Certain...mysteries in Ocarina of Time...

[Nightmare]

I was thinking about this for a long time. There are a whole bunch of mysteries (and all of them related to sex) in Ocarina of Time. Here we go:

Mystery #1: How do the Kokiri reproduce?

My thoughts: They either spring from the ground or are actually the nuts that fall from the Great Deku Tree. They are also born as kids of around 10 years of age with common knowledge, skills and abilities from the get-go.

Possibility of this theory: Eh...I'd say it's so-so. A bit convincing, but nothing more.

Mystery #2: How exactly IS a male born once every 100 years in the Gerudo Tribe?

My thoughts: Well...this one is a bit tricky. I'm assuming every time Ganondorf appears/is born in the tribe, he hits up around 50 chicks so the tribe will sustain during his absence. But the thing is, that still doesn't answer this question. So let's go way back...when a certain male (Ganondorf) was first born. Or when he first brought the people together and made the tribe. I'm assuming this was done before OoT began time, since OoT seems to be the first game in the timeline (I hope, at least). Okay now...in OoT Ganondorf is apparently immortal, or turns immortal due to the power of the Triforce piece he possesses. So then...a male isn't born every 100 years but rather, reborn. Because there's absolutely no way pregnancy can last 100 years (give or take).

Possibility of this theory: Quite possible, considering there is no other way (that I know of) it could happen.

Mystery #3: Why does that one apprentice of the carpenter act flamboyant?

My thoughts: Well he's...homosexual, obviously. At first I thought he was just slightly effeminate/metrosexual when he commented on his soft hands being ruined by the work, but when he called Link a "cute boy" then I definitely knew something was going on. And that doesn't make him just homosexual, he's a paedophile as well. Sick bastard.

Possibility of this theory: Extremely likely, given that there is almost no room for doubt here.

Mystery #4: Who are the cursed family of Skulltulas and why are they cursed?

My thoughts: I'm thinking once upon a time, a family of one father and four sons were into incest and bondage but they couldn't get enough. So when they see this witch they ask her for supreme bondage. The witch, being disgusted, cursed them to turn into Skulltulas instead. All the bondage they could get! ...Except it wasn't so pleasant. They had it coming, the sick fucks.

But here's another question: Why do I think all of this? It's obvious. Once you free each boy, they jump up with huge grins on their faces. Obviously happy to be freed. And when you free the father, he does this homoerotic dance. Always. And has an overly happy expression on his face. Always. And gives you a large sum of rupees. ALWAYS. Obviously the rupee is him wanting Link to strip but since he's an idiot and knows nothing about this sort of stuff he thinks it's his reward. And the last question, but obviously not the least: Why are they happy to be freed? You're an idiot if you don't know the answer to this one.

Possibility of this theory: As possible as Castlevania fanbrats getting extinct. In other words, not at all possible. But at least I tried, and that's the only thing that counts, right?

Conclusion: I did a lot of thinking on this one. My brain almost melted.

I hope you all enjoyed reading and will debate this to its fullest extent with me.

[General Spoon]

I was thinking about this for a long time. There are a whole bunch of mysteries (and all of them related to sex) in Ocarina of Time. Here we go:

Mystery #1: How do the Kokiri reproduce?

My thoughts: They either spring from the ground or are actually the nuts that fall from the Great Deku Tree. They are also born as kids of around 10 years of age with common knowledge, skills and abilities from the get-go.

In the Windwaker, those leaf people are the Kokori's true forms

Possibility of this theory: Eh...I'd say it's so-so. A bit convincing, but nothing more.

Mystery #2: How exactly IS a male born once every 100 years in the Gerudo Tribe?

My thoughts: Well...this one is a bit tricky. I'm assuming every time Ganondorf appears/is born in the tribe, he hits up around 50 chicks so the tribe will sustain during his absence. But the thing is, that still doesn't answer this question. So let's go way back...when a certain male (Ganondorf) was first born. Or when he first brought the people together and made the tribe. I'm assuming this was done before OoT began time, since OoT seems to be the first game in the timeline (I hope, at least). Okay now...in OoT Ganondorf is apparently immortal, or turns immortal due to the power of the Triforce piece he possesses. So then...a male isn't born every 100 years but rather, reborn. Because there's absolutely no way pregnancy can last 100 years (give or take).

Possibility of this theory: Quite possible, considering there is no other way (that I know of) it could happen.

Somebody in OoT says that the Gerudo tribe go into town every now and then to get boyfriends

[uguu]

1. Upon reproducing twice the Kokiri die and that means lots of incest.

2. After being born a male Gerudo has sex with many many female Gerudo throughout his 99.25 years of life. The last day of his 99.25 year life he has sex a final time and 9 months later the one male Gerudo born every 100 years is born. Ganondorf is the last male Gerudo because he dies early.

Edited January 25, 2009 by ur fais

[Judge Judy]

I was thinking about this for a long time. There are a whole bunch of mysteries (and all of them related to sex) in Ocarina of Time. Here we go:

Mystery #1: How do the Kokiri reproduce?

My thoughts: They either spring from the ground or are actually the nuts that fall from the Great Deku Tree. They are also born as kids of around 10 years of age with common knowledge, skills and abilities from the get-go.

Possibility of this theory: Eh...I'd say it's so-so. A bit convincing, but nothing more.

Mystery #2: How exactly IS a male born once every 100 years in the Gerudo Tribe?

My thoughts: Well...this one is a bit tricky. I'm assuming every time Ganondorf appears/is born in the tribe, he hits up around 50 chicks so the tribe will sustain during his absence. But the thing is, that still doesn't answer this question. So let's go way back...when a certain male (Ganondorf) was first born. Or when he first brought the people together and made the tribe. I'm assuming this was done before OoT began time, since OoT seems to be the first game in the timeline (I hope, at least). Okay now...in OoT Ganondorf is apparently immortal, or turns immortal due to the power of the Triforce piece he possesses. So then...a male isn't born every 100 years but rather, reborn. Because there's absolutely no way pregnancy can last 100 years (give or take).

Possibility of this theory: Quite possible, considering there is no other way (that I know of) it could happen.

1. The Kokiri were once normal kids. Once they entered the forest they never grow old so they don't die. And no they don't reproduce =/

When link travels forward in time, he saw the same number of people and recongised everyone. Though he grew older since he was born in Hylian.

2. As for Ganondorf no one is sure whether male does not have to been born within the tribe. This could be seen in OoT where Koume and Kotake surrogate mothers took care of Ganon. It could have been they found a baby and Koume and Kotake gifted witches used their powers to determine Ganon would make a good king. Gerudo tribe respect men with great skill in horse riding, archery and sword fighting.

3. The rest I agree

Edited January 25, 2009 by Judge Judy

[Metal Rabbit]

Kokiri don't need to reproduce, as long as they stay in the forest.

It's like neverland because of the agelessness and fairyboys.

[Zephrion]

I was thinking about this for a long time. There are a whole bunch of mysteries (and all of them related to sex) in Ocarina of Time. Here we go:

Mystery #1: How do the Kokiri reproduce?

My thoughts: They either spring from the ground or are actually the nuts that fall from the Great Deku Tree. They are also born as kids of around 10 years of age with common knowledge, skills and abilities from the get-go.

Possibility of this theory: Eh...I'd say it's so-so. A bit convincing, but nothing more.

Well it certainly explains their fashion sense. Perhaps their tradition of dressing in green is actually how they are born. Maybe the Kokiri are plant people. I'd say the Great Deku Tree theory makes sense, because in the seven years the Great Deku Tree was dead, there doesn't seem to be any new Kokiris. Not only that, but if they sprang out of the ground, when does the knowledge come from? They likely gain the knowledge from the Great Deku Tree, as they were apart of it in seed form.

Mystery #2: How exactly IS a male born once every 100 years in the Gerudo Tribe?

My thoughts: Well...this one is a bit tricky. I'm assuming every time Ganondorf appears/is born in the tribe, he hits up around 50 chicks so the tribe will sustain during his absence. But the thing is, that still doesn't answer this question. So let's go way back...when a certain male (Ganondorf) was first born. Or when he first brought the people together and made the tribe. I'm assuming this was done before OoT began time, since OoT seems to be the first game in the timeline (I hope, at least). Okay now...in OoT Ganondorf is apparently immortal, or turns immortal due to the power of the Triforce piece he possesses. So then...a male isn't born every 100 years but rather, reborn. Because there's absolutely no way pregnancy can last 100 years (give or take).

Possibility of this theory: Quite possible, considering there is no other way (that I know of) it could happen.

When Ganondorf is born as the first male in 100 years, it's his duty to make babies with all the Gerudo women to sustain the tribe. When Ganondorf was sealed away, the Gerudo women had to male to sustain the tribe, and so it eventually died out completely (which explains how it was gone in Twilight Princess.) As for a male being born every hundred years, this isn't biologically possible. Instead of one make per hundred years, the tribe simply kills the male children when they are born, to preserve their tradition (and likely because of their apparent hatred for males.) The only reason they kept Ganondorf around was because they needed to survive.

However, after Ganondorf left, they had no male to sustain their tribe. To avoid dying out, they captured the band of carpenters and likely planned on using them as sex slaves of some sort, until Link managed to rescue them. After the carpenters were freed, the tribe decided to make Link a member to use him as Ganondorf's replacement, but he soon left and the tribe was left to die.

Mystery #3: Why does that one apprentice of the carpenter act flamboyant?

My thoughts: Well he's...homosexual, obviously. At first I thought he was just slightly effeminate/metrosexual when he commented on his soft hands being ruined by the work, but when he called Link a "cute boy" then I definitely knew something was going on. And that doesn't make him just homosexual, he's a paedophile as well. Sick bastard.

Possibility of this theory: Extremely likely, given that there is almost no room for doubt here.

Not much room for argument here, seems your theory is very sound. There also seems to be other homosexual/paedophilic characters as well, too. Take the Happy Mask Salesman. Why is he always smiling, especially when Link is around? It's obvious that he wants Link. And what about Dampe? If I was that old and a kid was pacing around my graveyard, I'd be pretty pissed. Instead, he seems to be totally fine with it. Suspicious.

Mystery #4: Who are the cursed family of Skulltulas and why are they cursed?

My thoughts: I'm thinking once upon a time, a family of one father and four sons were into incest and bondage but they couldn't get enough. So when they see this witch they ask her for supreme bondage. The witch, being disgusted, cursed them to turn into Skulltulas instead. All the bondage they could get! ...Except it wasn't so pleasant. They had it coming, the sick fucks.

But here's another question: Why do I think all of this? It's obvious. Once you free each boy, they jump up with huge grins on their faces. Obviously happy to be freed. And when you free the father, he does this homoerotic dance. Always. And has an overly happy expression on his face. Always. And gives you a large sum of rupees. ALWAYS. Obviously the rupee is him wanting Link to strip but since he's an idiot and knows nothing about this sort of stuff he thinks it's his reward. And the last question, but obviously not the least: Why are they happy to be freed? You're an idiot if you don't know the answer to this one.

Possibility of this theory: As possible as Castlevania fanbrats getting extinct. In other words, not at all possible. But at least I tried, and that's the only thing that counts, right?

I...really don't have anything to say on this one. Such a perfect theory doesn't deserve to be marred by my words.

Conclusion: I did a lot of thinking on this one. My brain almost melted.

I hope you all enjoyed reading and will debate this to its fullest extent with me.

[Judge Judy]

Kokiri don't need to reproduce, as long as they stay in the forest.

It's like neverland because of the agelessness and fairyboys.

Yes they will never die unless if they leave the forest. Or they will turn into those skull kids if they go into the lost woods.

Edited January 25, 2009 by Judge Judy

[Zephrion]

1. The Kokiri were once normal kids. Once they entered the forest they never grow old so they don't die. And no they don't reproduce =/

Then why are they all the same age if they never grow old? I highly doubt every child to enter the forest was the same age. And what about their real parents? Wouldn't they come looking for their children? Why aren't they staying with their children in the forest if that's the case?

[Erk]

Then why are they all the same age if they never grow old? I highly doubt every child to enter the forest was the same age. And what about their real parents? Wouldn't they come looking for their children? Why aren't they staying with their children in the forest if that's the case?

Probaly because of the Magic Of the Deku Tree. You know they have to have been altered by the magic. And it is probaly like Never land, Their parents cant find it may be.

Edited January 25, 2009 by Erk23

[Zephrion]

Probaly because of the Magic Of the Deku Tree. You know they have to have been altered by the magic. And it is probaly like Never land, Their parents cant find it may be.

Who is the Great Deku Tree to keep the children separate from their parents or loved ones? And the forest is in plain sight, how can they not find it? If there was some sort of barrier, how could Adult Link get in? He's not a Kokiri.

[Erk]

Who is the Great Deku Tree to keep the children separate from their parents or loved ones? And the forest is in plain sight, how can they not find it? If there was some sort of barrier, how could Adult Link get in? He's not a Kokiri.

May be the Deku Tree wants children of his own? I dont really know how Link can get in, I am just speculating.

[Judge Judy]

Who is the Great Deku Tree to keep the children separate from their parents or loved ones? And the forest is in plain sight, how can they not find it? If there was some sort of barrier, how could Adult Link get in? He's not a Kokiri.

He provides the kids with faries. They act as guardians. Adult Link got in because he has a fairy.

There simple!

Navi must have been able to get through the barrier.

Edited January 25, 2009 by Judge Judy

[Erk]

He provides the kids with faries. They act as guardians. Adult Link got in because he has a fairy.

There simple!

Navi must have been able to get through the barrier.

This

[Wist]

Much of the information I remark on in this post is unsourced. Please correct any factual mistakes I may have made, but keep in mind that the majority of the information here drawn from Legend of Zelda lore and should be familiar to seasoned players.

I was thinking about this for a long time. There are a whole bunch of mysteries (and all of them related to sex) in Ocarina of Time. Here we go:

Mystery #1: How do the Kokiri reproduce?

My thoughts: They either spring from the ground or are actually the nuts that fall from the Great Deku Tree. They are also born as kids of around 10 years of age with common knowledge, skills and abilities from the get-go.

Possibility of this theory: Eh...I'd say it's so-so. A bit convincing, but nothing more.

1. The Kokiri were once normal kids. Once they entered the forest they never grow old so they don't die. And no they don't reproduce =/

You bring up a point I had never before considered. If this is the case, however, then other assumptions must be made. One cannot access the Kokiri Forest without passing through the Lost Woods. It is known that whomsoever loses his or her way in the Lost Woods turns into a skull kid. In consideration of this hypothetical scenario, it is unclear what the chances are of lost children finding their way before suffering at the hands of this ghastly inevitability.

He provides the kids with faries. They act as guardians. Adult Link got in because he has a fairy.

There simple!

Navi must have been able to get through the barrier.

It is known that Link was brought to the Kokiri Forest by his mortally wounded mother, it's not unreasonable to suggest that this might be the case for the other Kokiri. The Deku Sprout notes that Link was raised as a Kokiri, the Kokiri cannot have all arrived at their approximate ten years of age unless they lost all knowledge of the outside world. The Kokiri, who are most probably unaware of Link's history, cannot age, yet Link was evidently an infant when he arrived at the Forest. His presumed normal childhood growth has never been implied to be strange or unique amongst the Kokiri; the only stark difference between Link and his peers was his lack of a fairy.

I have remarked on this information because it makes it clear that Link's only noticed abnormality was not having a fairy companion; the Kokiri are ignorant of not only the outside world but of aging in general, excepting of course the aging of an infant into a child. This seems improbable if the Kokiri had arrived in the Forest with any experience with normal life in Hyrule.

This conjecture may be invalidated entirely if the Kokiri are in fact born from the Forest as originally suggested by Nightmare, and later CaptainZephmarre. Whilst Link is never remarked to be much different from the Kokiri, the Deku Sprout implies that Link's having grown up is related to his being a Hylian. If one extrapolates, then it might be safer to assume that the Kokiri are fundamentally different from Link and thus may lack any origins or ancestry outside of the Kokiri Forest.

Well it certainly explains their fashion sense. Perhaps their tradition of dressing in green is actually how they are born. Maybe the Kokiri are plant people. I'd say the Great Deku Tree theory makes sense, because in the seven years the Great Deku Tree was dead, there doesn't seem to be any new Kokiris. Not only that, but if they sprang out of the ground, when does the knowledge come from? They likely gain the knowledge from the Great Deku Tree, as they were apart of it in seed form.

This suggestion is not as far fetched as it might initially appear given the Great Deku Tree (and its successor, the Deku Sprout) are self aware and proficient in both the use and conveyance of human (or perhaps Hylian) speech. Given've discussed earlier in this post, I think it not unreasonable that the Kokiri would, when first brought into the world as independent beings, resemble a human or Hylian infant. As evidenced by Link's survival in the Forest, the Kokiri and the Great Deku Tree have, between them, the means to raise an infant into childhood.

As to a more precise conclusion of where the Kokiri may originate from, it is difficult to make an single informed suggestion. It does appear likely, however, that they are most probably born within the confines of the Kokiri Forest. No adults are ever seen in the Forest, aside from Link, but it's evident that adults are not prohibited from entering should one find his or her way. This is evidence by Link's mother having been able to entrust care of Link to the Great Deku Tree (I assume the Great Deku Tree is immobile once rooted and developed). Perhaps the Kokiri are children born in the Kokiri Forest from Hylian mothers (nothing indicates that Link was born within the Forest), but it is unclear what circumstances might lead to this taking place as adults clearly do not live alongside the Kokiri.

This is a difficult matter within which to make much progress through thought or discussion. As you say, Nightmare, this is most definitely a sexual mystery and there are unfortunately very few clues given in the game with which to solve this puzzle.

Mystery #2: How exactly IS a male born once every 100 years in the Gerudo Tribe?

My thoughts: Well...this one is a bit tricky. I'm assuming every time Ganondorf appears/is born in the tribe, he hits up around 50 chicks so the tribe will sustain during his absence. But the thing is, that still doesn't answer this question. So let's go way back...when a certain male (Ganondorf) was first born. Or when he first brought the people together and made the tribe. I'm assuming this was done before OoT began time, since OoT seems to be the first game in the timeline (I hope, at least). Okay now...in OoT Ganondorf is apparently immortal, or turns immortal due to the power of the Triforce piece he possesses. So then...a male isn't born every 100 years but rather, reborn. Because there's absolutely no way pregnancy can last 100 years (give or take).

Possibility of this theory: Quite possible, considering there is no other way (that I know of) it could happen.

Assuming the Gerudo were not wiped out by causes unrelated to sterility, no Gerudo could have been pregnant with a male at the time Link defeated Ganondorf. If Ganondorf expected to live a longer than normal lifespan, then he may have very well abstained from sexual relations for a significant period of time, something I will elaborate on shortly.

2. As for Ganondorf no one is sure whether male does not have to been born within the tribe. This could be seen in OoT where Koume and Kotake surrogate mothers took care of Ganon. It could have been they found a baby and Koume and Kotake gifted witches used their powers to determine Ganon would make a good king. Gerudo tribe respect men with great skill in horse riding, archery and sword fighting

When Ganondorf is born as the first male in 100 years, it's his duty to make babies with all the Gerudo women to sustain the tribe. When Ganondorf was sealed away, the Gerudo women had to male to sustain the tribe, and so it eventually died out completely (which explains how it was gone in Twilight Princess.) As for a male being born every hundred years, this isn't biologically possible. Instead of one make per hundred years, the tribe simply kills the male children when they are born, to preserve their tradition (and likely because of their apparent hatred for males.) The only reason they kept Ganondorf around was because they needed to survive.

However, after Ganondorf left, they had no male to sustain their tribe. To avoid dying out, they captured the band of carpenters and likely planned on using them as sex slaves of some sort, until Link managed to rescue them. After the carpenters were freed, the tribe decided to make Link a member to use him as Ganondorf's replacement, but he soon left and the tribe was left to die.

A great deal of useful information has been presented in these quotes. The Gerudo must have been either killing or aborting males (if males were aborted this would most probably have been a biological reaction to testosterone in the womb given the limited technology of the time). A significant number of births must have taken place for a there to be sufficient enough females with which a single male might mate and sustain the Gerudo population. This brings up the possibility of father and daughter or brother and sister sexual relations, or both, but the Gerudo were evidently stable enough a population to thrive.

Ganondorf, however, likely refrained from any sexual relations (even if they would not have all have been incestuous thanks to Ganondorf's unclear history). As suggested above, the Gerudo probably resorted to capturing Hylian men for the sake of relieving sexual frustration whilst Ganondorf was preoccupied with planning his takeover of Hyrule. Not all of the Gerudo were pleased with Ganondorf's activities as king, and it is suspicious that they would permit Link to wander their city freely after he proved his gritty manliness.

Somebody in OoT says that the Gerudo tribe go into town every now and then to get boyfriends

This is true, but I would question how common the practice is by the time of Ocarina of Time. The Gerudo all have rounded ears and display very similar features, it would not appear that the Gerudo continued to successfully produce offspring with Hylian natives.

Given all of this information, it can be deduced that:

- The Gerudo died out, most probably due to the lack of a male heir, because Ganondorf was not sexually active enough for any of his kin to be pregnant with a male at the time of his demise.

- Link was very likely seen as a suitable male successor to Ganondorf.

- The ritual destruction of males in any given culture does not create the most resilient population dynamics, especially if any stray mute wandering elves are too socially awkward or biologically incompatible to engage in sexual intercourse with natives.

Mystery #3: Why does that one apprentice of the carpenter act flamboyant?

My thoughts: Well he's...homosexual, obviously. At first I thought he was just slightly effeminate/metrosexual when he commented on his soft hands being ruined by the work, but when he called Link a "cute boy" then I definitely knew something was going on. And that doesn't make him just homosexual, he's a paedophile as well. Sick bastard.

Possibility of this theory: Extremely likely, given that there is almost no room for doubt here.

Not much room for argument here, seems your theory is very sound. There also seems to be other homosexual/paedophilic characters as well, too. Take the Happy Mask Salesman. Why is he always smiling, especially when Link is around? It's obvious that he wants Link. And what about Dampe? If I was that old and a kid was pacing around my graveyard, I'd be pretty pissed. Instead, he seems to be totally fine with it. Suspicious.

Homosexual paedophilia appears to be a common theme in the Zelda series. Tingle is another example of a character who exhibits such behavior, and in later games Link's relationship with Colin, and Telma's hints towards Link, are similar examples of this observation proving true throughout the series. Another example from Ocarina of Time worthy of mention is Talon, the owner of Lon Lon Ranch. He offers Link free milk if he can locate his three most superior cocks.

I think it's quite clear that there are numerous examples of flamboyant characters who are more than suspiciously friendly towards the dashing swordsman in lovely tights. This is most probably an expression of the game creator's love for the character. I think it reasonable to suggest that these characters found in the game are manifestations of artists and developers on the team who created it.

As one can see in the picture linked to below, this is not entirely unwarranted. Whilst the underside of the skirt is obscured by the knee, the musculature of his legs is accentuated by the tights. I suspect the game's developers will find some of the Link art on 4chan to be quite similar to that which might be available in Nintendo's restricted archives.

WARNING: Adult Link.

Mystery #4: Who are the cursed family of Skulltulas and why are they cursed?

My thoughts: I'm thinking once upon a time, a family of one father and four sons were into incest and bondage but they couldn't get enough. So when they see this witch they ask her for supreme bondage. The witch, being disgusted, cursed them to turn into Skulltulas instead. All the bondage they could get! ...Except it wasn't so pleasant. They had it coming, the sick fucks.

But here's another question: Why do I think all of this? It's obvious. Once you free each boy, they jump up with huge grins on their faces. Obviously happy to be freed. And when you free the father, he does this homoerotic dance. Always. And has an overly happy expression on his face. Always. And gives you a large sum of rupees. ALWAYS. Obviously the rupee is him wanting Link to strip but since he's an idiot and knows nothing about this sort of stuff he thinks it's his reward. And the last question, but obviously not the least: Why are they happy to be freed? You're an idiot if you don't know the answer to this one.

Possibility of this theory: As possible as Castlevania fanbrats getting extinct. In other words, not at all possible. But at least I tried, and that's the only thing that counts, right?

I take great offense to this justification, and I cannot believe you would suggest it. The possibility of this hypothesis holding true is much greater than you give credit for. I do, however, believe that I can offer a few refinements to what you've stated.

There was a family of one father and four sons who were into incest and bondage. They were addicted to it the blissful ecstasy of their experimental activities to the point that they sought to find a witch who could grant them supreme bondage. It is from here that I deviate from your hypothesis, but I think you will see that my suggestions are perhaps more likely to be accurate.

I propose that the family was not composed of five members, but of six. Recall the crazy scientist at the Lake Hylia Laboratory, the one who asks Link to dive into his personal pool of love and filth (remember that Link wears a skirt).... I believe this man to be the grandfather in the aforementioned family. He has a similar face to that of the Skulltula, it is grotesque enough to make one's eyes bleed. I want to gouge my brain out with a spoon whenever I get a peek at his monstrous visage. The sin that he is, this man was clearly afflicted by the same curse as the sexually deviant Skulltula family.

When the troupe incestuous adventurers managed to locate a witch with the ability to grant them the supreme bondage they so desperately desired, the grandfather had recognized the witch as his niece and fled to Lake Hylia. Angered by the disgusted reaction of her uncle, the witch proceeded to curse each family member to supreme bondage with individual skulltulas. The grandfather in his laboratory must ask Link to run errands for him because he is permanently rooted to his massive, putrid, skulltula of a face.

The rest is as you implied. The Skulltula family members are grateful for their rescue and perform erotic dances in preparation for

SPOILER

.

I hope you all enjoyed reading and will debate this to its fullest extent with me.

I hope to discuss this matter with everyone who has participated in this much further. The large number of ambiguities in Ocarina of Time regarding the origins and sexual behaviors of various characters leaves room for a great deal of speculation, but I'm sure we can all determine the most probable explanations if everyone discusses this together.

Edit (2009.01.25):

Fixed an atrocious use of erroneous grammar.

Edited January 25, 2009 by Wist

[Loki Laufeyson]

thats genius Wist, however in response to the Kokiri discussion, the adults who enter the forest end up as Stalfos...

also Talon offers Link Malon in marriage for finding his superior cocks.. :)

[Nightmare]

Homosexual paedophilia appears to be a common theme in the Zelda series. Tingle is another example of a character who exhibits such behavior, and in later games Link's relationship with Colin, and Telma's hints towards Link, are similar examples of this observation proving true throughout the series. Another example from Ocarina of Time worthy of mention is Talon, the owner of Lon Lon Ranch. He offers Link free milk if he can locate his three most superior cocks.

I think it's quite clear that there are numerous examples of flamboyant characters who are more than suspiciously friendly towards the dashing swordsman in lovely tights. This is most probably an expression of the game creator's love for the character. I think it reasonable to suggest that these characters found in the game are manifestations of artists and developers on the team who created it.

As one can see in the picture linked to below, this is not entirely unwarranted. Whilst the underside of the skirt is obscured by the knee, the musculature of his legs is accentuated by the tights. I suspect the game's developers will find some of the Link art on 4chan to be quite similar to that which might be available in Nintendo's restricted archives.

WARNING: Adult Link.

I believe you have a point there. However, whether the characters in-game are manifestations of the artists and developers, I cannot say. If that were the case then I believe most of the team would've retorted to suicide by now, assuming that these people are as uncontrollable as they seem in the games. I'm sure you know what I mean.

And as tempting as it is, I just can't picture Mr. Miyamoto as homosexual, no matter what.

But I will say, that was a good bit of observation on the cocks.

I take great offense to this justification, and I cannot believe you would suggest it. The possibility of this hypothesis holding true is much greater than you give credit for. I do, however, believe that I can offer a few refinements to what you've stated.

There was a family of one father and four sons who were into incest and bondage. They were addicted to it the blissful ecstasy of their experimental activities to the point that they sought to find a witch who could grant them supreme bondage. It is from here that I deviate from your hypothesis, but I think you will see that my suggestions are perhaps more likely to be accurate.

I propose that the family was not composed of five members, but of six. Recall the crazy scientist at the Lake Hylia Laboratory, the one who asks Link to dive into his personal pool of love and filth (remember that Link wears a skirt).... I believe this man to be the grandfather in the aforementioned family. He has a similar face to that of the Skulltula, it is grotesque enough to make one's eyes bleed. I want to gouge my brain out with a spoon whenever I get a peek at his monstrous visage. The sin that he is, this man was clearly afflicted by the same curse as the sexually deviant Skulltula family.

When the troupe incestuous adventurers managed to locate a witch with the ability to grant them the supreme bondage they so desperately desired, the grandfather had recognized the witch as his niece and fled to Lake Hylia. Angered by the disgusted reaction of her uncle, the witch proceeded to curse each family member to supreme bondage with individual skulltulas. The grandfather in his laboratory must ask Link to run errands for him because he is permanently rooted to his massive, putrid, skulltula of a face.

So then, are you saying the witch was a part of this family? And did she partake in the family's...interest? I'm sorry but, that's nonsense. There is no way the witch would turn her own family into Skulltula bondage traps. We are assuming here that she partook in those family "gatherings". If that is the case (and it most likely is) then the witch wouldn't take away her only source of amusement from herself.

Unless the witch didn't know that she was a part of the family, in which case she still wouldn't cast that curse upon them. Seeing as how the whole family is mutually interested in incest and bondage, it must run through their blood and as such, they are able to detect such things when close together. If anything, the witch would try to track down her lineage or talk about it with the family before casting her curse.

But if we are to deem that she was indeed, the one who cast the curse upon them, then she must have been purified in some way or another. This may have been done in an accident involving magic or her conscience was weighed heavily with guilt which caused her to do it on purpose. This last theory is, however, still not very possible. My one theory is that the witch may have been a part of the family, but she wasn't the one who cast the curse. It was rather, and outsider who was disgusted with this family, either because she thought their "gathering"s were sickening or she had a grudge against them from old times, which can lead to many more theories involving this mysterious family.

[Zephrion]

I believe you have a point there. However, whether the characters in-game are manifestations of the artists and developers, I cannot say. If that were the case then I believe most of the team would've retorted to suicide by now, assuming that these people are as uncontrollable as they seem in the games. I'm sure you know what I mean.

And as tempting as it is, I just can't picture Mr. Miyamoto as homosexual, no matter what.

But I will say, that was a good bit of observation on the cocks.

I disagree. Such eccentric characters had to come from somewhere. Either the development team was smoking something huge while designing the characters, or they based them upon themselves (or each other, what better way to get revenge on that guy who keeps stealing your lunch from the company fridge than making them a homosexual pedophilic carpenter?)

As for Mr. Miyamoto, I agree that there is no way he can be a homosexual. However, I do believe that the eccentric character Tingle was based upon him. Tingle's tendency in Majora's Mask to fly to various spectacular locales on a simple balloon is a manifestation of Miyamoto's love for traveling and carnivals. Not only that, but once shot down, Tingle offers to sell our young hero a map of the location, giving life to the concept of Miyamoto as our guide of sorts through the wonderful (and climatically confused) Termina.

So then, are you saying the witch was a part of this family? And did she partake in the family's...interest? I'm sorry but, that's nonsense. There is no way the witch would turn her own family into Skulltula bondage traps. We are assuming here that she partook in those family "gatherings". If that is the case (and it most likely is) then the witch wouldn't take away her only source of amusement from herself.

Unless the witch didn't know that she was a part of the family, in which case she still wouldn't cast that curse upon them. Seeing as how the whole family is mutually interested in incest and bondage, it must run through their blood and as such, they are able to detect such things when close together. If anything, the witch would try to track down her lineage or talk about it with the family before casting her curse.

But if we are to deem that she was indeed, the one who cast the curse upon them, then she must have been purified in some way or another. This may have been done in an accident involving magic or her conscience was weighed heavily with guilt which caused her to do it on purpose. This last theory is, however, still not very possible. My one theory is that the witch may have been a part of the family, but she wasn't the one who cast the curse. It was rather, and outsider who was disgusted with this family, either because she thought their "gathering"s were sickening or she had a grudge against them from old times, which can lead to many more theories involving this mysterious family.

It is not known whether or not the witch didn't take part in the "gatherings." In fact, her reasoning for warping the forms of her family members could be that they left her out of their family activities because she often ruined them by coming to the gatherings donning a robe and wizard hat.

[Nightmare]

It is not known whether or not the witch didn't take part in the "gatherings." In fact, her reasoning for warping the forms of her family members could be that they left her out of their family activities because she often ruined them by coming to the gatherings donning a robe and wizard hat.

Ahhhh, that's a very good point you make! I had never even thought of it!

Perhaps they left her out because they were all homosexual and had no desire for a woman to partake in their activities. Which begs for the question: How did the man reproduce in the first place? Simple. He either adopted them (which is impossible because it runs in their blood) or reproduced just for the sake of his interest. Luckily for him, they all inherited his latent...ability.

[Wist]

I believe you have a point there. However, whether the characters in-game are manifestations of the artists and developers, I cannot say. If that were the case then I believe most of the team would've retorted to suicide by now, assuming that these people are as uncontrollable as they seem in the games. I'm sure you know what I mean.

And as tempting as it is, I just can't picture Mr. Miyamoto as homosexual, no matter what.

But I will say, that was a good bit of observation on the cocks.

I know what you mean, but I don't think this is too unreasonable a hypothesis. Majora's Mask recycled many of the same models and graphics from Ocarina of Time, perhaps as a result of the intractable insanity felt by many on the development team. Wind Waker has a dramatically different style to its predecessors; I think it quite clear that the development team was replaced entirely. I do not think that these events are coincidental, although there may possibly be other explanations.

I disagree. Such eccentric characters had to come from somewhere. Either the development team was smoking something huge while designing the characters, or they based them upon themselves (or each other, what better way to get revenge on that guy who keeps stealing your lunch from the company fridge than making them a homosexual pedophilic carpenter?)

This is an excellent point, and I do believe it co-insides with perspective on the matter..

We tread on difficult territory for it is difficult to stay within the realm of sexual mysteries in Ocarina of Time while pursuing the entirety of this question.

So then, are you saying the witch was a part of this family? And did she partake in the family's...interest? I'm sorry but, that's nonsense. There is no way the witch would turn her own family into Skulltula bondage traps. We are assuming here that she partook in those family "gatherings". If that is the case (and it most likely is) then the witch wouldn't take away her only source of amusement from herself.

Unless the witch didn't know that she was a part of the family, in which case she still wouldn't cast that curse upon them. Seeing as how the whole family is mutually interested in incest and bondage, it must run through their blood and as such, they are able to detect such things when close together. If anything, the witch would try to track down her lineage or talk about it with the family before casting her curse.

But if we are to deem that she was indeed, the one who cast the curse upon them, then she must have been purified in some way or another. This may have been done in an accident involving magic or her conscience was weighed heavily with guilt which caused her to do it on purpose. This last theory is, however, still not very possible. My one theory is that the witch may have been a part of the family, but she wasn't the one who cast the curse. It was rather, and outsider who was disgusted with this family, either because she thought their "gathering"s were sickening or she had a grudge against them from old times, which can lead to many more theories involving this mysterious family.

Alas, what a grievous oversight on my part. I am embarrassed to have failed to recognize this blatant contradiction. Unfortunately, I believe your point above still does not satisfy this possibility because of this:

Which begs for the question: How did the man reproduce in the first place?

Do you, however, think it still plausible that the man at the Lake Hylia Laboratory is not entirely unrelated to the Skulltula family? His face is just as pain inducing to look at, perhaps more so, and he exhibits the same lack of movement.

I should also note that, thanks to further research into this matter, I've learned that there were not four but five sons at the House of Skulltula.

Perhaps this mystery can be further dissected by analyzing the material "rewards" given by the family members. Why might they have in their possession a Stone of Agony, would it have amplified their ability to sense each others' bondage obsessions, and what other roles might it have played in their activities?

Edited January 25, 2009 by Wist

[Zephrion]

I know what you mean, but I don't think this is too unreasonable a hypothesis. Majora's Mask recycled many of the same models and graphics from Ocarina of Time, perhaps as a result of the intractable insanity felt by many on the development team. Wind Waker has a dramatically different style to its predecessors; I think it quite clear that the development team was replaced entirely. I do not think that these events are coincidental, although there may possibly be other explanations.

A very good point you make. However, instead of your suggestion that Wind Waker had a completely different development team, I must disagree. Due to the seizure inducing madness the team suffered while working on Ocarina of Time and Majora's Mask (the latter game being much darker than the former--undoubtedly due to the paranoia and hysteria the developers were going through at this point) they were all committed to a mental asylum. Once released, the development team was so docile, they resorted to making Wind Waker into a happy, cel-shaded game where Link and a peppy band of pirates sail the seas in search of treasure and adventure.

Tingle, again, plays the role of Miyamoto, a vicious slave driver who pushes his similarly clad friends to the breaking point and beyond to power his fairy dictator tower, proving that at his point the team began to have a budding resentment for Miyamoto and his workplace "mannerisms." They even went so far as to have him stuck in jail under the charges of child molestation.

Do you, however, think it still plausible that the man at the Lake Hylia Laboratory is not entirely unrelated to the Skulltula family? His face is just as pain inducing to look at, perhaps more so, and he exhibits the same lack of movement.

Indeed, the old man does bear a striking resemblance to the members of the Skulltula family. Perhaps his hideous visage is due to a somewhat dulled down version of the same curse that was placed on his family members. However, why he was spared the life of an actual Skulltula whilst the others were not, I do not know.

Perhaps this mystery can be further dissected by analyzing the material "rewards" given by the family members. Why might they have in their possession a Stone of Agony, would it have amplified their ability to sense each others' bondage obsessions, and what other roles might it have played in their activities?

This is true...why on earth would mere children have such large wallets (while our hero was constantly mocked by his male peers for having such a small wallet in comparison.) The answer, no doubt, is that the children may have sold their "services" to others (most notably our homosexual carpenter) for money, and needed larger wallets to hold the excess. This too says something about how shitty a parent the father must have been, to allow his sons to participate in such acts for money.

[canas is back]

is it possible that the kokiri were created FOR link so that he had some buddies to play with while he was a kid??

[Nightmare]

Perhaps this mystery can be further dissected by analyzing the material "rewards" given by the family members. Why might they have in their possession a Stone of Agony, would it have amplified their ability to sense each others' bondage obsessions, and what other roles might it have played in their activities?

The Stone of Agony may have been used to pick up the agony left by sexual tension. A valuable tool, especially for a family such as this.

This is true...why on earth would mere children have such large wallets (while our hero was constantly mocked by his male peers for having such a small wallet in comparison.) The answer, no doubt, is that the children may have sold their "services" to others (most notably our homosexual carpenter) for money, and needed larger wallets to hold the excess. This too says something about how shitty a parent the father must have been, to allow his sons to participate in such acts for money.

That sounds reasonable, that the children would sell their services. Perhaps it was in a time of need for the whole family, or perhaps they're all horny bastards who enjoy the mere thought of it. That's possibly why the father did not interfere. He instead fantasized about it.

There is, however, one unanswered question here: How is the father able to give you infinite rupees? Was that a side-effect of the curse (be it wanted or unwanted)? Or does he have so much money that it just seems infinite? Where did he get all that rupee from, anyway? Why do they not use it to further their own ambitions instead of giving it to Link?

I present theories for these:

Question #1: "How is the father able to give you infinite rupees?"

Possibly due to him saving up all the money his sons made during their prostitution services and they somehow multiplied and became infinite. This isn't very possible, however, due to the family living in a hovel. How a family living in a hovel have so much money is beyond me, if it's even possible. I'm betting that if they did indeed have that much money, they would've bought all of Hyrule already.

Question #2: "Was that a side-effect of the curse (be it wanted or unwanted)?"

That's very conceivable. It is known throughout the world that magic may have side-effects, whether they are wanted or unwanted. In this case, the witch may have sneezed when she cast the curse, or she may have cast an alternate version of it. Either way, it must have been very long-lasting and effective.

Question #3: "Or does he have so much money that is just seems infinite?"

This one is rather plausible. However, the issue of "Buying all of Hyrule" comes up here as well. It doesn't seem that this was the case.

Question #4: "Why do they not use it to further their own ambitions instead of giving it to Link?"

Well...this one is rather dodgy, if I do say so myself, haha. As presented before (by yours truly *bows*), the father may be giving these rupees to Link for a lap dance or something of the sort. But there can also be another reason which can only be explained if we assume theory #2 is the truth: The father is paranoid about the rupees, thinking they are cursed. Thus, he gives them to Link in hopes of ridding himself (and his family) from them.

The best theory yet is the second one, since if they had that much money before the curse then surely they would've bought all of Hyrule.

I tried really hard here. Probably my best. I hope it helps to shed some light on these matters.

[Zephrion]

Question #1: "How is the father able to give you infinite rupees?"

Possibly due to him saving up all the money his sons made during their prostitution services and they somehow multiplied and became infinite. This isn't very possible, however, due to the family living in a hovel. How a family living in a hovel have so much money is beyond me, if it's even possible. I'm betting that if they did indeed have that much money, they would've bought all of Hyrule already.

Question #2: "Was that a side-effect of the curse (be it wanted or unwanted)?"

That's very conceivable. It is known throughout the world that magic may have side-effects, whether they are wanted or unwanted. In this case, the witch may have sneezed when she cast the curse, or she may have cast an alternate version of it. Either way, it must have been very long-lasting and effective.

Question #3: "Or does he have so much money that is just seems infinite?"

This one is rather plausible. However, the issue of "Buying all of Hyrule" comes up here as well. It doesn't seem that this was the case.

Question #4: "Why do they not use it to further their own ambitions instead of giving it to Link?"

Well...this one is rather dodgy, if I do say so myself, haha. As presented before (by yours truly *bows*), the father may be giving these rupees to Link for a lap dance or something of the sort. But there can also be another reason which can only be explained if we assume theory #2 is the truth: The father is paranoid about the rupees, thinking they are cursed. Thus, he gives them to Link in hopes of ridding himself (and his family) from them.

The best theory yet is the second one, since if they had that much money before the curse then surely they would've bought all of Hyrule.

These are all very good questions and theories, but I believe you have overlooked something. In order to destroy the curse on the family, Link has to kill Gold Skulltulas and collect Golden Medallions as a sign of defeating them. Being made of, well, gold, these medallions obviously carry a hefty amount of value. Once the father of this twisted family has been cured, the medallions naturally hold no significance to Link anymore, him being part-Indian and unable to understand the monetary significance of something other than "Rupees." The father, however, knows full well how valuable gold is in Hyrule, and with a quick trip to the First National Bank of Hyrule, converts the gold medallions into millions upon billions of Rupees.

However, I cannot aptly explain why the family simply doesn't buy Hyrule. Perhaps the thought was just alien to them, them being a simple backwater family obsessed with incest and bondage.

Edited January 25, 2009 by CaptainZephmarre

[Wist]

A very good point you make. However, instead of your suggestion that Wind Waker had a completely different development team, I must disagree. Due to the seizure inducing madness the team suffered while working on Ocarina of Time and Majora's Mask (the latter game being much darker than the former--undoubtedly due to the paranoia and hysteria the developers were going through at this point) they were all committed to a mental asylum. Once released, the development team was so docile, they resorted to making Wind Waker into a happy, cel-shaded game where Link and a peppy band of pirates sail the seas in search of treasure and adventure.

Tingle, again, plays the role of Miyamoto, a vicious slave driver who pushes his similarly clad friends to the breaking point and beyond to power his fairy dictator tower, proving that at his point the team began to have a budding resentment for Miyamoto and his workplace "mannerisms." They even went so far as to have him stuck in jail under the charges of child molestation.

I had not considered this possibility, but it sounds quite reasonable. Under these circumstances, the developers would have been able to retain their deviant fetishes whilst still contributing to the public good by working on a new title in the series.

is it possible that the kokiri were created FOR link so that he had some buddies to play with while he was a kid??

This is a very interesting idea, I'm pleased you brought it up. Unfortunately, this train of though doesn't help lend an answer as to how the Kokiri were produced. It is still worthy of consideration but I'm unsure how far we might be able to tackle this possibility.

Question #1: "How is the father able to give you infinite rupees?"

Possibly due to him saving up all the money his sons made during their prostitution services and they somehow multiplied and became infinite. This isn't very possible, however, due to the family living in a hovel. How a family living in a hovel have so much money is beyond me, if it's even possible. I'm betting that if they did indeed have that much money, they would've bought all of Hyrule already.

What if they had kept up their prostitution services whilst under the influence of the curse? They would have been able to expand their fortunes without ever gaining the ability to improve their home until freed. Their inability to move would also have prevented their buying new property. The members of the Skulltula family are primarily immobile, but they are able to descend to the floor. They could easily have tried to allay the enormous stress of being unable to engage in incestuous activities by outsourcing their services outside the realm of their family. I believe this is the most likely explanation, but it is in no way immune to being displaced by new revelations.

Question #2: "Was that a side-effect of the curse (be it wanted or unwanted)?"

That's very conceivable. It is known throughout the world that magic may have side-effects, whether they are wanted or unwanted. In this case, the witch may have sneezed when she cast the curse, or she may have cast an alternate version of it. Either way, it must have been very long-lasting and effective.

The problem with this possibility is that, if true,the witch would surely have performed further experimentation so that she might improve her own financial fortunes and purchase vast tracts of land.

Question #3: "Or does he have so much money that is just seems infinite?"

This one is rather plausible. However, the issue of "Buying all of Hyrule" comes up here as well. It doesn't seem that this was the case.

Question #4: "Why do they not use it to further their own ambitions instead of giving it to Link?"

Well...this one is rather dodgy, if I do say so myself, haha. As presented before (by yours truly *bows*), the father may be giving these rupees to Link for a lap dance or something of the sort. But there can also be another reason which can only be explained if we assume theory #2 is the truth: The father is paranoid

If the father of the Skulltula family was infinitely wealthy, he may only desire to use it for the sake of purchasing favors. The first suggestion within that description seems the most plausible to me for he may have hoped to further his own ambitions by giving Link some rupees.

On top of all of these intriguing mysteries, I propose an additional discussion question. How do members of the Skulltula family feed? They most probably subsisted on each others' energies, emitted from their strong desires for supreme bondage, but I wonder if these energies are powerful enough to keep them alive while prevented from enjoying each other (being cursed Skulltula beings). Would they have created a strong enough sphere of power within the house or would they have received their energies from their likely prostitution hobby?

Edit (2009.01.25):

In light of having just seen CaptainZephmarre's response, I believe a new revelation has come forth. What if the Gold Skullula's hold hidden sexual energies, and it is these energies which help keep the family alive and liberate them from their cursed cocoons?

Edited January 25, 2009 by Wist

[Nightmare]

What if they had kept up their prostitution services whilst under the influence of the curse? They would have been able to expand their fortunes without ever gaining the ability to improve their home until freed. Their inability to move would also have prevented their buying new property. The members of the Skulltula family are primarily immobile, but they are able to descend to the floor. They could easily have tried to allay the enormous stress of being unable to engage in incestuous activities by outsourcing their services outside the realm of their family. I believe this is the most likely explanation, but it is in no way immune to being displaced by new revelations.

No way. They couldn't get out, and judging by how the hovel looks like, no one got in either. For years upon years.

The problem with this possibility is that, if true,the witch would surely have performed further experimentation so that she might improve her own financial fortunes and purchase vast tracts of land.

This can be easily explained by saying that the witch did not know. It was all a simple accident. Simple, no?

If the father of the Skulltula family was infinitely wealthy, he may only desire to use it for the sake of purchasing favors. The first suggestion within that description seems the most plausible to me for he may have hoped to further his own ambitions by giving Link some rupees.

Perhaps, perhaps.

On top of all of these intriguing mysteries, I propose an additional discussion question. How do members of the Skulltula family feed? They most probably subsisted on each others' energies, emitted from their strong desires for supreme bondage, but I wonder if these energies are powerful enough to keep them alive while prevented from enjoying each other (being cursed Skulltula beings). Would they have created a strong enough sphere of power within the house or would they have received their energies from their likely prostitution hobby?

That is quite interesting. They possibly fed on the bugs that lived in their house. Which also may explain why they are all so comfortable after being freed, with all the filth and bugs and all.

Edit (2009.01.25):

In light of having just seen CaptainZephmarre's response, I believe a new revelation has come forth. What if the Gold Skullula's hold hidden sexual energies, and it is these energies which help keep the family alive and liberate them from their cursed cocoons?

That is very plausible, actually. I think that maybe the witch withdrew their sexual desires (and energy) and trapped them within the Gold Skulltulas, which is why they are freed and happy once more. Of course it also has the power to turn them back.