Fire Emblem: Awakening, A Novelization *NEW* CHAPTER 6

[Ice_Viking_117]

This is the official forum topic for my Fire Emblem Awakening novelization. (I do know that others have done this, but I'm always up for some competition.)

I will be rewriting Fire Emblem Awakening's story into a novel that will be less fan fiction like and more book like. For example, the majority of the Shepherds will not be full fledged characters but perhaps mentioned.

Some spoilers for the story (only if you have not played the game): Robin will be the main character and protagonist with Chrom being a major character rather then compete with Robin for the title of main character. Robin (M) and Lucina will be the pairing for this story because, 1) it seems to be the most popular and 2) it fits within the story quite nicely when looking at it from a writer's perspective and how the major characters interact. There may be a few original characters of my own but I do not plan on writing many. The book is inspired by many of BLAZINGKNIGHT's ideas from his YouTube video, "How To Improve Fire Emblem Awakening's Story," like the conversion of the original story from a three arc structure to a one arc structure.

I contacted BLAZINGKNIGHT for some assistance and advice so please go check out his YouTube channel.

I am very much requesting literary critique from everyone so I can write the best possible story!

The first draft of the third chapter will be available to read in time...

Warning: The first draft will suck, like A LOT. I am writing a first draft without edits then going back and editing through. So far, some major edits that are required are more details, setting up of plot points and general writing competence.

Below is where the content can be found on Word:

 Chapter Layout.docx (this is a rough outline)

Prologue.docx

Chapter One.docx

Chapter Two.docx

Chapter Three.docx

Chapter Four.docx

Chapter Five.docx

Chapter Six.docx

Let me know if there should be any improvements to it (story or otherwise) or how I post the documents. (I'm still new to the interface, apologies.)

Edited January 10 by Ice_Viking_117

[Shrow]

Fire Emblem story re-writes are always fun. I remember watching BLAZINGKNIGHT for them.

Something to keep in mind that isn't mentioned is that BLAZINGKNIGHT only gives an overview of how a story unfolds but not much descriptions on the events and the dialogue.
Make sure to focus on good character chemistry, witty dialogue and general fun moments as that's what makes written works enjoyable.
Question: Are you going to be keeping it PG kinda kid friendly which is what Fire Emblem is? Almost like a mature kids Saturday morning cartoon vibe.
I know many would be tempted to introduce swearing and blood, but personally I don't think that fits Fire Emblem at all.

[Ice_Viking_117]

I definitely will be paying close attention to narrative and dialogue!

To me, Fire Emblem always seemed more PG13 (at least awakening did). I will be keeping the swearing to the same amount that happens in the game but I do want to make the combat somewhat realistic and more akin to a war story. Many of the half baked themes in FE Awakening that I will be exploring have to do with war and matching the combat to these themes seems appropriate. (This does not mean overly grotesque violence but rather violence similar to the of a war movie. Not glorified but realistic for medieval combat.)

Hopefully this answers your questions!

[Ottservia]

22 minutes ago, Ice_Viking_117 said:

I definitely will be paying close attention to narrative and dialogue!

To me, Fire Emblem always seemed more PG13 (at least awakening did). I will be keeping the swearing to the same amount that happens in the game but I do want to make the combat somewhat realistic and more akin to a war story. Many of the half baked themes in FE Awakening that I will be exploring have to do with war and matching the combat to these themes seems appropriate. (This does not mean overly grotesque violence but rather violence similar to the of a war movie. Not glorified but realistic for medieval combat.)

Hopefully this answers your questions!

The themes in awakening aren’t half baked. I think they’re pretty well realized. Personally I hated blazing knight’s video on the matter but that’s just my opinion. I’ve actually done a full analysis on awakening’s story myself if you’d like to read it.
 

 

[Ice_Viking_117]

42 minutes ago, Ottservia said:

The themes in awakening aren’t half baked. I think they’re pretty well realized. Personally I hated blazing knight’s video on the matter but that’s just my opinion. I’ve actually done a full analysis on awakening’s story myself if you’d like to read it.
 

 

That's a great analysis! I think there is truth in that. A better way to say it is "themes that weren't realized to their full potential."

[Azure loves his Half Elves]

I will certainly follow this.

I was wondering about doing something like this with FE: Three Houses’s Blue Lions route, tbh. I was thinking of having the story take place from the perspectives of Byleth and Dimitri (with their perspectives switching from one to the other).

However, I’ve a lot on my plate, so that will be for another day.

[Ottservia]

1 hour ago, Ice_Viking_117 said:

That's a great analysis! I think there is truth in that. A better way to say it is "themes that weren't realized to their full potential."

Thanks and I can agree with that. It honestly boils down to presentation. There’s only so much IS can do with awakening’s engine so maybe a Novelization might fix that

[Ice_Viking_117]

4 minutes ago, Ottservia said:

Thanks and I can agree with that. It honestly boils down to presentation. There’s only so much IS can do with awakening’s engine so maybe a Novelization might fix that

My thought exactly. A novelization could focus on the story and thematic aspect of it since I don't have to worry about gameplay, level design, rpg mechanics etc.

[Ice_Viking_117]

35 minutes ago, Azure loves his Half Elves said:

I will certainly follow this.

I was wondering about doing something like this with FE: Three Houses’s Blue Lions route, tbh. I was thinking of having the story take place from the perspectives of Byleth and Dimitri (with their perspectives switching from one to the other).

However, I’ve a lot on my plate, so that will be for another day.

Thanks!

If you ever do start something like this with Three Houses, I'll definitely be behind it! Let me know if you start working on it.

[Ice_Viking_117]

A new section is available to read! The Prologue!

Let me know what you guys think and if it should be shortened, lengthened (keep in mind that it is not meant to be chapter length), needs to be written more clearer etc.

Thanks for taking your time to read!

[Ice_Viking_117]

The Prologue is now up on Wattpad to read! The title of the book is "Fire Emblem, Awakening".

The first draft of chapter one is almost complete!

 

Thanks!

[Sir Gerwald of Vallora]

I found it. I was wondering if you wete going to put this up. I'll ptobaly give it a read to see how you handle this.

[Ice_Viking_117]

18 hours ago, Sir Gerwald of Vallora said:

I found it. I was wondering if you wete going to put this up. I'll ptobaly give it a read to see how you handle this.

Thanks man! Be as honest as possible with it, I will edit it the crap out of it once I've finished the story.

[Sir Gerwald of Vallora]

2 hours ago, Ice_Viking_117 said:

Thanks man! Be as honest as possible with it, I will edit it the crap out of it once I've finished the story.

As any good story really should be. And if you have anythi g you want to brainstorm, send me a DM. I've helped a few people here in the Forest come up with new ideas. 

Spoiler

Awakening is one of my favorite FE games to, so that certainly helps things.

 

[Ice_Viking_117]

After a big break for the holidays, I will hopefully be able to keep up with writing. Here is chapter 5!

[Deirdre an Bhróin]

On 9/18/2020 at 10:17 AM, Shrow said:

Fire Emblem story re-writes are always fun. I remember watching BLAZINGKNIGHT for them.

Something to keep in mind that isn't mentioned is that BLAZINGKNIGHT only gives an overview of how a story unfolds but not much descriptions on the events and the dialogue.
Make sure to focus on good character chemistry, witty dialogue and general fun moments as that's what makes written works enjoyable.

I have only seen blazingknights content as a child, but I was completely clueless he did this sort of content. I may not be the biggest fan of his delivery, approach, editing, etc, but I'm a bit interested now. Shanebrained is the only YT I can recall who does this that I've seen (give him views on his FE Retrospective series if your interested!) and I think he does so quite well, which I would assume the same for blazingknight.

Quote

Question: Are you going to be keeping it PG kinda kid friendly which is what Fire Emblem is? Almost like a mature kids Saturday morning cartoon vibe.
I know many would be tempted to introduce swearing and blood, but personally I don't think that fits Fire Emblem at all.

Seeing how Fates yielded a "C", the same as the persona games, the series is far from just a "mature Saturday morning cartoon." There are quite a lot of things present in FE from the very beginning which I think is a little shaky for PG, and some even for PG-13. To note, FE games are rated overall from Cero A to C. We've never had an 17+ FE title, but we've had 12+ and 15+. That's more than a little PG.

To be exact, we get a little cum-drop of blood in Echoes which is pretty laughable for being considered "cartoon violence/blood", while we get magenta and brown stains in Three Houses, which are pretty Cero B. Swearing has always been present in the JP version and seeing how what's considered "foul language" is JP is often easily substituted for tamer words in English, I don't think we've seen much of it until Awakening I assume in the west. As for topics of drugs/alcohol/gambling, etc it's always been in FE as well. It doesn't have a big presence, but it is talked about and when it is, it's pretty loose and tame. I can think of some like Victor from FE4 being an alcoholic being incentive for him being an abusive character something which may be a little shaky for a PG rating. 

As for sex, sexual violence, etc. It's everywhere in FE, and when it is, it's not very PG. Sylvia has her little lines of being perverse, and so do a lot of characters, along with lines in Fates being really racy (The treehouse "I'll do something good for you tonight" and "I'll be gentle lines" go over a PG audience's head, but so does a lot of "mature" themes, and its not welcome.) Then we get to the really racy territory of Claude/Sylvia's and Deidre/Sigurd's relationships being explored a little closely in the novels, as well as Finn/Lachesis having their breif scene in the mangas. Then things take a turn for the worse when it is clearly explained and even flaunted by some characters that the women were raped in the siege of Yngvi, being done so justifiably in the words of some characters, as well as Lene, for instance, a minor in todays standards being raped and beaten. 

That's whatever came to mind alone. It's not very PG, though the series has it's moments where it tries to act like it. It's really difficult for the writers across all of FE to attempt to fulfill there ideas when they are constructing a war setting. I suppose that's what the official mangas/novels/general other content is for. To expand upon what wasn't and couldn't be explored in game. 

On 9/18/2020 at 11:44 AM, Ottservia said:

The themes in awakening aren’t half baked. I think they’re pretty well realized. Personally I hated blazing knight’s video on the matter but that’s just my opinion. I’ve actually done a full analysis on awakening’s story myself if you’d like to read it.

It seems I share your sentiment as well as his (though I'm late to finding it, and I essentially fall in the middle of half-baked vs. not) , however that's why I'll check both you and blazingknights content...if I can sit through his video, that is. 

On 9/18/2020 at 1:18 PM, Azure loves his Half Elves said:

I will certainly follow this.

I was wondering about doing something like this with FE: Three Houses’s Blue Lions route, tbh. I was thinking of having the story take place from the perspectives of Byleth and Dimitri (with their perspectives switching from one to the other).

However, I’ve a lot on my plate, so that will be for another day.

This is something I'd read, though I'm sure the time/inspiration may be burnt out, even now. I seem to be one of the few who is unsatisfied with the story in 3H, as I am with a lot of FE, and would like to see another's take on it that expands outside of the "Dimitri's my husband and I love him. He's crazy but I love him, and he loves me." which is quite popular in doujin circles (which I can appreciate too lol)

 

@Ice_Viking_117 Though I'm really late, I'd like to agree with that old tip.

Witty dialogue for witty characters is always a plus to ease tension, especially when you want to make a really impactful scene. I think a lot of fanfiction and fanfiction-esque (I'd say you and I fall into this category) writers tend to make the mistake when we first write (especially as young kids/teens) is the overall tone becomes very edgy if not at a constant tense state. When this happens, it becomes increasingly difficult for us and our writing abilities to construct impactful and tense scenes. The tone is present throughout, and even if you actively search for those big moments, the audience becomes tone-deaf to these. Fun scenes where characters can be human and have these highs in life refreshes the tone and makes everything hit even harder. I'll check this out ASAP, since I'm a fan of novelization/manga format of FE, be it the official books or fan works!

[Ottservia]

1 hour ago, Deirdre an Bhróin said:

It seems I share your sentiment as well as his (though I'm late to finding it, and I essentially fall in the middle of half-baked vs. not) , however that's why I'll check both you and blazingknights content...if I can sit through his video, that is. 

I would definitely like to hear your thoughts though there are a number of things in my original analysis that I don’t necessarily agree with anymore particularly the stuff about Emmeryn and Gangrel. I’ve actually been thinking about rewriting it soon.

[Deirdre an Bhróin]

2 minutes ago, Ottservia said:

I would definitely like to hear your thoughts though there are a number of things in my original analysis that I don’t necessarily agree with anymore particularly the stuff about Emmeryn and Gangrel. I’ve actually been thinking about rewriting it soon.

I’ll definitely respond as I read. I don’t really have Awakening fresh in my mind, and the discrepancy between the US and JP copies is quite blurry for me, but I think I’ll learn more by simply putting my thoughts out and letting it be addressed accordingly.

I think it’s good though, that your thoughts have changed. Be it in favor of new or old ideas or not, at least your productive and growing within the topic. We FE fans are more then just stubborn in that regard lol.

I’ve read through it quite a bit already, and I do agree with some of it (including the completely unrelated appreciation you have for Akechi, at least in aesthetics, which isn’t niche or anything but is nice to see someone with hot take as an avi on a site filled with debate lol. Can you tell I’ve been in less than civil discussions, be it plot analysis/interpretation or not within several fandom circles?)...

I’ll expand my thoughts on the post and as I continue to read.

[Ottservia]

7 minutes ago, Deirdre an Bhróin said:

I think it’s good though, that your thoughts have changed. Be it in favor of new or old ideas or not, at least your productive and growing within the topic. We FE fans are more then just stubborn in that regard lol.

 

I’m personally always of the opinion that you should always try to look at things from different perspectives. Especially in regards to stories. You never know if you’re initial impression or interpretation of a given work could be wrong. Sometimes looking at it from a different angle will yield more informed conclusions on it. I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve had an initial interpretation of a story proven wrong by just playing through/watching/reading it again with a better understanding of the material abd focusing more on the specifics. Why just recently my view on Makoto Nijima’s confidant took a complete 180 on my most recent play through of P5R.

 

12 minutes ago, Deirdre an Bhróin said:

I’ve read through it quite a bit already, and I do agree with some of it (including the completely unrelated appreciation you have for Akechi, at least in aesthetics, which isn’t niche or anything but is nice to see someone with hot take as an avi on a site filled with debate lol. Can you tell I’ve been in less than civil discussions, be it plot analysis/interpretation or not within several fandom circles?)...

Akechi is by far my favorite persona character period. I didn’t care for him much in base P5 but oh boy did Royal really change that. He’s just such an amazing character. Also the fact that he’s so unabashedly edgy helps a lot. I love my edgy anime boys.

[Maof06]

2 hours ago, Deirdre an Bhróin said:

As for sex, sexual violence, etc. It's everywhere in FE, and when it is, it's not very PG. Sylvia has her little lines of being perverse, and so do a lot of characters, along with lines in Fates being really racy (The treehouse "I'll do something good for you tonight" and "I'll be gentle lines" go over a PG audience's head, but so does a lot of "mature" themes, and its not welcome.) Then we get to the really racy territory of Claude/Sylvia's and Deidre/Sigurd's relationships being explored a little closely in the novels, as well as Finn/Lachesis having their breif scene in the mangas. Then things take a turn for the worse when it is clearly explained and even flaunted by some characters that the women were raped in the siege of Yngvi, being done so justifiably in the words of some characters, as well as Lene, for instance, a minor in todays standards being raped and beaten. 

Correct me if I'm wrong, since we only have access to fan-translations of FE4, but aren't the women of Isaach suffering this during Dannan's regime? Larcei/Creidne mentions this during the start of chapter 6, and it's a big deal for Creidne's character. Here's the line in the most recent patch:

Spoiler

Larcei: I'm... I'm not gonna run away anymore! I'm sick to death of sitting here while those monsters butcher our friends! Or worse... The empire's thugs are still out there, snagging any girl they see... If Prince Shannan hadn't come for me that day, I'd be just another one of 'em: dead, or wishing I was... I won't forgive or forget their plan!

 

49 minutes ago, Ottservia said:

I’ve actually been thinking about rewriting it soon.

Do you have any estimate? I was also planning to expand my thoughts on the whole Robin x Lucina post I made on Alastor's thread, which fits nicely with the message that the game wants to convey to us.

[Deirdre an Bhróin]

40 minutes ago, Ottservia said:

I’m personally always of the opinion that you should always try to look at things from different perspectives. Especially in regards to stories. You never know if you’re initial impression or interpretation of a given work could be wrong. Sometimes looking at it from a different angle will yield more informed conclusions on it. I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve had an initial interpretation of a story proven wrong by just playing through/watching/reading it again with a better understanding of the material abd focusing more on the specifics. Why just recently my view on Makoto Nijima’s confidant took a complete 180 on my most recent play through of P5R.

 

Akechi is by far my favorite persona character period. I didn’t care for him much in base P5 but oh boy did Royal really change that. He’s just such an amazing character. Also the fact that he’s so unabashedly edgy helps a lot. I love my edgy anime boys.

I agree with you completely. It’s apparent one will be utterly tome-deaf to themes within ones own writing if it can’t be approached with other perspectives. An open mind is a healthy one, so they say. That doesn’t mean encourage everything which goes in, but encourage the act of heading things out and making opinions for yourself based on that opinion.

I’m the same way. My mind doesn’t change often, but I make sure to hear things from all sides and listen, question and learn as to why another’s perspective is that way and mine’s is my way.

I’m sure OP would benefit from this, which is likely why he brought his work here.

I actually had a similar experience! I approached Mishima with the “niceguy/NEET” mindset, however was happy to find how his character was portrayed within the social link. Give it up for MegaTen writing great characters.

OP should also explore characters, be it their themes and development, even from other fictional media to help further his understanding and interpretations of or existing characters.

I tend to approach everything in fiction with a nuance attitude, so Akechi wasn’t that much of a turn off for me in the base game as he was for some. I really liked Adachi and the nuance of his both complex and simple (of that makes sense), and came to enjoy the same things being explored in different ways with Akechi. People were quick to label it as “bratty” or “pussy-behavior”, but I quite liked it. Royal literally reinforced and justified my like for his character, and I’ve come to really appreciate him a lot. Others were turned off for “lack of development”, but (hot take) I don’t think it’s necessary for every character to develop in the traditional social link format. You grow to become a better person at the end of your social link. Akechi very obviously did not hear the memo, but it works in his favor. An already complex character doesn’t need to change within a story and grow for the better to be compelling, and Akechi is exactly that. I think his nuance, much like Akechi makes him seem more human, which was people’s initial gripe with him in that fandom for vanilla P5. Some really felt he was inhuman and “too anime” (ik in persona of all things lol) compared to Adachi, etc. I beg to differ, yet again I share this sentiment with a lot of edgy anime boys. I will until it proves the death of me. Which is quite soon seeing how I share that perspective characters like Griffith from Berserk, and other anime edgelords on a website as vocal as this lol...

Anyway! OP take notes!

characters are a big part of FE, and I’ll be reading with the eye for how they’re presented within your work!

10 minutes ago, Maof06 said:

 Correct me if I'm wrong, since we only have access to fan-translations of FE4, but aren't the women of Isaach suffering this during Dannan's regime? Larcei/Creidne mentions this during the start of chapter 6, and it's a big deal for Creidne's character. Here's the line in the most recent patch:

  Hide contents

Larcei: I'm... I'm not gonna run away anymore! I'm sick to death of sitting here while those monsters butcher our friends! Or worse... The empire's thugs are still out there, snagging any girl they see... If Prince Shannan hadn't come for me that day, I'd be just another one of 'em: dead, or wishing I was... I won't forgive or forget their plan!

 

I haven’t played the JP version for quite some time, seeing how I was most eager to see what was done in the FE4 and 5 translated patches which dropped recently (and both look beautiful too), I still have the patches in my mind. 
I’ll see if I can find the JP script rather than pulling up the game and rushing to Chpt (that’s at least 3 hours of time) to grab the dialogue. I wonder if this site has different regions scripts posted?

I’ll go look, since I’m going to need it on hand anyway.

 

As for the quote, if translations proves correct (which is seems to be, not only good compared to the old translations, but a good fan translation overall), it’s Kaga’s way of stating the obvious in a not so obvious manner. He does this quite a lot in FE4/5 in particular, and seeing how his writing in his “Saga’s”, is quite obvious what he intends to convey. Even then, it’s not outright es states because the game did need to go on the famicon as a household staple. The cero wasn’t even a thing at that time, so I’d wish he’d speak his mind a little in game.

Funny that Larcei and the substitute are the ones to mention the treatment of those in Isaach...Radney (is Creidne the name used in CYL? I’m interested in the etymology) is shown to have been raped in the manga adaptation. Seliph recalls how she helped them escape as children, and with it she lost her womanhood and pride as a warrior.

The topic is all over in FE, especially 4 and 5. I’m eager to see if these themes are explored in any other series, seeing how the adaptations are unapologetically vulgar compared to the games. Even Gaiden’s manga adaptation was made to a shoujo manga and it had more balls in presenting itself than a lot of themes in FE games lol. The novels and mangas are available now more than ever, so I’ll be looking forward to purchasing them. Right now, I have my eyes of importing the Sacref Stones novels, as it’s one of the best written FE titles in my opinion, and the artwork is beautifully illustrated by the goddess herself Rika Suzuki. I’m quite interested in seeing how the novel will be, seeing how Sacred Stones didn’t shy away from more vulgar aspects compared to the previous titles. I’ll hope it’s not like the Thracia novels, where the story is steamrolled through with little expansion.

With that being said, I’m actually quite happy with how much content like this novelization and analytics and such is present on this site. I used to peek at these things occasionally, but now I’m fully emerged now that I have an account and can ask around accordingly.

In regards to that, I’m actually thinking of constructing a post where I expand on my interpretations of FE4 cast and how I present/wish to present them and receive the thoughts of those here. I’ve already constructed quite a bit of the contents of the post. In all actuality, so just don’t know where to post it.

In written works because I am discussing my head-cannon interpretations and presentations along with others opinions of my concepts? Or FE4 because I’m asking for others interpretation of characters and how they perceive them and wish for them to be presented? Hmm...

Edited January 7 by Deirdre an Bhróin

[Maof06]

6 hours ago, Deirdre an Bhróin said:

is Creidne the name used in CYL? I’m interested in the etymology

Yes. Here's the etymology.

6 hours ago, Deirdre an Bhróin said:

In regards to that, I’m actually thinking of constructing a post where I expand on my interpretations of FE4 cast and how I present/wish to present them and receive the thoughts of those here. I’ve already constructed quite a bit of the contents of the post. In all actuality, so just don’t know where to post it.

FE4 is great for that overall because it has so many layers. I think the SNES tab is the ideal place to post it.

[Ice_Viking_117]

8 hours ago, Deirdre an Bhróin said:

@Ice_Viking_117 Though I'm really late, I'd like to agree with that old tip.

Witty dialogue for witty characters is always a plus to ease tension, especially when you want to make a really impactful scene. I think a lot of fanfiction and fanfiction-esque (I'd say you and I fall into this category) writers tend to make the mistake when we first write (especially as young kids/teens) is the overall tone becomes very edgy if not at a constant tense state. When this happens, it becomes increasingly difficult for us and our writing abilities to construct impactful and tense scenes. The tone is present throughout, and even if you actively search for those big moments, the audience becomes tone-deaf to these. Fun scenes where characters can be human and have these highs in life refreshes the tone and makes everything hit even harder. I'll check this out ASAP, since I'm a fan of novelization/manga format of FE, be it the official books or fan works!

Thanks for the tip! It makes a lot of sense. There is a lack of those moments in the first few chapters but I will definitely begin putting more of those moments in. Let me know if there's a specific scene where you think a tension relieving moment would work or if the work feels 'edgy' or too dark. 

Thanks for the responses!

I'm looking for as much critique and advice as possible.

[Deirdre an Bhróin]

3 hours ago, Maof06 said:

Yes. Here's the etymology.

It's exactly what I expected. Judgral is filled to the brim with Irish mythology in both plot and etymology more so than any other FE, much to my liking (username for reference). I was wondering about the etymology and general mythology behind her CYL name. She was a fénnid! Thanks for pointing me to the etymology! I'm in the process of reading through a lot of Irish mythology and comparing it to the concepts present in Judgral as well, and for using the wiki this much, I've forgotten they have these etymology sections on the character pages lol.

Quote

FE4 is great for that overall because it has so many layers. I think the SNES tab is the ideal place to post it.

I'll start constructing the post then. I'd like to begin with the really "obscure" characters, such as the 12 dragons and crusaders, then move on to a little less obscure such as Victor, Cigyun, etc. Because of the limited information present with these characters that aren't in others, a lot of the information would be in hypotheticals and how I'd wish them to be presented within the context of the lore. That should be fine considering theory-craft-type post are everywhere in these sections.

I'll try to look for similar content for reference as well.

4 hours ago, Ice_Viking_117 said:

Thanks for the tip! It makes a lot of sense. There is a lack of those moments in the first few chapters but I will definitely begin putting more of those moments in. Let me know if there's a specific scene where you think a tension relieving moment would work or if the work feels 'edgy' or too dark. 

Thanks for the responses!

I'm looking for as much critique and advice as possible.

I haven't gotten to reading it, but if the beginning chapters follow the trend of opening with the endgame, I think it would be appropriate to leave out some lighthearted elements. Though the chapters after I recall establishes the Shepherds which is the perfect time to ease that tension that is present in the prologue. Also a great way to introduce character dynamics, which contains a lot of fun interactions in the games. This part of the game I establishes Ylisse as well, which can begin to build the world a bit, which I think the game struggles with. 

I became stuck w/ reading analytics, doing schoolwork, searching for sources, etc and the like since yesterday, so I haven't quite sit down and gotten to reading all the chapter through. This is something I'm interested in reading however and will be sure to do so when the time arises. 

If there is anything I feel needs to be commented on, I will be sure to address it specifically.  

[Ice_Viking_117]

2 hours ago, Deirdre an Bhróin said:

 

I haven't gotten to reading it, but if the beginning chapters follow the trend of opening with the endgame, I think it would be appropriate to leave out some lighthearted elements. Though the chapters after I recall establishes the Shepherds which is the perfect time to ease that tension that is present in the prologue. Also a great way to introduce character dynamics, which contains a lot of fun interactions in the games. This part of the game I establishes Ylisse as well, which can begin to build the world a bit, which I think the game struggles with. 

Once you read it, you'll see that I've cut out a lot of story introduction clichés like, waking up, starting with a dream, starting at the end of the story, amnesiac protagonist, etc, but without changing the story too much (as in Robin still does not know that he is Grima; I change much of the story in other places though). World building is something that I think I have struggled with so far in the novelization so I'll be paying more attention to it in these next chapters (I'll be going back and editing mistakes after I finish the first draft.).