Is it normal to feel bad when you like someone?

[bottlegnomes]

First off, atheist and scientific aren't synonyms; in fact, they really aren't related at all. I know it's not relevant in the slightest, but it's a pet peeve.

Second, being a gentleman has nothing to do with sexual desires; it has to do with respectfulness. I can't make you believe this, as you said. You need to figure it out for yourself. But you'll be better off when you do.

As for your situation, I have no idea where you stand right now, so I still say go for broke and ask her out. If she says yes, great. If she says no, there's worse things that could happen, even if it may not seem like it. Then avoid her until the feelings go away. It may seem douchey, but it's much better for you than having those feelings constantly thrown in your face by just being around her.

Best of luck with everything (I do mean that sincerely, in case it seemed sarcastic).

[deleted35362]

Hi.

I tend to feel bad more often than not when I like someone. At school, I feel unconfterble when that person's there. It's not the normal nerves, but rather something negative that makes me lose my energy.

Of course you'd feel bad.

"Aw fack, I wanna dedicate my time to this person"

[Excellen Browning]

I understand what you mean.

But things like these aren't ones you can argue against by just using logic. Things like honor and faith don't use athiest, cold, scientific logic to be explain or argued against.

This of course, is one of those cases. I know when to be a gentlemen when it matters.

First off theism and "science" are not mutually exclusive as Renaissance and Enlightenment thinkers as well as Muslims of all ages have proven. Second, logical explanations for behaviour such as honor are available and have to do with our ability to estimate(valuate). Off the top of my head, the following readable books that touch on the subject are The end of history and the last man by francis fukuyama and The seven habits of highly effective people by spethen r covey.

Edited December 23, 2012 by Daigoji Excellen

[Alfred Kamon]

Most would say something along the lines of "BUT WITHOUT LUST THE HUMAN RACE WOULD NOT EXIST" when I say this, but this isn't directly linked, and it isn't the case.

It would be an incorrect assertion to begin with, since "Lust" is meant as the physical pulse towards someone without any particular control of your feelings. You're just driven by your body. That's lust.

And if it's true that it helps the multiplication of the human race, it's also true that we're not only beings made from flesh and bones. We also have feelings and emotions which bring to "Love", which is what we're talking about here.

I am sorry if my train of thought variates too much from what is supposed to be "normal", "logical" or "natural", but those really aren't excuses (especially the "it's natural" line". Of course it's natural to be attracted to a person, but thinking of having sex with them when you actually have feelings for them is not something I find decent.

Sorry, I just have morals.

Why do you apologize for not having "normal" thoughts? What is normal to begin with? Something accepted from the majority of people? Hah. Just live the way you find most appropriate for yourself.

The same things goes for morals. Where do your morals come from? Are they something people taught you when you were little? Are they part of religion? Society? Or... something you yourself truly believe in?

You'd realize that we assume most things without even telling why we see them that way.

What do you honestly think and feel about this story? What would you' do, if you were not bound by 'normality', 'morals'?

These are the questions you should ask yourself.

being a gentleman has nothing to do with sexual desires; it has to do with respectfulness.

This is a great sentence of great truth.

It's not that sexual desires are unrespectful to begin with, too.

They may be, or they may be not; it's just up to you to properly control them.

The Madonna/Whore complex you quoted is interesting as well. As I said before, society and morals tend to tell you what can and what can't be done. Most probably that complex is derived from a 'sense of the forbidden' which has been taught us since we were little, so that it's immoral to have sexual desires towards a person we respect, a friend, a relative or someone who shares the same condition.

Soul, having this kind of thoughts and impulses is just human. You shouldn't be ashamed of them or think they're unrespectful. They'd be if you seriously were driven off by them. But since it seems you believe in emotions and souls, you'd probably also consider the fact that it's up to you to control your own mind and body as part of yourself.

Second, logical explanations for behaviour such as honor are available and have to do with our ability to estimate(valuate). Off the top of my head, the following readable books that touch on the subject are The end of history and the last man by francis fukuyama and The seven habits of highly effective people by spethen r covey.

I have to agree with Soul/Gloom on this. It's true that there may be logical explanations for feelings and behaviors, but it's also true that logic and science can't explain everything when it comes to something so complex and dynamic like our soul. And I say this as a student of psychology, after having read books and theories which tried, and failed, to completely explain feelings with scientific rigor.

Also, Merry Christmas to everyone. ^^

Edited December 25, 2012 by Alfred Kamon

[Excellen Browning]

I have to agree with Soul/Gloom on this. It's true that there may be logical explanations for feelings and behaviors, but it's also true that logic and science can't explain everything when it comes to something so complex and dynamic like our soul. And I say this as a student of psychology, after having read books and theories which tried, and failed, to completely explain feelings with scientific rigor.

Also, Merry Christmas to everyone. ^^

To my knowledge brain research is quite a new field of study and doesn't have appropriate methods yet. To my knowledge, the interpretation of data from CAT scans is difficult because the brain sends out a lot of noise activity, which makes study of specific areas difficult. So what you are referring to seems to be psychology experiments as foundation for this "scientific rigor". In which case.... lol, just lol.

Also the books I referred to describe what makes a human being(logical capability, desire for "things", ability to estimate value, paradigms), which is a more or less standard model in philosophy

[Alfred Kamon]

To my knowledge brain research is quite a new field of study and doesn't have appropriate methods yet. To my knowledge, the interpretation of data from CAT scans is difficult because the brain sends out a lot of noise activity, which makes study of specific areas difficult. So what you are referring to seems to be psychology experiments as foundation for this "scientific rigor". In which case.... lol, just lol.

Also the books I referred to describe what makes a human being(logical capability, desire for "things", ability to estimate value, paradigms), which is a more or less standard model in philosophy

I know what I'm talking about, and don't think that psychology is only based on psychologic experiments. It's just a lot more than that, we also do neurobiology, brain science, phylosophy and we tend to observe the same phenomenon or behavior under different point of views.

Also logical capability, desires, behavior such as appraisal and estimation are all things which are covered by psychology and are investigated with scientific method, which means that we don't only consider experiments from psychologists, but from scientists as well.

And nowadays the shared conclusion is that human brain as we know it can't properly explain all the behaviors we can observe in a person, thus the belief of a 'soul' which moves us from the inside and which can't be objectified scientifically.

But now I'm curious, do you really believe that all your actions, feelings and emotions are only linked to the brain?

[Knight]

I used to have romantic problems, I became an insomniac, depressed, hurt, but I don't feel that as much anymore.

The solution was simple, I don't make romantic relationships. Everyone is in a rush to get paired in high school, I'll wait until I'm older, there is too much to deal with now.

[Excellen Browning]

I used to have romantic problems, I became an insomniac, depressed, hurt, but I don't feel that as much anymore.

The solution was simple, I don't make romantic relationships. Everyone is in a rush to get paired in high school, I'll wait until I'm older, there is too much to deal with now.

Haha, if you think that's the case then... Well I just think you're young and are once again making an error of logic. How many people in your class do actually have a steady?

[deleted35362]

I became nonsexual and gave up on relationships

Best decision I ever made

[Knight]

Haha, if you think that's the case then... Well I just think you're young and are once again making an error of logic. How many people in your class do actually have a steady?

It's not like I've given up entirely, I've just learned not to get my hopes up. If good luck comes my way, then maybe, but I'm not going to put in effort for something distant. I get along fine with the girls I know, I don't want to make anything awkward. (I've learned my lesson)

[Excellen Browning]

It's not like I've given up entirely, I've just learned not to get my hopes up. If good luck comes my way, then maybe, but I'm not going to put in effort for something distant. I get along fine with the girls I know, I don't want to make anything awkward. (I've learned my lesson)

Well if it don't come natural of course it's gonna be awkward.

[deleted35362]

It's not like I've given up entirely, I've just learned not to get my hopes up. If good luck comes my way, then maybe, but I'm not going to put in effort for something distant. I get along fine with the girls I know, I don't want to make anything awkward. (I've learned my lesson)

That's a good mindset.

The only reason giving up works for me is because I'm dedicated to music.

[Sundus64]

Honestly in my opinion its something normal. you can't force yourself to not like her.