blah's film reviews: Hardcore Henry

[blah the Prussian]

So I sort of did a review for the unholy abomination of a movie that was Batman V Superman a few months back, but I suppose this is the first official review I am doing. But yeah, basically whenever I watch a movie that is out in theaters now, I will, using my highly fine tuned critical intuition, review it, give my thoughts, say if its worth seeing. So, without further ado, Hardcore Henry!

If you haven't heard of Hardcore Henry, I really can't blame you. Basically, the film is supposedly (I'm too lazy to fact check) the first ever film to be shot entirely in the first person. I am happy to report that it is indeed that. Well, is that a good thing? Um... no.

The tagline for the film is "The First Person experience that never ever ever ever ever ever ever stops". While I assume they mean this is a significantly more positive manner than I do, I agree with this tagline. Hardcore Henry is the most ponderous action film I have ever seen. The first person perspective, the main selling point of the film, absolutely kills it. It means that there is no variety in the action scenes whatsoever. Every action scene is either parkour (which is impressive but also only 5% of the film), Henry shooting at someone in the exact same manner, or Henry punching someone and an unrealistic amount of gore (more on that in a minute) comes out. To add to that, all the close combat action is impossible to follow. I was constantly fighting motion sickness because the camera whips around so much, which obviously doesn't make for good action. There are maybe 3 scenes in the entire movie without any form of action, if that. The action is boring. This film is boring.

Maybe if the story was interesting, the film would be less boring. Well, the story is completely incoherent (my sister's Middle School play, written by HER DRAMA TEACHER, and with several characters obviously shoehorned in to give the kids roles, made more sense than this story) to the point where the film opens with the main character, who is an amnesiac(another cliche) having a flashback. Yeah. It only gets worse from there. The villain wants to, you guessed it, take over the world, there are all of three characters with major speaking parts, and the only female character in the movie that talks is present for three scenes, four if you're really generous. I'm not usually one to complain about sexism in films, but this is absurd! The protagonist is also silent, in a terrible decision that makes getting emotionally invested in the film all but impossible. Eh, I shouldn't complain too much. The story is still better than Conquest's.

That brings me to the most infuriating part about this movie for me; the copious amounts of gore within it. Now, I liked Deadpool as much as the next guy. When you think of the goriness of this movie, think Deadpool multiplied by 100. The film takes pride in just how gory it manages to be in tube same juvenile manner that Adam Sandler takes pride in how many fart jokes he can cram into one of his films. That's actually quite a good analogy; gore is to action movies what fart jokes are to comedies. The overuse of gore (it is overused to an absurd degree) is meant to get a cheap thrill out of the viewer without actually having to work for it with creative choreography or stunts, just as the fart joke is meant to get a cheap laugh out of the viewer without creative writing or well thought out jokes. Here, there is so much blood and gore that it actually clouds the view of the action, which is, really obviously, a bad thing when that action is the only reason to watch the film.

If you think I don't like this movie so far, well, congratulations, you have basic reading skills. I do not, however, hate everything about it. A particular character, Jimmy, is a lot of fun, as he has clones of himself that each have different personalities (punk rocker, commando, literally just Bernard Montgomery) but they provide for legitimate comedy. The villain is also occasionally a lot of fun, although other times, when he tries to be serious, he falls flat.

These good things, however, are just eyes in the storm of shit (I know I used that metaphor in my Conquest react thread, shut up) of Hardcore Henry. This is an emotionless wreck of a film with no story and action that is incomprehensible when it is not boring and repetitive, and if you're lucky its both! If you ever come across clips of Jimmy on Youtube, you might want to check them out. Otherwise, steer clear of Hardcore Henry.

[Dandragon]

Well I'm glad to know my prediction for this movie was correct. Thanks for watching it so I don't have to.