I am who I am.

[♠Soul♠]

My mother always complains to me and berates me on behaviours that I "should" have or feel, with things like gestures. She always criticize me for not acting a certain way or showing certain gestures- gestures of which I never once related to or felt to do naturally, as she would. I am not her. I don't think, feel or express myself in the same way as her. If I happen to overlook something, she takes it as me being "insensitive" and cold. And even if she happens to be right, it's not like I do (or don't do) any of this on purpose.

There was a point in my life where I would constantly feel bad about this, but now I'm not having any of it. That never encouraged me to be a better person, it just made me feel worse about myself, like I'm always wrong and there's something wrong with me for not being like she wants me to be.

Edited June 20, 2021 by the actual real soul

[indigoasis]

There's actually a damn good quote from Chrom in Fire Emblem Awakening: "You are yourself, before you are any man's son. Remember that." (It's fairly reminiscent of another quote by Marth: "I am a prince before I am a son or brother.")

That's taken slightly out of context, but the point being made is that you are who you are before you are anything else, and nothing can change that. People might create an ideal of someone else in their head that they would like them to be (which is to say that they set up _{conscious expectations of others), but no one can live up to the ideals that other people set. It's not likely to happen.} 

_{There is absolutely nothing wrong with who you are. Only you can set your own goals to strive for, if that's what you wanna do. Don't let someone try and change who you are (unless it's some kind of positive change, like quitting smoking or something).}

[♠Soul♠]

No, it makes sense within this context. Thank you.

I'm learning this as an adult, because no one would have thought me that earlier. My whole life, I always thought I was wrong, and everyone else knew better than me. Now, I see it that no one really has the 100% truth or anything of the matter. You are free to decide, and you shouldn't have to be made feel guilty about who you are, unless it's something that's genuinely bad.

[AnonymousSpeed]

Not to say your mother's delivery was correct, I wasn't there and I don't really know, but it is useful to be able to imitate social norms even if you don't "get" them. If an act comes off as insensitive or tacky, then whether that's purposeful or not falls to the way side. It becomes expedient to purposefully avoid those acts.

EDIT: As an example, this is what psychopaths have to learn to do in order to function in regular society. So it's at least possible.

Edited June 21, 2021 by AnonymousSpeed

[XRay]

As much as I want to tell you to be yourself, I am not sure if that is the right thing to do. As @AnonymousSpeed said, being able to imitate social norms helps a lot with fitting in, but that is easier said than done.

I have a friend who is oblivious to social cues and norms, and he just does not get it often times. While I personally do not mind him being the way he is in terms of just our relationship, his relationship with a few friends from the rest of the group is shaky and strained. I guess what bothers me the most is not how he treats me, but how he treats some of our friends. And as much as I hate to admit it, that does affect my perception of him, and it sometimes makes me avoid him. I am not worried about most of us unfriending and abandoning him, but his attitude and behavior makes it hard to include him in group activities and more serious matters. Right now, it is not a big deal if we do not include him in major group gatherings since he does not want to join big gatherings anyways, but that might be different in the future in case his representation and presence is needed.

[♠Soul♠]

jesus I'm not talking about basic social normal cues I mean dumb things like asking others if they want a cup of coffee when I get one or asking other's if they're alright when something like that would never come to my person naturally. I'd rather be me than sound fake for the sake of sounding "considerate". It's not even that I don't care a lot of the time, it's just things that are literally not ingrained into my person.

or like something fell I literally didn't see it and she's too damn stubborn to even consider that a possibility and that I literally just left it there.

Edited June 22, 2021 by the actual real soul

[AnonymousSpeed]

9 hours ago, the actual real soul said:

jesus I'm not talking about basic social normal cues I mean dumb things like asking others if they want a cup of coffee when I get one or asking other's if they're alright when something like that would never come to my person naturally.

I'm glad you're not struggling with the basics, and I don't mean to say these particular things might be a big deal. It might still be expedient to practice and internalize those behaviors though, it could curry favor with others. Yeah, others may overreact to not doing these things, I get it. I have trouble with tone, but the only thing I can really do about that is learn to work around what people expect. It sucks, but you have to adapt to the suck of the world in order to become truly sipp.

[♠Soul♠]

In most cases, I'd rather just be myself than put on a fake face or other things. This is just specifically referring to the dumb things my mother berates me for.

[Original Alear]

Since you've never done it, why knock it?

[♠Soul♠]

4 hours ago, Original Johan Liebert said:

Since you've never done it, why knock it?

This is literally the polar opposite of people who idolize it and never did it.

[Original Alear]

On 6/23/2021 at 7:05 PM, the actual real soul said:

This is literally the polar opposite of people who idolize it and never did it.

Alright then sorry for the incorrect assumption.