I need help writing this character.

[IceBrand]

The character is a 18 year old female. The setting is a fantasy world set within medieval times. Her backstory is that when she was 5, her parents were killed by a mercenary for their bounty and she promised herself to find the killer and kill him. The murderer is the main character of the story however. When he was younger (around 20) he needed the money and killed the two. The little girl comes from her room and sees their death at his hands( his face is cover by his hood) and shows a very shocked, horrified face. Stun by her reaction, the main leaves and turns in the bounty. Years later the girls goes on her adventure and ends up joining the main character and his party. The main remembers her and keeps the truth to himself for a while. It's eating him up on the inside and he eventually tells her in private. Upon hearing this she has a mixed amount of emotions running through her.

What I need help with is how should I write her after this? Should I have her forgive him even though he killed her parents, but treated her like a friend on their adventure. Or should I have her try to kill him?

[Rezzy]

It really could go either way. What were the reasons that led to her parents being killed? Were her parents bad people or deserve it? If there was some sort of epiphany that her parents were bad, it might be reason for her to stay, otherwise, I'd say she'd at the very least leave the party or outright try to kill the main character.

If the main character only needed money, that's not a good enough excuse for him killing her parents, and she would be quite justified in trying to kill him or at least bring him to justice, especially if he doesn't show any real remorse.

EDIT: This reminds me of Chloe Valens from Tales of Legendia. That's an example of how not to do that story.

Edited August 15, 2016 by Rezzy

[Gemma]

What were the reasons that led to her parents being killed? Were her parents bad people or deserve it? If there was some sort of epiphany that her parents were bad, it might be reason for her to stay, otherwise, I'd say she'd at the very least leave the party or outright try to kill the main character.

If the main character only needed money, that's not a good enough excuse for him killing her parents, and she would be quite justified in trying to kill him or at least bring him to justice, especially if he doesn't show any real remorse.

I disagree with this. Who her parents were is are just fluff to the plot, really. The promise she makes to herself is the main (or at least one of the major, because that's serious business) driving force of the character. Her being swayed by any excuse for her parents' murder would be weak. This outcome would distract from the meat of the plot, which is the tension between the two characters. Also the male char is stated to show a great deal of remorse.

It sounds like your problem comes from whether your female character would kill him or not. And what I mean by this isn't necessarily just her initial promise, but also the way in which the character develops.

In her relationship with the male character (and other characters?) over the journey, she could come to realize different things that would shape her perspective on her motive to reconsider her promise (I think a change in heart is best built over time, rather then her deciding not to kill him suddenly. What I mean by this is, it shouldn't come as much as a surprise as to what her choice is when the male char confesses.)

Having her stick to her promise might be best being pretty static. (avenging murder with murder is intense as it is without strengthening resolve.) In which case building the male character's feelings could be predominant.

I have no idea what the scope of this is, if it's a main plot or subplot, but I guess it comes down for how you want the story to progress.

Edited August 15, 2016 by Gemma

[Rezzy]

I disagree with this. Who her parents were is are just fluff to the plot, really. The promise she makes to herself is the main (or at least one of the major, because that's serious business) driving force of the character. Her being swayed by any excuse for her parents' murder would be weak. This outcome would distract from the meat of the plot, which is the tension between the two characters. Also the male char is stated to show a great deal of remorse.

It sounds like your problem comes from whether your female character would kill him or not. And what I mean by this isn't necessarily just her initial promise, but also the way in which the character develops.

In her relationship with the male character (and other characters?) over the journey, she could come to realize different things that would shape her perspective on her motive to reconsider her promise (I think a change in heart is best built over time, rather then her deciding not to kill him suddenly. What I mean by this is, it shouldn't come as much as a surprise as to what her choice is when the male char confesses.)

Having her stick to her promise might be best being pretty static. (avenging murder with murder is intense as it is without strengthening resolve.) In which case building the male character's feelings could be predominant.

I have no idea what the scope of this is, if it's a main plot or subplot, but I guess it comes down for how you want the story to progress.

I don't know how big a part of the overall plot this character is, but her parents have to have at least a modicum of backstory. If they had a bounty on them, what was the reason? It doesn't have to be an excuse, but maybe this girl idolized her parents, when in fact, they were total scumbags or war criminals or something?

There's a few examples I can think of, but one is when Harry Potter sees Snape's memory of his father bullying him, showing that Snape had a reason to hate Harry's father, and Harry's father James wasn't the great guy he had always thought he was. Granted, this isn't as extreme, but the Chloe Valens story I referenced earlier had pretty much the exact same premise, and Chloe decides to forgive her parents' killer for no good reason and let him get off scot-free

[eclipse]

It depends on a lot of things:

- What kind of relationship did the girl and the main character have before he told her?

- How does he know that she's the little girl from thirteen years ago?

- Why didn't he kill her back then? It would be prudent to leave no witnesses, no matter how young they are.

- How did the little girl affect him between the time he turned in the bounty and when he told her?

- What has she done to keep her promise?

That's just a basic outline of questions you'll need to answer yourself. Your characters should be able to tell you how they should react, if you can turn them into people.

[Lenh]

I think attempting to murder Main would have the most impact (when you can do both, why not?) unless you've really played a forgive-me card (anything's valid). Either way you'd need to give secondary the proper situation so it feels credible.

Some more questions to mull over:

- At five years old (Kindergarten/Preschool age), would she remember that situation? With what clarity?

- When did she make the decision to find and kill her parent's killer, and why was the choice made over others? (How big a chunk of her day is dedicated to reaching that goal?)

- How (and with who?) did she spend those 13 years growing up? What sort of values are molded into her?

- How would she verify that he was actually the murderer and not just pulling her leg?

- Would she care about being certain Main was telling the truth before acting on it? (How impulsive is she? How well known is her background?)

- Was the act of Main taking her in on Main's adventures an act of remorse for past actions or lucky circumstance? What is Main trying to accomplish by telling her his connection?

[IceBrand]

Thanks everyone. I've reviewed my own story and taken the advice given to me by you. Here's what I have, please fill free to criticize.

The main and his party are traveling on a boat to visit some ruins which is important for a quest they have taken. The female is also on the ship and they eventually chat and get to know one another. The female is very friendly and a little naive at moments. She also accepted the quest and joins them to complete it. While on the quest the party goes through several hardship. During these hardships the main and female develop a friendship and get along well. Along the way she tells them her story and the main recognize some of the elements of the story. When her parents were killed her grandparents took her in. She mentions how there was never a smile in the house as everyone was depressed about the situation. Eventually her grandmother dies do to grief of her son being killed which left her with her Grandpa. This affected her greatly and she vowed to get revenge. After asking her some more about the story he then realizes that was him who committed the murderer. He goes to one of his party to discuss this and to wonder if he should actually tell her. He regrets his actions and knows he will never make up for it and wants to get it off his chest. However, He is afraid of what might happen if he tells her and that it would ruin their relationship. He tells her in a private area where they are alone, at night. He mentions how after he turned in the bounty he went back to the house to check up on her. He found her outside crying. Because he was wearing a hood at the time of the murder, she never saw his face. So he asked her if she had any relatives near by and brought her to her grandparents. Upon hearing this she storms out of the area to think about what he said. He find her and she challenges him to a fight. They duel. While the female is skilled, the main has more experience in combat. However, he is not fighting at his best, basically letting her win, knowing it may cost him his life. She stabs him in the chest and he falls to the ground. While he is not dead but gravely injured, she walks away, leaving the party and letting him live.

Edit: The female is a side character and not to important to the overall story.

Edited August 16, 2016 by AllAroundGamer

[A Random Player]

Unless you're typing on your autocorrect phone, you'll need to be a little more careful with your words since you misused several in your posts. It can be considered a sign of ameteur writing by some people.

Regarding the story itself, it's a bit confusing at some points. Why did the girl get out of the house in the first place, to ask for help? If so, why haven't she gotten it until the main character visited again later? Why did her grandmother's death cause her to want to take revenge for her parents' death? Why not before? Was she closer to her grandmother than her own parents? Since the main character is a reluctant killer, why did he have to take the bounty in the first place, did none of his previous targets have children? What problem caused him to need money so desperately at the time? Sometimes a character's motivation is more important than the results, so be sure you don't leave it out.

From this point it's just personal opinion, but even if they're not the 'main' character, a good writer should tell the readers (or at least hint) the character's fate after detaching from the main story, and the results of the character development, the character underwent throughout the story.

Edited August 16, 2016 by A Random Player

[Lenh]

Sounds pretty good to me.

I particularly enjoy that

(a.) going easy on her led him to being injured, which gives a consequence to carry on into the later parts of the story

(b.) main lives due to side killer's inexperience in making sure the job was done, not to her (apparent) choice

(c.) the grandparents passing on their grief to the granddaughter being an (extreme) example of a relatable thing (parents giving their children ideas / an emotional call to action, which may they take on themselves even if they don't understand the whole why).

(d.) The situation you chose makes a nice opportunity to leave the readers thinking without leaving a plothole. Maybe the bounty was because the parents had done a bad thing. Maybe they were innocent? That doesn't matter to her (or the main storyline) and leaves the readers something to think about even after the story's drawn to a close.

[Noma9]

As she is a side character and her story isn't directly tied to the main plot, her real reason for existing within the story is to mold and effect the protagonist in some way. So it isn't really about figuring out what she would do but rather answering the real question: Can the protagonist diffuse the situation between them? And which answer would have the biggest impact on the main character? Typically speaking, when you have to choose an outcome within a story you have a few different choices: 'Yes', 'Yes. . . but', 'No', and 'No and furthermore'

So basically: YES, he does diffuse the situation, she understands, she forgives, there's no real conflict. That's boring!
YES. . . BUT, he diffuses the situation but makes a fatal flaw, he gets what he wants but something doesn't go quite right and it will have pretty dire consequences down the road. Maybe she forgives him but loses any trust in him which spells disaster for the group later on.Maybe he's wounded and it causes him issues he could have avoided otherwise.
NO, he utterly fails at his goal and conflict ensues. They fight, and however you want that to end up is your call, but he doesn't achieve what he wants by the end of it.
NO, he doesn't get what he wants AND FURTHERMORE, he manages to make the problem even worse. Maybe he ends up saying something to make her hate him even more and she attacks with abandon and ends up getting herself killed or maimed, maybe it happens to the main character. Maybe the conflict goes so badly she switches sides or renews her vow to kill him and shows up later at a critical moment to mess everything up for them. Whatever happens, it has to be worse than the original issue.

Those are your answers with just examples of how they could affect the story.