Tangerine Posted February 2, 2016 Share Posted February 2, 2016 https://docs.google.com/document/d/1x6zVxIH-pWL9nfTlT6atA9xF3Wsh5YXLb4EykkjvvwM/edit?pref=2&pli=1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eclipse Posted February 5, 2016 Share Posted February 5, 2016 Alternate timelines amuse me, as well as that giant To Be Continued. I'd suggest getting someone to help edit some of the smaller things. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Balcerzak Posted February 5, 2016 Share Posted February 5, 2016 I really disagree with first person, addressing the reader, style writing as a narrative choice, but that may just be a personal quirk of mine. It's also really awkward when writing first person, and then trying to pull 3rd person omniscient tricks like "Unbeknown to us, bandits have been following us through the mountains ready to do quick work of us when we let our guard down." Again, maybe this is just my personal beef, and you might be free to ignore it, but... Like mentioned before, this could do quite well with some attention from an editor or a couple proofreaders. I liked how you explored stuffing Mark into FE8 though, good imagination there! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lenh Posted February 9, 2016 Share Posted February 9, 2016 There are definitely some nice spots in here (the internal thoughts particularly), but I agree a little help could go a long way~ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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