping to get out of this, at least, far more than Awakening's.

Edited August 6, 2015 by Kysafen

[Taka-kun]

The core of Robin's character here is, he/she knows who and what he/she is (a literal bastard born to a race/culture that's long dead), he/she's convinced he/she has no future, and wants to drag the rest of the world down with him/her in misery, no matter who he has to lie, cheat, or kill to do it. And if I keep rolling with this, don't go expecting me to write Lucina to be all "I pity you," or "there's always another way, another second chance" for Robin by the end of it; he/she will have killed hundreds of thousands, if not millions by the time they directly confront.

I'll keep writing/revising/developing this, if this is something people would actually be interested in reading. The acts of war laid out within will be given context as the chapters are contextualized, my aim for it to be organic development. That's something I'm hoping to get out of this, at least, far more than Awakening's.

As I see it, you are putting large emphasis on Robin being a fellborn, matching other characters that are vessels in their games, and straight up hates the world because of their inheritance. So basically, you are discarding him/her as main character altogether, to make them a catalyst for the coming apocalypse and delegate the main character role to Lucina (with Chrom being the tragic hero fated to die because of stupidity).

To be truthful, in your draft, it seems like you could have changed the characters' name and still keep the general plotline, because there is little that connects it to the canon Awakening story, other than the names. Just by going with the example of Robin, in Awakening, his/her whole place in the story and development in the support convos is that of a tactician and a strategist. Here, he/she is just there to pave the way for the second arc, which seems to be the main focus.

[Jotari]

Oh this looks like an interesting thread. Haven't read it yet but I'm posting here so I can remind myself to look through it tomorrow and give my own opinions.

[Kysafen]

As I see it, you are putting large emphasis on Robin being a fellborn, matching other characters that are vessels in their games, and straight up hates the world because of their inheritance. So basically, you are discarding him/her as main character altogether, to make them a catalyst for the coming apocalypse and delegate the main character role to Lucina (with Chrom being the tragic hero fated to die because of stupidity).

I'd still have Robin be the same tactician character whose appearance would be customized, and would still make some decisions in the game (perhaps even decisions that affect what can happen in Gen 2, level-design or in terms of character recruitment). Robin would play out as a sort of vessel for the player, and most definitely a main character... up until the point where Robin kills Chrom, something that would come out of left field and serve to sever the ties between player and character, setting it in stone when Robin in Gen 2 admits that everything he/she did in Gen 1 was all an act on his/her behalf.

[Alazen]

Among all the narrative issues Valm has, I say the key one is that it's ultimately a separate story from the rest of Awakening. The presence of elements from Archanea is so low and the reveal that Walhart was trying to stop the Grimleal all along was so tacked-on that I suspect Valm was planned for one of the options to continue the series after the DS remakes game but ended up being shoved in with everything else.

To be truthful, in your draft, it seems like you could have changed the characters' name and still keep the general plotline, because there is little that connects it to the canon Awakening story, other than the names. Just by going with the example of Robin, in Awakening, his/her whole place in the story and development in the support convos is that of a tactician and a strategist. Here, he/she is just there to pave the way for the second arc, which seems to be the main focus.

Considering how two of Awakening's major narrative issues are Robin's treatment in it (being trusted quickly by so many characters, getting praised throughout the narrative, and perhaps most tellingly how assorted playable units either approve Robin not sacrificing himself or talk like he was so close to them of he does) and what Lucina amounts to in it, I see where Kysafen is going to. Edited August 7, 2015 by Alazen

[Taka-kun]

I'd still have Robin be the same tactician character whose appearance would be customized, and would still make some decisions in the game (perhaps even decisions that affect what can happen in Gen 2, level-design or in terms of character recruitment). Robin would play out as a sort of vessel for the player, and most definitely a main character... up until the point where Robin kills Chrom, something that would come out of left field and serve to sever the ties between player and character, setting it in stone when Robin in Gen 2 admits that everything he/she did in Gen 1 was all an act on his/her behalf.

So if I understand correctly, in gen 1, Robin acts as the tactician of the Shepherds and hides all his misery and hatred under a mask and socialize with the Shepherds normally, essentially making him look like a normal main character. Then he kills Chrom and the true face of Robin is revealed in gen 2, where his angsty personality is shown. Up until then, there is no hint at all?

[Jotari]

To be truthful, in your draft, it seems like you could have changed the characters' name and still keep the general plotline, because there is little that connects it to the canon Awakening story, other than the names.

This is the exact opinion I was getting. Change these names and the Awakening influences are just as relevant as the Blazing Blade references. You might have started rewriting Awakening but this is no longer Awakening's story. The characters, themes, events and pacing are all completely different. It's an original work. And it's pretty good. I like the idea of the betrayals (particularly the Plegia betraying ala Gra. It'd be great to see something like that happen in games especially if they make it really look like it came out of nowhere but make 100% sense on retrospect). The only part I didn't really feel much from was Validar killing the Khan to gain control of the country. That seemed like it would be too easy for Validar to do, would put Chrom at too much of a disadvantage to the extent that his come back seems unrealistic and in general doesn't feel like it adds anything at all. Also for the story to make sense Robin would have to be forcibly married at some point too, though I am getting a funny image of Chrom implying Robin has a habit of sleeping with prostitutes much like Frank Grimes Jr in the Simpsons.

[Kysafen]

So if I understand correctly, in gen 1, Robin acts as the tactician of the Shepherds and hides all his misery and hatred under a mask and socialize with the Shepherds normally, essentially making him look like a normal main character. Then he kills Chrom and the true face of Robin is revealed in gen 2, where his angsty personality is shown. Up until then, there is no hint at all?

1. Robin confessing the "dreams" he/she's had of killing Chrom

2. When you fight Tiki in Gen 1, she tries to convince Chrom of turning Robin over to her, saying "you don't know how treacherous this man is!" or something along those lines.

[Taka-kun]

1. Robin confessing the "dreams" he/she's had of killing Chrom

2. When you fight Tiki in Gen 1, she tries to convince Chrom of turning Robin over to her, saying "you don't know how treacherous this man is!" or something along those lines.

Okay, so Tiki being shady does count. But why would Robin tell Chrom that he has dreams (fake or otherwise) of killing Chrom, when his intention is to kill Chrom. I don't see how that would add to confusing him.

And he/she does hide that he/she is nihilistic? Is that because you wanted a complete change of Robin's personality?