The Adventures of Raven

[Party Moth]

This is what happens when White Clad Rival and I do too much drinking.

The Adventures of Raven

(which aren't really that spectacular but to save face we call it as such)

　

The alarm gave a nasty ring. Raven groaned and slammed his fist on it, rolling over and moaning. Gods above, he hated mornings. It was one of those days where he just wished he could lie in bed for the rest of his life. Yes, away from all those idiots who criticized him…and away from the temptation to lop their heads off….

…But that kind of thinking wasn't healthy for the mornings. He'd save those thoughts for the afternoon. In order to be efficient, he'd have to get up now, he reasoned. It would be ridiculous of him to call in sick…again…so he decided that he'd get up. He stretched…perhaps in five minutes…

"Brother, get up. You're going to be late for work," his sister called out.

He groaned; how was she always up before him? Slowly pulling himself out of bed, he scratched his back and yawned. "I'm up, Priscilla," he sighed. "And please…get out of my closet."

She peeked her head out of his closet. "But I like it in here."

"Get out." He didn't want to deal with this right now.

She stepped out finally and sighed. "Yes, Brother…"

He shook his head as she went off to her room. He never quite understood what was up with her, but he figured it was some sort of phase or something. Deciding he would deal with it later (as he always did), he then went on to undergo his daily routine: take a shower (petulantly), dry himself off (petulantly), scarf down a bowl of cereal (petulantly), brush his teeth (petulantly), and then head off to work (very, very petulantly). Crossing down the street, he passed by the morning paperboy tossing papers to the doormats of the various apartments. One struck him in the head; he cursed aloud but forced himself to stay on track toward his workplace (he'd get the brat back later). The only plus to his morning was one of the other residents, Lyn, going on her morning jog and passing by. During a boring morning it proved to be a sort of filter for his sanity (and prevented him from killing someone, a bad urge of his).

Clocking in for work, he was unhappy to face his boss, Hector. A man well above six feet tall, his burly stature and dismissive glance toward Raven made him want to kill the man. He also had a theory that the man had killed his family, but that was another story for another day.

"You're late," Hector grunted in his manly, assertive tone. "Raven, this is the third time this week." He sighed. "When are you going to show some initiative?"

"When I feel like it," he muttered.

Hector put a massive hand upon Raven's shoulder. "You gettin' sassy with me, Boy?" His eyes narrowed. "That street ain't going to clean itself."

How he hated that man. "I'll get right to it, Sir," he promised.

The gruff man turned back toward his office. "You better."

Grabbing the pressure washer and ambling to the city streets Raven tried to imagine a happier life, one where he didn't serve that man and where he had some sort of control over his life (maybe like a mercenary or something cool like that). But, realizing that would never happen, he chose instead to wash down the streets so that he could pay for food this month.

He caught wind of a voice in the distance; he faintly picked up a few of the sentences. "Please donate today….save the orphans….all proceeds go to Church of Elimine…" Raven sighed, shut off the pressure washer and put it down. Might as well attempt to find some kind of way to relieve his boredom.

He found the monk sitting atop a cardboard box, a rather entertaining dichotomy of cleanliness versus disrepair. "Lucius, what are you up to now?"

The monk turned and smiled at Raven, his luscious blond hair flowing daintily in the chilly breeze of the morning. "Oh, hello Raven," he smiled. "I'm attempting to garner enough funds to save the nearby orphanage." His bright feminine eyes lit up in delight. "Will you be donating today?"

"Hell no," Raven scoffed. "I can't afford anything right now." Seeing his comrade's frown he added, "Maybe after I get my paycheck."

Lucius was grateful. "I appreciate your concern, Raven." An awkward silence followed.

Raven coughed. "Uh…so, how goes things? I mean…besides the whole orphanage spiel."

The monk pondered it for a moment. "Oh, not much. I spend most of my time trying to get food for the orphans. I rarely have a gold piece to spare for myself."

Yet your hair is as shiny as ever, hypocrite, Raven thought to himself.

But instead, he said, "Good for you."

Lucius would have continued if not for a man down the street sauntering over. "My, what's a fine lady like you doing on the street?"

Lucius frowned. "I'm not a-"

Raven butted in, "She's raising money to fund an orphanage, good sir." He gave the closest thing to a grin as he could. "Would you like to donate?"

The man's eyes lit up. "Oh, I would be flattered to help a poor maiden such as yourself!" He dropped to one knee. "By the way, my name is Sain, at your service."

Raven thought the man resembled a knight. A poor, pathetic excuse for a knight in shining armor. "How much would you like to donate to save the children?"

Sain got to his feet and pulled out a checkbook. "How much do you need?"

Lucius beamed. "If you don't mind, we could use-"

"Whatever you got in cash," Raven interrupted.

The "knight" pondered it, then checked his wallet. "I apologize, but it appears I only have about five hundred gold on me at the moment."

"We'll take it."

The exchange was made, and Sain pulled out a small notebook and a pen. He scribbled some illegible gibberish on it. Handing it to Lucius he winked, "My number." Bowing to them and continuing his saunter elsewhere he called out, "May we meet elsewhere, dear maiden!"

After the man was out of sight Lucius turned to Raven. "What was that for?"

"What? It got you some money didn't it?" He took the bag of gold and began picking his fingers through it. "Now, my share of the pay…"

Lucius frowned but didn't press it. "Thank you for the help, Raven." He glanced down the street to where Raven should have been working. "Perhaps you should return to your job."

"Oh, right! Son of a-- I'll talk to you sometime later," he spluttered out before returning to where he had left the pressure washer.

Oh, son of a bitch! Hurrying over to his workplace he was horrified to find someone had stolen the pressure washer while he was away. He merely stood in silence, gazing down at the empty spot of concrete.

Now he really wanted to kill someone.

…Deciding that pondering it would only cause him more grief, he made his way back to the station (where he would most likely get into a confrontation with Hector, joy). Trying not to let the guilt show on his face, he jumped when someone tapped on his shoulder.

"Raven, your sister called today," the man informed him.

"Did she? Thanks Wil." As Wil walked off Raven chuckled to himself in disgust. What an idiot. I'm amazed he hasn't gotten fired yet. The sudden prospect of himself getting fired before Wil put a foul taste in his mouth.

Making his way over to one of the phones he decided he'd give his sis a call and see what the problem was. Waiting as the dial tones rang in his ear, the constant reminder of the pink slip refused to exit his mind.

She didn't pick up.

He cursed and turned toward Wil, calling him back over. "Do you know where she called from?" he asked him.

He thought about it. "Well, I didn't consider it at the time, but it did sound like she was using a payphone."

Raven tried to put the idea of strangling Wil out of his head. "…great. Just great." Not even thanking his coworker he hurried out to go find Priscilla.

"Hold on a moment, Raven."

Raven flinched. Damn it. The boss. He turned around. "What?"

Hector was beet red. "Where…where is the pressure washer?"

He scratched the back of his head. "It's…uh…"

"It's right here, Mr. Hector." Raven was shocked to see Priscilla walk over with his pressure washer. Did she…did she steal it? "Raven had me watch over it for a second while he came in to tell you that his work is done for his shift."

Hector was quiet for a moment. "You're done early? That's new." He exhaled, having calmed down. "I guess you get a break then. Be ready to hit the street ten blocks down in about thirty minutes. Oh…and get your sister out of here. You know how I feel about employees bringing their family in on the job."

"Yes…Sir," Raven replied. Grabbing Priscilla and stepping back out to the streets he hissed, "Priscilla, what did you do?"

"I saw you were taking a break today, Brother, so I did your work for you."
Raven was speechless.

"Did I do good?" she asked.

"…Uh, yeah. Thanks for covering for me, Priscilla." His face returned to its particularly stern expression. "But don't do it again, okay?" He sighed in relief when she nodded. "What am I going to do with you…? Never mind, go on home. I'll be there later today with lunch."

"Okay. See you later, Brother." She hugged him (he awkwardly returned the hug) before heading back toward home.

Thankful for what she did for him that day, Raven made sure to later use Lucius' gold to purchase her some cupcakes.

Later that day he strangled Wil, was tackled by Hector, and arrested for assault on his coworker. He was sentenced to six months in jail.

The moral of the story: don't strangle your coworkers.

Edited March 27, 2015 by Duels at Dawn

[Grouch]

Spoiler Alert: The paperboy was Wil.

Edited November 12, 2012 by White Clad Rival