Glen

[Kriemhild]

Glen, also known as Sunstone, is a general of the Grado Empire. He's one of the Imperial Three with Duessel and Valter, the latter of which was later replaced by Selena. Cormag is his younger brother and General Duessel was like a father to him. He and his brother are famous even among the knights of Renais.

Glen and his brother Cormag were descended from a long line of really poor farmers. When they were kids, they used to chase animals out of the fields using sticks and stones. This may have helped them with their aim. One day, the emperor's caravan passed through their village. While Glen and his brother watched the procession from the top of a tree, a stray dog began to bother the horses that were pulling the emperor's carriage. They started throwing stones at the dog to get rid of it. Unfortunately, some of the stones hit the soldiers as well and they decided to arrest the kids.

When the emperor saw the kids in the room, he calmly but sternly asked the soldiers why they arrested children that were only trying to help. He then invited them to dine with him at his table. The kids had a great feast but they lacked the basic courtesies. They were really messy and kept droning on about mindless stuff like their chores. But the emperor listened with a fatherly smile. He told them that they were skilled at driving dogs away and that their aim would be of better use with spears. And that's how they were recruited.

Glen once asked Duessel if he could see his treasured Gavaleus lance. He once met Eirika in Grado briefly but he felt that she was a woman of great kindness. He despises Valter for slaying innocent civilians and had neither forgiven nor forgotten his crimes.

During the war with Renais, Glen felt that the war was unjustified. He also disapproved of the emperor promoting Riev, Caellach and the once exiled Valter into generals. Nevertheless, they were the emperor's orders and he had to accept them. Glen was later ordered to kill the leader of the rebels in Carcino: Princess Eirika. The emperor claimed that Eirika massacred the citizens of Port Kiris out of revenge for losing her country. Glen later told Cormag that he couldn't believe that Eirika would be so evil but he never heard the emperor lie.

When Glen found Eirika, he told her that it was his mission to kill her for terrorizing Carcino. She denied it and Glen gave her a chance to speak. Innes interrupts and tells him how Grado, or more specifically, the emperor, was the one who caused the suffering of so many innocent people. Glen then realized that she was telling the truth. Despite all her hardships, her kindness remained. He decided to spare her life and try to learn the truth. He told her that if he finds out that she was lying, he'll hunt her down and kill her himself. He then let them go.

Glen was about to leave for Grado when Valter arrived. Valter saw that Glen was letting Eirika escape. Glen didn't care, saying that he has questions for the emperor. But Valter couldn't allow that. He reminded Glen that there was a time in which He, Glen, and Duessel were part of the great Imperial Three. But then Valter got exiled and lost all his glory. Ever since his banishment, he yearned for revenge. His hatred corrupted him to insanity. As soon as he saw that Glen had no intention to kill without cause, he knew that he was of no use. Glen had barely enough time to contemplate the situation when Valter killed him. The last thing he heard was Valter's maniacal laugh.

[VincentASM]

He's one of the Imperial Three with Duessel and Valter, the latter of which was later replaced by Selena.

I think it would sound better if you added "along" before "with".

Glen and his brother Cormag were descended from a long line of really poor farmers

Kind of minor/aesthetical, but maybe replace "really" with "very" or "extremely". I don't know if using those makes it sound any better though ^^;;;

When they were kids, they used to chase animals out of the fields using sticks and stones (, which) may have helped them with their aim.

The second sentence seems a bit short and I don't see any problem merging it into the first.

She denied it and Glen gave her a chance to speak.

"Denied the claims" might work better here.

(However) he told her that if he finds out that she was lying, he'll hunt her down and kill her himself. He then let them go.

Just to add emphasis.

Glen once asked Duessel if he could see his treasured Gavaleus lance. He once met Eirika in Grado briefly but he felt that she was a woman of great kindness. He despises Valter for slaying innocent civilians and had neither forgiven nor forgotten his crimes.

I can't think of an definitive alternative right now, but it seems these three sentences were added sort of randomly here.

I probably would have added them to the relevant parts of the bio, but I guess there's no other place to add the Glen and Duessel sentence.

The other method might be to expand the paragraph a little. Either adding to the events or perhaps explaining why they were mentioned.

[Kriemhild]

Well, I added that paragraph to put anything that happened after he was recruited but before the war with Renais.

Glen, also known as Sunstone, is a general of the Grado Empire. He's one of the Imperial Three along with Duessel and Valter, the latter of which was later replaced by Selena. Cormag is his younger brother and General Duessel was like a father to him. He despises Valter for slaying innocent civilians and had neither forgiven nor forgotten his crimes. He also showed some interest to Duessel's treasured Gavaleus lance. He and his brother are famous even among the knights of Renais.

Glen and his brother Cormag were descended from a long line of extremely poor farmers. When they were kids, they used to chase animals out of the fields using sticks and stones, which may have helped them with their aim. One day, the emperor's caravan passed through their village. While Glen and his brother watched the procession from the top of a tree, a stray dog began to bother the horses that were pulling the emperor's carriage. They started throwing stones at the dog to get rid of it. Unfortunately, some of the stones hit the soldiers as well and they decided to arrest the kids.

When the emperor saw the kids in the room, he calmly but sternly asked the soldiers why they arrested children that were only trying to help. He then invited them to dine with him at his table. The kids had a great feast but they lacked the basic courtesies. They were really messy and kept droning on about mindless stuff like their chores. But the emperor listened with a fatherly smile. He told them that they were skilled at driving dogs away and that their aim would be of better use with spears. And that's how they were recruited.

During the war with Renais, Glen felt that the war was unjustified. He also disapproved of the emperor promoting Riev, Caellach and the once exiled Valter into generals. Nevertheless, they were the emperor's orders and he had to accept them. Glen was later ordered to kill the leader of the rebels in Carcino: Princess Eirika. The emperor claimed that Eirika massacred the citizens of Port Kiris out of revenge for losing her country. Glen later told Cormag that he couldn't believe that Eirika would be so evil. He briefly met Eirika once before in Grado but at that time, he felt that she was a woman of great kindness. Still, he never heard the emperor lie so he had no choice.

When Glen found Eirika, he told her that it was his mission to kill her for terrorizing Carcino. She denied the claims and Glen gave her a chance to speak. Innes interrupts and tells him how Grado, or more specifically, the emperor, was the one who caused the suffering of so many innocent people. Glen then realized that she was telling the truth. Despite all her hardships, her kindness remained. He decided to spare her life and try to learn the truth. However, he told her that if he finds out that she was lying, he'll hunt her down and kill her himself. He then let them go.

Glen was about to leave for Grado when Valter arrived. Valter saw that Glen was letting Eirika escape. Glen didn't care, saying that he has questions for the emperor. But Valter couldn't allow that. He reminded Glen that there was a time in which He, Glen, and Duessel were part of the great Imperial Three. But then Valter got exiled and lost all his glory. Ever since his banishment, he yearned for revenge. His hatred corrupted him to insanity. As soon as he saw that Glen had no intention to kill without cause, he knew that he was of no use. Glen had barely enough time to contemplate the situation when Valter killed him. The last thing he heard was Valter's maniacal laugh.

[VincentASM]

Glen, also known as Sunstone, is a general of the Grado Empire. He's one of the Imperial Three along with Duessel and Valter, the latter of which was later replaced by Selena. Cormag is his younger brother and General Duessel was like a father to him. He despises Valter for slaying innocent civilians and had neither forgiven nor forgotten his crimes. He also showed some interest to Duessel's treasured Gavaleus lance. He and his brother are famous even among the knights of Renais.

Okay, I think that works much better than I expected.

Do you think you could expound a bit on the Gavaleus lance? I can't really remember what it did and I'm assuming some readers might not know (I'm guessing it's from a support conversation).

Otherwise, I think you could improve the paragraph a little with some rewording and re-ordering. For instance, perhaps something like this:

Glen, also known as Sunstone, is a general of the Grado Empire. He's one of the Imperial Three along with Duessel and Valter, the latter of which was later replaced by Selena. He and his young brother, Cormag, are famous even among the knights of Renais. General Duessel was like a father to him and Glen once showed some interest in Duessel's treasured Gavaleus lance. Glen despises Valter for slaying innocent civilians and had neither forgiven nor forgotten his crimes.

It probably needs some more work though.

But Valter couldn't allow that. He reminded Glen that there was a time in which (h)e, Glen, and Duessel were part of the great Imperial Three. But then Valter (was) exiled and lost all his glory. Ever since his banishment, he yearned for revenge (and h)is hatred corrupted him to insanity.

Just some things that I missed the first time.

[Kriemhild]

Maybe I should put the lance in a separate paragraph like before. It would be explained more clearly in a Duessel article but a little more information here can't hurt. It would seem wierd if the article just jumps to the War of Renais immediately after their recruitment. By the way, it was in the Cormag-Duessel support. "His comments mirror your own almost exactly." That "almost" prevented me from figuring out exactly what Glen said. Anyway, here goes:

Glen, also known as Sunstone, is a general of the Grado Empire. He's one of the Imperial Three along with Duessel and Valter, the latter of which was later replaced by Selena. Cormag is his younger brother and General Duessel was like a father to him. He despises Valter for slaying innocent civilians and had neither forgiven nor forgotten his crimes. He and his brother are famous even among the knights of Renais.

Glen and his brother Cormag were descended from a long line of extremely poor farmers. When they were kids, they used to chase animals out of the fields using sticks and stones, which may have helped them with their aim. One day, the emperor's caravan passed through their village. While Glen and his brother watched the procession from the top of a tree, a stray dog began to bother the horses that were pulling the emperor's carriage. They started throwing stones at the dog to get rid of it. Unfortunately, some of the stones hit the soldiers as well and they decided to arrest the kids.

When the emperor saw the kids in the room, he calmly but sternly asked the soldiers why they arrested children that were only trying to help. He then invited them to dine with him at his table. The kids had a great feast but they lacked the basic courtesies. They were really messy and kept droning on about mindless stuff like their chores. But the emperor listened with a fatherly smile. He told them that they were skilled at driving dogs away and that their aim would be of better use with spears. And that's how they were recruited.

General Glen showed some interest to Duessel's treasured lance. Crafted by Gavaleus, this lance was in Duessel's family for generations. Glen commented about the light in the lance, which seemed to be filled with life and also remarked that staining it with blood would decrease it's beauty. Unknown to Glen, Duessel would later pass on his legacy and give the lance to Glen's own brother, Cormag.

During the war with Renais, Glen felt that the war was unjustified. He also disapproved of the emperor promoting Riev, Caellach and the once exiled Valter into generals. Nevertheless, they were the emperor's orders and he had to accept them. Glen was later ordered to kill the leader of the rebels in Carcino: Princess Eirika. The emperor claimed that Eirika massacred the citizens of Port Kiris out of revenge for losing her country. Glen later told Cormag that he couldn't believe that Eirika would be so evil. He briefly met Eirika once before in Grado but at that time, he felt that she was a woman of great kindness. Still, he never heard the emperor lie so he had no choice.

When Glen found Eirika, he told her that it was his mission to kill her for terrorizing Carcino. She denied the claims and Glen gave her a chance to speak. Innes interrupts and tells him how Grado, or more specifically, the emperor, was the one who caused the suffering of so many innocent people. Glen then realized that she was telling the truth. Despite all her hardships, her kindness remained. He decided to spare her life and try to learn the truth. However, he told her that if he finds out that she was lying, he'll hunt her down and kill her himself. He then let them go.

Glen was about to leave for Grado when Valter arrived. Valter saw that Glen was letting Eirika escape. Glen didn't care, saying that he has questions for the emperor. But Valter couldn't allow that. He reminded Glen that there was a time in which he, Glen, and Duessel were part of the great Imperial Three. But then Valter was exiled and lost all his glory. Ever since his banishment, he yearned for revenge and his hatred corrupted him to insanity. As soon as he saw that Glen had no intention to kill without cause, he knew that he was of no use. Glen had barely enough time to contemplate the situation when Valter killed him. The last thing he heard was Valter's maniacal laugh.

[VincentASM]

Thanks. I can't see any problems now. Although I did change "maniacal laugh" to "maniacal laughter" since I thought it suited it slightly better.

Anyway, I added a page for it ^^

[Kriemhild]

Thanks. I can't see any problems now. Although I did change "maniacal laugh" to "maniacal laughter" since I thought it suited it slightly better.

Anyway, I added a page for it ^^

Wow, thanks. That was fast.