So, just wrote an Essay for Spanish #1. Wanna help me out?

[FionordeQuester]

Here it is. I got the first half reviewed by my teacher, but wasn't able to get to the second half. I looked through it, couldn't find more than a couple minor things to fix, but I'm going to post it here just in case.

That said, it's an essay on what we do in our free time, written in Spanish, but the teacher said that if our hobbies didn't fill the 300 word requirement, we could just make stuff up, no matter how outlandish, so keep that in mind. Enjoy!

Que Yo Hago en Mi Tiempo Libre

Hola amigos! Yo me llamo (name withheld), y yo deseo buscar de mi actividades favoritos que me gusta hacer en mi tiempo libre. Ahora, no me gusta viajar lejos de mi casa, y prefiero descansar en mi casa. Ahora, yo no soy gordo o perozoso, pero yo no tengo muchas aficiones. No me gusta mirar la television en mi casa, o voy a ver peliculas en la cines! En cambio, me gusta jugar juegosdevideos por muches horas! Pero, yo tengo dos activadad fisicas que me gusta seguir. En todos los dias menos lunes y miercoles, me gusta ver correr el Cantera de Rocas con mi perro (name withheld)! Y yo voy a practica Artes Marcials tambien con mi Sensei (name withheld) los martes, los miercoles, y jueves! Yo soy cristiano, y yo pienso y quiero ayudar a mi iglesia con actividades caritativos. Me gusta leer leer la Biblia mucho. Yo salir de mis casa y viajo a la casa de mis tios tambien juego con mis pequenos primos (name withheld) y (name withheld).
 
 
Aye basura! Yo olvido! Me gusta hagar mucha lucha libre con dinosaurios en la bosques los lunes, viejo a Japan ayudar James Bond rescate el Estados Unidos los martes, toco la guitarra con Elvis en la Desierto de Sierra los miercoles, hago el Suplex a muchos tren grandes los jueves, y jugo en el deporte de Futbol en viernes. Y Sabado! Es cuando la situacions cambios ser muy loco! Cuando usted miras la Tierra rasgado porque Doomsday y Superman estan luchando mucho, usted empiezas a entiendes como precioso la vida es, y como muy importante el conocimiento que diciendo “con gran poder conlleva una gran responsabilidad” es. Gracias! Yo vuelvo en dos dias! Hasta luego senora!

Edited November 14, 2013 by FionordeQuester

[Quintessence]

Oh my God this has a lot of mistakes >_>. Really tired now but I can surely help you tomorrow :p

[Poctiboro]

in the first sentence i assume that the word ``buscar´´ is a misstranslation because it doesn't make much sense to me

in the second sentence you shouldn't repeat the word ``casa´´ you can put something like ``prefiero quedarme adentro y descansar´´ wich would be ``i rather stay in and rest´´

the second and third sentence should be merged into one eliminating the second ``ahora´´you shoeld also eliminate some of the ``as they are not necessary in spanish as they are in english.

4th sentence ``ir´´ instead of ``voy´´ , ``a´´ instead of ``en´´ y ``los´´ instead of ``la´´

use a comma after seguir and cut the ``en´´( i don't know what a cantera de rocas is so idk about the next part)

the next sentence should be ``tambien voy a practicar artes marciales con...´´

idk why you put ``y yo pienso´´ in the next one but remove it and use ``caritativas´´ at the end

the next one is good albeit short

in this one replace ``salir´´ for ``salgo´´ and ``tambien´´ for ``en donde´´, technically i'd remove the part about leaving home since its already implied ( you are visiting you uncles) but whatever

it's like 3 am here so i'll stop by tomorrow

[FionordeQuester]

Out of curiosity, what does "querdarme" mean? I can't find it in my "English to Spanish" dictionary.

idk why you put ``y yo pienso´´ in the next one but remove it and use ``caritativas´´ at the end

Right, I'll make that less awkward.

[Poctiboro]

technically the verb is ``quedar´´ wich means stay, the ``me´´ used at the end is a suffix.

also i forgot to mention it but remember that in spanish you have to use ¡ to open exclamations

do you want me to keep going with the second part?

[FionordeQuester]

THe 2nd paragraph? Sure!