Things That Are No Longer Allowed in the Order of Heroes

[Hero_Lucina]

I saw a fates version so I figured I'd make my own for FEH. All 200 rules I've made thus far is in the spoilers, so feel free to make your own. Note: Shade is my oc and there are a lot of spoilers. (For a better view, check it out on ao3 under Things Shade's order of Heroes is not allowed to do anymore

Spoiler

Arvis is not allowed to roast Sigurd and Seliph. Figuratively and literally. 
All ranged units are not allowed to complain about Distant Counter. There are only 2 units with it, one of them being a seasonal and the other is a 5* exclusive.
Further, Reds, Blues, Colorless and some greens aren’t allowed to bitch about Dire Thunder.
Connected to 1, Sigurd and Seliph aren’t allowed to steal Binding Blade to scorch Arvis
Incest jokes are forbidden, enough said.
Cecillia, please stop tormenting Reinhardt, he’s crying and Shade needs him for the battlefield.
No one can call Ryoma a lobster. Effie, we’re serious
Ryoma, please stop making fun of Xander’s Easter and Summer outfits. I know you need to get back at him but please stop. 
Frederick, please stop with your fanatical fitness program. Berkut has passed out from dehydration twice. Plus you ride a horse. Why do you need leg day?
Corns and Robins are not allowed to date each other.
For the love of Naga, please stop trying to pin Anthony to a cross and burn him alive. He’s crying in the corner and Lachesis is sick of dealing with the brothers in the infirmary due to Reinhardt
Reminder that supports are there to help in battle, not to get into each other’s pants. It’s pure coincidence that Reinhardt and Lukas got together afterwards.
Whoever is blaring Dude looks like a lady whenever Lucius walks into the room needs to stop.
Genny, please stop taking the voting gauntlet papers and making fics out of them. Chrom and Ephraim are scared.
Whenever Felicia, Berkut, Arvis, Sigurd and Seliph are in the room, please refrain from making bbq jokes.
Sakura, please stop jumpscaring Reinhardt, even if it is accidental. 
Whoever is calling Arden thick with Q’s needs to stop. That’s not even the highest defense. 
Frederick, Elise, Tiki, Leo, please put on more appropriate clothes for Nifl. You can still use your summer weapons though.
Kids, after halloween, don’t take candy from strangers. Nino almost got traumatized if it wasn’t for Lyon being nearby. 
Furthermore, Wrys isn’t a pedophile.
Whoever keeps making Uncle jokes is getting killed -Berkut
Serra, please stop annoying Matthew. I keep finding him hiding in Ike’s room.
All close combat units flee from enemy Arya’s unless you are Berkut or Clive. Leave it to them, Reinhardt or Leon please.
Lillina is not a Reinhardt killer because of the voting gauntlet. Please leave all Reinhardt slaying to our Reinhardt, Julia, Hector or Titania. 
Kagero and Camilla don’t have bunny boobies. 
Genny and Fae are friends, not food. 
Zelgius is not the Burger King so please stop giving him Burger King food.
Disregard the above -Zelgius.
Whoever made Reinhardt and Mae 3* is a blessing to this world -Shade
Lukas, please don’t try to break up any fights between Cecillia and Reinhardt since he got a new form, Reinhardt needs revenge. 
Reinhardt, please stop giving people from Judgral bear hugs. Saias had to be sent to medbay after you let go.
Also on this note: Reinhardt, please stop chasing Leif. I know you did so back home but please no. 
Boey, please stop stalking Leif because you have the same artist. He’s creeped out. 
Whoever keeps pinning Anthony to a cross in order to get Fernand or Rinea here is going to hell -Berkut
Berkut please come to the summoner’s room for your reward for bringing Camus home.
Also, all green units need to stop calling Camus “Camoo”. He is not a cow, Feh just mispronounced that part due to lack of accent.
Ike, we told you this. Genny, Fae and Feh aren’t food, they’re friends.
Lon’qu, stop threatening Fjorm with your “god powers”. Just because you had Triangle Adept 2 and beat Bruno up doesn’t mean you can run around fighting blue units. 
Effie, please stop eating rocks. 
All VA jokes are prohibited. 
Arvis, we’re serious. Stop with the Smash Jokes.
On this note, please stop asking Reinhardt if he has style, grace and a funny face. 
Next person to compare Berkut to Whis and Reinhardt to Beerus of Dragon Ball is going to be Hector’s target practice.
Disregard the above -Reinhardt and Berkut
Cards Against Humanity is banned around Anthony, Nino and Delthea. 
Gordin, please stop with the “But mars” meme
Takumi isn’t the problem and solution to everything
Lukas is the only person who can sing “Make a Man out of you” during training. We all know who’s been breaking this rule.
Lon’qu, stop with the “Do u now de wae memes”
Also Shade, why did you show Mae and Berkut memes? -Alfonse
Whoever is forcing Beruka,Lissa, Lachesis, Elincia and Caeda into Sailor Moon outfits with Tobin as Tuxedo Mask?
That was me- Tobin.
Going back to Rule 47, Tobin is also not a fix all to everything
Stop giving Alm the “Destroying your whole family” award. Berkut is now handing out “C bomb” awards because of it. 
Say it with me now, CLIVE IS NOT IN LOVE WITH KERMIT
Alright, who put Sigurd, Arvis, Eliwood and Takumi in “Fire Emblem”
Berkut, don’t bloodbend Alm like he’s your puppet. We’ll have a talk about that.
Shade, please stop asking me to do the windy thing. What even is a windy thing? - Lyn
Twilight Jokes are now prohibited around Jakob, Lukas, Eliwood and the Dawn Brigade’s Edward when he gets here. 
Lon’qu, Odin, Reinhardt, please stop making FMA jokes. Shade’s crying in the corner. 
Reinhardt, stop dying everyone’s horses MLP colors and giving your’s fake wings. 
STOP WITH THE FROZEN JOKES. Fjorm is still crying.
Also, Gunnthra, why did you fake die? That’s not nice
Niles stop greasing the floors in the mess hall and the plates. Felicia doesn’t need this
Jakob, I control the order of heroes. No your complaining and calling Lachesis a bitch is not going to help. You are going to be Hawkeye’s partner whether you like it or not. 
A daily Setsuna hunt is now in place. Everyone minus the healers have to patch up all holes in the area until she is found. The healers will continue their healing business. 
Ryoma’s hair is not a place to hide yourself or objects
Lost in Thought’s All Alone is not allowed at Karaoke night
SUPPORTS DOES NOT MEAN A FUCKING ORGY. 
Odin stop with the pokemon jokes, Michaiah and Tiki don’t like it. 
Odin, get me a Pikachu onesie? - Tiki
Frederick, take down all the unflattering portraits please. 
Flame on is not a correct greeting for Sigurd, Arvis, Berkut or Gunnthra. Likewise ice to meet you isn’t one for Felicia, Gunnthra, Fjorm or Ninian. 
Virion, stop with the weeds. Some of us are allergic to these weeds. 
Reinhardt, please stop showing off Olwen like you’re Mae Hughes from Full Metal Alchemist. I know she just came home but she’s getting embarrassed. 
Casual Fridays are not a thing. Please wait till Summer to use less clothing. 
Legion,Peri and Oscar don’t cook humans. Please stop with this rumor. 
All dragons must stop giving the Robins dragonstones. 
Reinhardt does not have tiny hands just really big sleeves. 
Reinhardt, please stop jumpscaring Hector while wearing a chainsaw mask and your new blade.
Also on this note, whoever is lugging around a bear costume to scare Frederick is a dick.
BERKUT IS NOT LIGHT YAGAMI ODIN
Ike, Stahl, Elise’s pigtails aren’t breadsticks. Don’t eat them.
Titania, please stop trying to kill Zelgius. I know he murdered your crush and all, but 1, he has weapon triangle advantage and 2, you have an Emerald Axe. 
Narcian, please stop dressing up Feh whenever we get a castle upgrade. She just wants a nap.
Due to lack of productivity among the army, a chore chart has now been put into place. This chore chart does not impact any healers as they have enough to do. Such chores include meal prep, cleaning the stables, fixing and replacing training dummies, laundry and other menial tasks in order to up productivity. Said chore chart can be found next to Da Rules Book you are reading.
The Feh chore is being changed weekly so no one can abuse said power. 
Due to complaining, here’s some explanation. Anyone who just came back from a mission is not allowed to be forced into chores. Battling is considered a chore so Jakob and Frederick need to quit their bitching. 
Anthony and Nino now need to be given less complicated tasks like folding laundry. Such small kids cannot reach high places in the kitchen and they avoided a lot of burns. 
Dorcas, Genny is not your mutton. She’s a good girl.
There is no correct god, all of them live in peace and like to get high on the weekends. 
Threatening people to tell them about homestuck is forbidden
Whoever told Lyon about Homestuck is in a lot of trouble.
Robin/Robout and Corrin/Corrout jokes have been added to the list of banned jokes
Due to the success of the chore chart, we have added a recreation room with things from my (the summoner’s Shade’s) world, like TVs, Video Games, and other things
No I will not summon any characters from Smash to fight. 
Hector, please stop sounding like Hans from Fates when you play GTA, it’s waking Tiki up and she starts to panic. 
Azura, Shigure, karaoke is now forbidden after 9pm except for special events because of how loud you get 
Marth put on some fucking pants. This isn’t 1991
HECTOR I AM NOT GETTING YOU A JETPACK BECAUSE YOU SAW IT IN OVERWATCH
Everyone stop abandoning that one teammate and then saying “goodbye you little shit.” It’s annoying.
All red units need to stop complaining about Reinhardt’s 5 other very small versions of himself. They can’t do much except fall on their face.
Lon’qu keeping tiny Ninos as pets is a bad idea.
Xander is not a communist Anna. Please stop trying to spread this.
Quit calling Athena and Eliwood bug eyes, they don’t deserve that. Also the next person to call Lloyd a meth head is getting sent to clean the bathrooms. 
Leon, stop having a gay off with Soren and Niles. 
After numerous complaints, everyone must stop asking Ike, Eldigan, Ephraim and Lukas to read a cheesecake recipe at random times, but meal prep is ok. Reinhardt, Lachesis, Lyon and Soren can’t contain the nose bleeds anymore and blood is hard to get out of carpet.
Also Lachesis isn’t horny for her brother. She’s married to Finn and has 2 amazing kids. 
Camilla, Sonya, Tharja, stop smothering people with your boobs (Sonya less than the others but you get the point)
Gaius, stay out of my room! That’s my things you are invading and my candy you are eating!
Alfonse is not the Bench Lord or Chrom 2.0. He has feelings. 
Est, but Dragons is not a valid excuse anymore. 
RYOMA IS NOT A LOBSTER FOR FUCKS SAKE
No mounts in the bathhouse
Matthew, stop taking Arthur’s maps. The poor guy found himself in Infernal Legion once. 
Shade, put some damn pants on. No one needs to see you walking the halls at night at 3 am while your in a tshirt and underwear looking for food -Alfonse
Fuga is not Mr. Clean. Enough with that.
Nor is he One Punch Man
Using Setsuna and Arthur as Trapsweepers is a dick move. 
“I’m really feeling it” is now forbidden as a battlecry until Shade can fight -Berkut
Stop putting legos around the Corrin’s room. They might be a bad lord but they brought a cinnamon roll
Selena is no longer allowed to manage our finances.
Frederick, we know you like to get up early but stop staring at Chrom until he wakes up.
Saizo doesn’t have a Sharigan
Frederick must be under supervision when making fires. Arvis is not considered supervision
All talk of corrupt rulers must be avoided when Anthony is in the room. He keeps getting Anxiety attacks. 
Elise, stop asking Lukas if he even lifts. Isn’t it obvious with the fact he wears so little armor but so much defense?
Effie is not allowed on mess hall duty unless Shade is also on mess hall. We don’t have the funds for these rations. 
No Reinhardt, stripping for horny women is not going to get us funds. We’ve been over this. 
Soleil is banned from kareoke night. 
Lyon and Berkut cannot have anymore demon offs. 
Due to Lukas’ absence because of things he cannot control, if Reinhardt starts snuggling with you in the middle of the night, do not resist. It’s basically his way to get rid of nightmares.
Alm and Celica are no longer allowed to be on kitchen duty. 
Berkut is not allowed to have dance offs with Olivia, Ninian and Inigo
Gray, 50 Shades of Gray has nothing to do with you cloning me 49 times so put that in Frederick’s burn pile
Dabbing is now banned. 
Laundry Pods are now only to be kept on the highest shelf in the laundry room. One of the Smolhardts almost ate one along with Tiki and Nowi.
Due to some fuck ups, Fernand and Rinea are now here. No I am not sending them home, Berkut needs to show them his new friends.
Yes Berkut is engaged, get over it. 
Any fetish art from DeviantArt WILL not be attempted. Ya nasties. 
Whoever is playing the DK Rap at 3 am needs to stop. 
Lon’qu, enough of the Dio jokes
Referring to Hector as “One Hell of a Guy” is not allowed near the younger heroes.
The PA system is being taken away at night. I’ve had enough of being Rickrolled. 
Micaiah stop with the Father of Sothe’s Children jokes.
Fernand, we found your private writings. Do you know Berkut is 17?
Reinhardt is not allowed to punch Julius in the face when he arrives. 
Olwen however is allowed to beat the fuck out of Kempf when he arrives cuz he’s an ass. 
Due to numerous requests from Fjorm, we now have an animal shelter wing built in. You can play with the kittens and puppies all you want since all Feh does is sleep. KEEP IN MIND that this adds 1 more responsibility to the chore chart. 
Robin, Soren, unbarricade the library immediately.
Berkut, Reinhardt, stop blaring We are Number One at the most inappropriate times so Anthony can do the opening with a trombone
More importantly, where did he get one and the lessons?
In a few weeks, I am going to Disney for my 16th birthday, and I have already assigned my stand in. Why am i mentioning this? Well I can bring some people with me, so you all better be on your best behavior.
Whoever gave Henry a set of 3DMG is in big trouble. Where did you get that and where can I get one?
Somehow I fucked up again so now we can have pokemon.
Please don’t make fun of Berkut for having a Sylveon. That thing can and will kick your ass. 
Fjorm, stop freezing everyone, ok?
Rule 34 site has been banned due to Seliph finding it and crying. 
Anthony, how in the ass did you befriend the god of the pokemon world?
No we cannot use Articuno and Lugia to destroy Muspell. It is ok to befriend the duo.
Niles stop using Unown to spell out dirty words. It’s annoying and disturbing
Playing the Ouran High Host Club theme is the worst way to summon the Deliverance we do have. They have broken several windows because of this. 
Niles is no longer allowed to read bedtime stories after his edition of “Go the Fuck to Sleep.”
Niles is now banned from buying books for our library. What is he even doing?
Any “Mica Sue” jokes are banned. She is not a mary sue, she just had a very bad script. 
Twilight parodies are allowed though, I am not banning you guys from making them.
Rapidash is not a steed. Quit trying to light your dick on fire Berkut. 
Likewise, Zebstrika are also not steeds. 
Mae, stop using Darkrai to jump scare Boey. 
Seliph, I know you just got your first dirt bike ever for your birthday, but not in the castle. The carpets have to have a special washing treatment. 
Hector, stop dragging Armads on the carpet, this is the 3rd set we’ve had to replace.
Yelling suck it nerd to any mage upon their defeat is prohibited.
Same applies to Fir with Arya. 
STOP JACKING OFF TO DRAGON TALES LIKE IT’S PORN ZEPHIEL! THIS IS SOMETHING WE’VE BEEN OVER!
Arden is not a creep who cannibalizes people. Stop spreading this to the new recruits. 
Stop doing dad/yo mama jokes on the more sensitive heroes please.
I mean dad jokes as in targeting your dad jokes. Bad jokes are still encouraged.
Cosplaying is allowed to a certain extent, just not on the battlefield. I will go more into detail as more questions arise. 
Whoever is putting laxatives in our food, please stop. Whoever finds the culprit is getting a huge reward.
Berkut, if you could be so kind as to control the inner Duma by giving him a bagel or something? Anthony’s having panic attacks from all his screaming. 
Whoever dressed Hector in a Cannibal Lecter outfit is a massive prick.
Ephraim, please stop getting off to all the pain that Infernal mode brings you. Lyon is disturbed.
All extra agricultural work must be approved by Donnel or myself.
Due to an orange hitting my face you can also ask Alm, Gray, Faye or Tobin.
Anthony is not a steed in his transformed state. He only did that once so Nino could reach the cookies when Fae was upset about the gauntlet.
Jakob, it is banned to yell “time to take out the trash” and then throw Anthony into the burn pile. 
Peeing in the Hot Springs is disgusting guys. Don’t. 
Any animals are not allowed to be in the hot springs. We have a special area to wash your steeds/pets people.
Getting Feh wet is banned. 
Azama and Serra are banned from sermons. 
It is ok for Wrys to give you people hair cuts. He once did mine and it looked amazing
Takumi is not a pineapple
Kaze is not a pedophile. The Sakura he is married to is over 18.
Camilla, please stop turning very quickly while someone short is near you. Lissa still has a black eye
Niles is now banned from being near Wind Attribute people for “asking them to blow him.”
Everyone, Azura does know more than “Lost in Thoughts All Alone.”
Calling Camilla “Ms. Thundertits” is extremely rude.
Camilla is not a Cow, so quit asking for milk.
Rule 198 also applies to Camus
Faceless and Stoneborn are not pets. Anthony is here because he is the faceless version of a manakete. Don’t confuse the two. 
 

 

[Junkhead]

3 minutes ago, Hero_Lucina said:

 

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Arvis is not allowed to roast Sigurd and Seliph. Figuratively and literally.
 

 

[alatartheblue42]

3 hours ago, Hero_Lucina said:

Zelgius is not the Burger King so please stop giving him Burger King food.
Disregard the above -Zelgius.

Niles stop greasing the floors in the mess hall and the plates. Felicia doesn’t need this

Odin, get me a Pikachu onesie? - Tiki

Anthony is not a steed in his transformed state. He only did that once so Nino could reach the cookies when Fae was upset about the gauntlet.

Azama and Serra are banned from sermons. 

Some of my favorites, but there were a lot of other great ones. Well done.

[Arcphoenix]

Grima, stop trying to convert Heroes to Grimleal and get back to work.

Don't let Grima go anywhere unsupervised.

No supplying Grima with cadavers or parts of them. This is aimed at you Henry, Rhajat, and Tharja.

If you see someone who looks like your enemy, know that there's no point in attacking them. They aren't from your world and aren't the thing that'll fix your home. All fighting will do is just lower our numbers.

Forming clubs and societies is fine as long as it isn't created for the purposes of criminal acts, uprisings or world domination, and as long as they don't interfere with the Anna-zon TM business. Also, no more claiming parts of the castle or barracks on your own decision. I'm sure everyone remembers in spite how the Blue-Haired Society claimed the pool for themselves.

Soleil, no more taking off your shirt outside. It's become a hazard to a shamefully sizeable portion of the army in battle.

Narcian, stop trying to convert Grima into worshipping you.

Just... Allow Hector to bring his axe anywhere. Last guy who tried separating him from it was in the hospital near-death for a month. He's also too important to let go.

People... Stop staring at Subaki. As much of a shocker as this may be, men can ride pegasi too.

No one is to mess with Zelgius's sword ever again. If anyone is found in possession of Alondite that is not Zelgius again, report to one of the head officers immediately. If Zelgius happens to be nearby, RUN. Do not attempt to intervene. 

Felicia is not allowed in the chess club -Robin.

Niles is no longer allowed to drop things in the suggestions box for "thing to make the army better or more efficient." Suggestions not suggestives mind you.

If Gaius gives you a nickname, just roll with it.

Peri and Setsuna must be supervised at all times by someone mentally stable and capable of defending himself or herself.

Felicia is no longer allowed to use matches, work in the armory, nor work in the kitchen.

Guys, stop flirting at that blonde tall healer. You're making him uncomfortable.

[Charmeleonbrah]

Arvis, burn Ryoma to a crisp. I'd like blackened lobster (and the removal of the most generic FE Fates lord), pls.

[Dragoncat]

On 4/13/2018 at 5:04 PM, Hero_Lucina said:

“I’m really feeling it” is now forbidden as a battlecry until Shade can fight -Berkut

Shulk: Hey that's my line!

Reyn: NOW IT'S REYN TIME! *burps really loud*

Shulk: Shut up and STOP CHUGGING THAT LITER BOTTLE OF COKE you're hyper enough already!

Fiora: And last time you did that you puked!

 

Will the OP get the reference? The suspense is killing me!

Edited April 23, 2018 by Dragoncat

[Hero_Lucina]

12 hours ago, Dragoncat said:

Shulk: Hey that's my line!

Reyn: NOW IT'S REYN TIME! *burps really loud*

Shulk: Shut up and STOP CHUGGING THAT LITER BOTTLE OF COKE you're hyper enough already!

Fiora: And last time you did that you puked!

 

Will the OP get the reference? The suspense is killing me!

Hell yeah!

[Dragoncat]

1 hour ago, Hero_Lucina said:

Hell yeah!

*high fives*

[DisobeyedCargo]

We need to start making more of these 

[Dragoncat]

Nobody is allowed to take Ryoma to Red Lobster and ask him if that's his family being cooked.

Takumi's name is not Taco Meat.

1 hour ago, DisobeyedCargo said:

We need to start making more of these 

The above are the ones I came up with just now.