Fire Emblem 7 In A NutShell

[Steven Tyler]

The first Fire Emblem game to hit the US shores, it sold a record-breaking zero copies because everyone stole it off the Internet by the time it was in stores. It featured such colorfully varied characters as Raven, the serious mercenary, Erk, the serious mage, Kent, the serious horseman, Sain, the serial rapist, Oswin, the serious knight, and Marcus, the serious knight (except he has a horse!).

Dubbed Special America Version, this game featured an extra-easy tutorial mode designed to help white American gamers accomplish tasks like wiping their asses or eating. This mode starred Lyn, a shallow, airheaded, former ninja. Her only saving grace was the hawt hentai scene where she rescues your character (an injured, wandering tactician) and allows you to recuperate in her bed in her little house where she lives alone. Unfortunately this was removed by NoA staffers, who claim that it was "hot" and they "enjoyed it". Another infamous deleted scene is the incestual hentai cut scene achieved when Raven and Priscilla reach the A Support level. If the tutorial campaign was attempted to be skipped by the player, they would quickly receive threatening phone calls from Mr. Reggie Fils-Aime, telling them if they don't sit down and shut up and play it, he would "give them a colonoscopy with his foot".

This tragic tale followed the story of Roy's dad, Eliwood. Eliwood and his friends are peacefully enjoying cheese when an evil organization called the Black Fang takes it! Eliwood and Friends embark on an adventure to get their cheese back. Along the way to Dread Isle, where there is plentiful cheese, the player meets many characters, several of which will help in the quest for cheese. (However, most of them just throw rocks at the player) The legion arrives at the Dread Isle, only to discover that there is no cheese. An evil man named Truth or Darin, the Marker of Louse and the leader of the Black Fang, has stolen all the cheese. The player must fight him with the warrior units (except Marcus, who blows) to regain the cheese. But it turns out that Truth or Darin was just some random guy who said he had the cheese. No, the real cheese stealer was some pencilneck named Nergal, who was an emo and thought he could use dark magic and summon dragons. What a dick. So Eliwood and Friends pursue Nergal around the world for no particular reason, eventually returning to the Dread Isle. Some old guy named Math-O's (just as crazy as Nergal, but not as much of a dick) meets them and tells them that Nergal wasn't always such an asshole. Big deal. So Eliwood and his friends join Math-O's in a final battle to kill Nergal and save the world cheese!

Then Nergal summons a dragon, some chick named Ninian and her brother Nils were dragons, Math-O's dies, etc. The end.

The most tragic side story in the game is between two characters named Jaffar and Nino. Jaffar is a ninja who kills just about everybody in the game and Nino is a hawt 14 year old whose mother hates her. Nino is convinced that ninjas actually have feelings and that Jaffar is her friend, but she is stupid and is probably the most useless character in the game. Jaffar and Nino might be going out, making Jaffar a pedophile, but it is unconfirmed, because he just kills her at the end along with all of the other characters because he is badass like that.

The few who played the illegal English ROM of this game were so confused by this ass-trocious storyline that they immediately thereafter casted Steel-6 on themselves.

This game also featured some kind of blue-haired criminal with an axe, but sadly, one had to beat the game to unlock his campaign, and this was impossible since all copies were released with a timed explosive that would go off roughly ten seconds after the end credits finished. The bomb, a small but potent form of C4, would take out the players' hands, and, depending on how nearsighted they were, their face. Shigeru Miyamoto thought this would appeal to Western fans of Inspector Gadget, but unfortunately, there weren't any.

What in God's name?

[Ϲharlie]

Where did you find that tripe?

[Steven Tyler]

Where did you find that tripe?

Uncyclopedia

The bastard brother of the better Encyclopedia Dramtica.

[DeSu]

The beginning had me laughing so hard I headkeyboarded

[Not Changed by VASM :(]

Whoeever wrote that needs to be locked in a room with Gheb....

[Florete]

Whoever wrote that needs to do one for FE8.

[Knife]

I love this guy.

[Liz]

as surprising as it sounds, i had already read that article

[Steven Tyler]

This mode starred Lyn, a shallow, airheaded, former ninja. Her only saving grace was the hawt hentai scene where she rescues your character (an injured, wandering tactician) and allows you to recuperate in her bed in her little house where she lives alone. Unfortunately this was removed by NoA staffers, who claim that it was "hot" and they "enjoyed it".

I find this part disturbing. Lyn's a cute girl and all but she's 15 and my character's 19. I can get thrown in jail seeing her having sex while shouting my name is . . . disturbing.

Here's the whole nine yards:

http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Fire_Emblem

Fire Emblem is a series of strategy/role-playing video games for Nintendo's Game Boy Advance and GameCube, along with some other systems that never came out anywhere. The series is produced by Intelligent Systems, a superintelligent game-designing computer not unlike the Mother Brain, although less inclined towards evil. As is the market standard, the game strongly plagiarizes pre-existing fantasy worlds like Final Fantasy and Dungeons & Dragons, who, to be fair, both ripped off Tolkien, who initially stole his ideas from God.

Fire Emblem is most famous for producing Marth, Roy, and Ike, the most sexy characters in Super Smash Bros..

Despite certain similarities to other games, Fire Emblem stands as a unique entry in video game history for its groundbreaking sexism and steadfast attempts to make the player cry. The latter is accomplished by the frequent, unavoidable and emotionally charged deaths of the same characters, no matter how many times you resurrect them, and even if you leave them out of battle entirely. It is also the original source of the epic rivalry of Red Vs Blue, since your forces, the Red Star Army, wage war against M. Bison and his Blue Moon cronies.

Fire Emblem is also the game that eventually led to the creation of Advance Wars, which is pretty much the same thing only Marth, Roy, and Ike become Tank, Md. Tank, and bike. Nintendo chose to create Advance Wars because nobody understood how in Fire Emblem, standing behind a tree while fighting someone would give you and advantage, so they proved how it makes sense in Advance Wars. Unfortunately, they also developed this horrible advantage/disadvantage system that was also something nobody understood. Therefore, they created Battalion Wars to prove how the advantages and disadvantages make sense. This failed, however, because people still were able to defy logic and take out 3 tanks using one infantry unit that they controlled personally.

Relatively unheard of in the states, the series became insanely popular when well-known yaoi couple Marth and Roy shared several controversial make-out scenes in the game Super Smash Brothers: Assault and Battery.* The dying franchise then launched several new titles, making a staggering recovery despite an utter lack of innovation in the past twenty years. It had a short-lived anime series on the WB network, although the homosexuality was edited out to protect our children. Currently the series has moved on to greener fields, with the new smash title Battallion Wars: Path of Radiance, an FPS for the Xbox 360.

*Obviously, the moron who wrote this haven't played FE6. Roy fucked six girls in that game and Marth is happliy married.

Encyclopedia Dramtica would slaughter Uncylopedia.

Edited October 27, 2008 by Steve_Wilkos

[Meteor]

Wait, you think that's inaccurate?

[Steven Tyler]

Wait, you think that's inaccurate?

Hell yeah it's inaccurate!

Link and Marth shared that yaoi scene!

http://sweet-sacrilege.deviantart.com/art/...enshot-27441347

[_____]

Whoever wrote that needs to do one for FE8.

FEGatSS was planned for American release due to a Nintendo executive reading the sales chart for FEXO:SAV upside-down, making him think it was the most successful game in the history of man. It was just crazy enough to work, though. A quest for the Fire Emblem, FEGatSS told an epic quest embarked upon by Eric and Erica, who are, God forbid if they weren't, a prince and a princess. They are distinguished by their blue hair, and they search for The Lance of Longinus and The Master Sword, respectively. Only these weapons can stop the evil Darth Vader from blowing up their planet. However, in an unexpected twist, the game allows you to promote your characters in branches, meaning that you can turn your level 20 Fighter into a vicious level 1 Potato! Also, in another bold and unexpected move, Nintendo decided to place subliminal messages inside this game, which caused the player to buy multiple copies of the game, and give it to their friends, who in turn would buy multiple copies and spread the infection further.

As far as the gameplay was concerned, it was exactly the same as the other games, but nobody ever seems to notice that. This is regarded as the most difficult Fire Emblem of all time, especially towards the end, where there are enemy Druids whose magic stat aproaches an unparalleled 7. However, a glitch in the game prevents the Druid class from using magic and instead has to wield a slingshot and rocks.

This game is also responsible for the plague of Ewans which has since threatened the world. That sentence alone says it all, really.

Sean Connery plays the role of "Duessel" a free-sprited monkey faced, crack dealer. After finding Duessel he will challenge you to a match of wits, asking you questions. Every answer to each of these ends up being "Turtle".

Another of this game's notable features is the ability to unlock characters after completing the main game by making your way through several levels of certain map points, such as the Tower of Babel and Ancient Roman Ruins. Characters unlockable through these methods include bosses, rulers, random citizens, Roy, Sigurd, Revolver Ocelot, Masterchief, Gordon Freeman, Link, Bob Dole, Arthur Dent, Cloud Strife, Royce Clayton, George Bush, Confucius, Guy Le'Douche from MXC, and a random Ho who had it with all the guys from all the Fire Emblem games. Village bicycle? Lemme ride!

[Florete]

Sean Connery plays the role of "Duessel" a free-sprited monkey faced, crack dealer.

Epic.

[_____]

Epic.

You can turn your level 20 Fighter into a vicious level 1 Potato!

Better.