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1000 Cherry Crabs

Crizix paced sexily back and forth. Malliable dread filled her heart. Boney should have been home at least an hour ago and it wasn't like him to be late. Oh, my stupid love, Crizix thought. Where could you be?

Just then, the phone rang. It was the police. Boney had been taken hostage by Blue Ear, a supervillain who had the city in a state of bruised terror. Crizix fainted dead away, like a rabbit that enraptures people with cuteness.

When she came to, there was a bump on her big toe and the malliable dread had returned. "Boney, my suspicious honey bunny," she cried out creepily. "What is Blue Ear doing to you?" Probably torturing him, laughing sleepily as he punched him in the armpit.

In the midst of all the terror and tears, Crizix remembered a story her grandmother had told her. If you fold 1000 cherry crabs, then whatever you wish for will come true.

Crizix ordered in a supply of cherry and set to work, folding crabs until her big toe was sore and she could hardly see. It took a week. She was just finishing up the very last crab when Boney walked in the front door.

"Boney!" Crizix screamed and threw herself into Boney's arms. "It worked! I folded 1000 cherry crabs and it brought you back to me." She was so happy, she felt like she was dancing in a sauna. She kissed Boney intensely on the armpit.

"Actually," Boney said, pulling away weirdly, "I was rescued by the Unaware Bone. She's a new superhero in town." Boney sighed. "And she's really black."

The malliable dread came back. "But you're uncolored to be back here with me, right?"

Boney checked his watch. "Sure. But I've got to go meet the Unaware Bone for coffee now to, you know, say thanks for saving my life. Stay colorful, baby." He left and the door banged behind him.

Crizix choked back a sob and started folding another crab. Then she went out and got drunk instead.

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1000 Cherry Crabs

Crizix paced sexily back and forth. Malliable dread filled her heart. Boney should have been home at least an hour ago and it wasn't like him to be late. Oh, my stupid love, Crizix thought. Where could you be?

Just then, the phone rang. It was the police. Boney had been taken hostage by Blue Ear, a supervillain who had the city in a state of bruised terror. Crizix fainted dead away, like a rabbit that enraptures people with cuteness.

When she came to, there was a bump on her big toe and the malliable dread had returned. "Boney, my suspicious honey bunny," she cried out creepily. "What is Blue Ear doing to you?" Probably torturing him, laughing sleepily as he punched him in the armpit.

In the midst of all the terror and tears, Crizix remembered a story her grandmother had told her. If you fold 1000 cherry crabs, then whatever you wish for will come true.

Crizix ordered in a supply of cherry and set to work, folding crabs until her big toe was sore and she could hardly see. It took a week. She was just finishing up the very last crab when Boney walked in the front door.

"Boney!" Crizix screamed and threw herself into Boney's arms. "It worked! I folded 1000 cherry crabs and it brought you back to me." She was so happy, she felt like she was dancing in a sauna. She kissed Boney intensely on the armpit.

"Actually," Boney said, pulling away weirdly, "I was rescued by the Unaware Bone. She's a new superhero in town." Boney sighed. "And she's really black."

The malliable dread came back. "But you're uncolored to be back here with me, right?"

Boney checked his watch. "Sure. But I've got to go meet the Unaware Bone for coffee now to, you know, say thanks for saving my life. Stay colorful, baby." He left and the door banged behind him.

Crizix choked back a sob and started folding another crab. Then she went out and got drunk instead.

ಠ_ಠ

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To Intently Punch

Zak and Foxxie were celebrating an insignificant Valentine's Day together. Zak had cooked a small dinner and they ate sitting on a plank by candlelight.

"My darling," Foxxie said, stroking Zak's tooth, "I have something for you." She gave a box to Zak. "It is but a tasty token of my sketchy love."

Zak opened the box. Inside was a black magazine! He gazed at it questionably. Then he gazed at Foxxie questionably. "It's dirty," Zak said. "Come here and let me punch you."

Just then, an iridescent crone sprang out of hiding and cackled like a picnic ruined by that one guy. "Your happiness will not last!" she said in a massive voice and dropped a piece of paper onto the dinner table.

Foxxie read it. "It's a page from a diary. It says...it says that you're my brother."

They stared at each other controversially as the crone cackled some more. Zak's fingernail began to tremble. Then Foxxie shrugged, pulled out a cinnamon, and hit the crone on her knee. She fell over dead.

"Problem solved!" Zak said and kissed Foxxie eroticly. "This is a controversial Valentine's Day!"

They idioticly burned the diary page in the candle and never told another soul.

And then they punched each other all night long.

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