Anacybele Posted January 14, 2015 Share Posted January 14, 2015 Yeah, that's another thing about character flaws. It's not enough that they're just there, they have to somehow negatively affect things in the story. Azura, the lord character of my fic, for example, has issues with men and that leads her to fuck up on her very first mission as a legit commander in the army. In fact, her actions effectively jeopardized the war effort because they led to one of the nation's generals losing his memory completely in an accident. The king was very disappointed in her, and Azura is stuck with a big mess to clean up. She learns and grows by cleaning that mess up and helping Leyon to get his memory back and just plain get things back on track again. Oh, and her arachnophobia gets her allies a little irritated at times too. :P One of them even laughs at her behind her back. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kuru Posted January 14, 2015 Share Posted January 14, 2015 Good update, Dragoncat. It was good seeing Ike's group unite with the others and save...Lucia, was it? I found this typo in case you wish to change it: A bush beside the gallows rustled, but nobody payed it any attention. It should be paid. Other than that, the word Valkyrie is typoed as well at the end. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dragoncat Posted January 14, 2015 Author Share Posted January 14, 2015 Good update, Dragoncat. It was good seeing Ike's group unite with the others and save...Lucia, was it? I found this typo in case you wish to change it: A bush beside the gallows rustled, but nobody payed it any attention. It should be paid. Other than that, the word Valkyrie is typoed as well at the end. Thank you, I will change that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kuru Posted January 14, 2015 Share Posted January 14, 2015 Thank you, I will change that. Cool then. That will only make your story better. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Radiant head Posted January 15, 2015 Share Posted January 15, 2015 (edited) Wrong thread, sorry Edited January 15, 2015 by Radiant head Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dragoncat Posted January 22, 2015 Author Share Posted January 22, 2015 (edited) Okay, this time I hope I don't get 2 pages of ranting about mary sues. I have plans on how to make my OCs' flaws stand out, but those will come in future chapters. Even though I didn't appreciate that, it DID make me think so I guess it wasn't entirely a bad thing. Lot of talking in this one. I hope I made up for letting Jerec just disappear in the last chapter. Oh, and the rotten food culprit is totally Boyd xD Can't you see him doing that? No more trusting him to make sure everything's packed and ready to go... EDIT - Almost forgot. Valmas was originally from Begnion when he was given to me, if you remember, him and Xemar aren't entirely mine, but I have permission to write and develop them. Figured it would be more logical for him to be from Daein. Edited January 22, 2015 by Dragoncat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kuru Posted January 22, 2015 Share Posted January 22, 2015 Woot, am I first to give feedback this time around? Well, I read that update you posted. It's good. I was entertained and had a few laughs, tbh. But it looks like trouble is on the rise again, with that Valmas fellow and the queen who promoted him. It's good to see Ike is eager to respond to that trouble, and also fun to see how you incorporated some FE9 facts: using Soren as the strategist he is. :) Anyway, the story is understandable for the most part, but I'm having trouble often with the dialogue making out who speaks at times. If I were you, I'd lessen dialogue without letting people know who spoke. That would work well when it's one, two, or three characters in a scene, but when there is a group, it's best to give details as to who spoke, so as to not have the reader wonder who spoke. That's all I have to say for this time. Good job on it. ~Terminator Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dragoncat Posted January 22, 2015 Author Share Posted January 22, 2015 (edited) Yeah I can see how that would be confusing. Thanks for pointing that out. And yep! "Daein donkeys" lol. Edited January 22, 2015 by Dragoncat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anacybele Posted January 22, 2015 Share Posted January 22, 2015 "Daein dogs" was the term actually used in PoR, but Daein donkeys works too. ^^ Anyway, more Jerec, yayz! And a big reveal about his heritage, even! I think you wrote him perfectly too. And Bryce moving on from losing his wife in childbirth...that DID technically happen, though in a rather...messed up way, so you did fine there too. Awesome chapter and good job! :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kuru Posted January 22, 2015 Share Posted January 22, 2015 Oh yeah, also poor Oscar had to throw the rotten food. Why him and not Ike? He should set the example. lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dragoncat Posted January 22, 2015 Author Share Posted January 22, 2015 (edited) "Daein dogs" was the term actually used in PoR, but Daein donkeys works too. ^^ Anyway, more Jerec, yayz! And a big reveal about his heritage, even! I think you wrote him perfectly too. And Bryce moving on from losing his wife in childbirth...that DID technically happen, though in a rather...messed up way, so you did fine there too. Awesome chapter and good job! :D I had forgotten about the dogs thing. Donkeys is more of an insult though. Dogs are loyal and brave and stuff. Donkeys are seen as being stubborn and stupid xD You only told me it happened. You never said anything about a messed up way, so...yep. Now I'm curious...but glad I pulled him off like a boss again :) Oh yeah, also poor Oscar had to throw the rotten food. Why him and not Ike? He should set the example. lol Because he didn't want everyone to fight over who left it there? Idk lol, but he did volunteer. He's the cook too so I guess he thinks he should deal with it. Edited January 22, 2015 by Dragoncat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kuru Posted January 22, 2015 Share Posted January 22, 2015 (edited) I had forgotten about the dogs thing. Donkeys is more of an insult though. Dogs are loyal and brave and stuff. Donkeys are seen as being stubborn and stupid xD You only told me it happened. You never said anything about a messed up way, so...yep. Now I'm curious...but glad I pulled him off like a boss again :) Because he didn't want everyone to fight over who left it there? Idk lol, but he did volunteer. He's the cook too so I guess he thinks he should deal with it. Good point, my friend. I can't wait for you to post more. Hurry it up, okay? JK, take your time. Edited January 22, 2015 by Terminator Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anacybele Posted January 22, 2015 Share Posted January 22, 2015 You only told me it happened. You never said anything about a messed up way, so...yep. Now I'm curious...but glad I pulled him off like a boss again :) Yeah, I know, I was only saying. And let's just say that being so depressed over Jerec's mother dying led Bryce to make some rather...nutty choices. One of which was getting drunk at a tavern after he'd met another woman. I think you can figure out the rest. :P Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snowy_One Posted January 22, 2015 Share Posted January 22, 2015 Nice to see things finally resuming! I really need to get back to work on my stories but things have been less than stable around here of late. Anyways, just wanted to applaud that this is still going. Hoping for Kelly to get some more stage-time of course. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dragoncat Posted January 23, 2015 Author Share Posted January 23, 2015 And let's just say that being so depressed over Jerec's mother dying led Bryce to make some rather...nutty choices. One of which was getting drunk at a tavern after he'd met another woman. I think you can figure out the rest. :P Oh geez. Good thing that didn't result in a half sibling for Jerec. That'd be awkward... I dunno if Valmas would do something like that. I mean, he's depressed and all, but the poor guy, he thinks the gods are against him. I don't think he wants to try, his logic is that if he finds love again, it'll be snatched away from him...again. It's always good to have a villain you can feel sorry for. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anacybele Posted January 23, 2015 Share Posted January 23, 2015 (edited) Oh geez. Good thing that didn't result in a half sibling for Jerec. That'd be awkward... Actually... That's not quite true. lol Oh, and yes, I quite agree! Edited January 23, 2015 by Anacybele Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dragoncat Posted January 23, 2015 Author Share Posted January 23, 2015 Actually... That's not quite true. lol OH GOD. I was going to say "or did it" but I didn't think so...dead wrong right? Does this half sibling ever show up in your fics? ...You know, haven't you tortured poor Bryce enough? If it were me, I'd just let him have his drunken one night stand and feel guilty about it and that's it. No need to rub it in his face 9 months later xD Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anacybele Posted January 23, 2015 Share Posted January 23, 2015 (edited) Yeah, dead wrong. :P Yeah, she's going to appear in the story I'm currently working on. Not until towards the end, but yeah. And, well, depression can make a person drink a lot, and when a person drinks a lot, they get drunk. And when a person gets drunk, they can end up doing some pretty stupid stuff. Besides, Bryce still loved and cared for the second child, even if he hid her existence from Jerec. And he finally had a child that he could look at without feeling pains of sadness and sorrow. Jerec would always remind him of the wife he lost, despite that he didn't hate or abuse him. Edited January 23, 2015 by Anacybele Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dragoncat Posted January 23, 2015 Author Share Posted January 23, 2015 Okay, that's a good thing. Dawww. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anacybele Posted January 23, 2015 Share Posted January 23, 2015 Yep. ^^ This story I'm writing is about Jerec finally discovering this big secret, and ending up torn between love and his heritage. Does he stay with the Crimean girl he falls for and risk her being in danger along with him if the Daein-hating Crimeans were to discover his lineage (or if the Crimea-hating Daeins discovered hers if she and Jerec were to go to Daein to investigate that secret)? Or does he leave her with a possessive, overprotective, and very forward betrothed fiance? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dragoncat Posted January 23, 2015 Author Share Posted January 23, 2015 Sounds epic. You know what would suck? If the girl he falls for turned out to be his half sister :P I hope you didn't do that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anacybele Posted January 24, 2015 Share Posted January 24, 2015 lol naw, don't worry. His half-sister is like 13 while he's at least 24. And she lives in Daein, not Crimea. :P Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dragoncat Posted January 24, 2015 Author Share Posted January 24, 2015 *counts* They're like 11 or 12 years apart. Bryce mustve been depressed for a REALLY long time...poor guy. And me and my brother are that many years apart xD Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anacybele Posted January 24, 2015 Share Posted January 24, 2015 Yeah, it just kinda got worse over time, especially with Ashnard's father also dying. Bryce served him, so yeah. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dragoncat Posted January 24, 2015 Author Share Posted January 24, 2015 Ashnard killed his father though...that shouldve been a red flag if Bryce knew that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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