Anyone wanna help me figure something out?

[Ein]

OKAY! So I've been noticing that I keep having mental conversations with myself about deep philosophical questions but here's the kicker!

These conversations with myself become pretty damn involved so to speak so much so that I end up having rather lengthy conversations with myself.

Not only that but my mood keeps shifting ever so often every now and then. I DO notice when I can feel my mood shift but I can't really do much to stop it.

Best thing I can do is either play video games or hang out with my friends because they tend to put my mind at ease with me having to actually think about something else.

So yeah... Mental issues and how they suck.

Even now my mind is all kinds of fuzzy like there's something enveloping it preventing me from thinking clearly...

[Hero]

I talk to myself a lot too. The trick is to catch yourself before you say something that would make you sound crazy in front of other people.

Video games are a good way to escape from stress without doing anything elaborate or necessarily inconvenient. If you have an Android or iOS mobile device, I highly recommend putting emulators on it and a good selection of your video game "classics" so that you always have discrete access to them. It's the same principle as carrying around some of your favorite songs on your phone.

My head feels fuzzy a lot of the time too, but usually there's nothing I can do about that besides drink a cup of coffee so I try to avoid thinking about it too much anymore.

One of my ex-girlfriends had bipolar disorder and decided to come off of her medicine for it when I was with her (it made her feel lazy and like all her emotions were dampened.) So I know from second-hand experience that it's not an easy time to go through, but I think if she could manage to get through with her sanity (as much as she had any in the first place!) anyone can.

[Rehab]

I have conversations with myself too, it's whatever dude. Unless I'm being a jerk, then I have to put myself in my place.

I think.

[Excellen Browning]

Talking to yourself is normal.

[Phoenix]

Sooo basically you've got the same thing I've got. I don't think it's much of a problem. Do you not have a lot of people you talk with IRL? I think that's part of what causes/caused it for me. I have a lot of time to myself so my self talk can reach some serious heights.

[Ein]

Hehehe...

I'm usually by myself for long periods of time and coupled with my depression and perhaps other factors I've developed a habit of having rather lengthy conversations with myself which to me is not exactly "normal". Then again who knows. This could be considered normal to some as they do the same because we're just weird like that or just normal in general. Like I said, who knows.

I do share my room with my younger brother but he never talks to me unless he absolutely has to and to be honest that saddens me greatly since we used to talk a lot when we were younger.

I do talk more with my youngest brother and my mother so that's always nice.

My two older siblings and my step dad don't really talk to me not that I care.

So yeah. I only talk with my youngest brother and mother and with my friends whenever I can be with them so all of those hours I'm alone are really affecting me in ways I do not like.

But as I've mentioned that fact that I am clinically depressed and possibly bipolar or whatever the hell is actually affecting me has been taking its toll over the course of my life.

I'm really only mentioning any of this because I missed my appointment with the therapist I was gonna see so I can get some more insight so I have to make due for the wait until next week to see him again so I don't go off the deep end like I did a few months ago. That wasn't exactly fun I tell you. Having to thrust the knife I was holding up against my neck into my thigh BECAUSE I JUST COULDN'T DEAL WITH MY MIND ANY LONGER was kind of a thing.

Of course I did seek help after that incident and since then I've calmed down a bit with the help of therapy, antidepressants, and just seeing my friends BUT NOW I can feel my mind and body being affected by this isolation once again. So yeah... I'm rather concerned over my own safety. I just want you guys to know...

[Original Alear]

The only time I audibly talk to myself is either, getting out of bed, I tend to live out the last 5-10 seconds of my dream as I wake up, or if I recall something I did that I now find, or even then found, particularly stupid/bad. The latter happens at least once a week, and usually results in an incomplete, gutturance along the lines of "wow stupid" (there is not really any further development on the matter). I bring this up because there seems to be some talk about it, though I can't tell if Ein is talking about this.

I definitely tend to have thoughts about things that people would find, perhaps, deep, esoteric, banal, absurd, depressing, among other things. I'm sure some at least qualify as philosophical. I don't think these affect my mood, with the exception of one topic which is one of the only ones I feel fairly resolved on, or really affect anything at all. I do think that having an elevated mood tends to increase these thoughts, at and make them more distracting - I will even lose track of a conversation, or an activity I am performing, as a result of this.

For mood shifting, avoidance can be a valid way of coping, but it may be important for you to try and identify what's causing the mood shifts. For instance, if you are experiencing depression, are there negative emotions brought about by some circumstance or other? Are they leading you to negative thoughts/conclusions about yourself, others, life, dinosaurs? While it maybe something that is physiological - as you have said, you've been working with a mental health professional(s?) who suspects some variation of bipolar disorder - it is hard - actually impossible - for me, at least, to imagine my major episodes of mania arising without the influence of environmental factors (and it not impossible, but troubling, to imagine life without meds - some meds anyway - afterwards).

EDIT:

I'm really only mentioning any of this because I missed my appointment with the therapist I was gonna see so I can get some more insight so I have to make due for the wait until next week to see him again so I don't go off the deep end like I did a few months ago. That wasn't exactly fun I tell you. Having to thrust the knife I was holding up against my neck into my thigh BECAUSE I JUST COULDN'T DEAL WITH MY MIND ANY LONGER was kind of a thing.

Of course I did seek help after that incident and since then I've calmed down a bit with the help of therapy, antidepressants, and just seeing my friends BUT NOW I can feel my mind and body being affected by this isolation once again. So yeah... I'm rather concerned over my own safety. I just want you guys to know...

So, I am not a forceful person, and I am not going to tell you to do anything, especially since I can't actually make you do anything. And it's really hard to feel out these kinds of things on the net, by which I mean, I don't know exactly what you mean by "I'm rather concerned over my own safety." And I do have one incident where I feel like the mental health field, or the professionals I was interacting with therein, overreacted, and I feel its happened in other cases as well. But, I would like to at least dangle in front of you the possibility of an emergency line (your therapist should have the number if you call after hours), the ER, a suicide hotline, if you feel you are a danger to yourself.

Basically, I don't really know whether to go "whoa" or not, so...don't leave us hanging?

Edited May 5, 2012 by Jet Black Gunner

[Ein]

I'm not sure how to describe these conversations I'm having though.

When I do notice them a few or even more minutes have passed by and I have difficulty recalling what I have been doing or was gonna do etc.

As for what triggers these episodes I'd say that being alone with my own thoughts and negativity from what I read on the web affect me greatly. Best way I can cope with this is to either play video games, write, draw, listen to music, and/or be with friends.

But yeah. I do have a number for a suicide hotline thing if I feel that I need to talk to someone about stuff like that.

I'm just tired of being so tired...

[Celice]

Perhaps you should expose yourself to things which make you feel tired, in the end.

[bottlegnomes]

For the talking to yourself, I do it a lot, like a lot. Answer my own questions and everything Out loud, too. Honestly, it's a pretty normal thing. It's a natural way of thinking, just some people, like myself, and from what I can tell, you, do it out loud. I do the same thing, have huge philosophical conversations with myself. The only thing to watch out for is if someone starts answering that you don't think is yourself and no one is around. I'll give a quick example:

Normal:

You: I kinda want to get something to eat. Should I?

You: Nah, I have a lot of work.

You: Then again, I am pretty hungry and I don't like working when I'm hungry.

You: I do have a lot of work though.

You: Well I could get something quick to eat.

When you might have to look more into it:

You: I kinda want to get something to eat. Should I?

Someone else: No, you have a lot of work. You can't.

You: I'm really hungry and I don't like to work when I'm hungry.

Someone else: You have a lot of work. You probably shouldn't. It'll take up too much time.

You: I could get something quick to eat, though.

I'm not really qualified to say one way or the other, but that's when you should probably check into it. Though from the sounds of it, you're more doing the first one, which is fine. For example, my dad's a computer programmer and he says at work you'll walk into a room full of programmers and they'll all just be talking to themselves about how to fix a problem with whatever they're working on. He does it a lot, too.

Then there's the fact that you're actually worried about it. That's actually a good thing. If you're worrying about it, that means you're aware of it. I don't know how many times I've heard people, who are qualified, either through personal experience or because they work in fields that deal with this, say when you're actually "going crazy" you think you're completely sane and don't realize anything is wrong. But this doesn't mean you shouldn't check with someone if you are getting worried. I'll give you an example from real life. There was this girl I liked and we were friends. I was pretty sure she didn't like me, but she's the sort of person who is very intimate, so I wasn't completely sure. I was pretty sure I was reading too much into it, but since I knew that I thought there might be a chance I wasn't, because i knew about the thing I talked about previously. I was pretty sure, like 99%, that I was, but I still wasn't completely sure. Long story short, I was reading too much into it. Anyway, since you're aware of it, it's probably not too bad, but check with someone who's qualified if you're concerned.

Like people have said, talking to friends, or anyone you're close to, can help. If you can't for whatever reason, just imagine you're talking to someone you're close to. It'll make you feel less crazy. Also, I'm not sure how religious you are, but praying and just having a conversation, not like a formal prayer, works well, too.

For the haziness thing, just focus on what you were thinking about and just keep at that until it clears up. Meditation, or something along those lines, helps, too. Basically, if you're thinking about something in particular, figure out how you got there, and let it progress naturally. If you get distracted, or whatever, just start over. If you're not thinking about anything in particular, just clearing your mind is very helpful. If you're thinking about something that's making you depressed, uneasy, or whatever, stop and take a step back. Consider everything and if you feel up to it, get back to thinking about it. If not, just find something to distract yourself, videogames, friends, just thinking about something different, and get back to whatever it was when you're ready, though a lot of the time, at least for me, I forget about it.

For your depression, I can't really say much on that, since I've never had any experience with it or anyone who has been. But when I'm getting down, thinking about good things in my life helps. Though, one thing that helps is just letting it run it's course. To be cliche, there's always a light at the end of the tunnel. Just don't do anything rash. If you're unsure of something, think about how it will affect people you care about and go with your gut and heart. They're more reliable than your brain from my experience, like the example about the girl I had a crush on. Again, talking to people helps. They generally don't need to actually do anything to help you, just telling someone helps. DON'T BOTTLE THINGS UP. I can't stress that enough. Even telling people on here, like you have, is good.

About your brother. Try reconnecting with him. Just randomly start talking to him about stuff. At first it'll probably catch him off guard, possibly even annoy him, but if you do it, he should open up more. Don't over do it, though. Just start out with stuff like asking him how his day was. Then, if you want to talk to him about something, just start talking about it. If it's not important and he doesn't want to talk at the moment, just drop it. It's probably not that he doesn't want to talk to you for some serious reason; he's probably just busy and doesn't mean anything personal by it. If it's serious, I don't personally know him, but if he's like most people, he'll be willing to talk about it. If not, the only thing you can do is say "fuck it," and not let it bother you, though I'm pretty sure he'll be willing to talk. Also, just find things in common with him. Another example from my life, my roommate this year and I didn't really talk much last semester. We got along fine, but we weren't exactly friends. This semester, we just randomly found some things we have in common and just started talking more. Now we're pretty good friends. If he, your brother that is, just doesn't want to associate with you any more, don't even think about it. You'll probably have to associate with him occasionally, and you should, you never know what might happen, but just don't let it bother you. I know it's harder said than done, but do your best at it. Then there's all the stuff about how old he and you are. I'd need more specifics, but if he's in his early/mid teens (13-17), distancing himself from people he used to be close to is completely normal. Put simply, teenagers are assholes, but they grow out of it. Once he gets a bit older, around 18-20, he'll be a lot more like he was before he was a teenager, more open and everything, and you can get to reknow him. If you're in your early/mid teens, what you're going through is also fairly normal. The same things I said about your brother are true, including you being an asshole ( I kid), but basically, you're trying to find how you fit into the world now that you're more of an adult, reestablishing relationships and everything. But eventually you'll find your spot and settle into it and things will go back to being normal, but with worthwhile changes. If neither of you are teenagers, I've just wasted a bunch of your time and I apologize.

About the bipolar thing, do you know you're bipolar or do you think you might be? Truly bipolar people don't have sudden moodswings. Their moods can last several months. Yet another example from my life. One of my friends had a girlfriend who was bipolar and her cycles of mania and depression would last a few weeks (like a week of mania and a week of depression) and that's uncommonly short.

Also, about the mood changes while you're talking to yourself, which sounds so much crazier than it is, I do that too. It's completely normal. Your mood is affected by whatever you're thinking about. I'll be in by myself and something sad will pop into my head and I'll start to feel sad, then fifteen seconds later, something happy will and I'll be happy.

The tiredness, is it physically tired or mentally tired? If you're physically tired, sleep. I know that's shitty advice, but just do something to relax. If it's mental, which I get the feeling is what you're talking about, just do something to unwind. Again, talking is great. Either just about random stupid shit with friends, or more serious stuff, like what's bothering you. Also, just doing things that take no effort and you have nothing invested in, like solitaire, helps. Basically anything that doesn't require thinking.

Well that was a lot longer than I expected.

TL;DR version:

1 - are you talking to yourself or is someone talking to you? First one, you're good. Second one, talk to someone more qualified than a random college student you met online (though just talking about it with anyone is good)

2 - Since you're worrying about it, that's a sign you're aware and generally, if you're truly having issues, you aren't aware. And if you are, you're aware enough to be able to seek help, which is good.

3 - Remember the good things in life.

4 - Focus on what you were thinking about when your mind gets hazy, but don't get too caught up in it. Distance yourself if you feel you need to. If you aren't thinking about anything in particular, just clear your mind.

5 - DON'T BOTTLE THINGS UP talk to people about it.

6 - Just try reconnecting with your brother. If he's a teenager, his distancing himself from you is normal and when he gets older, you'll probably become close again. If you're a teenager, all this stuff is normal. Let it progress naturally, and eventually you'll reconnect with him, then you get to deal with him going through all the same shit. Won't that be fun?

7 - Mood shifts are normal. Just let them progress if they're not serious, like having a bad memory and getting upset. If they are serious, focus on good things in your life and talk to people about it.

8 - If you're physically tired, just take some time to sit back and relax. If you're mentally fatigued, do something that doesn't require thought.

And even my TL;DR is quite long. Anyway, hope this helps and feel free to talk to us more. Hell, you can email me if you want to arobie1992@yahoo.com

Edited May 6, 2012 by bottlegnomes

[Original Alear]

When I do notice them a few or even more minutes have passed by and I have difficulty recalling what I have been doing or was gonna do etc.

Well, that could be racing thoughts, a typical symptom of the energized, manic side of bipolar disorders, if I was playing diagnose Ein bipolar ASAP....or it could just be a long existent or newly discovered case of absentmindedness. And I'm sure there are other explanations too! Just too lazy to think about it.

As for what triggers these episodes I'd say that being alone with my own thoughts and negativity from what I read on the web affect me greatly. Best way I can cope with this is to either play video games, write, draw, listen to music, and/or be with friends.

Well, I don't know whether you are talking about SF or other places, but regardless, if you can actually identify a trigger environment, you should probably be thinking about whether you can cut it out...

For negativity online, it might help (well, probably not, but w/e...ACK NEGATIVITY) to get some idea of what you mean. Like, negativity directed at you? Negativity directed towards others? Negativity directed towards various forms of entertainment? Negativity about the world in general? Or just people going FUCK? (to me this is positive but I recognize some might feel differently)

And I don't even mind being alone with my own thoughts, but I still usually have a book with me everywhere but when socializing (and even then, I usually have a book on the way). Doesn't have to be a book, but is the alone thing an issue because there are times when you don't feel like doing anything, even if it';s fairly sedentary?

About the bipolar thing, do you know you're bipolar or do you think you might be? Truly bipolar people don't have sudden moodswings. Their moods can last several months. Yet another example from my life. One of my friends had a girlfriend who was bipolar and her cycles of mania and depression would last a few weeks (like a week of mania and a week of depression) and that's uncommonly short.

Actually, rapid cyclers can have multiple mood shifts within the space of a day. I'm pretty sure this is acknowledged by psych professionals, and while I haven't been diagnosed as rapid cycling myself, I am bipolar, and I've had episodes which span less than a day (mania is pretty, um, special and is hard to miss).

I suspect that since bipolar disorder and its symptoms are, or at least can be, caused by environmental factors, you really can't establish a rule about how long they are supposed to be. The chemical component to the disorder is not necessarily all there is to it. My first episode was mixed with emotions all over the place and the mania was particularly severe. But after my hospitalization, my mood stabilized as soon as I remember. I was still crazy and anyone in the ward who was sane could probably tell. But, I really wasn't in a state of either mania or depression, instead just a pleasant acceptance of and amusement with my circumstances. Point is, my manic episode lasted about 3 days and I got a diagnosis.

I'm pretty sure that diagnoses are fairly frequently (particularly in the case of someone with manic symptoms) assigned without a mood swing that lasts even a week, since I was diagnosed Bipolar I, have worked with a lot of people in the mental health industry and talked to a fair number of people with similar problems, and they've never really indicated any surprise at my diagnosis. Ya, sure, cover their ass

Eh.

[bottlegnomes]

Actually, rapid cyclers can have multiple mood shifts within the space of a day. I'm pretty sure this is acknowledged by psych professionals, and while I haven't been diagnosed as rapid cycling myself, I am bipolar, and I've had episodes which span less than a day (mania is pretty, um, special and is hard to miss).

I suspect that since bipolar disorder and its symptoms are, or at least can be, caused by environmental factors, you really can't establish a rule about how long they are supposed to be. The chemical component to the disorder is not necessarily all there is to it. My first episode was mixed with emotions all over the place and the mania was particularly severe. But after my hospitalization, my mood stabilized as soon as I remember. I was still crazy and anyone in the ward who was sane could probably tell. But, I really wasn't in a state of either mania or depression, instead just a pleasant acceptance of and amusement with my circumstances. Point is, my manic episode lasted about 3 days and I got a diagnosis.

I'm pretty sure that diagnoses are fairly frequently (particularly in the case of someone with manic symptoms) assigned without a mood swing that lasts even a week, since I was diagnosed Bipolar I, have worked with a lot of people in the mental health industry and talked to a fair number of people with similar problems, and they've never really indicated any surprise at my diagnosis. Ya, sure, cover their ass

Eh.

Huh, the more you know.