LordEphidel Posted July 6, 2012 Share Posted July 6, 2012 (edited) This story follows the morph Ephidel starting from Blazing Sword Chapter 19 [Eliwood Mode]: Dragon's Gate. As you may have guessed, I do assume that the event does not kill him, but rather thrusts him into the world of the dragons. Because I do not wish to manage the text on two sites at once, I will redirect you to where I regularly publish it. Let it be noted that for unknown reasons, one must copy and paste the URL rather than click on the link in order to view it: http://www.fanfictio...1/Ephidels_Path Because the actual story is not included here, this thread may as well double as a spot to leave critiques for it, which I would greatly appreciate. I too will leave a post whenever a new chapter is added. Hopefully you will find it to be an enjoyable read. Edited July 14, 2012 by LordEphidel Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eclipse Posted July 9, 2012 Share Posted July 9, 2012 It's asking me to log in to view your story. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LordEphidel Posted July 14, 2012 Author Share Posted July 14, 2012 (edited) Thank you for bringing this to my attention. For some inexplicable reason, it seems to do that when clicking on the link, but not when copying and pasting the URL. I do not pretend to understand why, but that ought to solve the problem regardless. The opening post has been edited to note this. EDIT: Chapter 9 has been added. Edited July 15, 2012 by LordEphidel Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eclipse Posted July 16, 2012 Share Posted July 16, 2012 I'll jot down notes as I read. Chapter 1 - Introducing people by hair color alone is okay for one or two people, but when it's everyone, it gets confusing. After that, you switched to names, without matching people to their hair. You'll probably want some sort of link there, because Fire Emblem's not exactly the most popular game out there. - I'm not sure if you can call it storytelling if the first part of your fic is more-or-less the script from FE7, but I'll keep reading. . . - I get it. . .next time, I think you'll want to start it from about the time that your namesake is sucked in. Chapter 2 - These kinds of statements don't add much, and they're confusing. I think you'll want to save this for a time when you do plan on elaborating on it. Lasentis exhaled, stopping in a moment of reminiscence of the last time she passed through that way, letting the grief and longing wash over her. How she wished she had not come here again, or ever at all. She wished that she had brought a wind tome, but those were extremely rare because of how deadly they were. - While some things were explained (such as who Lasentis is), there's a lot of other things that require explanation. I don't mind a loose end here or there, but there's far too many of them in this chapter. Chapter 3 - I'm pretty sure the first thought in my head after a trip to the Dragon's Gate wouldn't be the full confidence that I'd wake up again. - I'm also pretty sure that I wouldn't be paying attention to the rest of my belongings after nearly being burned alive. - Going from "minutes to dying" to "no scratch" seems like a stretch, even for the world you're describing. - Being honest about yourself when you're certain that the other side will know that you're lying isn't alien, it's sensible. - I get the feeling that Ephidel's far too arrogant for his own good. - Seems like he's acting reasonably during the sparring match; no complaints there! May do the rest if I remember. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LordEphidel Posted July 24, 2012 Author Share Posted July 24, 2012 (edited) Chapter 10 has been added. To eclipse, most of what you mention is due to the perspective in which the story is being told from, namely that of an egotistical, remorseless manipulator. That was how he was portrayed in the game, and thus how I have chosen to write him, at least for the time being. I believe that most of your points would be valid if I were writing for nearly any character except for Ephidel, but I think that this fits him. Of course if you believe that it does not do so, I would be happy to hear why. As for your points regarding Lasentis and the introductory chapter, I must agree with those to an extent. I will have to review those chapters at some point and see what can be done to minimize said errors. Thank you for the feedback; it is most appreciated. Edited July 24, 2012 by LordEphidel Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eclipse Posted July 25, 2012 Share Posted July 25, 2012 There's a fine line between egotistical and outright stupid. I do not believe Ephidel is the former; one can be egotistical and admit that they are in deep trouble. The best display of this was during his battle with Lasentis - he assesses his opponent's strength before making sure the knife in his opponent's back is placed. Doing it out of order is folly, and that's the impression I got with the early part of Chapter 3. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LordEphidel Posted August 10, 2012 Author Share Posted August 10, 2012 Chapter 11 has been added, while chapter 1 has received minor stylistic updates. To eclipse, thank you for the elaboration, and though I understand your point of view, I must respectfully disagree. I believe that upon occasion, Ephidel's supreme confidence may cause him to act foolishly despite his general intelligence, though there is not truly enough canonical evidence to support this view over yours or vice versa. Regardless, your opinion has been duly noted and may be utilized if I hear additional comments regarding Ephidel being out of character. Please note that the prime reason that I am waiting for others to make a similar claim is because I have heard from multiple individuals that Ephidel is very in character. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eclipse Posted August 10, 2012 Share Posted August 10, 2012 We'll see. FF.net isn't exactly known for its critical reviews. I'll read the rest of this. . .when I'm not so tired. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LordEphidel Posted August 26, 2012 Author Share Posted August 26, 2012 I look forward to hearing what you have to say, eclipse. Chapter 12 is now up, closing the first story arc. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eclipse Posted August 29, 2012 Share Posted August 29, 2012 I completely forgot about this Chapter 4 - Third paragraph: THIS sounds like Ephidel! - You should explain that Eight Demons thing sooner than later. It took a while before I figured it out, and I don't think the reader should have to wrangle details like that out of your story. - The manipulation part was sorta clunky, but the way that Morcene intends on keeping Ephidel under control was well done. Chapter 5 - You seem to have magic theory down, and thanks to that, Ephidel got a bit more character development. - Lasentis still speaks in terms of the dragons ("heart of Drasnor"?), which still hasn't been expounded on. - Did you plan on further explaining Ephidel's relationships with the other morphs? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LordEphidel Posted August 29, 2012 Author Share Posted August 29, 2012 Thank you for the feedback. To answer your question, I have not included any meaningful descriptions of Ephidel's relationships with the other morphs, though there is one minor reference to Kishuna and I intend to include more information of that nature in future chapters, if it seems logical to do so. Of course I cannot say whether or not a suitable situation would arise for it, as I am utterly incapable of planning out chapters that far in advance and with such detail. Also, I am unsure what you mean by the second comment in Chapter 5. Are you referring to the lack of explanation for Lasentis's general bitterness? If so, that is finally addressed in Chapter 8, otherwise I am afraid I cannot say. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eclipse Posted August 30, 2012 Share Posted August 30, 2012 Not her bitterness - the stuff she refers to. For example, if I told my coworkers that edge-hogging is cheap, they'd have no idea what I'm talking about. If they were familiar with Super Smash Brothers terminology, they'd understand what edge-hogging is, and could respond accordingly. Likewise, Lasentis is referring to things that someone of her race would be familiar with - the heart of Drasnor being one of them - but the reader may not be. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LordEphidel Posted August 30, 2012 Author Share Posted August 30, 2012 (edited) I do see what you mean. The problems mentioned in the example you gave were in fact quite unintentional; "Drasor" [it is not "Drasnor"] is in fact the name of the capital city, as mentioned in Chapter 2, but it seems that I left that fact untouched for too long and will have to add brief mentions of it in Chapters 3 and 4 so that it is not so easily forgotten. Thank you for your explanation; it was most helpful. EDIT: Chapter 13 is now up Edited September 4, 2012 by LordEphidel Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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