Battle of the Minds Episode 4

[Phoenix]

BATTLE OF THE MINDS: EPISODE 4 A NEW BATTLE

Welcome back you poor bored saps. Well, we finally rebuilt the studio after that stupid jihadist blew it, himself, and Princess Leia off the map.

R'evan: HAHAHAH!!!

Anyway... we've got new contestants, except for R'evan. who's been in every single episode thus far... and new debates lined up for today! Now sit back, and enjoy the wisdom!

Here are the teams for this battle:

Team Constructive

Darth R'evan from KoTOR

A French Super Model From Washington DC

A Russian Super Model From Moscow

An Italian Super Model From New York

An American Super Model From San Diego

Team Destructive

Darth Malek from KoTOR

James Bond from the Jame Bond films(The Pierce Brosnan version)

The Demon King From FE8

Frieza from DBZ

A Nazi from somewhere

For our first issue... Is there a way for Conservatives and Liberals to ever get along-

R'evan: No...

Phoenix: ... ... ... okay... next issue...

Civility in war... is it real... or is war, by its very nature, just barbaric carnage?

R'evan: Heh, I'd be lying if I said there was, though there isn't... but I really do wish there was.

Malek: R'evan, you are a fool! War is an inevitability of the universe. You seem to think it can't be civilized simply because you feel that all peoples should be at peace, and that that is the natural state of things. You are WRONG.

R'evan: ... ... ... Malek... don't come in here trying to act like some kind of intellectual who actually knows what the hell he's talking about. It's called "battle of the minds", not "battle of the pretentious douchebags"... douchebag...

Malek:

Frieza: Heheheh... I have some civility in war for you right here... in this death ball!

Phoenix: Oh not this crap again! Freiza! Don't even think about destroying the earth!

Frieza: But... but...

Phoenix: I mean it! I'll sick Broly on your ass!

Frieza: Ahhh...

James: Look people... civility in war... it's just a concept that we came up with to justify our own actions, and ridicule others'.

R'evan: Bond... I'm going to kill you before this debate is over... believe it. There's only room for one sex machine in this debate... and that's ME.

James: Well that's not true. Also, Phoenix... Why am I on team destructive? Shouldn't I be over there... with the super models?

Phoenix: Are you seriously asking that question right now?! You're a British spy! You're supposed to sneak around! You've blown up more buildings, vehicles, and people than Solid Snake, and that's saying something! You're destructive... live with it.

James: Yes... I know... but I'm also a lover... I should be over there... with the women.

Phoenix: Oh you'd like that wouldn't you?

James: Yes... very much.

R'evan: I mean it, Bond. You're dead!

French Girl: Ooo, he's defending us teehee!

Italian Girl: He wants us all to himself!

R'evan: Uh... yeah... well, Phoenix can have one too... since he's turning into a Euro...

Phoenix: ... ... ...

R'evan: Go on... pick one.

Phoenix: Later...

Nazi: Vhat is all zhis B.S.?! Everyzhing our Reich does, it does vith civility!

R'evan: Yeah... yeah... like tossing Jews into furnaces... that's civil...

Nazi: Vhat are you implying?

R'evan: I'm implying that YOU... are ignorant.

Nazi: You velp! I vill have your head!

R'evan: And you're gay? Sheesh...

Nazi: GRRRR!!!

Phoenix: Any final comments on civility in war?

R'evan: This German bastard is from World War II! That's the age when America dropped not ONE, but TWO atomic bombs on civilian targets! How civil is that sh*t?!

Phoenix: Point taken... Civility must be in our heads huh?

James: That's what I was trying to tell you!

Malek: Uh... as was I!

R'evan: Of course! All aboard the bandwagon! Douchebags...

For our next issue... God... does he she or it exist?

R'evan: Are you going for broke, man? This is a pretty touchy subject... even I'M alittle nervous now...

Phoenix: I don't friggin care anymore

R'evan: Did you decide which girl you wanted yet?

Phoenix: Yeah... I'm a Spetsnaz commander now so I may as well go with Russia's finest.

Russian Girl: *gasp* Really? :o

Phoenix: Of course... now hold my hand... my little curvy comrade.

Russian Girl: ^_^

Malek: Now! On to the issue at hand! There is no God!

R'evan: Why not?

Malek: Because! If he exists... then where is he?

R'evan: Right behind you, with a crowbar. Prepare to get owned, G-Style.

Frieza: If there is a God, it is surely me!

R'evan: What?! You got beat by a Saiyan! Sit down and shut up!

James: A God? I always did take that sort of thing for granted.

R'evan: Hey what about the Demon King? Why hasn't he said anything yet? I thought for sure he was going to hop on the "I'm God" train with Frieza.

Phoenix: Yeeeah... about that... I should have picked the debaters better. His soul is still trapped in the Sacred Stone...

R'evan: Really? Hahah!

Phoenix: Why's that funny?

R'evan: That's what you get for having a soul... ya dumbass incapacitatable bastard! Hahah!

*The Demon King's left hand lifts up and starts moving*

R'evan: What the?! Heeeeey... did he just flip me off?!

Phoenix: Heheh...

R'evan: Why's that funny?

American Girl: Well... I'm a Christian... sooo, you know where I stand.

Malek: This is a debate! Bring all you have, not just your silly tales of floods and faith!

American Girl: What?

R'evan: American girl, please take off your robe and show us your figure...

American Girl: Why?

R'evan: Just do it...

American Girl: Um... okay...

Malek:

James: Meh...

R'evan: I had my doubts at first too... but then I thought... "Nothing did this?!". No... this kind of art must have an artist!

Frieza: That is simply an opinion!

R'evan: Yeah, Frieza, stop talking now.

Frieza: GRRRR!!!

Malek: Still! She's no proof of God!

R'evan: She doesn't have to be... she's still hot -_-

American Girl: -_-

Phoenix: -_-

Malek: Grrr! You complained about me not debating properly, but you're the one that's immature and ignorant!

R'evan: I'm R'evan... I can do whatever I want.

Malek: Oh yeah? Well I can do whatever I want!

R'evan: No you can't.

Malek: Why the hell not?

R'evan: Because your logic is entirely confounding. That means you operate in a very limited universe, where as I a recently converted Christian embrace an illogical level of faith, making my realm one of infinite possibilities.

Malek: ... ... ... what?

Phoenix: Okay... let's see who believes and who doesn't... Say it in order...

R'evan: Pose for us one more time please...

American Girl: Okay...

Malek:

James: Meh...

R'evan: I believe, just don't go Muslim on me, girl...

French Girl: I believe

Russian Girl: I believe

Italian Girl: I believe

American Girl: I believe

Malek: I don't believe...

James: I believe, but I take it for granted, thus, I'm easy to dismiss in any debate.

Demon King: ... ... ...

Frieza: No! I don't believe! Where's your f*cking proof?! Huh?! You mindless monkeys!

The Nazi: I believe...

Frieza: What?! You too?!

Malek: We're not asking for much here! All we want to hear is your proof!

Frieza: If you don't give us any... we'll have to assume you're all crazy!

R'evan: That's fine.

Malek: Phoenix! You call this a debate?! They're not even trying?

Phoenix: Well you gotta give'em credit for picking their battles wisely ey?

Three topics... three sad scenarios... Til next time bored readers...

Edited December 4, 2009 by Phoenix