Tethys

[Guest FreelancerSealBoy]

Seeing as we have a creep on board, I thought I'd better get this done fast. I'll fix it though:

Tethys

Summary:

Tethys is a dancer and member of Gerik's mercenary troop. She is also the older sister of Ewan.

Bio:

Tethys is a native of the desert country of Jehanna characterized by her red hair, a trait shared by all the people of the area. She led a difficult early life. Both she and her younger brother Ewan were abandoned when they were young. Taking care of a younger brother, most likely a toddler, was very challenging for her as she was still a child herself. Wandering from place to place, she often was hungry. Having once witnessed a dancer, Tethys decided to dance herself, and after many falls, she succeeded in becoming quite skilled in the dance.

It's unknown when she joined Gerik's troop of mercenaries, but it was likely some years before the Grado Empire began its war. During the War of the Stones, Gerik's troop, Tethys included aided the Princess of Renais, Eirika, in putting down a revolt in the recently formed country of Carcino. She continued to journey with the princess and the rest of her followers all the way to the Black Temple of Fomortiis. Though Tethys could not fight, she used her dancing skills to aid the fighters in any way she could. During her travels with Gerik, she found herself falling for the mercenary coming into conflict with fellow mercenary Marisa, the latter becoming her rival for Gerik's affections. She continued to travel Magvel which eventually became her entire stage. Wherever she went, crowds would gather to watch this alluring woman of the desert perform. Some say, Gerik accompanied her and both were able to buy a leisurely retirement, though Tethys continued to dance.

[VincentASM]

I put my edits in the regular brackets, while unsure suggestions are in square brackets. I kind of mix and matched them towards the end though DX

Tethys is a native of the desert country of Jehanna characterized by her red hair, a trait shared by all the people of the area. She led a difficult early life(; b)oth she and her younger brother Ewan were abandoned when they were young. Taking care of a younger brother, most likely a toddler, was very challenging for her as she was still a child herself. Wandering from place to place, she [found herself] hungry [often]. Having once witnessed a dancer, Tethys decided to dance herself[] and[,] after many falls, she succeeded in becoming quite skilled in the dance.

It's unknown when she joined Gerik's troop of mercenaries, but it was likely some years before the Grado Empire began its war. During the War of the Stones, Gerik's troop, Tethys included[,] aided the Princess of Renais, Eirika, in putting down a revolt in the recently formed country of Carcino. (Tethys) continued to journey with the princess and the rest of her followers all the way to the Black Temple of Fomortiis. Though Tethys could not fight, she used her dancing skills to aid the fighters in any way she could. During her travels with Gerik, she found herself falling for the mercenary(,) coming into conflict with fellow mercenary Marisa, [who became] her rival for Gerik's affections. She continued to travel Magvel(,) which eventually became her entire stage. Wherever she went, crowds would gather to watch this alluring woman of the desert perform. Some say, Gerik accompanied her and both were able to buy a leisurely retirement, though Tethys continued to dance.

Edited January 2, 2009 by VincentASM

[Guest FreelancerSealBoy]

Ok, there we go:

Tethys

Summary:

Tethys is a dancer and member of Gerik's mercenary troop. She is also the older sister of Ewan.

Bio:

Tethys is a native of the desert country of Jehanna characterized by her red hair, a trait shared by all the people of the area. She led a difficult early life; both she and her younger brother Ewan were abandoned when they were young. Taking care of a younger brother, most likely a toddler, was very challenging for her as she was still a child herself. Wandering from place to place, she found herself hungry. Having once witnessed a dancer, Tethys decided to dance herself hoping this would provide for her and and her brother. By her own admittance, Tethys found dancing harder than she'd expected; she fell and injured herself many times, but she persisted and eventually became a very skilled dancer.

It's unknown when she joined Gerik's troop of mercenaries, but it was likely some years before the Grado Empire began its war. During the War of the Stones, Gerik's troop, Tethys included, aided the Princess of Renais, Eirika, in putting down a revolt in the recently formed country of Carcino. Tethys continued to journey with the princess and the rest of her followers even when the trek led to the Black Temple of Fomortiis. Though Tethys could not fight, she used her dancing skills to aid the fighters in any way she could. During her travels with Gerik, she found herself falling for the mercenary. Her fondness for Gerik eventually pushed her into conflict with fellow-mercenary Marisa who became her rival for Gerik's affections. She continued to travel Magvel, which eventually became her entire stage. Wherever she went, crowds would gather to watch this alluring woman of the desert perform. Some say, Gerik accompanied her and both were able to buy a leisurely retirement, though Tethys continued to dance.

Now, since someone else claimed this article, I'll be willing to let you decide which one is better when and if he writes it. I'm sure there are a lot of people better than me, though it doesn't take much to be better than me. So, may the best article get the spot.

[VincentASM]

Hmm, I didn't notice Aurabolt claimed Tethys as well. Normally, I would have assumed the first come, first serve policy.

However, if they do go ahead and complete the article, I guess I might consider adding it, since you're alright with it. Although the best thing to do in that situation is perhaps to form some kind of collaboration.

In any case:

Some say, Gerik accompanied her and both were able to buy a leisurely retirement, though Tethys continued to dance.

I forgot to mention it last time, but I think the last part, after the second comma, is lacking something, but I can't quite put my finger on it. It might just be me though ^^;;;

Maybe it just needs to be lengthened to add emphasise, eg. "...Tethys continued to perform and dance." (Not sure if "perform" is redundant though, since dancing is performing.)

Wandering from place to place, she found herself hungry.

I should probably expound a bit on my previous comment. I think this sentence lacks timeliness (I think that's the appropriate term). Of course, one would be find themselves hungry after wandering around, but it doesn't really show "at what time" she becomes hungry, if that makes sense. Hence the addition of "often". Perhaps "as she wandered from place to place..." would work as well.

Edited January 3, 2009 by VincentASM

[Guest FreelancerSealBoy]

Somehow I doubt this Aurabolt is the type to share. Then again nether I am a lot of times. I'm not entirely "alright" with it, but I thought it would be fair to do it like this. It's not about whether or not I'm alright with it; it's about what's fair.

Tethys

Summary:

Tethys is a dancer and member of Gerik's mercenary troop. She is also the older sister of Ewan.

Bio:

Tethys is a native of the desert country of Jehanna characterized by her red hair, a trait shared by all the people of the area. She led a difficult early life; both she and her younger brother Ewan were abandoned when they were young. Taking care of a younger brother, most likely a toddler, was very challenging for her as she was still a child herself. As she wandered from place to place, she often found herself going to bed hungry. Having once witnessed a dancer, Tethys decided to dance herself hoping this would provide for her and and her brother. By her own admittance, Tethys found dancing harder than she'd expected; she fell and injured herself many times, but she persisted and eventually became a very skilled dancer.

It's unknown when she joined Gerik's troop of mercenaries, but it was likely some years before the Grado Empire began its war. During the War of the Stones, Gerik's troop, Tethys included, aided the Princess of Renais, Eirika, in putting down a revolt in the recently formed country of Carcino. Tethys continued to journey with the princess and the rest of her followers even when the trek led to the Black Temple of Fomortiis. Though Tethys could not fight, she used her dancing skills to aid the warriors in any way she could. During her travels with Gerik, she found herself falling for the mercenary. Her fondness for Gerik eventually pushed her into conflict with fellow-mercenary Marisa who became her rival for Gerik's affections. She continued to travel Magvel, which eventually became her entire stage. Wherever she went, crowds would gather to watch this alluring woman of the desert perform. Some say, Gerik accompanied her and both were able to buy a leisurely retirement, though Tethys continued to find stages to dance on.

Edited January 5, 2009 by FreelancerSealBoy

[VincentASM]

Okay, I think that's good.

The last thing I can think of is maybe to change the "country of Carcino" to the "republic of Carcino". If you want, I could change that for you, myself, when I put the article up ^^

[Guest FreelancerSealBoy]

No, I'll change it; there was one thing I decided to add anyway. But what about the other guy?

Tethys

Summary:

Tethys is a dancer and member of Gerik's mercenary troop. She is also the older sister of Ewan.

Bio:

Tethys is a native of the desert country of Jehanna characterized by her red hair, a trait shared by all the people of the area. She led a difficult early life; both she and her younger brother Ewan were abandoned when they were young. Taking care of a younger brother, most likely a toddler, was very challenging for her as she was still a child herself. As she wandered from place to place, she often found herself going to bed hungry. Having once witnessed a dancer, Tethys decided to dance herself hoping this would provide for her and and her brother. By her own admittance, Tethys found dancing harder than she'd expected; she fell and injured herself many times, but she persisted and eventually became a very skilled dancer.

It's unknown when she joined Gerik's troop of mercenaries, but it was likely some years before the Grado Empire began its war. During the War of the Stones, Gerik's troop, Tethys included, aided the Princess of Renais, Eirika, in putting down a revolt in the recently formed republic of Carcino. Tethys continued to journey with the princess and the rest of her followers even when the trek led to the Black Temple of Fomortiis. Though Tethys could not fight, she used her dancing skills to aid the warriors in any way she could. During her travels with Gerik, she found herself falling for the mercenary; her affection became evident when she told the troop leader of her unfortunate past. Her fondness for Gerik eventually pushed her into conflict with fellow-mercenary Marisa who became her rival for Gerik's affections. She continued to travel Magvel, which eventually became her entire stage. Wherever she went, crowds would gather to watch this alluring woman of the desert perform. Some say, Gerik accompanied her and both were able to buy a leisurely retirement, though Tethys continued to find stages to dance on.

Edited January 6, 2009 by FreelancerSealBoy

[VincentASM]

I haven't heard anything from them yet, although I think I've seen them post elsewhere.

Anyway, if you think the article's ready, I can start working on adding a page for it : )

[Guest FreelancerSealBoy]

Well, I'd say it's ready.

[VincentASM]

Okay, it's added.

I made (I think) two sort-of-minor last minute alterations.

Tethys is a native of the desert country of Jehanna(, which is) characterized by her red hair

(With the war over, )Tethys continued to travel Magvel, which eventually became her entire stage.

I also made that second sentence the start of a new paragraph.

If you have any objections, or some better ideas, give me a shout ^^

Edited January 6, 2009 by VincentASM