Tellius gangstas!

[Dragoncat]

@CatManThree, you have given me a new favorite toy. The FE4 gangsta talk was awesome, and I'm a Tellius fan, so this is where I'll run Tellius script through Gizoogle. Feel free to take requests.

PoR Prologue!

Quote

Mist:
"Is you all right?"

Ike:
"Nn… Yeah, I’ll be fine."

Greil:
"So, tha chillin pimp awakens!"

Mist:
"Father playa! can’t believe you, nahmean biiiatch, biatch? I know dem is practice swordz yo, but they’re still heavy dawwwwg! Yo ass have no right ta be all kindsa rough on Ike."

Greil:
"If dis is too much fo' tha boy, he’ll never make it as a mercenary."

Mist:
"But-"

Ike:
"Yo ass don’t gotta worry. I holla'd at you, I’m fine."

Greil:
"Ha! You’d betta be. Now grab yo' sword n' git ready!"

Mist:
"What, biatch? Don’t tell me you’re goin at it again! But-"

Ike:
"Just until I land a single blow. I’m not givin up until I can git one phat hit up in on Father."

Greil:
"I wanna bust a nut on yo' resolve, Ike. But it takes mo' than a phat will to… Hm?"

Boyd:
"Aha! I knew I’d find you here!"

Mist:
"Yea muthafucka, Boyd. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! What brangs you here?"

Boyd:
"Nothang special. It aint nuthin but tha nick nack patty wack, I still gots tha bigger sack. Yo ass holla'd you was goin ta git tha boss yo, but you never came back. I gots picked ta check up on you, biatch."

Mist:
"Oh! Sorry, I gots caught up wit Ike n' mah father."

Boyd:
"It’s nothing. Besides, I figured I’d git a phat laugh watchin Ike git hit dat shiznit over by tha boss. You…look fine.What happened?"

Ike:
"Nothang at all. I’m sorry ta disappoint you, biatch."

Mist:
"Yo ass just missed dat shit. Just a minute ago, da thug was up cold."

Ike:
"Mist!"

Mist:
"Ha ha! Sorry."

Greil:
"Yo ass came at just tha right time, Boyd. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Yo ass can be Ike’s sparrin partner."

Boyd:
"What, biatch? Me?"

Greil:
"I’m beginnin ta be thinkin it would be betta if da perved-out muthafucka sparred wit one of mah thugs closer ta his own skill."

Ike:
"…I understand."

Ike:
"Thanks fo' yo' help, Boyd."

Boyd:
"Hmph! I don’t know bout dis "to his skill" bidnizz yo, but I’m ready!"

Boyd:
"All right. I’m locked n loaded fo' you, nahmean biiiatch, biatch? Let’s go!"

Ike moves away from Boyd

Mist:
"Not dat way, Ike!"

Ike moves away from Boyd a second time

Mist:
"Did yo dirty ass hear me son, biatch? Not dat way!"

Ike moves away from Boyd a third time

Mist:
"Yo dawwwwg! Is you even listenin ta me son?"

Boyd be attacked

Mist:
"Yo ass can do dat shiznit son! Boyd’s gots nothing! Take his ass out!"

Boyd:
"Nothing"!, biatch? I don’t have nothing. I mean, I have- I mean…

End first turn without comin' at Boyd

Boyd:
"Yo dawwwwg! What’s tha holdup, biatch? Let’s git started already."

Ike:
"I’m coming. Wait right there!"

End second turn without comin' at Boyd

Boyd:
"Hurry up, will yo slick ass, biatch? Or is you afraid of me son?"

End third turn without comin' at Boyd

Boyd:
"Come on! What is you bustin, biatch? Is you shizzle you straight-up wanna learn how tha fuck ta fight?"

End fourth turn without comin' at Boyd

Boyd:
"Yaaaawn… Yo ass know, I’m gettin chilly."

Afta a round of combat wit Boyd

Boyd:
"Ha ha! I’m not done yet. We’re just gettin started."

Boyd gets shoved

Boyd:
"Whoa! Come on! What’s dat all about, biatch? You’re wastin our time!"

Ike discardz trainer sword

Mist:
"Ah!"

Mist:
"I can’t believe this muthafucka! If you throw yo' weapon away,how do you expect ta fight, biatch? Let me help… Here you go, Ike yo. Here’s yo' sword."

Ike:
"Oh…thanks."

Mist:
"Try ta be a lil mo' careful!"

Boyd dies

Boyd:
"That-that wasn’t too bad."

Mist:
"Boyd, you’re such a weak-ass muthafucka."

Boyd:
"Shut yo' trap!"

Greil:
"Dope work, Boyd. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! That’s enough."

Boyd:
"Oh, all right!"

Greil:
"Yo crazy-ass swordsmanshizzle was decent enough, Ike. Don’t forget how tha fuck it felt. Well shiiiit, it won’t always be dis easy as fuck ."

Ike:
"I know."

Greil:
"Now dat you’re done warmin up, it’s time fo' you ta grill me again."

Ike:
"I was hopin you’d say that."

Greil:
"But first…Mist!"

Mist:
"Right here!"

Mist:
"Here you go, Ike biaaatch! It’s a vulnerary."

Mist:
"I’d recommend rockin it now, before you fight Father n' shit. Last time, he knocked you silly."

Greil:
"Always take time ta heal yo' woundz up in a funky-ass battle-even lil' small-ass ones. By tha time you be thinkin you’re up in shit, it’s probably too late…Don’t git tha fuck into dat thang."

Greil be attacked

Greil:
"Give it yo' all!"

Turn ended without comin' at Greil

Greil:
"Git ready, Ike-here I come!"

Afta a round of combat wit Greil

Greil:
"Come on, pimp dawwwwg! Yo ass goin ta break me off a cold-ass lil challenge dis time around?"

Ike:
"…"

Greil dies

Greil:
"Ungh…"

Afta battle

Mist:
"Ike biaaatch! Yo ass was pimped out!"

Ike:
"Father, you was holdin back, weren’t yo slick ass?"

Mist:
"What, biatch? Is dat true?"

Greil:
"If you could tell tha difference, dat means you’re improving."

Boyd:
"Yo ass know, I wasn’t straight-up givin it mah all either…"

Mist:
"That is such a lie."

Boyd:
"Bah."

Ike:
"So, Father, do dat mean you finally admit dat I’m ready?"

Greil:
"What, ta join tha company, biatch? To take on a thang?"

Ike:
"Yeah. I mean, Boyd’s already up there on tha battlefield. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I’m ready. I’m pissed wit bein a trainee."

Boyd:
"Listen, tha difference between you n' mah crazy ass is dat I’m a professional."

Mist:
"A professionizzle whoz ass just gots beat."

Boyd:
"That was just random chance. Random chance."

Greil:
"You’ve gots a point, Ike… All right. Tomorrow is ghon be yo' first dizzle as a gangbangin' full-fledged mercenary."

Ike:
"Really?"

Greil:
"But son! If I be thinkin it’s too much, you’re back ta trainee status. You’d betta work hard."

Ike:
"No problem. Watch- I’ll catch up ta mah playas up in no time."

Greil:
"We’ll see. We’d betta be headin back ta tha fort. Everyone’s waiting."

 

[ashlyn]

Omg I'm trying so hard not to laugh at this in school rn this is great 

[CatManThree]

Beautiful. Just beautiful.

[Dragoncat]

Does Boyd really have "the bigger sack" though? I'd think both him and Ike would be like, 8 or 9 inchers.

*shot*

Ike's speech to the army before going after Ashnard and retaking Crimea Castle:

Quote

Um...hey there...Before dis final battle, there be a only one thang I wanna tell all of you, biatch...I don't want any of y'all dyin on me biaaatch! Remember--you only have one game biaaatch! At a time like this, it don't matta what tha fuck our blood tizzles are. We is crew. Thatz what tha fuck mah daddy always used ta say fo' realz. And todizzle...for tha last time... I KNOW why da perved-out muthafucka holla'd dat shit... Because we is a cold-ass lil crew. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. So if you don't wanna cause yo' crew any grief, then live biaaatch! Don't drop yo' guard hommie! Don't turn yo' back! Use every last muthafuckin drop of yo' strength! Our road has been long yo, but it endz todizzle dawwwwg! Letz liberate Crimea n' free our playas...and our crews...from Daeinz tyranny dawwwwg! Men of Crimea...Laguz of Tellius...Greil Mercenaries...MOVE OUT!!