The Worst FE13 Playlog

[Darros]

So I've logged like 147 hours of FE13 on my 3DS and apparently that's not enough. Though, I've been getting a bit bored of FE13 lately, so I thought "Hey Dallas maybe you should make a playthrough thread or something and then you'll get out of the rut you're in" but then I looked and there were EIGHT THOUSAND THREE HUNDRED AND TWENTY SEVEN playthrough threads already out there. Like, what is WITH you guys and your playthrough threads. Anyway, long story short, I'm too mainstream for my own good and now I'm going to join the masses in making a FE13 playthrough thread. Kill me now. I'm playing normal mode because I'm a normal person. And I'm playing classic mode because I always play classic mode. I haven't predecided pairings yet, or who I'm going to use. This is going to be some IMPROValoosa here, I hope you're excited, or at least you can pretend to be. And I'm not going to be posting turncounts because I'm oh so bad at FE and I don't want you all to know that. Oops. Let's go!

Let's make an avatar, shall we?

He'll do.

Premonition, does anyone actually care about this?

We open up to see a video of some guy getting his ass whooped. Thankfully the first person camera person is here to save the day. Of course, the tall guy with the funny hair & beard isn't too happy about that.

OKAY Slide Guides off and a few other options messed around with. Todd goes in to sit with Chrom, and then they walk up to Validar, the tall guy, and simply kill him. It's a done deal!

..except not really. Validar takes his jab at Todd, and suddenly Todd has the sudden compelling urge to murder Chrom. Chrom dies. GAME OVER RETURN OF GANON AND THE FUTURE REFUSED TO CHANGE

Prologue, it's like they're trying to avoid giving us chapter 1

Oh look, Chrom's ghost. He's standing over the first person camera person, and being all rude and telling them that they shouldn't nap on the ground. Maybe it's super comfortable. Even in the afterlife, Chrom is kind of a jerk.

And hey, what do you know, it's Todd! Except he seems to have amnesia now? Either that or he's pretending he didn't just murder Chrom. Chrom seems to be forgetting stuff as well, like everything that just happened stuff. Todd seems to remember Chrom though, much to Frederick's annoyance. they make the decision to walk to town and then make the decision there. Suddenly, in the midst of discussion OMG THE TOWN IS ON FIRE

Like heroes, everyone pulls out their weapons, and decides it's time to lead a fight!

Todd: This is your customizable unit! He has amnesia, which means he's probably the secret princess of some land with a tragic backstory and all that. He's recently been called into question on whether or not he's a Mary Sue. We're not quite Mary Sure. Anyway, other than some other unit you get later and DLC/Spotpass characters, he's the only person of the Tactician/Grandmaster class, which is super neato.

Chrom: Some ghost who refuses to acknowledge that he's dead. Todd killed him in the very first chapter of the game, but now he's back to life, being a prince and tending sheep. Life's tough for the dead.

Frederick: Jagen unit. Next!

Lissa: Chrom's younger sister, the youngest Royal of Ylisse. She's a bit loud and whatnot, and she thinks her brother is thick. She really thinks she's ready for the front lines.

Frederick, being a coward apparently, jumps behind the party's cleric for protection. She doesn't bother complaining about it, who doesn't like 1 extra move? Todd and Chrom make a bit of a decision that saving the town is unimportant, so they just kind of stand there and wait for the brigands to come to them. Of course, it actually works. Lissa also gets a bit of practice with her healing staff, cleaning up minor wounds. After they slowly but surely make their way up to the building where the boss brigand is standing, Todd murders him with no remorse.

Of course, this scares Frederick. Lissa and Chrom are amazed that Todd is capable of swords, magic, and tactics, but Frederick is being skeptical and thinks that Todd is some spy from another place. However, Chrom the ghost completely ignores him and welcomes Todd to his team. Suddenly, Todd is hired as a tactician. As a bonus, he discovers what a Plegia is! And with that, they're off to the capital, Ylisstol!

Chapter 1, FINALLY

Our four heroes, or rather three heroes and Frederick, are walking through a dark path on a dark night. Lissa is NOT enjoying herself at all, complaining about bugs. Her brother laughs it off, saying hardship builds character. After a fire is built, Chrom and Todd are enjoying bear meat. Lissa, being Lissa, isn't. After dinner the four fall asleep... except Chrom. He's stuck with this odd feeling that something is amiss. How mysterious! It must be his otherworldly senses, being a ghost and all. After they explore a little bit, there's AN EARTHQUAKE and it's followed by the ground spewin out lava. And then the forest starts to catch fire. Surely Todd and Frederick are goners! Next thing, the SKY starts spewing out hideous dead monster things. As Lissa is getting attacked, the legendary hero king, Marth, goes out himself to kill the attacker. He weilds a Falchion. Ghosts and time travel? Insane! Suddenly Todd and Frederick appear from NOWHERE and join up with Chrom and Lissa. As for Marth, who knows where he went?

Frederick jumps behind Lissa again, being the fraidy cat that he is. He's certainly Wary, that's for sure. Chrom takes care of some Risen, and suddenly Sully, a shepard cavalier, comes out of the woods to give her assistance. And unknown to her, she's attracted the attention of an archer, and not just any archer, the Archest of Archers, Virion himself! And he's asking for her hand in marriage. Of course that just nets him a kick to the face. Poor Virion. He at least pledges to join our cause and fight these... things.

Sully: Sully is a hotheaded, redheaded, toilet-cavalier. But if you ever say that to her you'll probably get a lance through your skull. That's how tough Sully is. She breaks skulls.

Virion: The Archest of Archers himself, the great Virion! If you're female, he'll ask your hand in marriage the instant he sees you. Despite this behaviour, he's actually some noble or something, and he's competent, sort of, with a bow.

Sully, having a horse, joins up with Chrom and takes care of the monsters attacking him. Virion, being on foot, is stuck mucking around in the forest. He manages to catch up in a turn or so and pick off a few things. The battle is short lived, as Chrom and his companions, save Frederick, work together to defeat the monsters.

And afterwards they find out that was only the half of it. Or not even half of it. Marth, the hero king, had defeated the rest of the monsters single-handedly. Chrom introduces himself, and then Marth gives him the cold shoulder and leaves. Jerk. Now they're off to the capital again!

[Ice Sage]

THE FUTURE REFUSED TO CHANGE

I love the chrono trigger reference XD

Great read bro!

[Da Bear]

...I'm ....speechless...

[Sunwoo]

[5/3/13 6:03:42 PM] Boron: Darros stole my hairstyle

[5/3/13 6:03:58 PM] Darros: I didn't want to use Dallas AGAIN

[5/3/13 6:04:02 PM] Darros: so I created Todd

[5/3/13 6:04:04 PM] Darros: the hair thief

[Darros]

[5/3/13 6:03:42 PM] Boron: Darros stole my hairstyle

[5/3/13 6:03:58 PM] Darros: I didn't want to use Dallas AGAIN

[5/3/13 6:04:02 PM] Darros: so I created Todd

[5/3/13 6:04:04 PM] Darros: the hair thief

So, turns out that Boron's MU, Robin, looks THE EXACT SAME as Todd, except with Brown hair. Therefore Todd stole Robin's hair and dyed it purple. Except he probably doesn't remember it because he has amnesia, oh no.

Chapter 2, in which we kill more deadish things

Ylisstol! After our short dealy, we're here. The capital seems to be doing well, despite what happened on our short delay. We also get to see Exalt Emmeryn, the symbol of peace. She's a descendant of Marth, the hero king, and first Exalt. She's also Chrom and Lissa's sist- wait what. SECRET PRINCESSES EVERYWHERE. Todd gets all flustered and feels bad. But it's okay because he gets to meet the Exalt. Yay.

At the palace, we meet Emmeryn and Phila, the pegasus knight captain. Emmeryn seems unbothered by the fact that Chrom is a ghost. Oh well. Todd gets to be introduced, and of course Frederick decides to be a jerk and ruin it all by saying "THAT EMMYOUS A SPY!!!!!!!!!111". Thankfully Chrom speaks up, and Emmeryn gives Todd her trust. Chrom and Frederick go to council, and Lissa and Todd run off.

>Chrom & Todd C support

>Todd: why did you take me in when I was passed out with no memory

>Chrom: ...you just answered your own question

>Todd: what if I'm a trap

>Chrom: ...

>Todd: like what if I was a Plegian or whatever

>Chrom: I like helping people ok

>Todd: ok but be more careful

>Chrom: no fuck you

>Todd: ok

Lissa takes Todd to the Shepherds' garrison, where he meets Maribelle, Sumia, and Vaike. Though Maribelle is extremely worried over Lissa, nobody else seems to give any cares that she and Todd are here, only asking for Chrom instead. After a few questions, Lissa introduces Todd, and there's a bit of a meet and greet. Maribelle bitches Todd out and leaves. Todd's just told that it's not a big deal. Whatever. Chrom returns, and Sumia trips over her face trying to approach him. Thins get awkward. Chrom tells the group that they're marching to Regna Ferox in the morning.

Suddenly, it's morning. Stahl runs up and joins the group, turns out that nobody told him about the mission. It's Vaike's fault, naturally. Lissa asks him about his axe, which he claims he has, and Stahl whines about missing breakfast. Suddenly RISEN, and we have a fight on our hands. ALSO VAIKE FORGOT HIS AXE GG

Vaike: The Vaike, Teach, who never forgets.. but doesn't always remember. Vaike packs a punch.. when he has a weapon anyway. Apparently he's supposed to have awesome defense and speed, but he never rolls them for me. We'll see how he cooperates.

Stahl: Over my 147 hours of playing FE13 I've yet to have a Stahl that isn't totally deficient in speed, and most of the time his other stats weren't workable either. I'll use him for now but he's getting benched next chapter.

On the first turn, everyone rushes up forward, fast. There's a mission to be accomplished, and it would be nice if they could get to Regna Ferox fast. After a round of combat, Miriel shows up, fashionably late.

Miriel: I'm hella biased towards Miriel. She's super scientific and smart, and she can blast things with magic well. The only problem is her durability. But because I'm super duper biased, we'll work around it.

Miriel found Vaike's axe, and gave it to him, uttering a threat to affix it "permanently" to him if he forgets it again. Continuing with running upward, Miriel burns things with her flames, and the others minus Frederick and Stahl chip in here and there. After they're all clear, the gang continues northwards.

[Darros]

I FELL TO THE THIRD PAGE WHAT ITS BEEN LITERALLY TWO DAYS STOP

Ahem..

Chapter 3, I have wifi and my 3DS simultaneously again!

So Chrom and Lissa and Todd are walking, and the first thing I notice is that somehow THE ENTIRE REST OF THE PARTY ISN'T THERE. It's kind of weird, so I'll go with the assumption that they were eaten by Risen. At least Lissa never lets me down! It seems they've stumbled across a pegasus! Chrom tries to approach it, but he forgot that pegasi are beings of FEMINIST MAGICK and hate men. Thankfully, Sumia comes and calms it down, but not without tripping over nothing first! We even get a CG. Cool.

>Todd and Sully C support

>Sully trying to calm herself

>Todd: SULLY WHATS WRONG

>Sully: leave me alone

>Todd is a doofus and doesn't listen to her at all

>Sully: I'm gaining weight ugh

>Todd: I didn't know that you worried about your figure

>TODD IS A DOOFUS

>Todd gives Sully some weird seaweed

>it's a bet to see who can get in shape faster

...oh my

Wow, it's really damn snowy in Ferox. We learn that Feroxians are very paranoid and are wary of foreigners... diplomacy is required! Chrom tells everyone that they have to do their best to represent Ylisse, just like a principal would tell schoolkids before a field trip. Cute. Also we're getting attacked. Stahl gets benched because I don't want to deal with another bad Stahl. Commander Raimi of Ferox deals with Chrom, and says he's a faker. Clearly Chrom is Shadow the Hedgehog. She also accuses the party of being brigands... welp. SO THEN WE GET ATTACKED. Just as Chrom is about to get stabbed, Sumia jumps in front of him and saves him. Turns out she befriended that pegasus from before and now they're battle partners. Whatever.

Sumia: Super ultra clumsy, this girl is in love with a ghost! She's super fast, as we just saw from her swooping Chrom rescue, but yikes, her offense is terrible. I might pair her with our favorite ghost, not quite sure yet.

For this chapter, Chrom backs up Sumia, giving her some extra spiritual abilities, and when I say that I mean 3 speed, 1 skill, and 3 luck. We're stomping the right side of the fortress here, we really want to get into Ferox. Sweeping the three guards easily, the Shepards make it through the right door... where Sumia is met with a lance to the face. Poor girl, I try to use her in her join chapter and she's already failing me. Whatever, I'll stick to my guns here. She did nab me a seed of trust though, which was nice. Clearing the rest of the way isn't hard, but Raimi proves to be a bit difficult. Against Miriel, they're both doing fair amounts of damage to each other. Thankfully, Miriel does the job of convincing rather well, and Raimi is down.

After the battle, Raimi speaks to Chrom and company. She apologizes profusely, and says she truly mistook the group for brigands. How, I'm not sure, but Chrom doesn't seem to mind. What convinced her was the fighting ability that Chrom displayed. With that, they're off to the capital of Ferox.

And that's Chapter 3! I can't help but feel I forgot something though...

[Darros]

See my ultimate goal is to update this thing when it's like dead and on page 3 because it happened again. This board is too active. Oh well.

Chapter 4, The only Arena Abuse you'll do in this game

>Chrom/Sumia C support
>Sumia: OHAI CHROM
>Chrom: Hey
>Sumia: Todd is looking for you!
>Chrom: /trips on a pebble
>Sumia: You're working too hard!
>Chrom: Aren't we all?
>Sumia: no Chrom you're twice as exhausted as the others
>Chrom: But I have to be!
>Sumia: You must have it hard..
>Chrom: Yup. Also don't tell anyone about this conversation.
>Sumia: Oh, ok, I-
>Chrom: Now you're worrying too much.
>Sumia: I gues - HEY THIS IS OUR FIRST SECRET CHROM WE'RE MAKING MEMORIES ISNT IT CUTE
>Chrom: uh
>Sumia: oh yeah also nap before your strategy meeting or I'LL TELL EVERYONE
>Chrom: uh
>Sumia: I'll just tell Todd you got delayed yes that's it
>Chrom: uh

>Sully/Miriel C support
>Sully: I've been looking for you!
>Miriel: Salutations, what is it you need?
>Sully: You're an egghead!
>Miriel: uh
>Sully: I mean you like researching and investigating things?
>Miriel: Yes, I enjoy ulocking the mysteries and won-
>Sully: STUDY ME
>Miriel: Erm, I haven't considered you a possible area of research..
>Sully: Then study how I'm not like other women! I want to know why I'm so different, why I don't fit in.
>Miriel: Ah, I shall stuy your behaviour then.

So, we're at Castle Ferox, and our little group is being told to wait while Raimi summons the Khan. Summon is an interesting word. I didn't know that Ferox was ruled by demons. While Raimi is away, Chrom and Todd talk about Ferox, and how it's politics is mainly battle and combat. Todd remarks about how the khan must be some ultra manly buff dude, and then Flavia walks in.
The khan is a female, and a rather buff one at that. For a demon, she looks relatively normal. Then again Chrom looks normal and he's a ghost. There's something about the supernatural and this game. She apologizes about the trouble at the border and welcomes us. Turns out Plegians are trying to ruin Feroxian-Ylissean relations. Then there's a lot of damns slung around, and Flavia says "oh I can't do anything lol". Turns out she actually lacks authority. She explains the Feroxian tournament of champions, and then recruits our little party to fight for her. It's simple, we win, she gets authority and we get guards. We lose, well on a technical note, game over, but we really get nothing. Of course, we decide to fight for her, and it's to the arena we go!

I deploy Chrom, Lissa, Virion, Sully, Miriel, and Sumia for this chapter. After starting the battle in the arena, we grab a look at the West's swordsman... it's none other than MARTH. Chrom asks him a question but Marth responds with a clasic Jaffar response, "....". Then Marth pulls out a Falchion, defying all the laws of time and space. Literally but we'll get to that later. Anyway, this map is classic Rout Map procedure. Wait out turns so the enemies come to us. This chapter is pretty fast paced if you're doing that, as the enemies all come to you one turn after the other. The only guy that won't move on his own is Marth. When it came to Marth, Sully went into Sumia, and Sumia doubled him with no support from Sully. Virion then took a shot, and Miriel finished him off.

After the battle, Flavia is very impressed with us, and delivers through on her offer to give us soldiers. Turns out we've won her respect. She throws open a party for us, woohoo! Then Basilio, the West Khan comes up to greet us. He's much less impressed with us, or perhaps not really. He compliments Chrom on his swordsmanship. Chrom asks him about Marth, but all we get as a response is that "Marth is some sellsword with delusions of grandeur". Lissa goes on about how dreamy he is. The party starts to head homeward, but Basilio gives us a present.. who is also a person. Lon'qu, the swordsman joins our party. He freaks out when Lissa approches him, turns out he's afraid of women. Huh. Anyway, it's time to go home.

Lon'qu: A Feroxian swordsman, who's very afraid of women. At first he just looked like one of those "OH MY SWORD IS MY LIFE" myrmidons who don't talk like ever to me, but then I read some of his supports and backstory, and he's actually pretty cool. I'm unsure if I'll use him or not yet.

Paralogue 1, BANDITS/10

Chrom and company travel back to Ylisstol, and Chrom is talking to his sister. She's glad that Ylisse has an alliance now, and she siad sending Chrom was a great choice. Chrom starts to remark about Feroxian warriors, when suddenly Phila runs in with "alarming news". Turns out that Maribelle, the Duke of Themis' daughter, and Lissa's best friend, has been captured. Yes, this is the same Maribelle that bitched at Todd and Vaike earlier. But there's more! Mad King Gangrel of Plegia is claiming Maribelle inviaded his country. Because troubadours tend to invade a lot, yes? Chrom gives the idea of stabbing the king, which sounds fine to me, but not so much to Emmeryn. Phila agrees with Chrom, saying that actions have consequences. Emmeryn says she understands, but she refuses to bring war upon Ylisse. She says she's going to bring parley to Gangrel. Of course, Chrom, Phila, and Lissa all go with her, even though they all disagree with her actions.

Outside, Chrom is prepping the group, seeing if everyone is ready to go. The young mage, Ricken, is with the group, and he's super prepared. Chrom just handwaves the kid, telling him he's too young. Ricken objects, saying he knows magic and can defend himself. Chrom says he wants him staying home, protecting the garrison. Before Ricken can object, he leaves. Ricken has a short line, saying that he'll "show him how good he can be". Looks like we have a rebel here.

>Chrom/Lissa C support

>Lissa: SIGH

>Chrom: That was a loud sigh, something on your mind?

>Lissa: Do I seem like a princess to you?
>Chrom: wat

>Lissa: Do I seem like a princess to you?

>Chrom: Well if you aren't you better pay us some rent

>Lissa: that wasn't funny, I feel like deadweight compared to you and Emmeryn.

>Chrom: doofus

>Lissa: Hey!

>Chrom: You're fine the way you are!

>Lissa: Hey! I hope you trip and break your nose, jerkface! ...that wasn't very princesslike oops

>Virion/Sully C Support

>Sully: HIYA

>Virion: Oh, my dearly beloved Sully~ Your floating the butterfly, your stinging the bee~

>Sully: Ruffles screw off

>Virion: My heart's compass strains ever toward Sully~

>Sully: Ruffles screw off

>Virion: Oh, I feel a chill~ Please spare warm words, milady~ Your grunting is unbecoming of such a beauty~

>Sully: Ruffles screw off

>Virion: Poets would write of your grace, "Stabulous" they'd say~ But why exert when you've a man to protect you~

>Sully: Ruffles screw off

>Virion: Milady, allow me to be that man~

>Sully: AAAAH HA HA HA HAR!

>Virion: I wasn't joking..

>Sully: It would take a certified hero to keep up with me, let alone protect me.

>Virion: Then I shall be said hero~

>Sully: Ruffles screw off

So, even though Maribelle is kind of screwed, Chrom and company decide to take a little vaycay to some island in southern Ylisse. As soon as they get there, some redneck pothead kid is demanding our help. And of course the problem is bandits. Yay. The kid introduces himself as Donnel, and offers to help us. We're off to save his ma!
Speaking of his ma, she's certainly fiesty. She's over in the brgiand camp, fighting with the brigand leader, spouting off many Not So Nice Things to him. Of course they then threaten to gut Donnel and she gets all upset. But it's okay because we're here to save the day! And Donnel who can't fight is going to help us!

Everyone gets deployed except Lissa, Frederick, and Stahl. I forgot to buy staves for Lissa so we're going in healless for this chapter. I hope Donnel will be okay. The gimmick for this chapter is that Donnel has to level up for him to join you. So I'm going to go slow and grind him.

Donnel: Yee-haw! This little piggy's gun learn some new tricks! He starts off pretty lame, but aptitude makes him amazin' later on! He's a good pa to his kids too!

So, for this chapter, Vaike pairs into Donnel. That was Donnel can get a much needed 2 defense boost, but also a big 5 strength boost. That was he'll die less and kill more. After Donnel gains his level, they switch, and the whole group goes out to clear out the bandit problem. EVeryone does their contributions, some a little more than others, namely Sumia. When she wasn't killing things she was sitting in Virion's back giving him enough speed to double. Lon'qu also helped out. With Miriel paired into him, he was able to OHKO the brigand boss with a critical from the killing edge.

After the battle, Chrom congratulates Donnel on his worthy fighting ability. When Donnel reunites with his mom, he thanks Chrom, and asks to join the Shepherds. This gives his mom a heart attack. His mom scolds him, but Chrom interrupts her, saying Donnel would be a welcome addition to the team. And with that, we've recruited a new member! Maybe we should save Maribelle now..

[LycopolisKing]

LOL 'I think I forgot something'... That's so dirty.

Your support summaries and commentary are hilarious. XD

[Darros]

LOL 'I think I forgot something'... That's so dirty.

Your support summaries and commentary are hilarious. XD

Haha, I'm glad someone noticed. And thank you very much! I'll try to keep it up!

Chapter 5, or the one I have to do all on my tablet

So my laptop threw another hissy fit at me. There may be AWFUL TYPOS in this update. I apologize in advance. Also this chapter has no supports, boohoo!

So, Chrom and company join the "save Maribelle" brigade rather fashionably late. At least they look stylish! As Emmeeyn tries to find out the truth of the events, Gangrel and Aversa jut insult her and claim that Maribelle crossed the borser and wounded some soldiers from Plegia. Heh. When Gangrel suggests Maribelle be executed, Chrom speaks out of urn, and bam, we started a war. Chrom is already dead so this may not be a big deal to him, but he jut screwed over Ylisse, big time. Turns out Gangrel wants the Fire Emblem. I won't deny, it's a good game.

In the chaos of everything, Ricken pops out of nowhere and frees Maribelle. Thy escape, and join up with my force. I deployed everyone but Frederick, Lissa, and Stahl. Let's go!

Maribelle: With 0 strength, I seriously wonder how she would damage, let alone wound a Plegian soldier. Anyway, horse healer. Might replace Lissa, not sure. They may have to coexist.

Ricken: I like Miriel more. Nope.

Ricken jumps on Maribelle's horse to give her more magic powers. They run away from danger because magic people can't defense at first. Lon'qu and Virion move west from the start to take out some thugs, and they almost die as a result. Other than the initial onslaught of enemies, a simple GO UP tactic scheme and the chapter is done. And boy, was it interesting in terms of levels. Maribelle, who is nutorious for being kinda bad, leveled 3 times, and got decent levels each time. Meanwhile Chrom got an HP only level. Nice..

After the battle, Lissa and Maribelle hug it out. Todd talks to Maribelle, who is rude to him at first, and eventually thanks him after doing some beating around the bush. Emmeryn handwaves Chrom's war starting, and blames it all on Gangrel. Once again, we're on a trip back t Ylisstol to talk trategy.