Story The Paradox Child

[Tangerine]

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1S2dr7jwqCtyI3oOtOkIIAiLoDEhPwhJbcJKBRj2k9zk/pub

[Balcerzak]

I'm not sure how to say this without hurting your feelings, but while it looks like you have a lot of neat ideas, your writing really needs a lot of help, both technically and descriptively.

I've tried something a little different for attempting to give you some positive feedback. I copied the first page or so of your story, started up a new googledoc, enabled the "track changes" mode ("edit as suggestions" I think they called it) so you could better compare and contrast the original with my revisions. I also selected sentences and added comments explaining why I felt the changes were needed or a good thing. The changes themselves appear to show up as colored text and strikethroughs (for me they were green, but when I loaded it in another browser with nobody signed into google it was magenta). The places where there are comments appear as solid yellowish highlights, to view the comment click onto the yellow section and pay attention to the bubble that is brought into focus on the right-hand side of the doc.

I had to leave the document in "anyone can edit" mode, otherwise the "edit as suggestion" feature didn't seem to display properly, so that might be a problem if other people actually go in and mess around, but in that case we can just revert to the ~2 AM (CST) revision in the revision history.

Take a peek at it here if you want.

Don't lose hope and don't give up! You can only get better by continuing to work hard (and of course by continuing to read). If you have questions, please don't hesitate to ask. If you really want me to, I could maybe try to go through the whole story in the same way as this first bit, but I didn't know if you'd appreciate that or be offended by it, plus it's a lot of work, so I just stopped at a somewhat convenient part.

Edited February 4, 2016 by Balcerzak