Best Joke Contest

[luigi bros]

I came up with an idea of a contest.

Post a joke that you think is really good. After about 24 hours I will make a poll thread for anyone who posted.

After the poll is open everyone will have another 24 hours to vote.

This whole thing will be over at about 4:00 P.M. Eastern America time on Wednesday.

Contestents

luigi bros

Janissary

Mikethfc

Rhythm

My joke

Why Parents Drink

A father passing by his son’s bedroom was astonished to see that his bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow that was addressed to ‘Dad…’

With the worst premonition he opened the envelope with trembling hands and read the letter.

Dear Dad:

It is with great regret and sorrow that I’m writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you.

I have been finding real passion with Stacy and she is so nice.

But I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercing, tattoos, tight motorcycle clothes and the fact that she is much older than I am. But it’ s not only the passion…Dad she’s pregnant.

Stacy said that we will be very happy.

She owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children.

Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn’t really hurt anyone.

We’ll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people that live nearby for cocaine and ecstasy.

In the meantime we will pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Stacy can get better. She deserves it.

Don’t worry Dad. I’m 15 and I know how to take care of myself.

Someday I’m sure that we will be back to visit so that you can get to know your grandchildren.

Love, Your Son John

PS. Dad, none of the above is true. I’m over at Tommy’s house.

I Just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than a Report card That’s in my center desk drawer.

I love you.

Call me when it’s safe to come home.

Edited August 17, 2010 by luigi bros

[Janissary]

TRADITIONAL ECONOMICS: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies and the economy grows. You retire on the income.

FEUDALISM: You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.

PURE SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. You have to take care of all of the cows. The government gives you as much milk as you need.

BUREAUCRATIC SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and put them in a barn with everyone else's cows. They are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and eggs as the regulations say you need.

FASCISM: You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them and sells you the milk.

PURE COMMUNISM: You have two cows. Your neighbors help you take care of them, and you all share the milk.

RUSSIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk.

CAMBODIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. The government takes both of them and shoots you.

DICTATORSHIP: You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.

PURE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets the milk.

REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets the milk.

BUREAUCRACY: You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. Then it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.

PURE ANARCHY: You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your neighbors try to take the cows and kill you.

LIBERTARIAN/ANARCHO-CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.

SURREALISM: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

NORTH KOREAN COMMUNISM: You have no cows, but you are ordered to believe you have two.

AMERICAN ECONOMICS: You have two cows. You sell one and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.

FRENCH ECONOMICS: You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.

GERMAN ECONOMICS: You have two cows. You reengineer them so that they live for 100 years, eat once a month and milk themselves

ITALIAN ECONOMICS

You have two cows. You don't know where they are. You break for lunch.

SWISS ECONOMICS

You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You charge others for storing them.

JAPANESE ECONOMICS

You have two cows. You redesign them so that they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create cute cartoon cow images called Cowkimon and market them worldwide.

RUSSIAN ECONOMICS

You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 17 cows. You give up counting and open another bottle of vodka.

CHINESE ECONOMICS

You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity and arrest anyone reporting the actual numbers.

INDIAN ECONOMICS

You have two cows. You worship them.

BRITISH ECONOMICS

You have two cows. They are both mad..

AN AMERICAN REPUBLICAN: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So what?

AN AMERICAN DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. You vote people into office who tax your cows, forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax. The people you voted for then take the tax money and buy a cow and give it to your neighbor. You feel righteous.

[Mikethfc]

Kids have got it easy today. When I was a lad, we'd never heard of paedophiles, so we had to buy our own fucking sweets!

[Rhythm]

Sometimes I lay in my bed in my room at night, looking up at the stars, counting each one overhead... and I think to myself... "What the hell happened to my roof!?"

Edited August 17, 2010 by Rhythm