Doom103 Posted August 8, 2008 Share Posted August 8, 2008 (edited) Btw this is my first story ever and my style may be a little different but hey enjoy my fan fic Prologue ? - with this sword you will reign ? - what do i have to do with it ? - when the time comes you will know what to do ? - wait what is your name? ? - im sure well cross paths again and then you will find out......................... villager - yea the mercenaries that came here really took care of the bandits villager 2 - so they were cheap too eh? ha we got lucky too too bad there ........ ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh villager - what what happened ? out of my way villager 2 - MAKE A PATH FOR THESE MEN!!!! villager - oh my god i cant believe this villager 2 - leader left villager - what? villager 2 - to bad there leader left is what i was gonna say guard - ..... ? - why do you kneel guard - why shoudnt i your our savior Ike - heh i guess i am guard - shall i get the Queen Soren - no we know were she is Ike - lets go guard - Elincia, Geoffrey we have visitors. Elincia - tell them ill see them later guard - but milady im sure you would want to see them Geoffrey - YOU HEARD HER NOW LEAVE AT ONCE! Ike - heh still as stubborn as ever huh Geoffrey Elincia - no i cant be? it couldnt Soren - oh but it is Elinica - not him too oh my god Ike - milady call a metting of all Telliuses leaders laguz and beorc Geoffrey - why? whats happened? Soren - ill explain when were all here Elinica - agreed Soren - now that were all here ill begin the metting Tibarn - heh no nice reunion meal or anything. Man this sucks Sanaki - quiet bird let him speak Soren - thanks you. Ike before we begin would you like to say anything Ike - nah i like when you tell the story better. Soren - okay then now during our journey weve discovered some things Tibarn - like what? Soren - like that Teillius wasnt the only continent left after the great flood Elincia - WHAT?! you mean there are others? Ike - yea there two others one is named Elibe and the other is Magvel Soren - i thought i was gonna tell the story Ike - yea but you were taking too long Soren - okay let me finish now the two also know of the other continents. Magvel is preparing soldiers to invade Elibe to start a war and we fear that if they gain control of elibe they could invade us. Sanaki - then whats the problem lets aid Elibe Soren - it;s not that simple see we just finished our reconstruction so do we really wanna get involved in something now and also if we send troops over there we also run the risk of a big rebellion. and thoes countries are united unlike us they are one. Lyncia controls Elibe and Grado controls Magvel. plus both countries are bigger than us. Elincia - So what are we to do? Ike - soren suggested we do so we stop the invasion on us but its up to you guys. Tibarn - heh im in. ive been wanting to kick some ass lately its a little too peaceful. Geoffrey - ughhh Milady, our final guests have arrived. Sothe - ike looks like your still alive huh. Micaiah - my apologizes i just fainted Sothe - Micaiah said she sensed an invasion of some kind on tellius but we dont know from who Soren - sigh**** ill explain again Micaiah - that explains it Sothe - sigh** another war another mess ike - well if were gonna get invaded by someone it has to be Garado Soren - well that settles it leaders give us your best troops and well be heading to Elibe with ike as general. leave some troops here as well to defend if necessary. ike and the troops will go straight to Garado's capital and crush them. Sanaki - oh gods watch over our souls Soren - we depart in a week. soldier - milord how are you alive? you came from the dead and conquered an entire continent. are you really my lord ? - who else would it be? soldier - yes lord Hector. Hector - if you wish to know how i live i shall tell you. soldier - ...... Hector - my life is bound to this sword. soldier- milord what is it Hector - this is Soul Calibur one of the two soul swords and this is the reason why i live soldier 2 - lord Hector the enemy has beached and a battle has begun Hector - ughhhhhhhhh take my daughter and go to tellius. shell be safe there. soldier 2 - yes milord Hector - Mathew Mathew - yes lord Hector Hector - were leaving to go recruit troops Mathew - were do we start? Hector - the plains of Sacae............. Prologue part 2 Hector - Were here mathew Mathew - yea we are havent been here since phewwwww so long ago Hector - ahhhh i see them Mathew - ughhhhh Hector - WHAT IS IT. BAH ? - why are u here Hector - Rath..... u Rath - you brought curruption to out sacred lands its being invaded by troops what have u done! Hector - what troops? rebels? Rath - no form Ostia Hector - WHAT! Rath - dont play dumb there after Lyn Hector - Is she safe? Rath - I dont know why dont you ask your soldiers! there coming this way Mathew - ughhhhh mi lord i know who sent them Hector - WHAT! WHO Mathew - your........brother.... Hector - how do you know !? Mathew - because im his spy. remember i was his spy first Hector - no then why did they attack you Mathew - im such a secret the soldiers dont even know Hector - so brother is alive........ Rath - so it wasnt your fault Hecotr -.... Rath - mathew you traitor Mathew - ughhhhh.h.h..h...h.h.......h.......h....... Hector - u ... u killed him Rath - i had to to he could have been leading us into a trap Soldier - THERE THEY ARE GET THEM! Rath - Damn Soldiers - ahhhhhhhh ughhhhhhhhh Rath - heh what took u so long Guy - ..... Hector - Guy........ Guy - mathew i owed my life to you once but now....... i couldnt care less if your dead of alive traitor Guy - i know were our allies are Rath Rath - really were Guy - in another continent being held prisoners Hector - which continent? Guy - Magvel Mathew - looooordddd...... your brother is there too......... Hector - mathew Mathew - sorry mi lord... but im done.............................................. Hector - BAH!!!! Damnit all Rath - shall we be goin lord hector Hector - yea to recruit more troops Soren - we beach tomorrow Shinnon - man i hate war its such a drag Nepheene - Dont worry i recon we gonna win Shinnon - i have no doubts but still its such a drag Sigrun - General Ike - yea Sigrun - nothing forget it on your leave Ike - .....? Mia - BOSS!!!!!!! its been too long since weve spared can wew please please please? ike - heh u havent changed a bit ok lets go Ziark - sigh ** i hate boat rides Vika - why hate them? there so calm.... Haar - ZZZZZZZZZ Volke - hey can u stop snoring HEY! Haar - what what Volke - stop snoring Haar - oh i was. ill stop for 1000 gold Volke - ? what? Naseala - how did i get draged into this Tibarn - same way i did Naseala - Sigh** Edited August 13, 2008 by Doom103 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Doom103 Posted August 8, 2008 Author Share Posted August 8, 2008 there are some typoes but i sure youll figure it out Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kyrra Posted August 8, 2008 Share Posted August 8, 2008 Are you sure? I didn't see any typos... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Doom103 Posted August 8, 2008 Author Share Posted August 8, 2008 Are you sure? I didn't see any typos... yea i misspelled a couple things by accident and so what did you think? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Doom103 Posted August 12, 2008 Author Share Posted August 12, 2008 (edited) someone say something!!!!!! its my first so give me comments and critique (CnC) bump Edited August 12, 2008 by Doom103 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gatrie: Guns Blazing Posted August 13, 2008 Share Posted August 13, 2008 (edited) lol michaia never faints!!! shes too bad ass Edited August 13, 2008 by Gatling Von Revolver Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Doom103 Posted August 13, 2008 Author Share Posted August 13, 2008 Prologue part 2 Hector - Were here mathew Mathew - yea we are havent been here since phewwwww so long ago Hector - ahhhh i see them Mathew - ughhhhh Hector - WHAT IS IT. BAH ? - why are u here Hector - Rath..... u Rath - you brought curruption to out sacred lands its being invaded by troops what have u done! Hector - what troops? rebels? Rath - no form Ostia Hector - WHAT! Rath - dont play dumb there after Lyn Hector - Is she safe? Rath - I dont know why dont you ask your soldiers! there coming this way Mathew - ughhhhh mi lord i know who sent them Hector - WHAT! WHO Mathew - your........brother.... Hector - how do you know !? Mathew - because im his spy. remember i was his spy first Hector - no then why did they attack you Mathew - im such a secret the soldiers dont even know Hector - so brother is alive........ Rath - so it wasnt your fault Hecotr -.... Rath - mathew you traitor Mathew - ughhhhh.h.h..h...h.h.......h.......h....... Hector - u ... u killed him Rath - i had to to he could have been leading us into a trap Soldier - THERE THEY ARE GET THEM! Rath - Damn Soldiers - ahhhhhhhh ughhhhhhhhh Rath - heh what took u so long Guy - ..... Hector - Guy........ Guy - mathew i owed my life to you once but now....... i couldnt care less if your dead of alive traitor Guy - i know were our allies are Rath Rath - really were Guy - in another continent being held prisoners Hector - which continent? Guy - Magvel Mathew - looooordddd...... your brother is there too......... Hector - mathew Mathew - sorry mi lord... but im done.............................................. Hector - BAH!!!! Damnit all Rath - shall we be goin lord hector Hector - yea to recruit more troops Soren - we beach tomorrow Shinnon - man i hate war its such a drag Nepheene - Dont worry i recon we gonna win Shinnon - i have no doubts but still its such a drag Sigrun - General Ike - yea Sigrun - nothing forget it on your leave Ike - .....? Mia - BOSS!!!!!!! its been too long since weve spared can wew please please please? ike - heh u havent changed a bit ok lets go Ziark - sigh ** i hate boat rides Vika - why hate them? there so calm.... Haar - ZZZZZZZZZ Volke - hey can u stop snoring HEY! Haar - what what Volke - stop snoring Haar - oh i was. ill stop for 1000 gold Volke - ? what? Naseala - how did i get draged into this Tibarn - same way i did Naseala - Sigh** Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Doom103 Posted August 18, 2008 Author Share Posted August 18, 2008 someone say something is it bad? bump Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zanryu Posted August 20, 2008 Share Posted August 20, 2008 It's... I dunno. The grammar is bad, the spelling is bad, the punctuation is bad, and there's no narration. It's such a boring read as it is... if you went back and fixed up the grammatical errors, typos and punctuation errors, it'd be much better as is. If you added narration on top of that, it'd have a lot of potential. But yeah, as it is it's rather boring and is severely lacking. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kiba Posted August 20, 2008 Share Posted August 20, 2008 it sorta as my interest but not that much sorry, but don't worry people make mistakes on their first try I think I did when I started my story Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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