Knoll

[RedNeck Holsety]

Knoll

If something needs to be changed I can look into it later today.

Bio:

Knoll is a shaman and a royal mage from Grado on the continent of Magvel. He and Prince Lyon worked together to learn about the dark stone and utilize its power. When their King Vigarde dies Lyon is quickly depressed and relied on the dark stone to revive his father despite Lyon soon becoming possessed by The Demon King. Knoll is shown to have regretted what has happened to Prince Lyon. Once these events are behind him Knoll admits that he has lost what has happened already to him: Grado, Lyon, and the research of the dark stone but he tries to find a new path and a new way of life to follow.

Summary:

Knoll is first seen after Ephraim's army kill Vigarde in the Grado Keep. Ephraim meets him in a prison cell in the keep and discovered he was planned to be executed later on for protesting against Lyon while he was possessed by The Demon King. Knoll confesses the secret about the dark stone, Lyon, and the Demon King to Ephraim. Ephraim is soon informed that Eirika and Jehanna are under an assault. Ephraim, his army, and Knoll rush to Jehanna to support Eirika. Knoll remains with Ephraim and Eirika to fight the Grado army and The Demon King.

After Jehanna is protected from the assault from Grado and Ephraim shares his story Knoll told him Knoll’s role dies down afterwards and remains as a playable unit in the group. In the epilogue Knoll focuses on the reconstruction of Grado to restore it to its former glory as Lyon wanted it before his possession from the demon king. After Grado is restored Knoll disappears never to be seen again.

Knoll is shown through support conversations that he regrets everything that happened to him in the past. He confesses to former Grado general Duessel that he sometimes fells that he would have been better off executed back in Grado keep. He also confesses to Natasha that he feels that himself and other mages are responsible for the tragedy of what has happened to Lyon and the surge of demons appearing in Magvel.

Knoll has also witnessed a glimpse future of Grado after the War of the Stones with Lyon before the war. Five and a half years later Grado is the victim of an earthquake leaving the country in ruins and only a few will survive. This future disaster is revealed only to Duessel and Natasha through support conversations. This can also relate to why Knoll disappeared after Grado's reconstruction, so he could protect himself.*

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* wasn't sure about the last sentence since Knoll could have disappeared for this reasonor perhaps hes trying to find a new way of life like mentioned before.

Thats it there were two things I was wondering.

1. Should I focus a little more about the Dark Stone's background with Lyon and him?

2. Should I create a better ending then the fact that he saw the future that Grado gets ruined?

Edited December 23, 2008 by King_Soren

[Eltoshen]

I'll be giving some suggestions and adding in a few things that might work. You don't have to use all of them. The ones I put in blue are grammatical, so you should definitely use those. Things in bolded red are my little ideas.

Bio:

Knoll is a shaman and a royal mage from Grado on the continent of Magvel. He and Prince Lyon worked together to learn aboutstudy the dark stone and utilize its power. When their King Vigarde dies Lyon is quickly depressed and relied on the dark stone to revive his father despite Lyon soon becoming possessed by The Demon King. Knoll is shown to have regretted what had happened to Prince Lyon. Once these events arewere behind him, Knoll admits that he hashad lost what has happened alreadythe things most important to him: Grado, Lyon, and the research of the dark stone. butKnowing all this, he tries to find a new path and a new way of life to followin life.

-We can assume that the people know Grado is on Magvel. If you leave it there, it sounds cluttered.

-When you put a pronoun before a title, you generally don't capitalize the next word. Either you put "their king, Vigarde" or simply "King Vigarde"

-In purple: That needs to be rewritten. I can give you an idea of what to write, though.

"When King Vigarde dies, Lyon becomes depressed and relies on the dark stone to revive his father. Sadly, he became possessed by the Demon King."

Summary:

Knoll is first seen after Ephraim's army kills Vigarde in the Grado Keep. Ephraim meetsfinds him locked up in a prison cell in the keepinside and discovers that Knollhe was planned to be executed later on for challenging Lyon's actionsprotesting against Lyon while he was possessed by The Demon King. Knoll confesses the secret about the dark stone, Lyon, and the Demon King to Ephraim. Ephraim is soon informed that Eirika and Jehanna are under an assault. Ephraim, his army, and Knoll rush to Jehanna to support Eirika. Knoll remains with Ephraim and Eirika to fight the Grado army and eventually, The Demon King himself.

Overall, there's still a lot of weird sentence breaks and jumps in the details. You should probably add some transitions. I don't want to change what you've been trying to say, so I didn't touch much of it.

After Jehanna is protected fromagainst the assault from Grado and, Ephraim shares histhe story Knoll told him. Knoll’s role in the story dies down afterwards and he remains as a playable unit in the groupfor the rest of the game. In the epilogue, Knoll focuses on the reconstruction of Grado in order to restore it to its former glory: the one that as Lyon wanted it before his possession from the demon kingbefore becoming possessed by the Demon King. After Grado is restored, Knoll disappears, never to be seen again.

The first two sentences in the paragraph were quite confusing, so if I edited something different from what you wanted to say, please excuse me. Dx

Through his support conversations, Knoll is shown through support conversations that he regrets everythingto regret everything that he had happened to himdone in the past. He confesses to former Grado general, Duessel, that he sometimes feltfells that he would have been better off executed back in Grado keepit would have been better had he been executed back in the Grado Keep. He also confesses to Natasha that he feelsfelt that himself and other mageshe was are responsible for the tragedy of what hadhas happened to Lyon and, consequently, the surge of demons that appearedappearing in Magvel.

Regarding the "himself and other mages" phrase: It doesn't sound quite right. You can just remove "other mages" since it doesn't really add anything anyways.

Knoll hashad also witnessed a glimpse future of Grado after the War of the Stones with Lyon before the war. Five and a half years later, Grado is the victim of an earthquake leavingwhich leaves the country in ruins and only a few will survivefew survivors. This future disaster is revealed only to Duessel and Natasha through support conversations. This can also relate to why Knoll disappeared after Grado's reconstruction, so he could protect himself.*

-"Knoll has also witnessed a glimpse future of Grado after the War of the Stones with Lyon before the war."

What do you wish to say here? Lyon saw the future with him, or what? Because it doesn't sound quite right.

1. Should I focus a little more about the Dark Stone's background with Lyon and him?

Depends. If it relates to Knoll's character, then maybe.

2. Should I create a better ending then the fact that he saw the future that Grado gets ruined?

Did this occur before or after the Demon King was defeated by Ephraim and allies? I think you should remove the last two sentences since there isn't exactly a clear reason. Just conclude it with a summary of Knoll's life or personality.

Edited December 27, 2008 by Eltoshen

[RedNeck Holsety]

Okay interesting thoughts I agree with most of them

I had a feeling the last paragraph would have some problems since I only wrote it last night and learned about the diaster then.

In Duessel's B support and Natasha's A support Knoll talks about his past with Lyon and the dark stone I believe.

They (Knoll and the sane Lyon) somehow (unknowingly) tempered with the dark stone and caught a glimpse into the future 5.5 years after the war of the stones. And they see that Grado's basically a diaster. He mentioned that Renais and Ferlina(sp?) were safe locations but thats going more into the history of Magvel instead of Knoll save for the fact that he wanted Natasha to flee with him to one of those 2 locations.

http://www.serenesforest.net/fe8/support/053.html theres natashas A support with him @ the buttom

Heres the main facts from the Duessel Support (copied form serenesforest)

Knoll: I should be more concise. Prince Lyon and I pierced the veil that clouds our futures.

Duessel: What? You...could see into the future? How is that possible? What magic is powerful enough to--

(few lines talking about time they aren't important)

Knoll: We continued our work. There were ceremonies, rituals--such horrors... And then we saw it. In the near future, Grado would be ravaged by catastrophe.

Duessel: A catastrophe? Do you...

Knoll: No, it's not the conflict in which we are currently embroiled. This event is still in our future. We saw Grado. We saw the earth crumble. We saw our people dying. We saw the shape our future would take.

Duessel: What? That's madness... Idiocy! I've lived a long life, and I've never heard of anything like that. Not ever.

Knoll: I am not surprised that you do not believe me, General. We could not believe it, either. We tried to disprove what we had seen. But nothing could shake the vision. In this disaster, Grado would be destroyed. Countless would die. Those who died quickly would be spared the slow horror of starvation. This was when the emperor died, by the way. Lyon was shattered by despair. He devoted himself to research, and then came the Dark Stone...

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It is a fact barely known and I just saw it yesterday and judging by your post I'm assuming not many knew or cared about it either but thats was one of the main facts that jumped out to you if you see his 9 support convos.

So thanks your constructive critisism. I agree overall. The mages thing all the support convo said was mages were to blame not celrics and priests. So mabye it was possibly a translation error and Knoll was referring to him Lyon and the Royal Mages. So I'll use the he as you said since I just assuming it was the royal mages.

I'll either edit this post ltr or if theres another post I'll just post again with the new better Summary of Knoll.

[Eltoshen]

Sounds great. I'm looking forward to it.

[RedNeck Holsety]

Bio:

Knoll is a shaman and a royal mage from Grado on the continent of Magvel. He and Prince Lyon worked together to learn about the dark stone and utilize its power. When their King Vigarde dies Lyon is quickly depressed and relied on the dark stone to revive his father despite Lyon soon becoming possessed by The Demon King. Knoll is shown to have regretted what has happened to Prince Lyon. Once these events are behind him Knoll admits that he has lost what has happened already to him: Grado, Lyon, and the research of the dark stone but he tries to find a new path and a new way of life to follow.

(had to leave so I'm fixing this one ltr)

Summary:

Knoll is first seen after Ephraim's army kills Vigarde in the Grado Keep. Ephraim finds him in a prison cell and discovered Knoll was planned to be executed later on for challenging Lyon's actions while Lyon was possessed by The Demon King. Knoll confesses the secret about the dark stone, Lyon, and the Demon King to Ephraim. Ephraim is soon informed that Eirika and Jehanna are under an assault. Ephraim, his army, and Knoll rush to Jehanna to support Eirika. Knoll remains with Ephraim and Eirika to fight the Grado army and eventually, The Demon King himself.

After Jehanna is protected against the assault from Grado, Ephraim shares his story Knoll told him. Knoll’s role in the story dies down afterwards and remains as a playable unit in for the rest of the game. In the epilogue Knoll focuses on the reconstruction of Grado in order to restore it to its former glory: The glory that Lyon wanted before we was possessed by the Demon King. After Grado is restored, Knoll disappears, never to be seen again.

Through his support conversations Knoll has shown that he regrets everything that he had done in the past. He confesses to former Grado general, Duessel, that he sometimes felt that it would have been better had he been executed back in the Grado Keep. He also confesses to Natasha that he felt that he was responsible for the tragedy of what had happened to Lyon and, consequently, the surge of demons that have appeared in Magvel.

Knoll had also witnessed a glimpse future of Grado after the War of the Stones with Lyon before the war. Five and a half years later Grado is the victim of an earthquake which leaves the country in ruins and only a few survive. Knoll wants to flee to a safer location, such as Renais, with Natasha but Natasha's will to help the survivors causes Knoll to have a change in heart and decides to stay in Grado and help Natasha support the survivors when they will need their support.*

*=New attempt at the ending a little bit long though but I think this is a better ending then the last one

I'm going to look into the bio later today. Otherwise its mostly the same as the advice which I mostly agree on one I ignored for the Earthquake paragraph was the "ruins and few survivors" did you mean "Five and a half years later Grado is the victim of an earthquake which leaves the country in ruins and only a few survive." since the first example sounds off in my opinion.

Edited December 25, 2008 by King_Soren

[VincentASM]

I had a look and it looks good.

Here's some of my suggestions, for the summary:

Brackets are fixes or additions

Words inside >< are ones I'd probably omit

Knoll is first seen after Ephraim's army kills Vigarde in >the< Grado Keep. Ephraim finds him in a prison cell and discovered Knoll was planned to be executed later on for challenging Lyon's actions(,) while Lyon was possessed by The Demon King. Knoll confesses the secret about the dark stone, Lyon, and the Demon King to Ephraim. Ephraim is soon informed that Eirika and Jehanna are under an assault. Ephraim, his army, and Knoll rush to Jehanna to support Eirika. Knoll remains with Ephraim and Eirika to fight the Grado army and eventually, The Demon King himself.

After Jehanna is protected against the assault from Grado, Ephraim shares his story Knoll told him. Knoll’s role in the story dies down afterwards and remains as a playable unit >in< for the rest of the game. In the epilogue(,) Knoll focuses on the reconstruction of Grado(,) in order to restore it to its former glory: The glory that Lyon wanted before (he) was possessed by the Demon King. After Grado is restored, Knoll disappears, never to be seen again.

Through his support conversations(,) Knoll has shown that he regrets everything that he had done in the past. He confesses to former Grado general, Duessel, that he sometimes felt that it would have been better had he been executed back in the Grado Keep. He also confesses to Natasha that he felt that he was responsible for the tragedy of what had happened to Lyon and, consequently, the surge of demons that have appeared in Magvel.

Knoll had also witnessed a (future glimpse) of Grado after the War of the Stones(,) with Lyon before the war. Five and a half years later(,) Grado is the victim of an earthquake which leaves the country in ruins and only a few survive. Knoll wants to flee to a safer location, such as Renais, with Natasha(,) but Natasha's will to help the survivors causes Knoll to have a change in heart and (he) decides to stay in Grado and help Natasha support the survivors when they >will< need their support.*

[RedNeck Holsety]

sry for my absense got caught up in FE11 (europe) lol

so with your suggestions which I agree with its

Heres the bio:

Knoll is a shaman and a royal mage from Grado. He and Prince Lyon worked together to study the dark stone and utilize its power. When King Vigarde dies, Lyon becomes depressed and relies on the dark stone to revive his father. Sadly, he became possessed by the Demon King. Knoll is shown to had regretted what had happened to Prince Lyon. Once these events were behind him, Knoll admits that he had lost the things most important to him: Grado, Lyon, and the research of the dark stone. Knowing all this, he tries to find a new to find a new path to follow in his life.

Summary (with above suggestions)

Knoll is first seen after Ephraim's army kills Vigarde in Grado Keep. Ephraim finds him in a prison cell and discovered Knoll was planned to be executed later on for challenging Lyon's actions, while Lyon was possessed by The Demon King. Knoll confesses the secret about the dark stone, Lyon, and the Demon King to Ephraim. Ephraim is soon informed that Eirika and Jehanna are under an assault. Ephraim, his army, and Knoll rush to Jehanna to support Eirika. Knoll remains with Ephraim and Eirika to fight the Grado army and eventually, The Demon King himself.

After Jehanna is protected against the assault from Grado, Ephraim shares his story Knoll told him. Knoll’s role in the story dies down afterwards and remains as a playable unit for the rest of the game. In the epilogue, Knoll focuses on the reconstruction of Grado, in order to restore it to its former glory: The glory that Lyon wanted before he was possessed by the Demon King. After Grado is restored, Knoll disappears, never to be seen again.

Through his support conversations, Knoll has shown that he regrets everything that he had done in the past. He confesses to former Grado general, Duessel, that he sometimes felt that it would have been better had he been executed back in the Grado Keep. He also confesses to Natasha that he felt that he was responsible for the tragedy of what had happened to Lyon and, consequently, the surge of demons that have appeared in Magvel.

Knoll had also witnessed a future glimpse of Grado after the War of the Stones, with Lyon before the war. Five and a half years later, Grado is the victim of an earthquake which leaves the country in ruins and only a few survive. Knoll wants to flee to a safer location, such as Renais, with Natasha, but Natasha's will to help the survivors causes Knoll to have a change in heart and he decides to stay in Grado and help Natasha support the survivors when they need their support.

------------

I think its looking good now. I'll read through it again ltr to c if theres something I'm not happy with.

[VincentASM]

Thanks, the bio looks good.

These are the probably the last suggestions from me, which I kind of missed the first time.

After Jehanna is protected against the assault from Grado, Ephraim shares (the) story Knoll told him.

He also confesses to Natasha that he felt that he was responsible for the tragedy (that) happened to Lyon and, consequently, the surge of demons that have appeared in Magvel.

Knoll’s role in the story dies down afterwards and (he) remains as a playable unit for the rest of the game.

After you've taken a look at these, I'll probably add a page for it on the main site : D

[RedNeck Holsety]

Heres the bio:

Knoll is a shaman and a royal mage from Grado. He and Prince Lyon worked together to study the dark stone and utilize its power. When King Vigarde dies, Lyon becomes depressed and relies on the dark stone to revive his father. Sadly, he became possessed by the Demon King. Knoll is shown to had regretted what had happened to Prince Lyon. Once these events were behind him, Knoll admits that he had lost the things most important to him: Grado, Lyon, and the research of the dark stone. Knowing all this, he tries to find a new to find a new path to follow in his life.

Summary (with above suggestions)

Knoll is first seen after Ephraim's army kills Vigarde in Grado Keep. Ephraim finds him in a prison cell and discovered Knoll was planned to be executed later on for challenging Lyon's actions, while Lyon was possessed by The Demon King. Knoll confesses the secrets about the dark stone, Lyon, and the Demon King to Ephraim. Ephraim is soon informed that Eirika and Jehanna are under an assault. Ephraim, his army, and Knoll rush to Jehanna to support Eirika. Knoll remains with Ephraim and Eirika to fight the Grado army and eventually, The Demon King himself.

After Jehanna is protected against the assault from Grado, Ephraim shares the story Knoll told him. Knoll’s role in the story dies down afterwards and he remains as a playable unit for the rest of the game. In the epilogue, Knoll focuses on the reconstruction of Grado, in order to restore it to its former glory: The glory that Lyon wanted before he was possessed by the Demon King. After Grado is restored, Knoll disappears, never to be seen again.

Through his support conversations, Knoll has shown that he regrets everything that he had done in the past. He confesses to former Grado general, Duessel, that he sometimes felt that it would have been better had he been executed back in the Grado Keep. He also confesses to Natasha that he felt that he was responsible for the tragedy that happened to Lyon and, consequently, the surge of demons that have appeared in Magvel.

Knoll had also witnessed a future glimpse of Grado after the War of the Stones, with Lyon before the war. Five and a half years later, Grado is the victim of an earthquake which leaves the country in ruins and only a few survive. Knoll wants to flee to a safer location, such as Renais, with Natasha, but Natasha's will to help the survivors causes Knoll to have a change in heart and he decides to stay in Grado and help Natasha support the survivors when they need their support.

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Thats with your edits. I also made secret plural in the first paragraph since there were multiple secrets about the dark stone and Lyon (his possession, the war, possibly other things that I've forgotten)

Also I was thinking about editing one sentence a little. ".......Eirika and Jehanna are under an attack from Grado forces." Its in the paragraph 1 of the summary. Thoughts?

Otherwise I'm not seeing anything else.

Edited December 29, 2008 by King_Soren

[VincentASM]

Also I was thinking about editing one sentence a little. ".......Eirika and Jehanna are under an attack from Grado forces." Its in the paragraph 1 of the summary. Thoughts?

That sounds good, although I'd remove the "an" from "under an attack".

[RedNeck Holsety]

true

bio:

Knoll is a shaman and a royal mage from Grado. He and Prince Lyon worked together to study the dark stone and utilize its power. When King Vigarde dies, Lyon becomes depressed and relies on the dark stone to revive his father. Sadly, he became possessed by the Demon King. Knoll is shown to had regretted what had happened to Prince Lyon. Once these events were behind him, Knoll admits that he had lost the things most important to him: Grado, Lyon, and the research of the dark stone. Knowing all this, he tries to find a new to find a new path to follow in his life.

Summary

Knoll is first seen after Ephraim's army kills Vigarde in Grado Keep. Ephraim finds him in a prison cell and discovered Knoll was planned to be executed later on for challenging Lyon's actions, while Lyon was possessed by The Demon King. Knoll confesses the secrets about the dark stone, Lyon, and the Demon King to Ephraim. Ephraim is soon informed that Eirika and Jehanna are under attack from Grado forces. Ephraim, his army, and Knoll rush to Jehanna to support Eirika. Knoll remains with Ephraim and Eirika to fight the Grado army and eventually, The Demon King himself.

After Jehanna is protected against the assault from Grado, Ephraim shares the story Knoll told him. Knoll’s role in the story dies down afterwards and he remains as a playable unit for the rest of the game. In the epilogue, Knoll focuses on the reconstruction of Grado, in order to restore it to its former glory: The glory that Lyon wanted before he was possessed by the Demon King. After Grado is restored, Knoll disappears, never to be seen again.

Through his support conversations, Knoll has shown that he regrets everything that he had done in the past. He confesses to former Grado general, Duessel, that he sometimes felt that it would have been better had he been executed back in the Grado Keep. He also confesses to Natasha that he felt that he was responsible for the tragedy that happened to Lyon and, consequently, the surge of demons that have appeared in Magvel.

Knoll had also witnessed a future glimpse of Grado after the War of the Stones, with Lyon before the war. Five and a half years later, Grado is the victim of an earthquake which leaves the country in ruins and only a few survive. Knoll wants to flee to a safer location, such as Renais, with Natasha, but Natasha's will to help the survivors causes Knoll to have a change in heart and he decides to stay in Grado and help Natasha support the survivors when they need their support.

[VincentASM]

Thanks. I've added it to the main site now : )

I also fixed a minor mistake for you:

Knowing all this, he tries to find a new to find a new path to follow in his life.

[RedNeck Holsety]

thought I fixed that thanks though.