The Boy

[eclipse]

Have you tried responding to it minimally? Do you know anyone who has gotten into trouble for doing so?

If there are parent complaints, the principal will start looking for the source of the problem. If she got wind of my theoretical "minimum", I'd be in trouble for not doing everything in my power to put an end to it.

(ironically, the best I can do is "escalate it to the principal")

[Sublime Manic]

While I normally totally disagree with Olwen's statements in the Serious Discussion forum, I largely agree with what he's been saying here.

Bullying doesn't go away, unfortunately. Things can be done to inhibit bullying, but it's not something that can be squashed out. It's something that even if a school does everything in its power to stop it from happening at school, can happen elsewhere.

And Asperger's is definitely something can be worked with, much like plenty of other things. And working on how you interact with people is definitely a good way to go about it. I went to a counselor when I was much younger and I don't think that helped me too much at the time, but over the years, I think I've figured out how to get by. Most people I interact with would not call me socially awkward or at least not to the point that it's inhibitive even if they would call me awkward. My ex, who knows me better than damn near anyone else said I was very awkward but exceedingly good at masking it in such a way that others wouldn't pick up on it. Counseling that might help you in this regard is at least worth considering.

Edited May 18, 2013 by Sublime Manic

[Dwalin2010]

Only one post all of those you countered offered no advice with its criticism.

Let's just say I reacted this way because I tried to imagine myself being in Dan's place. I don't even know what kind of reaction I would have, and I wasn't even bullied so much. It's not that I hate you or others who said something against, but that I am very sorry for people who are unfortunate.

[Camilla]

I think you should be thankful the bullying takes place at school at the very least, because trust me, it could be worse. A lot worse.

I'll honestly say that I don't think school counselors will be of any real help to you, nor do I think professional ones will be either. Teachers can scold the kids, but they'll just face their punishment and do it again as kids do, so they can't do much for you either when it all comes down to it. My suggestion is to really consider which person you have in your life that you can trust, either an online friend or anyone IRL, and use them to vent to. It'll help a lot if you have someone you trust to vent to and support you through trying to deal with all the little brats.

[Chiki]

Source: Yourself, whatever you're qualified to speak on.

I work at a school, and we are supposed to respond to bullying incidents. If I was aware of an instance of bullying, and didn't respond to it, I'd be in a world of trouble.

"Respond." What do you have to do to respond? Hear from someone. People don't often complain to teachers when bullied. Anyone who has gone to school should know this.

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2809311/

One reason why adolescents with ASD may be at higher risk for victimization is that they have deficits in developing normal social interactions and relationships as well as deficits in understanding the behavior of others

Results of these studies showed that, compared to the nondisabled population, victimization rates were four times higher in this sample, with up to 75% of adolescents with Asperger being victimized

found that 94% of the children with either Asperger Syndrome or Nonverbal Learning Disability were victimized in the past year, as reported by their mothers

[Makaze]

If there are parent complaints, the principal will start looking for the source of the problem. If she got wind of my theoretical "minimum", I'd be in trouble for not doing everything in my power to put an end to it.

(ironically, the best I can do is "escalate it to the principal")

I have to take this with a grain of salt because I know that if I were working for an organization, I would want to believe that things were different there as well. I am going to assume that the other workers at your place do the bare minimum to get by, and that few parents complain because the children are like our Dandragon here. They don't want to bother them or feel that they are just like the counselors.

It is one thing to have a good policy. It is another thing to get results.

Let's just say I reacted this way because I tried to imagine myself being in Dan's place. I don't even know what kind of reaction I would have, and I wasn't even bullied so much. It's not that I hate you or others who said something against, but that I am very sorry for people who are unfortunate.

I understand your feelings, but I will sift through them to good advice all the same.

Edited May 18, 2013 by Makaze

[eclipse]

"Respond." What do you have to do to respond? Hear from someone. People don't often complain to teachers when bullied. Anyone who has gone to school should know this.

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2809311/

Why do you think I'm suggesting going to the principal/above his or her head if necessary? The first step is a complaint. Put the ball in the school's court.

I have to take this with a grain of salt because I know that if I were working for an organization, I would want to believe that things were different there as well. I am going to assume that the other workers at your place do the bare minimum to get by, and that few parents complain because the children are like our Dantrag here. They don't want to bother them or feel that they are just like the counselors.

It is one thing to have a good policy. It is another thing to get results.

I understand your feelings, but I will sift through them to good advice all the same.

I'm the one working at my school, which is why I have an idea of what would happen if I didn't give it my all.

[Chiki]

Why do you think I'm suggesting going to the principal/above his or her head if necessary? The first step is a complaint. Put the ball in the school's court.

You replied to my post about the nature of people. You disagreed; saying that he should go to his principal is just avoiding my reply.

[Makaze]

Why do you think I'm suggesting going to the principal/above his or her head if necessary? The first step is a complaint. Put the ball in the school's court.

I'm the one working at my school, which is why I have an idea of what would happen if I didn't give it my all.

I disagree on the grounds that you are too close to tell, but I am certainly no better a judge. I do not even know what country you hail from.

My point is that saying 'what would happen' doesn't mean anything to me if it gets no results, and it doesn't mean anything to the victims, either.

[eclipse]

You replied to my post about the nature of people. You disagreed; saying that he should go to his principal is just avoiding my reply.

I'm responding to what's relevant to school procedure.

I disagree on the grounds that you are too close to tell, but I am certainly no better a judge. I do not even know what country you hail from.

My point is that saying 'what would happen' doesn't mean anything to me if it gets no results, and it doesn't mean anything to the victims, either.

With enough pressure, Shit Gets Done. This is true no matter where you go.

[Chiki]

Anyway, asking him to complain is not going to work. People rarely do that. Even if he does, the most that will happen is a slap on the bully's wrist.

It might be sad and unfair to the OP, but I would suggest being homeschooled while seeking behavioral treatments. That probably would mean more loneliness, but I don't see any other way around the bullying. There are ways to get friends outside of school.

[eclipse]

Anyway, asking him to complain is not going to work. People rarely do that. Even if he does, the most that will happen is a slap on the bully's wrist.

It might be sad and unfair to the OP, but I would suggest being homeschooled while seeking behavioral treatments. That probably would mean more loneliness, but I don't see any other way around the bullying. There are ways to get friends outside of school.

First, he won't know until he tries. Second, it may take more than a single complaint to the principal - depending on how things go, this might require a charge all the way to the top. It's not an easy road, but then again, fighting apathy is never easy. Most people don't bother.

[Rapier]

Still, would ending the bullying help solve all of his problems? This is something I doubt very much, as his experiences certainly left scars on him. Hence why I also suggested a psychologist (or psychiatrist)...

[eclipse]

Still, would ending the bullying help solve all of his problems? This is something I doubt very much, as his experiences certainly left scars on him. Hence why I also suggested a psychologist (or psychiatrist)...

That will need to be addressed as well. Hopefully, the counselors will be more helpful in this regard.

[Makaze]

Anyway, asking him to complain is not going to work. People rarely do that. Even if he does, the most that will happen is a slap on the bully's wrist.

It might be sad and unfair to the OP, but I would suggest being homeschooled while seeking behavioral treatments. That probably would mean more loneliness, but I don't see any other way around the bullying. There are ways to get friends outside of school.

That depends on his parents and the law. He can probably get involved in a local homeschooling co-op or move to an online school to take the burden off of them, but they would still have to become far more active in his life. I hate to say it, but they might not be willing or able to go that far for him.

All in all, no matter what he does, he will be relying on others. There is some risk. Is he, as a person, willing to take it?

Rapier is right. He might need therapy even if everything calmed down at school.

[Chiki]

Has the OP discussed homeschooling with his parents?

[eclipse]

I'm not sure what the procedures are in his state, nor do I know if his parents are able/capable/willing to do that. The procedural part is probably floating around somewhere (possibly that state's DOE website).

[Dandragon]

Has the OP discussed homeschooling with his parents?

I have. It is, unfortunately, not an option. My father works at a car dealership and thus is not home for most of the day. In fact, he is gone before I wake up, but he is about only 30 minutes away.

My mother works at home, but works most of the day as well. She sometimes must stay up during the night to work.

Even if they weren't this preoccupied, they don't have all the knowledge to teach me. While my mother is strong in things like Biology, World history is where both of them seem to lack, although this is from observation alone.

[Chiki]

Do you intend to go to college?

[Dandragon]

Do you intend to go to college?

I'm still deciding on that.

[Chiki]

Depending on your college there should be plenty of opportunities for you to meet people with similar interests. There are video game clubs, clubs for your major, anime clubs, tutoring and so on. That doesn't even include the lectures. Bullying doesn't really happen in college. People just tend to mind their own business.

There's no solution to bullying in high school. Just act like a shadow and avoid people as much as you can, and ignore them when they give you attention.

Try to find anime cons and such near you.to meet people with similar interests.

[Rapier]

It is said that it is in college that you meet decent people. My friends have atested to that fact, but I'm still some years behind them. You might find your place there, but this won't change anything if you don't work on your present through what other posters have said above (searching for a school counselor for help and theraphy). If you simply do nothing, you will become apathetic to everything else by the time something good happens to you and dismiss all the good opportunities.

[Espinosa]

Changing environment towards a more mature one may provide a safe study place for a victim of bullying. However, it is a stretch to say bullying stops at any point; say, after graduating from high school or whatever. People always shape crowds, they show that they like each other, but no friendship is possible without a common enemy. One who is a decent person in themselves is likely to become a real shithead in a crowd. And what better enemy can you find than one who fails to stand up for themselves? You'll have to watch out for things coming your way even as an adult, especially if people skills and recognition of social cues is lacking (main feature of autism I believe). Once a victim always a victim - it's yourself you have to change - shed yourself some new skin cells to make your survival possible in a pronouncedly hostile environment.

[Chiki]

It isn't enough to find a counselor but the right one. Look for someone who specializes in Asperger's.

This could be expensive though.

[BluBlaDe]

I'm going to rage now.

Boo fucking hoo. This isn't the forum to run crying with personal problems, especially when you attempt to gain sympathy by telling a greatly exaggerated sob story. Don't play victim by trying to make others seem evil.

You have Aspergers? Ok. Talk about it in a positive light. Look for medical solutions and share ideas with us in a positive light. But do not come here and expect sympathy from me. Try FFtF for that.

The pity fest here disgusts me because this comes across as a plea of attention.

This. I know it's hard but you need to get a good reality check. I don't have Aspergers, I don't have half of the trouble you had but I did realize one thing growing up.

Caring about others is useless and forming bonds with people is not for everyone. YOU CAN communicate with others, joke around them and be friendly BUT you don't have to form bonds with them, as in they are fun to be around but you don't NEED them to be happy.

There are only a few people that will ever really love you in your life and they are your family. You should be glad and treat them really well, for some people even their family members won't acknowledge them.

In First Grade, the boy met another who seemed to be friendly towards him. However, that other boy constantly lied to him as well as to others about him, which got them both into trouble.

You are taking this too seriously. I'd say around 75 % of friends would do the same. Don't take friendship too seriously.

n Third Grade, the boy was subjected to many taunts and derogatory names and comments by many other students who wanted nothing more than to see him get angry, for they knew that boy could do nothing to them even if he tried.

Same happened to me and at least everyone once in their life. You are not special. This will stop later on in life. People try to feel superior to others by buying stuffs like big house and cars instead of bullying you.

In Fourth Grade, he found a group of 3 boys who wanted to add him to their group. They kept him around solely to mock and bully him for their own amusement, and the boy only realized this after it was too late.

Your fault. When you try to befriend people and it does not work then stop doing it. Just answer when people talk to you and try to joke around. You don't need to have friends, just try to look normal. Even with aspergers you will only look mysterious and maybe cool. Then again if you don't care about how others see you then it's all good.

In Middle School, nothing had changed. He was still antagonized to no end by many that he met. Only at lunch did he feel safe as he found yet another group to become a part of.

It's normal when you are young. At around 17-18 years old you won't get intimidated anymore(except if you INSIST to join a social group that clearly don't want you around). When they are young people are more honest with how much they hate you( don't worry everyone hates everyone) Later in life they'll simply talk in your back but they'll be nice in front of you.

He did not get that chance. His mother, who wanted her baby boy to grow into a fine and well-mannered adult, stopped him after seeing the websites he went to. She placed restrictions that lasted for years and only seemed to increase in their severity.

Hate to say this but your mom is part of the problem. I can already guess that she is overprotective of you, just like mine. She thinks everything will go well for you however it won't. You will need to get stronger and only yourself can do it.

The boy did have someone. He had a friend he had met in preschool and had been in contact with ever since. The boy, brainwashed by the groups that he had joined, felt embarrassed whenever they got together and played outside, especially when adults passed by the house. Eventually, the boy stupidly left his friend, and would only later realize his mistake.

He wasn't brainwashed. I used to be that one dude too. I was friend with the most unpopular dude at school. When you befriend ''weirdos'' you become a ''weirdo'' yourself. Then you may lose all the power you had socially. Your friend only wanted to fit in with the group. He might have faced the same stuff you faced yourself. Few people are willing to sacrifice themselves for ''friendship''. I tried to change that weirdo dude. He didn't listen to my good advice.

His family, being a highly catholic family, always told him to pray to God that things would be better. He had had enough of praying for something that would never come, and abandoned his faith.

Now you started acting more like a man. Make your own reality. God or whoever won't change anything. Only yourself can change whatever you need changing. Your parents don't know jack shit. They can't help you with that, they'll only give you the stupid politically correct answer. For my parents it was '' Be nice to everyone''. The moment I stop being nice and start acting like I was confident and uncaring was the moment I stopped being bullied and even if I was it wasn't affecting me anymore.

His third group that he found in Middle School only seemed to become more and more of an annoyance to him. He found himself being the subject of many inappropriate conversations. He was, what was known as, trolled by these individuals. But to the boy, all that trolling was was another name for what he was subjected to all his life: bullying. But, he was assured by the "leader" of the group, this is how friends treat each other. For a while, the boy believed him.

That's actually how it works in group. Sometimes people are joking but if the leader decides you aren't really part of the group then you fuck off. It's stupid shit like that that made me a lone wolf. Stupid shit like social dynamics should not matter in relationships, why should I try to be loud/alpha in order to make a point? That's why once you feel like people don't respect you even only once don't ever talk to them again. They are not worth your time.

The boy wants a genuine friend. Not someone who keeps him around for entertainment. Not someone who "trolls" him in the name of having fun. Not someone who claims to be a friend, but wants nothing to do with him. Not someone who pities him but only pities him.

He wants a friend. Someone whom he can talk to that will genuinely listen. Someone who, while might not always be there for him, will comfort him in his time of need rather than telling his that he or she has something worse and has gotten through it just fine.

This is the story of a boy, who no longer knows if anyone around him can be trusted. Who has become someone who is arrogant, loudmouthed and selfish. Who has become a physical mess and a mental wreck. Who struggles to speak with people and feels unsafe outside his own home. Who wants someone to not tell him he should be thankful that he has a functioning body. Who wants nothing more than someone to hug him.

Being selfish is good. Being arrogant and loudmouthed is useless. Try to be quiet and don't attract too much attention. If people start talking to you, only answer their question but don't try to tell them your life story. Nobody cares in real life. Here on the Internet we can give you tips but don't ever play the victim or tell your lifestory to people, if you do they will feel like you are a pushover and start disrespecting you. Just answer their questions.

Genuine friends does not exist. You can have comrades that have the same goals and views as you but don't go and spill them all your feeling whenever you feel like it, nobody wants to be around a crybaby or know all your weaknesses. It's just weird.

Don't feel unsafe outside of home. If you are confident and look at people straight in the eyes they won't try anything.

The world is harsh and once you know how it is you will start caring less and less. The less you care the more social you can be and the more happy you can be too.

You don't have to be social or fit in anyway. The more you socialize the more you will need to compromise with others. If they don't do things you way or disrespect you simply start ignoring them and do things your own way. You need to realize that you are yourself and if people don't like you then they can go fuck themselves. If you aren't super selfish and don't love yourself as if you were the best in the whole world ( don't go telling other people that you are awesome, that only comes off as desperate for attention) then you'll be unhappy.

Most people that are really social are also people that finds it easy to communicate or compromise. That is not your case nor is it mine. You can try to be a social butterfly like society wants you to or be your own man and do whatever the hell you wants which sounds better for you.