DeathChaos25 Posted March 15, 2016 Share Posted March 15, 2016 See them here. I felt there was something really lacking in the encounter with Keaton, so I made some small ish changes to the script and the events. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shadowess Posted March 15, 2016 Share Posted March 15, 2016 oh i just saw this post on tumblr gg you made me sad thanks (this is great though, really) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katryn Posted March 15, 2016 Share Posted March 15, 2016 Very well done. I was moved by the setup for this chapter in Birthright, too. My story idea for it is quite different then yours, though. I definitely agree that this would have had a much larger impact in game, though. -_-; Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NekoKnight Posted March 15, 2016 Share Posted March 15, 2016 Nice set up, but I'm irritated by how contrived the fight is (game's fault, not yours). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pretty Cool Guy Posted March 15, 2016 Share Posted March 15, 2016 I like these changes. I felt that on my first time with this map it was a little underwhelming of a setup. I think giving any of the kids some kind of relevance is a pretty cool idea as well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thane Posted March 15, 2016 Share Posted March 15, 2016 Nice set up, but I'm irritated by how contrived the fight is (game's fault, not yours). I'll agree with this. As for your text: noooooooo, Velouuuuuuuur! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Book Bro Posted March 15, 2016 Share Posted March 15, 2016 Nice set up, but I'm irritated by how contrived the fight is (game's fault, not yours). I feel like this about the Kitsune map in Conquest as well. The shapeshifters were such cool ideas in this game that I can't help but be disappointed by the lack of any type of lore or story relevance. Keaton's recruitment is dumb as shit. Randomly gets lost in the opera house and joins you just because. At least Kaden has some explanation for showing up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dark Holy Elf Posted March 15, 2016 Share Posted March 15, 2016 Honestly shapeshifters feel like one of those ideas they've kept around since Tellius but haven't really bothered to integrate into the setting properly since. I am okay with them but they do feel like tacked-on fantasy racea with little meaningful interaction with the setting. Regarding the rewrite, I certainly think replacing a generic with Keaton's daughter adds to the gravity of the scene and makes Keaton's rage more visceral, which is a good change. Although part of me is happier treating the kids in this game as non-canon as possible. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NekoKnight Posted March 15, 2016 Share Posted March 15, 2016 I feel like this about the Kitsune map in Conquest as well. The shapeshifters were such cool ideas in this game that I can't help but be disappointed by the lack of any type of lore or story relevance. Keaton's recruitment is dumb as shit. Randomly gets lost in the opera house and joins you just because. At least Kaden has some explanation for showing up. In the rewrite I'm doing of Conquest, you actually fight both the Wolfskin and the Kitsune but for different reasons. In Conquest, a strange sickness is driving the normally reclusive Wolfskin tribe feral and dangerous. Iago tasks you with wiping them out but Keaton asks your party for help in purging the sickness and saving Velouria, who has also fallen ill. Velouria is the boss of that map and Keaton joins you after saving her. In the Birthright version, you are too late to stop the sickness and, in her madness, Velouria killed Keaton. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Book Bro Posted March 15, 2016 Share Posted March 15, 2016 (edited) In the rewrite I'm doing of Conquest, you actually fight both the Wolfskin and the Kitsune but for different reasons. In Conquest, a strange sickness is driving the normally reclusive Wolfskin tribe feral and dangerous. Iago tasks you with wiping them out but Keaton asks your party for help in purging the sickness and saving Velouria, who has also fallen ill. Velouria is the boss of that map and Keaton joins you after saving her. In the Birthright version, you are too late to stop the sickness and, in her madness, Velouria killed Keaton.I like it, it's simple but it makes a lot more sense. Kaze's death in your version could be changed to Velouria surviving the boss fight and attacking Kamui, only for Kaze to block her attack and be fatally wounded if you don't have an A support. Better than exploding crystals. Honestly this could have been done with Keaton in the actual chapter. Edited March 15, 2016 by Book Bro Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thane Posted March 15, 2016 Share Posted March 15, 2016 In the rewrite I'm doing of Conquest, you actually fight both the Wolfskin and the Kitsune but for different reasons. In Conquest, a strange sickness is driving the normally reclusive Wolfskin tribe feral and dangerous. Iago tasks you with wiping them out but Keaton asks your party for help in purging the sickness and saving Velouria, who has also fallen ill. Velouria is the boss of that map and Keaton joins you after saving her. In the Birthright version, you are too late to stop the sickness and, in her madness, Velouria killed Keaton. Thank you for saving Velour. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NekoKnight Posted March 15, 2016 Share Posted March 15, 2016 Thank you for saving Velour. In my retelling, Velour is Flannel's fiance so you can't marry her. Sorry. If you love her, set her free~ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thane Posted March 15, 2016 Share Posted March 15, 2016 In my retelling, Velour is Flannel's fiance so you can't marry her. Sorry. If you love her, set her free~ I'm boycotting your story. Clearly, if you don't do everything in your power to appease your readers, then you have too much respect for yourself and your work, and I just can't stand that. I say good day, sir! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NekoKnight Posted March 15, 2016 Share Posted March 15, 2016 Question for the OP, how did you edit the dialogue like that? It looks pretty neat. I'm boycotting your story. Clearly, if you don't do everything in your power to appease your readers, then you have too much respect for yourself and your work, and I just can't stand that.I say good day, sir! Wait! You can... sleep with your sister! Your DOUBLE sister! And, um, your mother? Do people like that? Please come back... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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