SF's "Write Your Butt Off" II - Return of Writer's Block in Written Works Posted March 3 · Report reply 4 minutes ago, SoulWeaver said: You say the dialogue was a tad off in a couple instances, do you mind pointing some of them out to me so I can review them for future stuff? Sure, let me grab a few examples. On 2/26/2019 at 10:29 PM, SoulWeaver said: “Meredith...I...I just wanted to say... this isn’t easy to admit, but...I...shouldn’t have...yelled at you like...look, you...you know how I am when someone throws a curveball at me, especially one like...well, like that...you know? So I thought...once I calmed down I thought I should come and...you know...apologize. And for trying to punch your...your...” So here the issue is the overuse of ellipses, some slightly clumsy dialogue, and also the mismanagement of her stutter/stammer. The best way to show this is for me to first re-write this, and show you my thought process behind it. "Meredith, I...I just wanted to say that I shouldn't have yelled at you li-look, y-you know how I am when someone throws a curveball at me, especially one that's like...like that, you know? So I, well I thought that once I had calmed down that I should come and...you know, apologize, And, for trying to punch yo-your..." Now, that isn't perfect. The use of I's in critical junctures makes it very hard for me to properly use dashes to indicate repeat uses or thinking, but it gets the point across. It makes the character come off as more scared and stubborn to apologize, rather than just thinking of it really hard. Again, I don't know the characters to well, but it follows the impression I got. On 2/26/2019 at 10:29 PM, SoulWeaver said: “He...he didn’t want to risk it - if anyone found out, I’d be targeted too - but...it got to be...it was just...I couldn’t take it anymore. It wasn’t hard to get into his room without him knowing, so I waited for him to come get ready for bed, and when he came I said…” Same issues as before, but this time with a few odd dashes thrown in. "He...he didn't wanna risk it. If anyone found out, th-then I'd be targeted too. Bu-but it got to be...it was...it was just too much. I easily got into his room without his knowing, and...and I just as easily waited for him to come get ready for bed. W-when he came in, I...I said..." Again, a little clumsy on my part since I's with dashes look bad (I-I looks more like a TIE fighter than a stammer), but it generally flows better imo. On the repeat read, it isn't quite as bad as I originally said, far less glaring things, and more nitpicks like the stammers and waits being kinda off.