Hero_Lucina Posted August 22, 2017 Share Posted August 22, 2017 I'm writing characters for a possible FE Fanfic and I was wondering if you guys could post feedback about them. Right now only the lords are developed enough to be posted. If this isn't the right fourm board please move Vance Spoiler Vance Gender: Male Class: Archer Age: 17 Appearance: Blonde hair that's kind of spiked, a red eye and a blue eye with pale skin. He stands at 5'7 and wears a white sleeveless cloak with blue and red accents on it with a black sleeveless tunic underneath with brown pants and boots Personality: Being the half sibling to Miki, he is very hardworking and determined due to him being called a 'bastard child' who had to fight his way to establish his dominance in the royal family, despite him being born with his sister's mom's respect. Underneath this however he selfdoubts himself so much Karpos and Andros made a drinking game out of it Weapons: Iron Bow Miki Spoiler Miki Gender: Female Age: 20 Class: Mage Appearance: Light Brown Hair with dark brown eyes and pale skin. She wears a longsleeved dark purple cloak that's collar reached the middle of her head over a black longsleeved shirt and wears a short purple skirt with tall black boots Personality: Miki is very headstrong and spunky, often willing to fight for the sake of fighting. She loves her half brother Vance despite them not being mom related (not in the Camilla sense, more in the Felicia Flora sense) Weapons: Thunder Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dragoncat Posted August 22, 2017 Share Posted August 22, 2017 If they're half siblings, then make them maybe share a hair or eye color. Also, heterochromia (the one red eye and one blue eye) is very rare, so I'd just give him one eye color, but it is possible I guess. There really isn't much else to critique, given those short profiles. Go to this site, it's a gold mine for things like this! There's an entire section on character development that will surely help you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hero_Lucina Posted August 22, 2017 Author Share Posted August 22, 2017 6 minutes ago, Dragoncat said: If they're half siblings, then make them maybe share a hair or eye color. Also, heterochromia (the one red eye and one blue eye) is very rare, so I'd just give him one eye color, but it is possible I guess. There really isn't much else to critique, given those short profiles. Go to this site, it's a gold mine for things like this! There's an entire section on character development that will surely help you. Alright. The whole heterochromia thing came from his mom who has a blue eye and a purple eye and their dad has purple eyes. The red eye possibly came from that. Nobody questions it, they just use it against him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dandy Druid Posted August 22, 2017 Share Posted August 22, 2017 1 hour ago, Dragoncat said: If they're half siblings, then make them maybe share a hair or eye color. Also, heterochromia (the one red eye and one blue eye) is very rare, so I'd just give him one eye color, but it is possible I guess. There really isn't much else to critique, given those short profiles. Go to this site, it's a gold mine for things like this! There's an entire section on character development that will surely help you. ^^^ pretty much this sentiment. If they're both royal siblings then it makes sense for them to have at least one common physical feature. If you're going for a universe similar to FE, why not give Miki some more flair? Nothing against brown hair + brown eyes, but it seems weird that Vance has a such a distinctive look while she looks more like an everyday woman. Again, I don't know the story you have planned out and the significance of her features. Nobility usually take pride in a certain trait they possess, so if it'll be explained, go for it. 1 hour ago, Hero_Lucina said: Alright. The whole heterochromia thing came from his mom who has a blue eye and a purple eye and their dad has purple eyes. The red eye possibly came from that. Nobody questions it, they just use it against him. Will the red eye thing be explained? The red eye seems to come out of nowhere. You don't have to explain exactly why, but if there's a reason for his eye being red despite neither of his parents having this trait then go for it. If you're only writing for your own personal enjoyment, then ignore this and just have fun being creative. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hero_Lucina Posted August 22, 2017 Author Share Posted August 22, 2017 10 hours ago, Dandy Druid said: ^^^ pretty much this sentiment. If they're both royal siblings then it makes sense for them to have at least one common physical feature. If you're going for a universe similar to FE, why not give Miki some more flair? Nothing against brown hair + brown eyes, but it seems weird that Vance has a such a distinctive look while she looks more like an everyday woman. Again, I don't know the story you have planned out and the significance of her features. Nobility usually take pride in a certain trait they possess, so if it'll be explained, go for it. Will the red eye thing be explained? The red eye seems to come out of nowhere. You don't have to explain exactly why, but if there's a reason for his eye being red despite neither of his parents having this trait then go for it. If you're only writing for your own personal enjoyment, then ignore this and just have fun being creative. Half siblings to be more specific but ok. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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