Let's Play: Fallout Tactics

[IGdood]

Integrity puts some points in big guns and doctor. I forgot what else.

Skitarii: I'll cover you guys. CHARGE!

Strider: HEY ASSHOLE GET OUT OF THE CORNER

Cornered Raider: I thought you had me for sure.

Strider: I do have you for sure. Good night.

SLICE

Ciaran: Hey Integ, i found some keys for a jail cell.

Integrity: Why do I always get the keys?

Voice: It must be some unknown prosthetic arm.

Integrity: By my many years of experience with human anatomy, judging by the pitch and tone of the speaker, I can deduce that he is a scientist.

Skitarii: I....i call bullshit.

Diesoon: Hi, my name is Diesoon! I thought I really was gonna die soon! Lemme out of here, you can take the technological thing you wanted. Oh yeah, can I join your Brotherhood?

Integrity: Uh sure...just try not to die.

Skitarii: (makes a tick mark on his objective list)

Ciaran: Hey, I think we can expand our line of sight here.

Kefka: I see them, but I can't shoot them for some reason. -_-

Skitarii: Alright, we need to set up some good firing positions. Strider, you sneak up and open the gate after I give the signal.

-few moments later-

Skitarii: Do it!

-gates open-

Raider: IT'S A TRAP DON'T GO

Strider: Aw, fuck.

Pipboy: GOLLY GEE WILLIKERS

Raider: WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT? KILL THAT FREAK OF NATURE!

Skitarii: Now's our chance! They're distracted! CHARGE!

BLAM BLAM ARGH BLAM HUUUUNNNG SHANK

Kefka: Ouch, I must withdraw.

Strider: DIE MOTHERFUCKER

BLAM

Strider: URGH

BLAM

Strider: THIS....IS NOTHING!

SHANK

Skitarii: GET UP! Stop hiding behind sandbags, coward!

Integrity: Am I supposed to hold the fucking line with a shotgun against 5 raiders!? HURRY UP!

Skitarii: Crap I'm out of 9 mm bullets! -switches to AK 47- FUCK my pitiful 4 strength isn't enough!

High Raider: I'm so high, you will never touch me!

Ciaran: I don't need to. My bullets will.

Kefka: Gate secure. What now?

Skitarii: We clear out the rest of the compound's buildings.

Strider: There's only 1 inside. I'll take him out.

BLAM

SHANK

ARRGH

Strider: Bastard.

Integrity: This should make you feel better.

Ciaran: MY TURN! I'll get their attention since I can shoot back!

Ugly Raider Girl Leader: HAHA I WILL ENSLAVE AND FUCK YOU ALL.

Ciaran: Holy fuck, TAKE COVER

Skitarii: Stay down! These fuckers are going full auto on us!

RATATATATATAT

Ciaran: (not pictured) Urgh...I need a medic...

Kefka: Got one.

Skitarii: FORWARD MY BROTHERS, TO VICTORY!

Strider: STAND ASIDE, BITCH. IMA SHOW YOU A PIMP SLAP

SLICE

Daisy: KYAAAAAAAAAA!~ <3 -dies in puddle of blood-

Skitarii: You okay?

Nanuk: You free me? Daisy do bad things to my little tribal.

Skitarii: Get the fuck away from me, I still need my little brother of steel fully functional.

Ciaran: I'm more confident now!

Skitarii: Yeah but you take too long.

Integrity: This gate's locked.

Kefka: Unlocked the shack housing the lever.

Skitarii: Nice.

Kefka: Open sesame.

Kefka: Open sesame......damn. Did not work.

Skitarii: We'll have to take the building from the top. Strider, you're up.

Strider: Gotcha. (tip toe)

Hiding Raider: GOTCHA! BLAM

Strider: I need back up!

THWACK

Kefka: Urgh..my chest....I can't breathe....

Skitarii: Kefka! D:

Ciaran: Die, you son of a bitch!

Integrity: Fucking...closed spaces...ow.

Kefka: It hurts to breathe...I...I cannot run.

Skitarii: Rest up man.....

Integrity: Damn, first aid kits can't help your wound....

Kefka: It's fine...I'l get be- look out!

BLAM!

ARGH

RATATATAT

Pipboy: Golly gee, that smarts!

Skitarii finally levels up.

Eager to catch up to Integrity, he levels up first aid and doctor.

Skitarii: Ready? CHARGE!

Integrity: EAT SHOTGUN YOU FUCK

THUNK

Integrity: Urgh... -passes out-

Skitarii: INTEG! Cover him dammit!

Miraculously, Integ gets shot but does not die.

Ciaran: hey man..wake up. Are you dead...?

Skitarii: Don't say that! The only person who's dead is Kefka.

Kefka: Again with the zombie jokes....

[riariadne]

Strider then proceeds to knife everyone.

This is excellent.

Throughly enjoying everything so far, looking forward to more.

[IGdood]

Skitarii: Last raider leader. Get ready....

Raider Boss #4: COCKSUCKERS! SAVE AT LEAST ONE OF THESE GUYS FOR MAH SWEET DAISY!

Strider: THAT WHORE

After a short gunfight which was so short I couldn't even take a screenshot of....

Raider Boss #4: URGH, you fuckers, you think this was tough? HA! Wait til you go west....arggh....

Skitarii: Now we need to get outta here. Someone tell Diesoon that he can go now.

Kefka: Hm, a book on traps. You might like this-

Ciaran: GIVE IT TO ME NOW

Integrity: uh, you can go now.

Diesoon:okay, cya back home! ^-^

Integrity: Um...

Skitarii: So is Kefka onhis way?

Ciaran: Like a dead man walking.

Strider: BROFIST

Gen. Barnaby: WELL DONE. LOOKS LIKE you found a PROSTHETIC ARM. HAHA. WE don't know how to make those. Oh yeah, the scribe will be joining us.

Back to Bunker Alpha.

Strider: SAY HELLO TO MY NEW TOY, DA RIPPER.

Ciaran: It's a CHAINSWORD.

Octavius: Batteries not included.

Strider: You mean this thing needs ammo? FUUUUUCK!

Strider: Damn this shit ain't cheap.

Shauri: I'm not gonna go back D:

Strider: LOL FEMINISM

General Barnaby: Hey we're moving to Bunker Beta now.

Skitarii: Argh fuck, it's so far away.

Strider: I WILL NOW DEMONSTRATE DA RIPPER.

VROOM VROOM

Brahmin guts explode across the desert sand.

Strider: motherfuck, 4 swipes and I've already used 30 energy microcells.

Skitarii: Awesome weapon, but impractical. Back to the combat knife for you.

Skitarii: And just when i got familiar with Bunker Alpha's layout...

Brotherhood Junkie: DUDE YOU SURPRISED ME WANNA GAMBLE?

Strider: No, I was just wondering if you're a new, useful NPC.

General Barnaby: Oh yeah, new mission. Rescue some useless fuck at Macomb and escort the supply veh-

Ciaran: HOLY SHIT CAN I DRIVE IT?

General Barnaby: -hicle. Note that besides raiders, the surrounding peasants are poor and hungry so be careful.

[IGdood]

FUCK, I exceeded my bandwidth. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK.

My thoughts so far on the LP's characters:

Skitarii: While he comes off as the squad leader, he's really the most useless one of the bunch, in terms of kills anyways. Integrity never gets crippled in the arms so Skit's function as backup medic isn't required as of yet. He's lucky in that shots that usually 2-shot Kefka/Strider/Ciaran only chip off his HP, which makes Skit a pretty good bullet magnet although knowing Fallout, any attempt to push your luck will result in failure. He's too weak to use better assault rifles (frickin AK-47 requires 5 Str!) so unless something is done about that he's stuck with the MP5......

Integrity: Dr. InTegrity is really coming into his own as a gunman. I'm considering giving him Ciaran's hunting rifle since his small guns skill is getting better and he's got 8 Perception. Not to mention, this guy's attempts to heal usually brings anyone back to full HP (unlike Skitarii, who can't heal as well)

Ciaran: Ah, Ciaran. I mean, he's decent with his hunting rifle but he would shine even more if someone gave him a rapid-fire assault rifle since that means he can go full auto with Fast Shot provided there's plenty of ammo for him. Right now he just attempts to snipe people without aiming. It's fast, but he wastes a lot of ammo.....

Kefka: I think this guy scores the most kills out of the whole squad, although he also tends to get killed the most thanks to his pitifully low HP. Positioned correctly however, he's pretty much untouchable since he 2-shots (or 1-shots if lucky) most raiders. Can't say the same thing about the mutated animals we come across in random encounters though.... Oh yeah, he's a master at lockpicking. I hctually haven't found many chems yet (other than Mentats) so I can't really have him abuse them yet.

Strider: The other guy who scores the second most kills is Strider, who, like a honey badger, just does not give a fuck. In fact, he can probably fill the Smithsonian with the amount of fucks that he didn't give. Just charge in, knife some guy to death, and jump to the next. He's fast, he's pretty strong, and he goes down quickly if someone just so much as point a gun at him. Kamikaze is great, but well-entrenched enemies will give him hell. That's why Skit/Ciaran/Integrity are there to draw fire while Strider moves in to get the distracted enemies.

Pipboy: Not sure what to make of him, considering he's much higher-leveled than the rest of us and is equipped with a powerful assault rifle.

[IGdood]

Photobucket's bandwidth limit can go suck it. I'm using my OTHER account.

Caligari: Hi, I'm less of a dick than Octavius. So what business shall we talk about?

Peck: Hiya. Wanna gamble?

Skitarii: Let's test my luck.

I SHALL FRANTICALLY CLICK THE GAMBLE BUTTON WHEN I HAVE NOTHING TO GIVE

Peck: How the...how the fuck!? I spent years on this collection!

Skitarii: To the victor the spoils, Brother-Mechanic-techmarine. Now...you're an honorable person, are you?

Yes. With 10 Luck and a fast finger, you can gamble and WIN items without having to bet. That's how lucky you are.

Ciaran: I get to drive I get to drive I get to drive!

Skitarii: Alright, gather around squad. Our goal is simple. Get in one piece from point a to point b with the supply vehicle.

Lone Survivor: OH GOD EVERYONE'S DEAD I AM FUCKING OFF FROM HERE. THEY BLOCKED THE STREETS AND THEY ARE EVERYWHERE!

Skitarii: Hmph. Squad, show this city how Brotherhood of Steel Warriors do their work.

Skitarii: Hey Ciaran, since you're pretty much driving you'll sit out for most of this mission. Give your hunting rifle to Integrity. Strider, hand over a AK-47 to Ciaran.

Ciaran: Awww...but hey, at least I get to sit on a warm seat unlike you suckers.

Integrity: Sweet, I've always wanted to use one of these.

Ciaran: VRRROOOOM WHEEE

Skitarii: (sighs) Anyways, Kefka and Integ, watch the roofs. This place just spells hostile. Strider and Vaultboy, on me.

Strider: I'm checking this building out.

Strider: That building's empty....I'm moving to the next.

Raider on the Roof Somewhere: HEY! It's that fucking Brotherhood caravan! SHOOT 'EM!

Strider: Shit, I've been spotted!

Skitarii: Find cover! Snipers, return fire!

RATATATATAT

Integrity: Urgh, fuck, how are they sniping with Ak-47's on auto!?

Skitarii: JUST RETURN FIRE!

Skitarii: Get off the fucking street! We're practically taking shit from all sides! Argh!

Integrity: Just fucking advance! I'll cover you!

BLAM BLAM

Integrity: One fucker spotted through the window.....

SNIPE

Skitarii: Ciaran move up!

Ciaran: Didn't need you to tell me that again!

Kefka: Strider, you can get up now.

Strider: Oh okay.

Strider: There's a switch in here, probably for the gate.

CLANK

Ciaran: Gate's open, let's push through!

Skitarii: DOGS!

Integrity: COME TO PAPA YOU FURBAGS!

-dogs explode into bloody messes-

Skitarii: ARGH, FUCK! How do they snipe with those ak-47's on full auto!? My armor is doing shit!

Seriously, what the fuck are these raiders on? They're much better at shooting than the ones in the previous level. Or maybe it's just the height advantage...

Skitarii: Kefka and Integ, you guys shoot at the fuckers on the roofs. Strider, Vault boy, follow me! We're clearing the buildings out and sweeping the roofs!

Ciaran: Did someone mention roofs? Looks like I get to blast this song!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7tSYUnOsrNs

Skitarii: FUCK YEA CIARAN

RATATAATA

Raider: SWEET, I GET TO DIE TO GOOD MUSIC--ARRGGGGGH

Skitarii: We cleared this roof, Get up here!

Integrity: How many have we killed so far?!

Kefka: About 10.

Kefka: Now the playing field is even. No height disadvantage for them anymore.

Skitarii: Alright, you guys provide overwatch! Assault guys, follow me to glory!

SLICE

AARGH

Strider: FINALLY. i get to kill someone.

Skitarii and co.proceed to sweep every building on the street as well as their roofs whilst Kefka and Integrity shoot off anyone who tries to hinder them.

Skitarii: Would you look at that! A bowling alley.

Strider: I've only read about these....

Vault Boy: Golly gee! I ain't see one of these ever since before the Great War!

Strider: The war...? How old are you!?

Skitarii: CLEAR THIS FUCKING PLACE OUT!

Raider: INTRUDERS! GET 'EM!

Strider: StttuurrrrrIIIIIKKEE! -SHANK-

On top of the bowling alley...

Strider: Wow. He's slow.

Strider: Gee, you're knocked out as fuck.

Integrity: hey, what's your status? You done yet?

Skitarii: Yeah, come down and move out. You too, Ciaran.

Integrity: Hey..I found a chest with keys.

Integrity: Hm, keys open the dor to a shack with a gate switch. Interesting.

CLANK

Kefka: What is that person doing over there by the gate?

Strider: Oh, shit.

Non-hostile Raider: Hey, gimme food and I'll show you where the gate key is.

Strider: Yeah we found it already.

Semi-hostile Raider: It's in a chest on the roof! Now gimme food!

Strider: Fucking told you, we FOUND THE KEY ALREADY

Hostile Raider: I KNOW YOU HAVE MOAR FOOD GIMME MOAR

Strider; SHUT THE FUCK UP

SLICE

Skitarii: This city is nuts.

Ciaran: CHAAAARGE! MY INVINCIBLE HUMMER!

Skitarii: Wait what are you-HOLY SHIT HE'S GOT A ROCKET LAUNCHER

Rocket Raider: Don't bother screaming for mercy.

BOOOOM

Ciaran: You didn't dent shit you sonnuva fuck!

Rocket Raider: What!? THE RNG IS UNFAIR!

Skitarii: Move up! Ciaran's drawing fire!

Skitarii: YEEAAAAARGGGGGGGH

RATATATATATATAT

Skitarii: I am very...urgh, unlucky today!

Strider: I got him!

And in the midst of the chaos....

CRUNCH

Integrity: OW FUCK, CIARAN GET THE FUCK OFF ME

Ciaran: Oh shi- SORRY MAN

Strider: THAT FUCKER THREW A GRENADE AT ME

Kefka: Got him...he won't trouble us.

Skitarii: MEEDDDDDIIIIC

Kefka: I will patch up the hummer. Hm, interesting, it didn't take much damage at all despite 2 direct hits from a rocket launcher.

Ciaran: That's because THE MACHINE SPIRIT PROTECTS

Skitarii: I think you need to stop reading those sacred codices....

After a short time, the squad is patched up and good to go.

CLANK

Kefka: Switch open.

Skitarii: Hold position, Ciaran. Intel states that the library has some valuable knowledge.

Skitarii: Quiet down now....not sure who...or what, is inside.

Strider: Checking it ou-what.

Pissed off, blind Librarian: YOU FUCKERS MADE ME DROP MY GLASSES. GO AWAY I ONLY HAVE BOOKS.

Strider: Calm the fuck down before I slit your throat.

[IGdood]

Apologetic Librarian: Okay sorry, I got mad at you. I live here, I lost my glasses, think you can find them for me?

Strider: Fuck. This city is full of assholes.

Philip the librarian: i-I'm sorry I yelled! D:

Skitarii: Move out! The quest for glasses has begun!

Ciaran: Sweeerrrve!

-BLAM-

Ciaran: Assholes in the building, try sniping them!

Kefka: Got the exposed one.

Integrity: I got this.

BLAM

Strider: I'll get the last one... (creeps)

Raider: Oh DON't think you can sneak up on me!

Strider: SHIT. Well, OPEN UP AND SAY AH YOU FUCK

Grenade explodes

Strider: How in the fuck did you survive that!?

Raider: You'll pay for this one!

RATATATATATA

Strider: urgh, cover me, I'm running back!

Raider: RIGHT BEHIND YOU HAHA

Integrity: Taking the shot!

PEW

Strider: Civilians? Shouldn't these guys be hiding?

Hungry Peasant: WE WANT FOOD. BRETHREN, THROW YOUR ROCKS!

Strider: What the hell?

Ciaran: HOW ABOUT SOME CAR FU?

SMASH

EEEEEk

Sadist Civilian Woman: YEAH BABY YEAH

Kefka: You do not deserve to live.

Skitarii: We need to find a way to open that gate. Ciaran, hold position.

Ciaran: Aw, I don't get to run over people?

INTEGRITY LEVEL UP

Points into small guns, big guns, and doctor.

Vaultboy: Golly, w-wait up!

Kefka: Watch out. Foot soldiers on the rooftops.

Skitarii: Snipers, cover us! Advance!

Note: I'm not sure why the screenshots are showing up in different sizes.

Strider: Nobody here. i think.

Raider: Surprise!

Skitarii: Ow.. Return fire!

Raider: Urgh.

Skitarii: Strider, next time make sure it's empty.

Strider: Sorry boss.

Strider: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH FOUND YOU

KNIFE

Integrity: I hate shooting civvies, but I have no choice. Fuckers have rifles for some reason.

Kefka: Mines. Get on the sidewalk if you want to live.

Skitarii: Stay away from the mines, those raiders might try to blow them up while we're close!

Strider: Trying to flank us? Not so easy when I'm here.

Skitarii: Huh, I'm actually feeling somewhat useful being able to shoot this far.

Skitarii: Vault boy, clear some buildings with me.

Skitarii: Argh, i don't think I can help myself with first aid anymore....

Skitarii: Well, the switch isn't on this side of the road...

Ciaran: Hey idiots! I think there are actually doors.

Skitarii: FUCK.

-long walk back-

Strider: SURPRISE!

Integrity: Gotcha.

BLAM

Skitarii: Let's go.

Raider: You're gonna be my bitch!

Vault Boy: Gee whiz, that is quite rude indeedy!

Kefka: Breaching now.

Skitarii: GO!

Kefka: I feel a bit weaker....and stronger. FEAR THE REAPER

Integrity: Room secure....

Ciaran: Alright, let's get this bucket of bolts movin'!

Strider: So...how'd you avoid all those mines?

Ciaran: I drove on the sidewalk.

Skitarii: Derp.

Ciaran: Raiders in the building trying to scratch me with peashooters.

Strider: Clearin' out the rooms. UGH, that green shit smells bad!

Crazy Raider: LOL MY BLOOD IS SPRAYING FAR!

Strider: Yup, you've had too much radiation.

CIARAN LEVEL UP

Points into pilot and traps.

STRIDER LEVEL UP

Points into barter and melee weapons.

KEFKA LEVEL UP

Points into small guns, except things look a bit glitchy.

Ciaran: DIE, DOGS, DIE! ROOOADDDDKIIILLLLLL!

Skitari: he's really let himself go.....

Kefka: Too slow. Too inefficient.

Skitarii: Room clear....next one.

Integrity: I found glasses!

Philip: Nice! Thanks for the glasses. Oh yeah, you look like you fucked your face up with an ice pick.

Integrity: This town is nuts.

[IGdood]

Integrity: Man, all that work in exchange for a shitty book on traps. Guess that's going to Ciaran.

Integrity: SHeesh, are we ever going to get out of this city?

Kefka: Exit shouldn't be too far away now.

Civilians: FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD

Ciaran: Uh...a little help here?

Strider: Not gonna go up the stairs now...

Civilians: NEEEEED MEEEEDDDIIICCAAAL SUPPLLLIES

Integrity: Let's see how many I can kill!

BLAM BLAM

Kefka: Lot of runners.

Skitarii: DIE MOTHERFUCKERS

Strider: HANDS TO YOURSELVES!

Skitarii: Go go go! Outside now!

Strider: Uh Ciaran, you're taking the wrong turn!

Ciaran: My awesomeness is turning out nicely, however!

Skitarii: All these barricades, must be a trap!

Skitarii: Roof clear. Let's give those fuckers down there something to gawk at.

Skitarii: OPEN FIRE DAMMIT!

Integrity: Road clear...I think.

Ciaran: YEEEEEHAAAW

SMASH

Ciaran: GODDAMMIT

Strider: I see one last raider up here...

Raider: Time to do a little genetic weeding!

Kills self with explosive rocket

Strider: In-fucking-deed.

Strider: Looks like Christmas came early!

Skitarii: Finally! I've had enough of this shithole.

General Barnaby: GOOD JOB! THREE SQUADS HAVE BEEN DISPATCHED TO KILL OFF THE REMAINDER OF MACOMB'S POPULATION BECAUSE WE UNDERSTAND HOW FUCKING ANNOYING THEY WERE TO YOU. Also, the rest will be enslaved.

SKITARII LEVEL UP

More Criticals Perk picked so he won't be that bad with the MP5. Rest of points go into small guns.

Skitarii: SWEET, we get to keep the hummer!

KEFKA LEVEL UP

Bonus Ranged Damage perk picked so he can be more OP than he already is.

Points go into Lockpick and Repair.

INTEGRITY LEVEL UP

Educated Perk chosen so he gets even MOAR skill points upon level up. Integrity is the Est archetype, for sure.

Skitariit hen proceeds to gamble and win an assorted amount of drugs.

NEXT MISSION TIME.

Gen. Barnaby: We need MOAR batteries. Get them from stupid tribals and don't piss them off! We can always do things PEACEFULLY.

After that, I figured out how to put ALL squad members into the hummer. Hold 'Ctrl'. FUCK. The previous mission would've been so much easier.

Skitarii: TO PREORIA or whatever the fuck that place is named.

Integrity: DRIVE BY SHOOTING YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

VROOM VROOM, BANG BANG

Skitarii: Alright squad, the tribals are friendlies. Don't piss them off. We just need to negotiate some terms with them about fusion batteries. Maybe they'll give some to us.

Chief Chevron: This Wachutu tribe. Drive away bad spirits and you can have fyushun bats.

Skitarii: Superstitious....

Skitarii then proceeds to gamble and win some stuff from the chief.

Dhal: I am shaman. Spirits are poisonous. Be careful.

Skitarii: Let's clear out the surrounding cliffs first.

Ciaran: hey, this AK-47 sure feels better in my hands than that hunting rifle!

CIARAN LEVEL UP

Awareness perk chosen....just because for missions where he is a pilot he won't be fighting.

Points go into small guns.

STRIDER LEVEL UP

Bonus Move perk chosen, just so Strider can be even faster than he already is.

Points go into Barter.

More radscorpions die to fuel the squad's hunger for experience points.

Skitarii: Okay, enough fun. Let's head down.

Skitarii: Urgh, this place is filthy!

Strider: Evil spirits? More like radscorpions and cockroaches!

Integrity: UGH, what did that thing spray into my eyes? I can't see!

Skitarii: I'll take care of you bro.

[IGdood]

Skitarii: Those voices are really annoying.....

Strider: Pathetic beasts, this is easier than fighting raiders.

SHANK SHANK

GROWL

Strider: What the fuck did you spray me...urgh..i don't feel so good....

Skitarii: Integrity, Kefka, do it!

Strider: hurrk....

Skitarii: Set your guns to single shot....these cockroaches aren't that tough. Conserve ammo!

Ciaran: GAH THAT THING IS AROUND THE CORNER

BLAM BLAM BLAM

GROWL

Ciaran: Fuck...get it off me....urgh...ARGH

Skitarii: Oh, didn't realize I can switch the mini-map on my pipboy to real time data feed. Haha, cockroach can't get any more dead.

[Integrity]

EST is the bEST.

[Life]

Give the Psycho over to Kefka. Things will DIE.

[IGdood]

EST is the bEST.

Now think of one with Integrity.

What? Thought I was dead? Nope.avi. I got caught up in finals and Sengoku Rance.

Skitarii, Ciaran, and Vault Boy continue to clear up room after room. The two snipers and Strider walk around and try to look important.

Integrity: I do wonder....what was this facility used for before the Great War?

Skitarii: No idea, but nice screen.

Skitarii: Hm, a book.

(I forgot what that book was. This screenshot was taken so long ago)

Skitarii: Hm, a locked door, finally. Kefka, do it.

Kefka: Safe unlocked.

Kefka: Oh...drugs.

If Kefka could bite his lips he would. Unfortunately, he had no lips.

Kefka: Fusion battery....get.

The squad continues through the dungeon facility, and eventually they come across an ominous switch.

Skitarii: Let's do it.

CLANK

System: Internal security systems online. Turrets online. Welcome to Preoria Storage Facility.

Ciaran: Turrets?

Integrity: Oh...fuck.

Skitarii: Door's open. Be careful. I'll take point.

-step-

SECURITY BREACH

Skitarii: LOOK OOOUUUUT

have a nice day.

BZZZZT

KACHINK

PEW PEW PEW

Skitarii: Get down! HEY, GET DOWN!

Integrity: Let's see if we can pop 'em.

Skitarii: FORWARD! Go from cover to cover or else you'll end up fucking melted!

BLAM BLAM BLAM

NO EFFECT

Vault Boy: golly jee, I can't go prone!

Skitarii: Fucking useless secret character in these scenarios! You find a place to hide, SQUAD we'll have to RUN for it when the turrets return to a passive reloading state.

The turrets have a firing phase and a cool down phase, during which they will sink underground for a short duration before opening up again.

Also, they shoot lasers, which negate our shitty armor.

Skitarii: GO GO GO!

They run.

KA CHINK

PEW PEW

Kefka: EEYAARGH

Skitarii: Oh fuck Kefka got grazed.

Kefka gets some first aid.

Strider: I shall move for-HOLY SHIT

HIIISSSS

STING

Strider: ARGH FUCKING......

Skitarii: PRESENT! OPEN FIRE!

RATATATATATA

A clusterfuck occurs for whatever reason; Ciaran gets knocked out from a pincer to the head.

Skitarii: Squad, on me! There's a huge door here.

.....

Skitarii: Dammit!

Skitarii: Vault boy since you're useless in this level you can go stand in a corner.

Vault Boy: Golly...that's not very nice!

Ciaran; Shut the fuck up, I'm killing scorpions.

Strider buries his knife in a scorpion just to show how awesome he is.

But getting overconfident, he decides to run ahead of the entire squad...

Strider: Should I take this fuck on?

Strider: Maybe not.

The scorpion is lured back to eager trigger fingers.

Strider: Oh, a fusion battery.

The squad proceeds, eventually learning not to run blindly into rooms.

And using doorways as bottlenecks for stupid bugs.

Skitarii: I'm out of ammo, switching to secondary weapon shotgun.

Strider: OH FUCK A TURRET

Strider: It...it burns! I AM ON FIRE.

Skitarii: Strider, respond!

Strider: Still alive, but my arm looks a bit melted.

Skitarii: What do you see?

Strider: A switch for something.

Skitarii: Probably for that huge door. Pull it.

Skitarii: Or not. This looks like a meeting room back at the bunker....

Ciaran: We're not alone...

Integrity: Clear out the place!

Strider: Turret ahead. Back at where we started.

Strider runs past, opens a door that was previously not opened for some reason, and steps on some small roaches.

Strider: Nice. Soft drinks.

Skitarii: Another terminal. Hackin'.

A door slides open,

The room has a few stim packs and a yellow pass key.

Ciaran explores what appears to be a storage room.

Ciaran: Let's see what I find....

The reason why I'm using Ciaran to search nowadays is because previously the room was rigged with one-hit KO explosive traps. Ciaran is the only one who can search trapped desks and such without getting blown into two pieces.

Ciaran: Hurr anyone could've spotted this trap.

Ciaran: Taking this stuff.

The squad makes their way to the big door previously encountered about 20-something screens back.

WHIIIRR

Skitarii: ALright, we're in. Here's a switch.

CLANK

Switching to external defense systems.

Integrity's good nature kicks in.

Integrity: Those are innocent natives! We're supposed to recruit them too! Skitarii, turn it back off!

Skitarii: I'd rather let a billion natives die than let 1 of us die.

Integrity: You...cold hearted fuck!

Skitarii: The Eldar way. I shamelessly admit that the Brotherhood's best interests are more important than a few natives.

Meanwhile....many pew pew sounds can be heard above as well as the gurgling cries of melting natives.

Strider: This sucks.

Kefka: ....

Skitarii: ....

Skitarii: Well....on me. The squad continues their foray deeper into the facility, albeit with heavy footsteps.

RESTRICTED ZONE

The turrets lay silent.

Skitarii: Bugs spotted. OPEN FIRE!

[IGdood]

Bug after bug assails the squad, but they prevail with lead and the occasional shanking.

Skitarii himself then runs out and clears room, perhaps in frustration of being morally assaulted by Dr. InTegrity.

The group splits up, leaving behind cockroach innards in their wake.

Strider: Watch the hall, I sense a presence in this room.

SHANK

Skitarii finds some rifles that look like they can be antiques.

Skitarii: Hmm...are they better than the current hunting rifles we have now? I haven't seen this type of ammo in our missions...

Integrity: Meh, these rifles are shit. Burst fire isn't my style. I like to make....a clean shot.

Boring, repetitive room-clearing continues.

Skitarii: Urgh...this is nothing....I've had worse.

Ciaran: Hmm...this seems...oh shit.

-click-

Skitarii: TAKE COVER

Ciaran: Chill out, I disarmed it.

Ciaran: Looks like the last room to search....

Ciaran: After you.

Skitarii: Nope, get in there.

Ciaran: Fuck.

Ciaran: BROTHERS! FOLLOW ME TO GLO-RETREEAAAAAT

A roach of gigantic proportions appears, and Ciaran freaks out.

Also, the door closed by itself.

Ciaran: HEEEELLLLPPP

The door opens, and Ciaran makes it out. After catching a breather, Kefka and Integrity, being back-to-back badasses, enter.

Integrity: Ciaran have you been behind the wheel too long? This shit is nothin'.

Ciaran: D:

Roach: HIIISSSSSS

SPLAT

Integrity: HRRGNNN POISON

Skitarii: RALLY SQUAD, FORWARD HO!

RATATATATA SPLAT RATATATATA

Skitarii: DIE. DIE. DIIIIIE

The Roacher explodes and splashes innards on everyone.

Integrity: Ugh, I need a shower.

Ciaran: The last fusion battery. We got them all....Skit.

Skitarii: Good, now we can get the fuck out of this forsaken place.

Integrity: And see melted tribals?

Skitarii: Look. Will you get a fucking hold of yourself? Tribals are tribals? If there was a better alternative that didn't concern our fucking lives I'd take it. But our mission is the mission and the ends justify the means.

Striders: Guys really...break it up. This is not bromancing.

Skit and Integ: SHUT THE FUCK UP

Ciaran: Daaw, what a couple.

Skitarii: I'm gonna redirect power back underground. Those brown mounds on the cliffs.....those were all turrets. These evil spirits that the tribals spoke of were all turrets....

CLANK

Skitarii: RUN! GO GO GO!

The squad makes its way to the surface.

Integrity: Oh...oh no....

OH MAN OH GOD OH MAN OH GOD OH MAN OH GOD OH MAN

Tribal 1: Why are we being punished?

Tribal 2: Save yourselves before more curses come!

Skitarii: (Really, they thought this was all just a random occurence?)

Shaman Dude: You think this was all your fault? NAH MAN, shit happens and spirits get pissed. WORD OF ME.

Integrity: No...it's our fault.

Shaman Dude: NAH MAN, WE COOL.

Whachutu Chief: OH MAN, it's all my fault. I thought the evil spirits would kill you but because I think of these evil thoughts they killed my people instead.

Strider: -rubs lazer wound-

Whachutu Chief: We're done....we're done.... oh....

MISSION COMPLETE

General Barnaby: Yo Warriors (not initiates anymore), great job. Not even Dagger Squad pwned as much as you do. Also, fuck tribals, we come first.

Integrity: (whispering) Fuck you...sir.

General Barnaby: FOR GRRRRR---RAAAAYT SCIENCE

Ciaran: Alright guys, wake up. We're back at base.

Strider: Whoa, is that the metal armor! I'm gettin' that!

Strider needs the armor, since he tends to get hurt so much. However, his sneak skill decreases as a result.

Skitarii: Looking dashing there, brother. Just don't get cocky.

Strider: Psh.

Guard: You ever kiss a ghoul?

Kefka: -deadpan- You want to try?

Guard: It was rhetorical.

General Barnaby: ALRIGHT WARRIORS. Your next mission is to go to the town of Quincy and fuck up the Beastlords there.

Skitarii: Beastlords?

Gen. Barnaby: Yes, apparently these savages can somehow control animals. Also, Deathclaws.

Ciaran: Oh HEEELLLL NOO

Skitari: What are our objectives?

Gen. Barnaby: Well, their mayor and other assorted citizens need rescuing. Also, there are ghouls in that town.

Kefka: -looks up-

Gen. Barnaby: But fuck ghouls, no matter what our elders say. Take the side of the humans if there is racial conflict.

Skitarii: Understood. -quick glance at Kefka, who says nothing-

Gen, Barnaby: Oh yeah, try not to blow up the fucking town. It has resources.

Skitarii: Alright squad, we're gonna try to make contact with the local authorities. Remember Macomb. Stay frosty, stay alert.

[IGdood]

Fuck, I uploaded to the wrong photobucket account, didn't I?

Sorry guys, guess you won't be able to see these pics until....whenever.

[IGdood]

Hello all. Finally got around to playing Fallout Tactics. Well, the story is a bit disconnected because I accidentally deleted some of the screenshots.

So, quick summary before you continue reading.

We gotta save the town of Quincy, or more specifically, the mayor from Beastlords, which are like humans who somehow have formed a relationship with the animals of the wasteland.. After some running around we got into the house that the mayor is being held hostage in and are preparing to rescue her....

Skitarii: DO IT, STRIDER!

Strider jumps from the shadows. The armor he wears is heavy and clumsy, yet his movements are agile and graceful. Unfortunately, the Beastlord commander had already sounded the alarm.

Strider: Die bitch!

SHANK

Strider: Skit! The alarm has been sound!

Skitarii: Yeah no shit, it's blaring loud! Squad, get up the upper floor and prepare to shoot anyone who climbs up the stairs!

Strider: Wouldn't they climb the ladders like i did too?

Skitarii: That's what you're there for!

Kefka: Enemy targets spotted to the north. Moving into position.

Integrity: These guys are poor shots.

Level up for Vault Boy. Bonus ranged damage is a must.

Skitarii loots the beastlord commander and finds a key.

Skitarii: Must be the key to the mayor's room.

He proceeds to unlock the door whilst Integrity and Kefka take out beastlords from the building across the street.

PHOTOBUCKET WHY YOU RESIZE MY SHIT

Mayor: Thanks for saving me, but your hostages are in another building! I know you brotherhood peeps want our shit, so how about this? you save 3 more groups of hostages and we'll help you out.

You should save my daughter, some citizens, and our war hero AIGHT? Take this key to shut off that siren on the roof.

SKitarii: Well, DAMN!

Bzzzzzzt

Pipboy mission objectives updated: You only need to save the daughter.

Skitarii: Um, okay.

Skitarii proceeds to the roof, free from the sights of the Beastlords thanks to Kefka and Integrity.

-click-

Skitarii: Alright, siren off.

BLAM

Kefka: I got that one first.

Integrity: You did, but my shot was the killing one.

Skitarii: Integrity and Kefka! Continue covering our asses while we make our way to the building next to this one.

Integrity: Gotcha.

Skitarii: That sign....that should be the town hall. But before we go there....let's check out the closer buildings just to be sure.

Skitarii: Whoa, hold, hold. Not gonna take on a fucking Deathclaw right now....

Ciaran: Right...to the actual building we wanted to go....

Skitarii: Yeah yeah.

SKitarii: Hey, why are you down here?

Integrity: Ran out of targets, came down looking for more. -wide grin-

Strider: Urge to stab...RISING.

Strider checks the small home.

Strider: Clear.

The squad moves ahead and comes across a blocky building with only an entrance from the rear.

Strider: I hear a loud whirring. This might be the generator building..

Strider: Hallway clear.

Skitarii leads his rapid-fire squadmates with him for room-clearing purposes.

Ciaran: Check this out. A set of lockpicks, a toolkit, and a first aid kit.

Strider: Hallway clear.

Skitarii: Room clear. Checking the body.

Skitarii: Huh...some battery for some energy weapon. Doesn't look like it'd fit in Strider's chainsword though.

Strider: Gonna take a quick look. Damn, this is where all the civilian hostages are being kept.

-click-

Beastlord: Hey! Who turned off the lights?!

Skitarii: Smoke 'em.

Kefka and Integrity run to position and quickly discern hostage from hostile.

Beastlord Commander: SET OFF THE EXPLOSIVES!

Skitarii: Oh heeellll no! CHAARGE!

Assault rifles blazing, Skitarii, Ciaran, and Vault Boy perforate the beastlords with ease. The whole gunfight lasted only 7 seconds.

Ciaran: -____-

Accolades from the rescued hostages aside, something smelled pretty bad.

The squad makes their way to the Town Hall.

Skitarii: Remember your training. Any hostage situation means that the entrance is heavily guarded. Strider, get up the roof and tell me what you see.

Strider: One step ahead of you.

SLIT

gurgle gurgle...

Strider: Top floor clear....surprising.

Skitarii: Before we continue, let's check the top roof.

Strider: Nothing here.

Skitarii: You think it'll be like those picture books where the daughter is in the middle with a bomb strapped to her?

Integrity: I hope things aren't that difficult.

Beastlord Guard: I smeeeelll hummaaaans.

Strider: Can't see me.

Skitarii and the others made their way down, when suddenly the guard detects Strider's presence. Instead of shooting him, he bolts for the stairs and is promptly gunned down.

Surprisingly, the beastlords inside didn't hear the commotion.

Voice: Prrisssoner, sit on my lap!

Strider: Ooh boy, I wonder what I'll get to peek at.

Strider nearly stopped breathing upon sight of a Deathclaw. He heard stories of single Deathclaws mauling whole squads of Brotherhood of Steel soldiers. Now he got to take a look at this monstrous beast. After he analyzed what he saw and regained his composure, he grinned, and his hand began to look for his Chainsword.

It didn't take long before the Deathclaw sniffed Strider out. With a great roar it spoke.

Deathclaw: Feeding time!

Integrity: Since when the fuck did Deathclaws speak!? This wasn't in the textbook!

Skitarii: LESS TALKING, MORE SHOOTING!

The beast clawed and headbutted Strider with its lethal horns. Bullets seemed to do little to it, let alone even hit it. It's reflexes were amazing.....nothing seemed to hurt it.

But then...

WHIIIIIRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

Strider grinned in a very disturbing manner.

WHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

Strider: I FEAR NO BEAST, FOR I AM FEAR INCARNATE. I AM MAN, THE CREATOR OF CHAINSWORDS, DEMOCRACIES, NUKA COLA, AND TOILETS. EAT SHIT AND DIE.

WHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

Rotating teeth of the sword tore the Deathclaw asunder, its viscera splashing across the ground.

Integrity: Holy fuck. We survived.

Strider: You, are nothing.

WHIIIIRRRRRRRRRRR

Ciaran: That was....fucking amazing. Hm, nothing in the cabinet.

Skitarii and co. come across some sleeping beastlords, who somehow slept through a Deathclaw's roar.

Skitarii: Fuck 'em.

BLAM BLAM BLAM

Skitarii: All hostiles clear.

ALL OBJECTIVES COMPLETED.

Skitarii: I feel like there's more to do here. Let's not leave yet.

Ciaran: As long as you keep the ammo coming in, I'm game.

Kefka: I FEEL STRONGER.....arrgggggh. I hate you, death.

KEFKA LEVEL UP.

All points to repair.

The daughter: Gotta change my panties after this.

Skitarii: Why? Cause you JIZZED, IN, YOUR PANT(ies).

Daughter: =___=

Daughter: Thanks a lot! I thought I'd be food! Bye!

Skitarii: There's still quite a Beastlord presence in Quincy. Let's kill 'em all.

Integrity: No scope sniping, motherfuckers.

BLAM

[IGdood]

Strider level UP. Putting points in sneak to compensate for the loss from wearing iron armor.

Skitarii: We've finished taking position behind sandbags. Lure them, Strider.

Strider smirks and runs up to taunt the beastlords.

Strider: Hey you humanitarians! COME AT ME !

Strider: Hm, another Deathclaw.....should i take it on on my own or run back to my squad? HMMM.

It works. Every single time.

Before luring the Deathclaw however, Skitarii goes to talk to the mayor to see if he can get more info out her.

Mayor: The power generator is rigged with explosives! And hostages!

Skitarii: We saved them already.

Mayor: Please save my daughter, don't tick off the Deathclaws and they might kill her before you do anything!

Skitarii: Been there, done that.

Mayor: Well..umm...there's a secret passageway that leads from the town hall to the barracks!

Skitarii: Coo.

Strider: I KILLED YOUR MATE! COME AT ME!

Skitarii: OPEN FIIIIIIRREEEEE!

RATATATATATA BLAM BLAM RTATATATTAT

This deathclaw went down much quicker than the previous one.

Skitarii talks to the daughter again, just in case she wasn't done talking yet.

Daughter: Oh yeah, save the ghouls please?

Kefka: Commander, do it.

Skitarii: Alright, we'll save the ghouls, but first we must get on the mayor's good side. Let's try saving that Felix hero guy.

Skitarii: Aha! Why didn't I find this sooner?

Skitarii: What the fucking skulls?

INTEGRITY LEVEL UP

Points into Big Guns.

Strider thought he could sneak past two beastlords. He was wrong.

Beastlord: THE MISTS BECKON TO YOU!

Strider: The only mist you're seeing is your own pink mist!

WHIIIIIIRRRRR

Integrity: Look what I found. An awesome MP38. For you, skitarii.

CIARAN LEVEL UP

Points to big guns.

Ciaran: Nice, even more ammo and first aid kits for us.

The squad emerges from the tunnel, relieved that nobody was smart enough to keep watch over the ladder.

Skitarii: Let's do it.

Skitarii and Vault boy leaped to action, squeezing their triggers. Ciaran switched to semi auto mode so he won't hit his allies on accident.

Vault Boy: Golly gee, look at the size of those massas!

Skitarii: Massa...?

Ciaran: I see the switch for the alarm. Gonna turn it off.

CLICK

Strider: Good night, sweet prince.

SLICE

The squad then took up positions and waited for the baby deathclaws to charge in.

WHIIIIIRRRRR

BLAM BLAM

Ciaran: Hey look, an automatic shotgun! Maybe I can ditch my AK-47....

And right after that, another baby deathclaw rushed in and mauled poor Ciaran's arm, breaking in.

Ciaran: AARRGGH FUUUCK!!!! He switched to firing his AK-47 from his left hand, killing the beast.

Skitarii: Can you still fight, Ciaran?

Ciaran: Hell fucking yes, they're going to ugh...pay.

The squad prepared to meet the Beastlords roof. However...

Skitarii: Fuck, they shot Felix already!

Beastlord Commander: You want to fiiiight?! I WIL STRIP THE FLESH FROM YOUR BONES! THIS TOWN IS MINE!!!

Skitarii: Those fuckers in the towers are packing heat! OW!

BLAM BLAM BLAM

Strider: Why are they all shooting me!?

Sparks and bits of metal armor flew off from Strider while Kefka and Integrity tried to snipe the tower guards.

I will never see the village again...

Skitarii: Hmph. Savage scum.

BLAM.

Ciaran: Never underestimate my left hand. It has built up strength from countless hours of-----

Skitarii: CENSORED

BLAM

Integrity: Argh! How did I not see him!?

BLAM

Kefka: Got him.

Skitarii: Objective failed here. Let's head to the Ghoul Quarter.

The squad noticed that the sun was setting as they made their way to Ghoul Quarter, the ghetto for the partially dead.

Apparently they wanted help in the form of killing all those Beastlords and their Deathclaws across the street.

Skitarii: Take up positions. We'll have the ghouls helping us but no fooling around, got it?

[IGdood]

BLAM!

Skitarii: I didn't give the order to fire! We're not in position yet!

Integrity: It's one of the fucking ghouls!

Vault Boy: Golly, they sure look very very angry!

Integrity and Kefka manage to get into position. Meanwhile, one of the ghouls walks out of his sandbag area for some reason.

Integrity: Looks like we're finished with wave 1.

Impetuous Ghoul: I'll give you *such* a pinch!

Integrity: If I miss that fucking baby one more time....

Skitarii: They're not coming. Get their attention.

They take a few steps when suddenly an adult Deathclaw appears.

Ciaran: Oh...OH SHIT!

Impetuous Ghoul: To understand life, you must fuck death...in the gallbladder.

Strider: Indeed. The weak point is the gallbladder.

The familiar "whiiiirr" screech of his ripper could be heard.

With two quick slashes, Strider downs the Deathclaw and a nearby baby.

Unfortunately, the philosophic ghoul died.

yet another baby deathclaw appears.

Ciaran: How many more of them are there?!

Strider proceeds to taunt the babies, playing on their childish tempers before tearing their throats apart with his RIPPER.

As the last enemy had its guts spilled across the ground, the ghouls celebrated.

Ghoul: Nobody was this nice before to us...especially you pure bloods...

Skitarii: I did it for the exp. General Barnaby is NOT gonna like this...

Strider: You alright, Gorgi?

Gorgi: Combat requires total concentration. Kill that guy before talking to me again.

Strider: Oh okay.

SLASH

Gorgi: Thanks for the help, now I'm gonna talk to my brother.

More cheers came from the ghouls. As cheerful as raspy, smoky voices can get.

Elliot, who happens to look exactly like kefka: We're forever in your debt...if you want we can join your Brotherhood.

Skitarii: Sweeeet. I really hope Barnaby is okay with this.

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED, TIME TO GET THE FUCK OUT OF THIS CITY

Through the long way. Of course.

Gen. Barnaby: Good job. Few hostages died but that's cool. Apparently the Beastlords are cannibals and we fucking hate humanitarians. Kill them all.

Also, you saved the ghouls and now these mutant abominations are asking to join the brotherhood. Fuck you. Why would you let us be tainted?

Skitarii: (off the record) Ghouls are humans too.

Meanwhile, random encounter funny moments....

Skitarii level up! Points to doctor.

I gave a pistol to Strider since I believe I've got enough money to buy him enough batteries to power his ripper.

[IGdood]

The squad makes its way back to Bunker Beta, partying all the way in the hummer and dissing Deathclaws like bosses.

Ciaran: HOME SWEET HOME!

Skitarii: Oh hey, ghouls in the bunker!

Integrity: Barnaby is probably pissed as fucked right now.

Strider finds 2 metal armors in the supply guy's inventory. He buys them. Also note that he now totes a pistol.

Vault Boy: Golly gee, look what I found!

Kefka: An M1 Garand. I can use it well, however its particular ammunition is extremely rare.....

Skitarii: Oh hey, you're the new ghoul here, huh?

Bradley: Yes, I saw your heroics and I knew I had to join up. I hope we can fight together.

Skitarii: Sorry we got Kefka already.

Also note that Skitarii and Integrity are wearing the iron armor because they're more valuable than Ciaran. Ciaran did get Skitarii's upgraded Leather Armor though.

Skitarii then proceeds to use his 10 Luck to win all of Bradley's inventory.

Patches: Hi, I'm a zombie who is falling apart.

Skitarii: Hey Kefka, you won't end up like this guy right?

Kefka: I take good care of my body.

Disdainful Guard: What comes after Ghouls in the brotherhood? Super Mutants.

Skitarii: No shit, you just spoiled the storyline you fuck.

Paladin Solo: Yo. I'm the leader of Talon Squad and I love this job.

Skitarii: You told me nothing, go away.

Barnaby: We know the Beastlords' lair is in Mardin. Fucking cannibals, wipe them al out please but try to find out how the hell they control Deathclaws. Actualy, why don't YOU learn to control Deathclaws?

Integrity: Weren't you all up in our shit for letting ghouls in? Why do you support Deathclaws, who are even less human than ghouls?

Barnaby: KILL THE MUTANT, BURN THE HERETIC, PURGE THE UNCLEAN

At Bunker Alpha.......

Tommy: Ohhey I'm the new guy.

Skitarii: I'm so lucky your whole fucking inventory and med supplies belong to me.

Next stop, MARDIN.

[IGdood]

Gaaah I have fallen ill.

More level ups in the wasteland! Yes, when everyone is injured, sometimes a quick drive around the place can fix health problems.

Dr. Integ levels up his medical expertise, feeling satisfied at the amount of pwnage he can deliver with his trusty hunting rifle.

Kefka raises his lockpicking skills.

The squad laughs at beastlords getting stung by flies.

Ciaran levels up big guns, although there aren't any big guns lying around.

Strider raises his sneaking and bartering. Maybe next time he can raise his small guns skill a bit.

SPECIAL ENCOUNTER - Brother's Grimm

Kefka: 2 super mutants.

Ciaran: Purge the monstrosities!

Skitarii: Hold up, one's wounded. They might not be hostile.

Integrity: My medical experience tells me that they're siblings.

Strider: Considering that they all look alike, well-played.

Skitarii: Speak quickly. I've got 5 guns and a knife pointed at your head.

Joe: My bro Jim stepped on a landmine and now he's fucked up. Yeah I mean I don't wanna kill you so think you can help a brah in need, brah?

Integrity: This might hurt a bit.

Joe: Yo this is totally cool, you Brotherhood dudes aren't all that bad....well the others will shoot our asses first but maybe we'll check you guys out. The Master was wrong.

Skitarii: The Master?

Strider: Oh shit...isn't the Master....

Ciaran: He was the bad guy of Fallout 1.

Jim: DURR HURR

Next stop: Mardin.

Skitarii: That is one hell of a patrol. Let's take up positions first.

Integrity: Let's check on what intel has to say....

Skitarii: Alright, we'll make our way through the least defended area and go down the secret entrance.

Kefka: We're low on 7.62 ammunition.

Integrity: Hand me an uzi then.

Vault Boy: Golly jee, I'll have to use this here pistol then!

Ciaran: Well, good bye AK-47, hello automatic shotgun.

Beastlord: HEY YOU!

Skitarii: On my mark, FIRE!

Also, when I mouse over people while Ciaran is selected, I can see what weapons they're carrying and the exact amount of their hit points.

Strider: I suppose this Colt will come in handy. BLAM.

BOOM

Ciaran: What is that guy carrying...I MUST HAVE THAT GUN.

Kefka: Headshot.

CIaran: WHAT BE THIS. It's like a shotgun with the range of a assault rifle on single fire mode.

Kefka: let's see who's faster, my bullet or your blade.

Strider: YAAAAAH

Strider lost.

Skitarii: Good thing we're going the other way. I don't want to take on these guys, especially now that most of us are using inferior weapons because nobody is selling the 7.62 mm bullets...

Ciaran: Talk about lightly-guarded, reliable intel is reliable.

Kefka: Give the word when you're ready.

SKitarii: Swwaaaarrrrrrrrrmmmm! Change to burst fire if your weapon allows it!

Strider: Die, you fly-toting barbarians!

WHIRR

AAAH

WHIRR

DAMN THESE PESKY INTESTINES

MY MAGIC KNOWS NO DEFEAT

Strider: Well my magic comes in the form of powered chainblades!

WHIRR

Vault Boy: Golly gee, there's the underground entrance!

Ciaran: Ooh, stimpacks.

Skitarii: Brothers, charge!

RATATATATATA

Integrity: Careful not to step in the green shit.

Ciaran: I hate bugs.

Integrity: Oh shit, RADSCORPION!

Skitarii: Ciaran, you take the front. That shotgun of yours is causing too much friendly fire.

Strider: I shall lead the way for this path!

Integrity: Mo-fuggin scorpion poison hurts like a bitch.

Ciaran: What's the point of making a room if it's empty!?

Skitarii: So we don't fight in an empty hallway.

Ciaran: Speaking of hallways....

Skitarii: This is more like a corridor.

Integrity: FUCK YOU SCORPION.

RATATATATA

Skitarii: You know, bugs don't make for a very efficient security force.

Strider: Let's see what I can find here....

[IGdood]

Fuck, how long did I disappear? Fucking MCATs and college.

Anyways, I'm back.

Previously, we had to find out while Beastlords have access to deathclaws and whatnot. Anyhoo, we got into the basement and we're busy killing things left and right.

This mission was hard in that some enemies manage to 1-shot our characters, we ran out of rifle ammo, and we're low on medical supplies also. Well. Let's see why it was so.

Strider: On the ground, I don't see anything yet...wait...what's that sound?

baby Deathclaw: -growl-

Strider: You guys in position?

Skitarii: Do it.

Strider: Does ANYONE know how to say "COME AT ME YOU SMELLY FURBAG OF HELL" in Deathclaw?

Deathclaw: RAWR

Strider proceeds to run around in circles, pissing off the babies.

Skitarii: EAT LEAD FURRIES

BLAM

Strider: Okay, which asshole shot me by accident?

Skitarii: Quit complaining, eat a pie or something.

Strider: What about Stimpacks?

Integrity: We're low.

Strider: Shit.

Strider: Okay ladies, it's safe to come down now.

Skitarii: We need a girl in the party.

Strider: Hmm...a guard....

Skitarii: Ciaran, you're the one with that insane shotgun. Move up.

Ciaran: OPEN UP AND SAY AAAH YOU HUMANITARIAN FUCK

BOOM

Ciaran: they're charging us!

Skitarii: All guns, OPEN FIRE!

Beastlord 42334: YOUR MAGIC CANNOT KIL HNNNNNGH

Skitarii: What's in that door?

Strider: Let's open it.

A raging deathclaw baby runs out.

BLAM BLAM BLAM

Skitarii: NOT worth it.

Strider: Did I ever say how much I despise stairs? Always a nasty surprise lurking around them.

Skitarii: Just...go up there.

ignore the numbers from FRAPS

Skitarii: Wait, I shall go up. I have a gun after all and I'm LUCKY.

-footstepfootstepfootstep-

Beastlord: OUTWORLDER

Skitarii: BASEMENT DWELLER

RATATATATA

As Skitarii approaches what appears to be a huge cage, a giant Deathclaw could be seen. It/he/she sees the human, and bellows....

The Matriarch: FREE ME AND I WILL KILL EVERY LAST FUCKING BEASTLORD FOR YOU

Skitarii: Offer accepted.

Skitarii: Clear out this level!

Crazy Beastlord: I LIVE FOREVER IN BATTLE, HONOR YOU---ERRG

Ciaran: The only glorious thing is driving, I say.

Ciaran: This fucker is carrying a Sten SMG! -eyes light up-

Ciaran: A walther! These guys are packing heat!

Kefka: Hm, out of rifle ammo. Give me the Walther.

Kefka: No need for key, these cannibals know not the workings of a lock.

KACHING

Skitarii: Before I talk to him/it/her, I smell something rotten upstairs. Let's check it out.

Strider: What...the...fuck...? -stifles vomit-

Cannibal 1: YUM, A SPLEEN

Cannibal 2: BRAAAAAAAAAAIIIINNNSSS

Integrity: KILL THIS HERESY

POW POW POW POW

Skitarii: Those are...those are barrels stuffed with...meat!

Skitarii: You're free.

The matriarch (in male voice): I WILL SUCK THE MARROWS OF DAR

Emperor Dar: You trust a deathclaw!? YOU HAVE DOOMED US ALL

Skitarii: As long as it's you, not me.

The beastlords are consequently raped and shredded, leaving the Squad to do mopping up and looting.

Skitarii: Whoa whoa, single fire guys, we don't want to hit the deathclaws by accident.

MISSION COMPLETE

Gen. Barnaby: ALRIGHT GUYS YOU DID YOUR MISSION AND I DISAPPROVE THAT YOU'RE LETTING THESE CLAWS LIVE BUT FIND YOUR WAY BACK.

Skitarii: Well...we need to find a way back....we can get back out the way we came from...or we can kill the rest of these fuckers.

Integrity: KILL EM ALL.

Strider: OW. Fucking beetle poison.

Matriarch: YOU FIGHT LIKE US, AND WE SHALL JOIN YOU.

Skitarii: Like a boss.

Skitarii: THIS CHEST HAS RUPEEES

Integrity: Sweet, M1 Garand ammo. For Kefka!

Strider: What be this? A trap!?

Ciaran: Lemme....disarm it....

Strider: You actually snuck!

Ciaran: I can learn something watching you.

Skitarii: Brotherhood, CHARGE!

BLAM BLAM BLAM

Skitarii: AAAAGGGGHH

Integrity: Oh SHIT!

Strider: Guys...get out of my way so I can....nevermind.

Female Beastlord: I HEAR SOMETHING...........HMM MUST BE MY IMAGINATION.

Skitarii: Squad, take up positions at the table. Kefka, get their attention.

Kefka: Easy.

BLAM

Kefka scores headshots all around.

Skitarii: move up move up!

Note that Integ and Skitarii aren't shooting in the screenshot. Thing is....they actually don't have a direct line of sight to the prone beastlord, and it's hard for me to tell because I have shitty depth perception.

Skitarii: We'll cover this hallway. Strider, check the rooms and do your work.

Wary Beastlord: ANCESTOR GUIDE MY WEAPON ARM

Strider: EAT CHAINSWORD YOU FUCK

BLAM.

Strider: Like that'll stop me, HAHAHAHA RAGE MODE

Vault Boy: Golly jee, drawing fire here!

Skitarii: That's our cue, move up!

RATATATATA

Strider: THIS PAIN MAKES ME FEEL SO ALIVE

WHIIIRRRRRRRRRR

Skitarii: Ciaran, cover me!

BLAM

Skitarii: OW FUCK

Ciaran: BOOMSTICK

BOOM

Integrity: This area is huge....

Skitarii: We seriously need to spread out.

[IGdood]

-MOMENTS OF HEALING WITH WHATEVER'S LEFT OF OUR STUFF-

Integrity: Well, I hear someone next door.

Ciaran: TIME TO CLEAR A ROOM

Kefka: Hold on, the sta-

Beastlord: YYAAARGGGh

Skitarii: Fuck your ambush.

Integrity: HUNTING RIFLE TIME

Kefka gets a spear stuffed into his body.

He lives.

Kefka: You poked my dead spot.

Beastlord: BUT HOW? -dies-

Integrity: Well, FUCK. I gotta patch all of you up again.

Skitarii: We'll hold here and take care of anyone running down the stairs. Kefka, Integ, and Strider, go check out the stairs. Actually, Ciaran, you go too.

Ciaran's miracle shotgun really does a number even at midrange.

Also, Integrity kept dying at this portion of the level because the asshole on the bottom could 1-shot him for some reason.

Ciaran: BOOM HEADSHOT

Integrity: What are you doing? Wait..are you using psycho!?

Kefka: Aaaah....I have never felt this in a long, long time. Yeeeees. I hunger for blood.

Integrity: Oh, SHIT.

Victim 1: Are all of you --- BLAM

Strider: No way, only I am the true killing machine!

Kefka: OUT OF MY WAY!

WHIIIRRRR

Prisoner/Food item 1: Can you help me?

Kefka: SHUT UP, VOICES IN MY HEAD ARE SPEAKING.

THAT WAS SO FUCKED UP

OMG I SO SCARED

Kefka: ............

GET ME OUT OF HERE.

Kefka: IS THE DOOR OPEN OR AM I FUCKED UP? HUH?

Skitarii: Kefka, you don't look so good.

Kefka: I CRAVE BLOOD

Integrity: He took psycho.

Skitarii, That explains everything.

Skitarii: Anyways, Squad, let's get the hell out of here. MOVE MOVE MOVE

Civilians: OH GOD THEY'RE KILLING US

Kefka: THAT IS WHY YOU SHOULD HAVE LET US GO FIRST YOU WASTE OF SEMEN

Integrity: Taking fire from all fucking directions, HEADS DOWN

Kefka: STAND UP. STAND UP SO I CAN SHOOT YOU.

The squad take care of the beastlords, bid the civilians good fucking bye, and run their asses south to the green zone. Except...there were a few obstacles.

Vaultboy levels up, all points go into small guns.

Strider: NYAH NYAH

Beastlord: AYAH! NABATULUK

Skitarii: AYAH! SHUT THE FUCK UP

They were no match for a bunch of angry soldiers standing behind barrels.

Strider: Dammit, no chance to get close...

Fleeing Beastlord: LALALALA I AM BACKING UP LALALALALA

Strider: YOU CANNOT RUN FROM-A ME!

Strider manages to get stabbed by a poisonous spear, but that's fine because watching him saw people in half with intestines flying out is too damn awesome.

Skitarii: GO. GO. GO. GET TO THE DROPZONE

Ciaran: I can't wait to start driving again.

MISSION FINALLY TRULY COMPLETE

Gen. Barnaby: GOOD JOB GUYS WE FOUND OUT THAT THE BEASTLORDS ARE PSYCHICS DUE TO RADIATION EXPOSURE BUT FUCK THAT SHIT TECHNOLOGY >>>>>> SCIENCE

AND I STILL DISAPPROVE OF THE DEATHCLAWS

Integrity: Ugh..I feel kind of...

If Kefka took Psycho, why is Integrity addicted to something? The fuck?

BUNKER SWEET BUNKER