Snowy_One Posted November 22, 2014 Share Posted November 22, 2014 Feedback topic for my new story. I'm feeling pretty daunted, but pretty eager to undertake this story. A few notes about the current chapter. Firstly, I had a bit of trouble getting started. When I booted up the game I remembered most of the details of the story, but the thought came to my mind of 'wait. What, exactly, is the relationship between Brendon and his father? Does Brendon even like his dad? Would Charles, taking Brendon's place, like his dad?' I realized that would need some answering before I really got started. I also tried to think about what Norman would have done to become a trainer in the first place. I knew he lived in Olivine city beforehand, so I figured Jasmine would have taught him a little and been somewhat important in both Norman and Charles's life. I kind of find it funny to realize that Jasmine is young enough that Charles might have a reasonable crush on her, yet Jasmine would be teaching her dad to become a gym leader. I also know she's supposed to be shy, but figured it made a bit more sense for her to tell Charles, seeing as she would have been the one to tell his dad as well, than for Charles's mother to tell him despite having only recently learned of the approval. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dragoncat Posted November 24, 2014 Share Posted November 24, 2014 You put Brendon's name where Charles' should be a few times in chapter 1. Other than that, solid story so far! I think it's sweet how he named the torchic after his best friend back in Johto. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snowy_One Posted November 24, 2014 Author Share Posted November 24, 2014 Thank you. A lot of that is because Brendan is actually supposed to be the male character in Ruby/Sapphire. I intentionally chose a different name for him so that people get that he isn't that guy and this is its own story, but I keep slipping back to it. I'll fix it right away. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dragoncat Posted November 24, 2014 Share Posted November 24, 2014 Yep. I figured that was the reason. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dragoncat Posted November 25, 2014 Share Posted November 25, 2014 Nice battle scene! Unless Charles knows that mudkip evolves into a ground and water type already though...you might want to change that because mudkip doesnt gain the ground type until it becomes a marshtomp. Also, nice idea to give the treecko to Birch. I always wonder what becomes of the last starter in the games without two rivals. And, you called Charles Brendan again. Just once though! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dragoncat Posted November 26, 2014 Share Posted November 26, 2014 Lol nice, I wasn't expecting you to switch to the pokemon's view point! That's just awesome. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snowy_One Posted November 28, 2014 Author Share Posted November 28, 2014 New chapter coming out tonight, possibly two if time permits. There was an unexpected... change... I did not know/understand what was going on with the new 'rare pokemon finder' thingy and, as a result, my team has become a bit non-standard. I have a Poochyena that knows Ice Fang with 0 breeding for example. Also made catching a Ralts very easy. I haven't decided what to do with this new feature yet and if it breaks the spirit of a Nuzlock or not. Regardless, if things seem a bit 'out of order' it's probably due to narrative, once again, so don't fret. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snowy_One Posted December 6, 2014 Author Share Posted December 6, 2014 I'm sorry I haven't posted a new chapter, but I'm honestly a bit stuck with Wally and how Charles would deal with his dad. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snowy_One Posted December 10, 2014 Author Share Posted December 10, 2014 So... I beat Roxanne... And her Nosepass is a ****ing BITCH to beat! I had FOUR of my teammates drop into the red, one surviving with one HP, and only winning because of some lucky confusions. THANKFULLY no one died, but it was due to sheer luck. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snowy_One Posted December 21, 2014 Author Share Posted December 21, 2014 Okay. Major changes. 1) As of now this will NOT be a Nuzlocke challenge! Rather, I am so weary of playing the game in small spurts only to have to waste an entire car-trip or meeting (I play between them or during executive sessions) simply because I hit a key point in the story and don't want to progress lest I lose my place. So, as of now, it is simply a normal story if only so I can finally enjoy my own game. 2) With that said, while I will adhire to the overall plot, I will not follow it to the letter anymore. I have a few changes in mind as to what to deviate from. 3) FEEDBACK IS IMPORTANT! No feedback = Me thinking no one is reading the story = Sad Snowy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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