Mitoya
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Posts posted by Mitoya
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Looking pretty good. My comments are in parentheses. Sorry if they're a little difficult to read.
Thank you.Gatrie
Summary: Gatrie is a (maybe add "senior" in here and take out the second part of the sentence) member of the Greil Mercenaries, and apparently one of its senior members. He is a a frank man(no comma) and a womanizer, considering (obtaining?) beautiful women (to be) his one goal in life. He is also highly gullible. He is quite close to fellow mercenary Shinon.
Bio:
PoR:
Gatrie first (appears - should be "appeared," in keeping with the rest of the article) to save Mist and Rolf, the only two children in the mercenary company, from a group of bandits who had taken them hostage. Commander Greil led Gatrie and (his friend - this may not be necessary, considering it was mentioned in the summary) Shinon in the rescue mission, which later included rescuing Ike, who had staged a rescue on his own. Shortly after, Gatrie assisted Ike in driving off a band of pirates who were ra(i)sing havoc in a nearby port town. When reports of war were brought back to the fort, Gatrie (was) among the mercenaries who discovered the uncon(s)cious Princess Elincia. When the armies of Daein forced the company south into Gallia, (it later forced Gatrie out of the company for a time. - I don't think there's a cause-and-effect here; "forced" may not be the right word. I would join this sentence to the next, taking out the part here in parentheses. "...south into Gallia, Commander Greil was...") Commander Greil was met by the Black Knight, a former student of his, and killed in a duel with (the - maybe "this," just for clarity) mysterious General of Daein. Both Gatrie and Shinon took their leader's death (hard - "badly?") and left the company behind.
During his time away from the mercenary company he'd fought for, Gatrie (eventually - I would take this out, only because we don't know how long it took him to get work) found employment as a bodyguard for Astrid, a young noblewoman from Begnion. By chance, he was aboard ship with his new charge when two ships met them. One ship carried none other than Ike himself(,) while the other was under the command of Daein. After speaking to Ike and Astrid and helping to fend off not only Daein soldiers (and - "but" because of the "not only") the raven laguz of Kilvas, Gatrie rejoined the Greil Mercenaries under Ike's command. During their stay in the Begnion Empire, Gatrie found himself quite content to roam the halls of Mainal Cathedral and stare at the "flowers" which were(,) in fact, the temple handmaidens. In his words, every woman he'd seen there was (")drop-dead gorgeous("). The journey (with Ike's group?) took Gatrie into Daein(,) where he was reunited with his friend Shinon. (It was here that his love of women worked against him. - not sure what to do with this except mention that the exchange below takes place in a support conversation. Right now it seems like it had to be in Daein that the event took place, while really the prerequisite is a support. Maybe change "here" to "after this point") Gatrie told Shinon he'd fallen for a woman with a fatal condition and (gave - "given") her money for treatments. (The fighter - clarify that this means Gatrie) seemed unconcerned about being taken advantage of(,) even after he learned he'd been tricked.
After the defeat of King Ashnard in Melior, the cap(it)al of Crimea, Gatrie returned to the fort along with the other mercenaries.
RD:
After taking part in a suprise attack against the Crimean rebels, Gatrie was thrown into a new war when Ike accepted the offer of the Laguz Alliance to defeat the Begnion Empire. Over the course of the war, Gatrie's ever-widen(en)ing circle of women reached the laguz; he began flirting with Lyre, the twin sister of Gallian warrior Lethe, much to Shinon's disgust. When the goddess Ashera began raining her judgement upon Tellius, the army split into (the - unnecessary) three groups to reach the Begnion captial, Gatrie falling into the group under Ike's command. After the departure of Ashera and her counterpart, Yune, from the world, Gatrie became (famous as a mercenary; his name became common in many households - maybe condense to "a household name as a mercenary"). Though he (found - repetition with "found" later in the sentence; I would change this occurrence to "came across," or something like that) many women in his lifetime, true love was something Gatrie never found.
Just minor stuff. Very nice overall.
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Alrighty, here's my revision of the tenses, plus one or two extra small things I caught during the process. I left the Bio section in past tense, since it makes sense that way, and made everything else more uniform.
SummaryJill Fizzart is a Dracoknight of Daein, and daughter of Shiharam Fizzart, a former Dracoknight of Begnion renowned for his honor. Raised as a soldier of Daein, she is initially hostile towards the Crimeans and their "sub-human" allies, but after being forced to travel with them, she eventually learns the error of her ways.
Bio
When Jill's father Shiharam became fed up with the corruption of the Begnion Senators, he took his dracoknight platoon and left for Daein. He was given rule over Talrega, a region of Daein near the Begnion border. Life there, however, was not much better, as he was forced to serve the likes of Mad King Ashnard and Petrine, one of the Four Riders. To make matters worse, Shiharam was forced to raise his only daughter to follow Daein beliefs, including blind prejudice towards the laguz, even when he himself did not believe them. Jill grew up loved by her father, but was guided by the ideals of Daein. She eventually followed in his footsteps and became of dracoknight of Daein under the command of Haar, both a trusted subordinate of Shiharam and someone Jill highly looks up to.
In Path of Radiance
Jill is first seen as part of the Daein army in the Crimean port city of Toha. After seeing the commotion caused by Ike's group and the laguz among them, she wishes to join the battle, but is ordered by Haar not to move unless attacked. When Ike's group manages to board the ship and leave, Jill once again wishes to pursue them, but Haar orders her to withdraw as they are due back in Daein. Despite this, Jill manages to sneak off on her own and catches up with the Ike's ship. Upon reaching the ship, however, she finds the ship under attack by raven laguz pirates. Putting her laguz racism above all else, she allies with Crimeans to fight a common enemy, the ravens. After the battle, however, Jill (finds) herself forced to stick with the Crimean forces, as she (can) not fly far enough past the laguz lands without resting, nor (can) she defeat the Crimeans all on her own. Despite the tension between Ike and Jill due to their opposing ideals and goals, Ike let(s) Jill stay until they (reach) Begnion. After fighting alongside Ike and witnessing events such as the dragon tribe aiding the beorc, Jill (is) forced to reconsider her own beliefs on the laguz, and she eventually decide(s) to stay with Ike's group to ascertain the truth for herself. When the Crimean Army marche(s) into Daein, Talrega (is) one of their first stops. At this point, Haar approache(s) Jill at the Crimean camp, asking why Jill ha(s) decided to remain with the Crimeans. When Jill replie(s) (that) she ha(s) come to see the laguz and the Crimeans in a new light, Haar (gives) his tacit approval. However, he warn(s) her that to follow through with her convictions, she (will) need to be prepared to fight both himself and Shiharam.
Weary of Crimea's string of success, General Petrine order(s) Shiharam to open Talrega's floodgates to slow down the Crimean Army, despite the damage it ((would) will? not entirely sure here) cause to the surrounding farmlands. When the Crimean Army approache(s) the Talrega floodgates, Shiharam prove(s) to be a soldier to the end, following Petrine's orders to keep the floodgates open and stop the Crimean advance. Ike (is) left with no choice but to kill Shiharam in order to continue their march and minimize damage to the farmlands. After the battle, Ike confront(s) Jill saying that although he would understand if she wanted to take revenge on him, he would like her to stay. Despite the tragedies she (has) faced, Jill continue(s) on with the Crimeans forces. During their march back to Crimea, she (meets) up with Haar at the Riven Bridge, and convince(s) him to join the Crimean army. Soon after, the Crimean army marche(s) into Melior, where the Mad King finally (falls). After Ashnard's defeat, Jill returns to Daein and starts up a wyvern courier service with Haar.
During the war, Jill becomes friends with Mist and Lethe, both of whom are key in changing Jill's worldview. Mist's open-hearted personality and her genuine desire to become friends (wear) down Jill's pride as a soldier of Daein, and the two (become) fast friends as they (are) of similar age. In Mist, Jill (finds) someone (in) whom she (can) confide her guilt about her past beliefs and her concerns about her father. Her relationship with Lethe (is) far more turbulent, as initially, Lethe want(s) nothing to do with the Daein native. Frustrated by Jill's ignorance of the history of beorc-laguz relations, Lethe lecture(s) her harshly, leaving a stunned Jill behind to ponder her lessons. After the battle at Talrega, it (is) Lethe who question(s) Jill, curious as to why Jill decided to fight against her homeland and father. When Jill explain(s) her reasons, Lethe begins to understand and offers to shake Jill's hand, a beorc custom of friendship.
In Radiant Dawn
After the Mad King's War, Jill starts up a wyvern courier service alongside Haar. However, at some point during the Begnion occupation of Daein, Jill and Haar become sep(a)rated, with Jill remaining in Daein. Despite having once fought against Daein and no longer sharing the country's anti-laguz ideals, Jill is still strongly loyal to her homeland, and decides to fight against the Begnion occupation forces. She eventually reunites with General Tauroneo and Zihark and joins the Daein Liberation Army under the banner of Crown Prince Pelleas, the forgotten "son" of former King Ashnard. Jill makes her first appearance in the game aiding Tauroneo and Zihark in defending the Prince from a Begnion army at their desert hideout. Despite the three Daein veterans' superior skills, they are vastly outnumbered and only manage to drive off the Begnion forces with the aid of the Dawn Brigade, led by Micaiah. After Izuka suggests that Micaiah lead the Daein Liberation Army thanks to her reputation as the "Silver-Haired Maiden," Micaiah reluctantly agrees, and Jill continues to fight under her command. Daein is eventually liberated, and Pelleas is placed on the throne as King. Afterwards, Jill remains in Daein to aid in its restoration.
After King Pelleas announces that the Daein Army will march against the Laguz Alliance, Jill obeys orders, but not without protest. She raise(s) her concerns to Micaiah, but Micaiah expresse(s) faith in Pelleas, something Jill (can) not agree with. Despite this, Jill aid(s) the Daein Army in preventing the Laguz Alliance from crossing the Ribahn River in a nighttime ambush. Not long after, the Laguz Alliance ma(kes) another attempt in crossing the river, this time with the aid of the Greil Mercenaries. At this point, it is possible that Jill to leaves the Daein forces and joins the Laguz Alliance.
If she rejoins the Greil Mercenaries, Jill aids them in escaping from Begnion. When the Apostle Sanaki declares her intentions to retake Sienne from the Senators, the Greil Mercenaries become s part of the Apostle's Army, which is forced to march against Daein due to their continuous attacks on Crimea. In battle conversations against old friends, she expresses confusion and doubt as to why Daein has resorted to tactics that Micaiah would normally abhor.
If Jill remains with the Daein forces, she is forced to retreat from the Ribahn River back to Daein. After learning of the blood pact that King Pelleas was tricked into signing, she joins the fight against the Apostle's Army, knowing full well that if Daein (holds) back, the Begnion Senators (will) unleash the curse of the blood pact on Daein. In battle conversations against old friends, she expresses regret for employing dirty tactics against the Apostle, but continues to fight for Daein regardless.
Regardless of who she fights for, the war between Daein and the Apostle's Army causes the chaos energy to spiral out of control, awakening the goddesses from their slumber. The goddess Ashera immediately passes her judgement on laguz and beorc alike, petrifying all but a small group. Jill joins the goddess Yune's cause in defeating Ashera and restoring the petrified people to normal. After Ashera is defeated, Micaiah cedes Talrega to Jill, who governs the region with the same ideals as those of her father. If she is paired with Haar at the end of the game, the two will marry.
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Yeah, missed that typo. And yeah, I've always had problems with tenses, so help there is appreciated. I wasn't exactly sure about the "Background" though, since I didn't want to put too many headers.
If you'd like, I could go through and point out the places where the tense shifting is a problem. If you've got it figured out yourself at this point that's fine, too; I just didn't know if that was what you meant by "help there is appreciated."
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I might take a closer look at this sometime soon, but at first glance it looks pretty good. The one issue that I notice straight off is frequent tense shifting - I would just keep everything in the in Path of Radiance and in Radiant Dawn sections in the present tense. Also, I think the first part of the "Bio" section would be more appropriately titled Background.
One quick typo I also noticed: "She eventually followed in his footsteps and became (a) dracoknight..."
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Summary
Astrid is an inexperienced bow knight, born into the noble House Damiell of Begnion. She lacks confidence in her abilities as a soldier, but possesses a strong will and a determination to improve. Astrid has a gentle and compassionate nature which hides a rebellious, slightly stubborn streak.
Path of Radiance
Ike’s group first meets Astrid on its entry into Begnion, where she and Gatrie are attempting to defend the apostle on a Begnion ship under attack. Despite her noble birth, Astrid refuses to hide belowdecks, pointing out that the situation requires every available fighter. Ike can recruit her to the group during the battle, allowing her to continue to fight at her request.
Astrid remains with the Greil Mercenaries after the battle and eventually becomes a member of the Crimean Liberation Army. She explains to Ike, before the group’s first mission in the employ of the apostle, that she recognizes her own frailty, but wishes to become stronger and more skilled. She believes she can accomplish this goal by following Ike’s example.
Radiant Dawn
By the time of Radiant Dawn, Astrid, along with Makalov and Marcia, has moved to Crimea and is serving as a Crimean Royal Knight under the command of General Geoffrey. Her dedication as a soldier remains unchanged as she fights to defend Queen Elincia and her new country.
General
Astrid first became a bow knight in an attempt to evade an arranged marriage with Senator Lekain, Duke of Gaddos, as well as to escape the tyranny of her parents. As she explains to Sothe in their support conversations, she was determined to avoid the fate of her sisters, who were married off to fiancés unknown to them and who periodically wrote Astrid tear-streaked letters from their new lives. Although her family believed her unequal to becoming a knight and expected her to return defeated, Astrid refused to cave under their pressure and learned the rudiments of knighthood as a volunteer in the Begnion army.
Apart from being an expression of personal freedom, Astrid’s decision to become a knight was influenced by a desire for personal growth. Her determination to become stronger, more independent, and experienced in the world is what initially seals Astrid’s membership in Ike’s force in Path of Radiance, and it plays a large role in her support conversations with Sothe and Gatrie. Her supports with Makalov in Path of Radiance reveal an attraction for him, not evidently reciprocated, accompanied by a faulty understanding of his character. Her own generosity and compassion are underscored first when Makalov complains about her donating all her own money to an impoverished family she met on the streets, then when she parts with a memento of her grandmother, a valuable necklace, believing him to be in need of money.
Astrid’s misguided affections for Makalov continue into Radiant Dawn. By the time she appears in-game, she has come under criticism for blindly idolizing him; her conviction that he is a “fine gentleman” affects incredulity in many. She receives harsh words in particular from Calill, who is aggravated by Astrid’s apparent lack of pride and accuses her of “mooning over him and cleaning up his messes.” However, Astrid rebuffs such attacks on her own character while vehemently defending that of her love interest. After the war, Astrid will flout popular opinion and marry Makalov if the two have an A support.
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I think I'll just change it to "experienced" so I can add it to the list and keep things parallel.
I really did want to combine the general paragraphs in the FE9 and FE10 sections, in keeping with other articles, but I couldn't figure out a way to do that without losing continuity for her background story. As such, I think I'm going to leave it alone (unless it bugs me enough that I snap/inspiration strikes/someone else comes up with a good way to do it).
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Looks pretty good overall; my comments are in parentheses.
SummaryNaesala is the King of Kilvas (maybe mention that Kilvas is the nation of crow laguz) during Fire Emblem Path of Radiance and Radiant Dawn. Although in both games he fights against Ike and Tibarn(,) he eventually joins their armies to fight for their cause.
Bio:
POR:
Naesala ((wanted) "wants," to avoid tense shifting) to improve Kilvas and its status as a country, and as a result, ((joined) joins - although maybe "allies his nation with" would be better) the Daein Army. He is first seen betraying a Daein general by having his men steal the treasure from their ship ((and Begnion's ship) a little awkward; could probably be taken out) (may want to add "instead of fighting with the Daeins" or something like that). He ((then) later) betray((ed)s) his friend Reyson and sells him to Oliver as a slave ((just so he can) "in order to"?) make a profit. Reyson is eventually saved by Ike and his army and they resume the war with Daein. Naesala is often seen lending Ravens to the Daein army. At one point Naesala himself joins a battle in (an) attempt to kill Ike and his army. Although it is possible to defeat him(,) if you talk to him with Janaff or Ulki he will apologize to Reyson ((if he is on the battlefield) add parentheses/commas around this or replace "he" with "Reyson") and also claim he (had?) planned to rescue Reyson from Oliver. He and all the other ravens will then fly off(,) leaving the Daein army to die at Ike's hands.
Naesala is not seen again until Ike defeats the Black Knight in Nados Castle. Naesala dis(g)uises himself as a Daein Soldier ((only to) in order to?) save the Heron Princess Leanne from King Ashnard. He then meets up with Ike and Tibarn after they rout the area of feral laguz. Ike and Tibarn realize that Naesala betrayed Daein and saved Leanne which leads them to ask for his assistance in the final battle of the Mad King's War. Naesala decides to help with the battle but will not join Ike and the main force unless ((you call) the player calls) for his help(,) since he doesn't want to risk losing his life to King Ashnard. Even then(,) he comments that it(')s still Ike's battle and ((still would prefer) that he would have preferred) to not have come. In the epilogue(,) Naesala will tell Ike not to visit Kilvas since it(')s against their nature to invite beorc to their country.
RD:
In Radiant Dawn(,) Naesala is angered when he discovers the senators are behind the Serenes Massacre and forms the laguz alliance with Tibarn and Caineghis. He is quickly forced to join the senate ((when) maybe ", however, since") they hold a blood pact signed by a former King of Kilvas. If Naesala doesn't follow the senate's orders they could kill the people in Kilvas one by one ((so Naesala is forced to obey their orders) a bit redundant, could probably be taken out). (The part about Naesala having to obey the senate could be added here, ex "Under the senate's command,") N(ae)sala ((is forced to lead Tibarn's army) this could be "tricks Tibarn into heading his army" since there are already a lot of "forced"s in the paragraph) towards the ((central army) is this capitalized? I think it's Begnion Central Army), thought to be a supply ship, ((only to cause most of Tibarn's people in his country, save for women and children, to die) a little awkard, maybe "buying time for the slaughter of all in Phoenicis save women and children"?). Tibarn is quickly angered ((since his country suffered) seeing his country suffer?) because of Naesala's actions and revives a grudge against him for selling Reyson three years ago. N(ae)sala is then forced to abandon the alliance.
After Begnion politically divides between the apostle and the senate Naesala ((is now) begins) working under Sanaki, the Apostle, ((and) following, or maybe take this last part out) her orders. When he takes her to meet up with Ike,(space)Tibarn, and the uncon(s)cious herons during a battle with Daein,(space)Tibarn ((later) move to after "Naesala") mentions that he will kill Naesala but lets him live for the moment. When Ashera awakens and turns almost all the people of Tellius to stone(,) Naesala joins Micaiah's group to help her fight Ashera. Skrimir, a (G)allian general from the alliance(,) attempts to kill Naesala for his betrayal and nearly fights Naesala, Leanne, and Nealuchi. Leanne attempts to stop the fight by saying Naesala ((that) move before "Naesala") has a troubled heart, mainly ((for being) maybe "because he was") forced to betray the alliance, but this only ((causes Skrimir to be angered) angers Skrimir) even more. Naesala stops the fight by mentioning (that) Tibarn deserves to fight him more since Tibarn suffered more th(a)n Skrimir.
When Micaiah,(space)Ike,(space)Tibarn, and their armies reach Ashera's location(,) a small group go(es) inside to stop her actions ((with Yune) move before "to stop"). If Naesala is taken into the Tower of Guidance(,) he and the others will discover (that) Lekain, a Senator, ((held) "holds"? this one I'm not so sure about) both Kilvas and Daein's blood pact(,) which shows that Naesala only betrayed the alliance for the good of his people. Lekain is killed((,) can remove) and the blood pacts are destroyed(,) thus saving the people of Daein and Kilvas.
In the epilogue the three bird nations, hawk, heron, and raven, unite as one country with Tibarn as their leader. Naesala leaves Kilvas to become a diplomat for all of Tellius, finding atonement in his work. If he and Leanne share an "A" support, they will marry and give birth to a Raven boy and a Heron girl.
There are a lot of comments, but most of the changes are little things and the larger changes are mainly personal opinion. Information, structure, etc. all look good. Most of this post is actually just me being nitpicky.
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Should that be "born into (the) noble House..."? I think it makes sense if it's just "born into House Damiell", but the addition of "noble" kind of throws me away.
That's the only thing that I can see that's anywhere near blatanty wrong. There are a few things that might need fixing, related to sentence structure or flow, but I'll need some time to go through those.
Overall, it seems like a very good article, thanks : )
Yeah, adding "the" would probably be a good idea. I'll be happy to look at other suggestions whenever you get the time.
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Summary
Astrid is an inexperienced bow knight, born into noble House Damiell of Begnion. She lacks confidence in her abilities as a soldier, but possesses a strong will and a determination to improve. Astrid has a gentle and compassionate nature which hides a rebellious, slightly stubborn streak.
Path of Radiance
Ike’s group first meets Astrid on its entry into Begnion, where she and Gatrie are attempting to defend the apostle on a Begnion ship under attack. Despite her noble birth, Astrid refuses to hide belowdecks, pointing out that the situation requires every available fighter. Ike can recruit her to the group during the battle, allowing her to continue to fight at her request.
Astrid remains with the Greil Mercenaries after the battle and eventually becomes a member of the Crimean Liberation Army. She explains to Ike before the group’s first mission in the employ of the apostle that she recognizes her own frailty, but wishes to become stronger and more skilled. She believes she can accomplish this goal by following Ike’s example.
Radiant Dawn
By the time of Radiant Dawn, Astrid, along with Makalov and Marcia, has moved to Crimea and is serving as a Crimean Royal Knight under the command of General Geoffrey. Her dedication as a soldier remains unchanged as she fights to defend Queen Elincia and her new country.
General
Astrid first became a bow knight in an attempt to evade an arranged marriage with Senator Lekain, Duke of Gaddos, as well as to escape the tyranny of her parents. As she explains to Sothe in their support conversations, she was determined to avoid the fate of her sisters, who were married off to fiancés unknown to them and who periodically wrote Astrid tear-streaked letters from their new lives. Although her family believed her unequal to becoming a knight and expected her to return defeated, Astrid refused to cave under their pressure and learned the rudiments of knighthood as a volunteer in the Begnion army.
Apart from being an expression of personal freedom, Astrid’s decision to become a knight was influenced by a desire for personal growth. Her determination to become stronger and more independent and to gain experience in the world is what initially seals Astrid’s membership in Ike’s force in Path of Radiance, and it plays a large role in her support conversations with Sothe and Gatrie. Her supports with Makalov in Path of Radiance reveal an attraction for him, not evidently reciprocated, accompanied by a faulty understanding of his character. Her own generosity and compassion are underscored first when Makalov complains about her donating all her own money to an impoverished family she met on the streets, then when she parts with a memento of her grandmother, a valuable necklace, believing him to be in need of money.
Astrid’s misguided affections for Makalov continue into Radiant Dawn. By the time she appears in-game, she has come under criticism for blindly idolizing him; her conviction that he is a “fine gentleman” affects incredulity in many. She receives harsh words in particular from Calill, who is aggravated by Astrid’s apparent lack of pride and accuses her of “mooning over him and cleaning up his messes.” However, Astrid rebuffs such attacks on her own character while vehemently defending that of her love interest. After the war, Astrid will flout popular opinion and marry Makalov if the two have an A support.
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Yeah, looks really solid. I mostly just want to take out a few unnecessary commas here and there (marked in parentheses):
SummarySigrun is the commander of Begnion's Holy Guard, a noble of Begnion, and an important vassal of Apostle Sanaki. She has a kind and forgiving personality, in stark contrast to her subordinate, Tanith.
Bio
In Path of Radiance
Sigrun first appears to provide much-needed backup (,) when the Greil's Mercenaries battle to protect a Begnion vessel that is carrying the Apostle. After Apostle Sanaki is found, Sigrun formally introduces herself as the commander of Begnion's Holy Guard. Later, she provides information for the various missions that the Greil's Mercenaries ((undergo) maybe "undertake?") (,) while they are staying ((at) should be "in") Begnion. However, after the Greil's Mercenaries leave Begnion, she no longer has a place in the story.
((Despite having few appearances, it is clear that Sigrun views Sanaki as somebody very important to her.) could be "Sigrun's few in-game appearances make it clear that..." but this is just personal preference) She is not only cautious of Sanaki's physical safety and status as the Apostle, but is also happy to see Sanaki grow. As for herself, Sigrun's manner of speech is polite and apologetic. Also, during a base conversation, Ike remarks that Sigrun is surprisingly honest and straightforward, unlike many other nobles he has met.
In Radiant Dawn
Sigrun accompanies Apostle Sanaki (,) when ((she) "the latter" or "the Apostle") escapes from the ((senate) capitalized?)-ruled Begnion. To aid Ike's battles, Sigrun returns the holy sword Ragnell to Ike (,) on behalf of the Apostle. Afterwards, she fights alongside Ike's forces (,) under the banner of the Apostle's Army. Sigrun also temporarily acts as commander of the Apostle's Army (,) when they are ambushed by Daein forces, and she leads the forces to protect Sanaki.
After the Goddesses awaken, Sanaki decides to enter the battlefield herself, which causes Sigrun to protest. Naesala offers to protect Sanaki, but Sigrun adamantly refuses, stating that responsibility belongs to the Holy Guard. However, there is time to argue, so Sigrun reluctantly allows Sanaki to do as she pleases. When Sanaki initially encounters the Disciples of Order, they brand her a fraud for allying with Yune, which angers Sigrun.
Eventually, Sanaki confesses to Sigrun that she is not the true Apostle and asks for Sigrun's honest view of her ((now) not sure if this works, but don't know what to do with it - maybe "at that point" or "based on this new information"). Sigrun replies that nothing has changed- she explains that her allegiance was not to the Apostle, but to Sanaki herself. She reveals that she was proud to have served Sanaki, and will continue doing so until her death. Finally, Sigrun comforts Sanaki, by telling her that even though she is not the Apostle, she is still the one, true Empress of Begnion.
Following the relevation, Sigrun continues to fight alongside Sanaki, up until the final battle with Ashera (,) if the player so chooses. (or: move "if the player so chooses" behind "alongside Sanaki" and before the comma)
On the battlefield, Sigrun can converse with a number of foes, ((many who) "including many who" or "many of whom") fight on the ((senate's) capitalized?) side. In one of her conversations with Jill, it is revealed that Sigrun was Haar's "friend" who negotiated to allow Shiharam's squadron to stay in Begnion after the battle of Talrega. Meanwhile, when she fights Lekain, she comdemns his lies and reminds him that there is no rule stating that the Empress of Begnion must be the Apostle as well.
After the war is over, Sigrun continues her services as the commander of the Holy Guard (,) and guards Sanaki for the rest of her life.
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Began working on an Astrid 9/10 bio before I realized there was a signup; apologies if anyone intended to claim her. Anyways, it's about done and should be submitted within the week or so.
Edward
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Comments below in parentheses/strikethroughs.
Just a few revisions, mostly minor grammatical things. Pretty good on the whole.