My dog is dead/ general grief support thread, by popular (?) demand

[Solkia]

Yeah, it was. I'd be happy to change it into an all purpose grief support thread, though. Sorry about your loss. The only human family member I've lost is my grandfather in his late sixties, and I was like five at the time, so I didn't fully understand what was happening.

been there too, my grandparent on my dad's side died when I was 11, so I was pretty confused with the whole thing.

[amiabletemplar]

Ah, that really sucks. At least my dog died when it was her time to go.

I appreciate your condolences--and the only other thing I can say is that while being somewhat prepared is better than not being prepared at all, no amount of prep can ever really "fix" it. In a sense, all preparation does is get you a running start.

One thing that very slightly helps ease the pain, at least for me, is remembering that, in a certain sense, it is good for grief to hurt, even terribly. If grief did not hurt, we would be as cold as ice, as tender as stone--because grief is the feeling of loss, and you can only feel loss if you lost something that mattered to you. As C.S. Lewis put it, in The Four Loves (p 112):

"There is no safe investment. To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless – it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation."

We accept--perhaps unknowingly--the possibility of grief, because it demonstrates that we are still humans, rather than cognition machines or digestion machines. And as long as it hurts, but we keep seeking such love anyway, we never will be such machines.

been there too, my grandparent on my dad's side died when I was 11, so I was pretty confused with the whole thing.

All of my grandparents are now dead (my parents were very late kids, and they waited until they were older than usual to have me). My paternal grandfather died before I was born; my maternal grandfather died when I was young, probably 7 or 8, so I didn't really understand it either. My maternal grandmother died a few years after I graduated high school--and that one really got to me. But, as is usual for me, I cried very little at her funeral--only once, for a few minutes right in the middle. I don't really know why I don't usually cry because of grief, and it feels weird, since I feel like I should cry, should show some kind of external symbol of my grief.

But, as I said before: everyone faces grief their own way. The only thing to really worry about is whether you respond with something healthy, or something unhealthy. In that sense, it is like all human instincts and urges. That is, it is always healthy to have them and feel them, but how we deal with and respond to them is another story.

Edited January 30, 2016 by amiabletemplar

[JasonsOrigin]

My family takes care of three dogs so I'll have to experience grief three times when their time comes.

[blah the Prussian]

My family takes care of three dogs so I'll have to experience grief three times when their time comes.

I would actually recommend getting a new dog before the last one dies. The neighbor's dog was like my best friend that day; dogs are great with helping with any kind of grief.

[Locust]

I'm really, really sorry for your loss. I consider my dog my child and I don't know what I would do without him. I shouldn't think about it.

[JasonsOrigin]

I would actually recommend getting a new dog before the last one dies. The neighbor's dog was like my best friend that day; dogs are great with helping with any kind of grief.

Yeah this is what we'll probably end up doing.

Edit: I'm already feeling the heartbreak.

Edited February 17, 2016 by JasonsOrigin

[garrisoncade_3576]

I had a Labrador that lived about 15 years. She died last December. I have also lost two chihuahuas, they went missing without a trace. The first one was in 2011 and the other one was in 2012.

[Noma9]

Lost one of my cats November 3rd, and I can say I'm still not "over it". It's hard sometimes, being honest about the grief you feel over a pet, because some people don't understand or respect the loss. It's hard to explain that she was like a child and a best friend to me - she was by my side nearly every second of the day since she was born. I helped her mom deliver her as a kitten and I held her in my arms when she died. That's not a little blip on the radar of my heart, it was an emotional investment I had scarcely knew I made until it was all gone. Now there's an empty space beside me when I sleep and when I use my laptop and when I play video games. I have all this space now and I hate it.

Eventually I know I'll be okay, but it's a long road for me. It can take awhile, but I think so long as you don't deny yourself the right to feel the loss for however long you need, things will be okay. That's my hope at least.

[Esau of Isaac]

It always hurts a lot when pets die. I feel more depressed because they die so young. Even though it's a long time for them, twelve years is a short time for a human. It's like losing a ten-year-old family member, it hurts so much more than a ninety-year-old who lived long and died as well as a person can. And pets are eternally in the "baby" phase, it's not like they grow up and become independent and raise their own families, they're always there for you and need you. So when they pass away you feel responsible in a way.

[blah the Prussian]

It always hurts a lot when pets die. I feel more depressed because they die so young. Even though it's a long time for them, twelve years is a short time for a human. It's like losing a ten-year-old family member, it hurts so much more than a ninety-year-old who lived long and died as well as a person can. And pets are eternally in the "baby" phase, it's not like they grow up and become independent and raise their own families, they're always there for you and need you. So when they pass away you feel responsible in a way.

Well, a Kakapo Parrot lives on average 95 years. You could have it as a baby and theoretically spend your whole life with it at your side.

[Noma9]

Well, a Kakapo Parrot lives on average 95 years. You could have it as a baby and theoretically spend your whole life with it at your side.

I take comfort in the fact that my turtle will live at least for forty years - possibly ninety or a hundred maximum. I have about a twenty year head start so theoretically I could pass him down to a niece or nephew. But it still sucks having to know I'll have to say goodbye to my other pets.

[soranauta]

My dog died suddenly yesterday. My sister cried so much, but I just felt....numb, and shocked. I'm really sad, but the tears just won't come out.

Today we managed to crack some smiles remembering some of the silly things our pet would do, though. But it is going to be hard to come back from school and not see her running to me barking anymore.

[Anacybele]

We just had to put our golden retriever down roughly a couple weeks ago. Terminal cancer. It was sudden too, because one day the dog is looking healthy and energized, and the next he's drooling a lot and my mom takes him to the vet and finds he has cancer. Then five days later, he's suffering too much and has to be put down... He wasn't even ten years old yet, and I know a golden retriever can live to be 13 or so. A friend of ours a long time ago had one that lived that long.

It was hard, and I was really depressed for awhile, mainly because this happened only seven months after my brother's death...

Edited March 20, 2016 by Anacybele