Captain Karnage Posted August 24, 2018 Posted August 24, 2018 Kinda of a random thought I just had. I said that to a friend who looked like he dropped about 30lbs because of his job. Then I thought to myself, "did I just call him fat?". Kind of feels like I did both.
eclipse Posted August 24, 2018 Posted August 24, 2018 Depends on how well that friend knows you. A really good friend will understand what you meant. A more casual acquaintance may not. Next time, "hey, you look good!" will suffice.
KevinskyHaaz Posted August 24, 2018 Posted August 24, 2018 This is some seriously weird deja vu type stuff. I was told this today by an old friend I haven't seen in years. I did not take it as an insult whatsoever. It made me feel really great because I haven't even been trying to!
EricaofRenais Posted August 24, 2018 Posted August 24, 2018 It can be annoying sometimes, someone I used to know would say "you look like you lost weight!" every time they would see me and they did it loudly and in public. If you say it when you are just hanging out and everyone knows each other well, it is less annoying then if you do it loudly and in public.
Baron the Shining Blade Posted August 24, 2018 Posted August 24, 2018 I think the phrase is generally meant to be a compliment. I've heard it used a lot in movies and other media, and that's the vibe I've always gotten from it.
Rapier Posted August 24, 2018 Posted August 24, 2018 "know your audience" is pretty much the golden rule to everything you may think about saying.
JSND Alter Dragon Boner Posted August 24, 2018 Posted August 24, 2018 It is very much an "insult", but one that is more friendly in nature, because theres implications where "you know them enough to remember what their previous state was and care enough to realize the change", at least thats how i saw it. Its actually one of my favorite jabs amongst my group of friends
Jotari Posted August 24, 2018 Posted August 24, 2018 5 hours ago, JSND Alter Dragon Boner said: It is very much an "insult", but one that is more friendly in nature, because theres implications where "you know them enough to remember what their previous state was and care enough to realize the change", at least thats how i saw it. Its actually one of my favorite jabs amongst my group of friends Doesn't sound like you're defining insult with that definition.
Light Strategist Posted August 24, 2018 Posted August 24, 2018 Is acknowledging a positive change in someone an insult?
Junkhead Posted August 24, 2018 Posted August 24, 2018 18 minutes ago, Light Strategist said: Is acknowledging a positive change in someone an insult?
Dragoncat Posted August 24, 2018 Posted August 24, 2018 1 hour ago, Light Strategist said: Is acknowledging a positive change in someone an insult? Losing weight isn't always a positive change though. Losing too much is unhealthy, just like gaining too much is. As for the topic in general, I'll second Eclipse.
Jotari Posted August 24, 2018 Posted August 24, 2018 Nothing should be perceived as an insult unless the person saying it actually intends offense. People will often say things out of ignorance, but that should not provoke anger, it should provoke correction. Take stock in the meaning and intentions of people's words, not in the words themselves. In this case the meaning is "You look better than before," and thus should not be seen as negative. People who perceive this as "You looked bad in the past," are in the wrong. Of course I'm quite radical when it comes to social politeness (I legitimately don't believe in using the word "Please"), so maybe to just avoid all this you could simply say "You look good," as Eclipse suggests.
Truebladee Posted August 24, 2018 Posted August 24, 2018 2 hours ago, Light Strategist said: Is acknowledging a positive change in someone an insult? Nope
Karimlan Posted August 24, 2018 Posted August 24, 2018 12 minutes ago, Jotari said: Nothing should be perceived as an insult unless the person saying it actually intends offense. People will often say things out of ignorance, but that should not provoke anger, it should provoke correction. Take stock in the meaning and intentions of people's words, not in the words themselves. In this case the meaning is "You look better than before," and thus should not be seen as negative. People who perceive this as "You looked bad in the past," are in the wrong. Of course I'm quite radical when it comes to social politeness (I legitimately don't believe in using the word "Please"), so maybe to just avoid all this you could simply say "You look good," as Eclipse suggests. Pretty much, this encapsulates everything that needs to be said on the matter. Words are benign (you can argue inconsequential, even) by themselves; whoever says it give them their purpose, their power.
Azz Posted August 24, 2018 Posted August 24, 2018 Personally for me no. I've actually been losing weight recently from working out and people have been pointing it out and it has been rather motivational for me to keep going since it's nice to see people are noticing my hard work is paying off. I have used the 'Oh was I fat before' as a joke with my friends before though, but in general, I see 'Oh you've lost weight' as a compliment.
XRay Posted August 24, 2018 Posted August 24, 2018 8 minutes ago, eclipse said: ITT: A lack of subtlety. I'm disappointed. Maybe it is a guy thing, but the directness helps avoid misunderstanding and gets the point across much faster. "Dude, you stink!" will get me into the shower much sooner than "Did you jog? You have a lot of sweat."
Strullemia Posted August 24, 2018 Posted August 24, 2018 As long as the person you're saying it to is overweight I don't think there's a problem. I'm slightly overweight (my BMI is 27) and I've been working to lose some weight the last few months and some people have actually pointed it out and it feels great whenever someone says something along the lines of "Have you lost weight?" or "Have you been working out?". It makes me feel great because I don't just feel my body becoming healthier but other people can also see it.
eclipse Posted August 24, 2018 Posted August 24, 2018 17 minutes ago, XRay said: Maybe it is a guy thing, but the directness helps avoid misunderstanding and gets the point across much faster. "Dude, you stink!" will get me into the shower much sooner than "Did you jog? You have a lot of sweat." Not necessarily. Weight is a tricky issue, since it's impossible to know the exact circumstances behind someone's weight gain/loss. Maybe the other person's not exercising as much as they should, or maybe you're dealing with someone that has some psychological issues regarding food - you, as an outsider, don't know that. Being diplomatic is an insanely important life skill.
XRay Posted August 24, 2018 Posted August 24, 2018 35 minutes ago, eclipse said: Not necessarily. Weight is a tricky issue, since it's impossible to know the exact circumstances behind someone's weight gain/loss. Maybe the other person's not exercising as much as they should, or maybe you're dealing with someone that has some psychological issues regarding food - you, as an outsider, don't know that. Being diplomatic is an insanely important life skill. Yeah, I would never be that direct to a stranger., but I think it is perfectly fine with friends. When I am out with friends, "Stop being fat!" lets me to cancel my soda or change my order to a smaller one.
eclipse Posted August 24, 2018 Posted August 24, 2018 1 hour ago, XRay said: Yeah, I would never be that direct to a stranger., but I think it is perfectly fine with friends. When I am out with friends, "Stop being fat!" lets me to cancel my soda or change my order to a smaller one. Good friends. I'd have to warn myself if I listed some of the things we said to each other!
MacLovin Posted August 25, 2018 Posted August 25, 2018 honestly, it's all a matter of tone and timing. I mean if some rando says it I won't care. On another hand, if someone that has no business talking about it says it then I'm probably bound to note it as attempted subtle dickbaggery. If a friend, family member, or doctor says it, then it's fine.
Junkhead Posted August 25, 2018 Posted August 25, 2018 guys who the fuck walks up to an obese person and tells them "it must be horrible to be fat" and walks away
MacLovin Posted August 25, 2018 Posted August 25, 2018 28 minutes ago, Junkhead said: guys who the fuck walks up to an obese person and tells them "it must be horrible to be fat" and walks away is it someone you care about, a rando, or someone you dislike?
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