FionordeQuester Posted March 11, 2014 Share Posted March 11, 2014 (edited) Hmm...well, talking to the parents worked for me. Although, now that I think about it, me and her were friends for a good year or two before I ever became interested in her, and they always had a pretty high opinion of me. In addition, we were always hanging out at each others houses. You guys thinking Roy would look like an obsessed goon if he talked to her parents? EDIT: Or maybe her parents talked to me first...ergh, I'm not entirely sure now >_<!! Edited March 11, 2014 by FionordeQuester Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roy: Marquess of Pherae Posted March 11, 2014 Author Share Posted March 11, 2014 Nothing is getting better. I've tried everything so far. Things only feel the same if not worse. I don't understand why I feel so awful. Is it because she said I was only stress in her life, or is it something else. I can't find the exact problem and I am not doing any better. People are starting to ask me what's wrong and I try not to say much or else they'll think I'm some whiny kid who wants simpathy. I just want it all to be over. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FionordeQuester Posted March 11, 2014 Share Posted March 11, 2014 (edited) As opposed to the people on the internet, who you AREN'T afraid of thinking that you're some whiny kid who wants sympathy? That's not logical! Really though, I don't think people will react much differently in real life than we did on the internet ! And most likely, you're feeling upset because you never imagined this happening to you. It's a deep emotional loss that seemed to come completely out of the blue, especially since she said you were her light or something like that once. Edited March 11, 2014 by FionordeQuester Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roy: Marquess of Pherae Posted March 11, 2014 Author Share Posted March 11, 2014 Well I'm not opposed to keep trying. I can't lose to this. There has to be a way to find peace of mind in all of this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FionordeQuester Posted March 12, 2014 Share Posted March 12, 2014 Just remember, time heals all wounds. I know the feeling. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roy: Marquess of Pherae Posted March 12, 2014 Author Share Posted March 12, 2014 Yeah, but I grow impatient as time goes on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FionordeQuester Posted March 12, 2014 Share Posted March 12, 2014 Do you also feel as though my words are a slap in the face, considering how said healing doesn't seem to be coming? I remember that feeling as well, years ago when I wound up going through a very terrible phase in my life, where, for five straight months, I would regularly come home hurt and bruised (it's a long, and somewhat unbelievable story. I'm not sure anyone would believe me if I told them, frankly). Anyways, I realize you might not be in the mood for good cheer right now, so, at any rate, God Bless you man. Talk to me any time, alright? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roy: Marquess of Pherae Posted March 12, 2014 Author Share Posted March 12, 2014 Yeah I'm working on it. Thank you. It's just so hard to take the forgetting plan into action. She looks at me when she sees me run by (I'm a runner) and it's frustraiting and I don't get it. And then I post a status on fb completely irrelevant to anything not directed towards her and she's the first person to like it. I just wish I knew why she acted this way and what she wants from me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FionordeQuester Posted March 12, 2014 Share Posted March 12, 2014 (edited) "I know you're hurt, and I'm not into you...but we're still friends, right? This...doesn't have to be the end period, right? I wish you would please tell me...I'm scared to ask and find out the truth for myself." I imagine it's something like that. Edited March 12, 2014 by FionordeQuester Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roy: Marquess of Pherae Posted March 12, 2014 Author Share Posted March 12, 2014 That sounds about right. But I told her specifically I wouldn't bother her anymore unless she came to me and wanted to talk. She should know better than that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FionordeQuester Posted March 12, 2014 Share Posted March 12, 2014 (edited) ...Heh...heh, heh, heh. Yeah, but, as I said...girls (or at least, the ones I've run into. Sanguyl thinks differently I guess) tend to be funny like that. I mean, obviously that doesn't apply for EVERY woman, and I'll admit to not exactly being a social dynamo (therefore I haven't actually TALKED to a lot of real women), but...I'm just saying, I notice a trend. Anyways, now that I think about it, she may very well have meant it when she said that you inspired her. I mean, you don't necessarily HAVE to be romantically involved with someone in order to be inspired by them, or be the one doing the inspiring. Same way most Marine vets aren't gay for each other, but will still take a bullet for the other. Edited March 12, 2014 by FionordeQuester Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roy: Marquess of Pherae Posted March 12, 2014 Author Share Posted March 12, 2014 Well as long as I get conflicting views like her running away and then indirectly communicating with me, the confusion will probably cloud my recovery. A direct approach and indirect approach have both been ineffective, though. And no approach certainly hasn't worked. There has to be a way to work around this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FionordeQuester Posted March 12, 2014 Share Posted March 12, 2014 Tell me about the direct and indirect approach. What exactly did you do? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roy: Marquess of Pherae Posted March 12, 2014 Author Share Posted March 12, 2014 Well, the first approach was direct. Learn as much as I can. I know she has some problems going on in her family life, but she used to come to me when she was upset. She always looked down, but stopped approaching me when she was upset. Eventually I asked her and she said me asking her bothered her. I told her ok, but then I asked her if we were still together. She said "I guess the spark just kinda died". I was completely shocked because she had called me perfect a couple weeks before and a week before refered to me as her purpose. It was touching and I really cared for her. I would have done almost anything for her, but I guess it wasn't good enough, or she got bored, or something else she won't tell me. The indirect approach has been acting normal or not acting normal and not hiding the fact that I can't smile during the day. Neither were effective and I continue to be reminded by the conflicting hints I get from her whether it be her running away or her watching me, or liking my fb status. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FionordeQuester Posted March 12, 2014 Share Posted March 12, 2014 (edited) ...I dunno, the direct approach seemed effective to me. You asked her where you guys were at, and she answered. So maybe she'll tell you what's going through her head if you ask her about that. Edited March 12, 2014 by FionordeQuester Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sunwoo Posted March 12, 2014 Share Posted March 12, 2014 (edited) ...Heh...heh, heh, heh. Yeah, but, as I said...girls (or at least, the ones I've run into. Sanguyl thinks differently I guess) tend to be funny like that. On account of BEING a girl, I KNOW for a fact that not all girls are like that. ;/ EDIT: Also, if you haven't talked to a lot of real women, that makes you even less credible. Edited March 12, 2014 by Sangyul Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roy: Marquess of Pherae Posted March 12, 2014 Author Share Posted March 12, 2014 Well I am not really in a position to talk to her, am I? I guess another strategy might be seeing flaws in the relationship. Like being lied to, or her large amount of guy friends, or maybe the fact that she left me in this state and is probably aware of it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sunwoo Posted March 12, 2014 Share Posted March 12, 2014 I guess another strategy might be seeing flaws in the relationship. Like being lied to, or her large amount of guy friends, or maybe the fact that she left me in this state and is probably aware of it. How is having a large amount of guy friends supposed to be a flaw? ;/ By this logic, you're not allowed to have any female friends if you want a girlfriend. Look, I don't know what works for you, the circumstances of this relationship, or what this girl (or you) is like. But just distract your mind from the depression of this relationship not working out or something. Whatever you do, DON'T fall into the mindset of "this is what girls are like" (because no, it's NOT) or "why me". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chiki Posted March 12, 2014 Share Posted March 12, 2014 (edited) To cut a long story short, I was in a relationship with this girl. She stopped messaging me and was less friendly. I asked her if I was bothering her and she said yes. Than she decided she didn't want to be in a relationship anymore. I asked her why. She said "I guess the spark just died." Then she asked if we could just be friends. Why do people behave this way... Just enjoy the time you have with your right hand. You'll miss it. Women can be difficult. So can guys. Edited March 12, 2014 by Chiki Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FionordeQuester Posted March 12, 2014 Share Posted March 12, 2014 (edited) On account of BEING a girl, I KNOW for a fact that not all girls are like that. ;/ ...Well, yeah. I said exactly that... I mean, obviously that doesn't apply for EVERY woman And wow, you're a woman, huh? I was misled by your profile, which states you as male. Whoops. Edited March 12, 2014 by FionordeQuester Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sunwoo Posted March 12, 2014 Share Posted March 12, 2014 ...Well, yeah. I said exactly that... Your statement still gave off the implication that you thought I knew less than you on this matter. If that was not the intent, you need to find a way to phrase yourself better. And wow, you're a woman, huh? I was misled by your profile, which states you as male. Whoops. Does it matter that I'm female? No, it does not. My profile states that I am male because I have a reason to state my gender as male. Regardless, you initially made a blanket statement about one gender that made it sound as if you were blaming all women for being so "weird" with their feelings, as if all men are always direct and they've never caused any hardships in relationships. You DO NOT generalize one gender like that. If you really want a relationship or future relationships to work, you do not make generalizations about genders to blame the failing of the relationship on the "other". or her large amount of guy friends Also, something that a few of the other people had to say about this. It sounds very controlling, like you think she shouldn't hang out or have any guy friends when she has a boyfriend. No. This is bad news, and you are bad news if you're going to think like this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Redwall Posted March 12, 2014 Share Posted March 12, 2014 I am confused. Have you explicitly told this girl that her recent behavior has been hurting you? From this quote I told her specifically I wouldn't bother her anymore unless she came to me and wanted to talk. She should know better than that. I get the impression that you tried to follow the gist of the advice Phoenix Wright and dondon gave but didn't do so in an effective manner. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FionordeQuester Posted March 12, 2014 Share Posted March 12, 2014 (edited) Your statement still gave off the implication that you thought I knew less than you on this matter. If that was not the intent, you need to find a way to phrase yourself better. Sigh, don't I know it :(...this isn't the first time I've accidently made people mad. And no, I wasn't meaning to imply that I knew more than you. I was just stating what I came to think based on my own (admittedly limited) experiences, my Psychology classes (of which I've taken a few, enough that I know a few basic things about brain formation), and what my Dad has told me. Does it matter that I'm female? No, it does not. My profile states that I am male because I have a reason to state my gender as male. Regardless, you initially made a blanket statement about one gender that made it sound as if you were blaming all women for being so "weird" with their feelings, as if all men are always direct and they've never caused any hardships in relationships. You DO NOT generalize one gender like that. I'm sorry. It was never my intent to offend you, and I regret that I did. Could you please forgive me? If you really want a relationship or future relationships to work, you do not make generalizations about genders to blame the failing of the relationship on the "other". When I said "weird", I didn't mean it as an insult. I mean, there are a lot of things that are "weird". I mean, Johnny Depp is "weird", but that doesn't make him less awesome. Albert Einstein was "weird", but was undoubtedly a gift to our planet. Ernest P. Worrel was "weird", and brought happiness and laughter to a ton of people. Heck, I'M weird!! Look at how I phrase things! Do I talk like a normal person at all? I'm sure at least one of the forum goers can atest to that! Doesn't mean I'm any lesser for it, but, it doesn't change the fact that, compared to other people, I'm kind of weird. Point is, I don't mean "weird" in a bad way, I only meant it in the sense of "different". Which is relevant to Roy's situation, because his ex-girlfriend may not act in ways that he would expect her to act. Also, something that a few of the other people had to say about this. It sounds very controlling, like you think she shouldn't hang out or have any guy friends when she has a boyfriend. No. This is bad news, and you are bad news if you're going to think like this. Honestly, I don't think this is his thinking as much as it is him trying to find reasons that the breakup may not have been as devastating as he thought, which is a natural reaction to situations like this. Edited March 12, 2014 by FionordeQuester Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sunwoo Posted March 12, 2014 Share Posted March 12, 2014 Sigh, don't I know it :(...this isn't the first time I've accidently made people mad. And no, I wasn't meaning to imply that I knew more than you. I was just stating what I came to think based on my own (admittedly limited) experiences, my Psychology classes(of which I've taken a few), and what my Dad has told me. I understand that people have different experiences, and sometimes limited. But if you know you haven't had a wide range of experience, it's best not to try to make a general statement about a group of people you don't have a lot of experiences with. You may not have meant any harm, but statements like that are how people start to "otherize" people different to them. I'm sorry. It was never my intent to offend you, and I regret that I did. Could you please forgive me? All right. When I said "weird", I didn't mean it as an insult. I mean, there are a lot of things that are "weird". I mean, Johnny Depp is "weird", but that doesn't make him less awesome. Albert Einstein was "weird", but was undoubtedly a gift to our planet. Ernest P. Worrel was "weird", and brought happiness and laughter to a ton of people. Point is, I don't mean "weird" in a bad way, I only meant it in the sense of "different". Which is relevant to Roy's situation, because his ex-girlfriend may not act in ways that he would expect her to act. There are ways to state that, though. "Your ex may be acting in ways that seem weird or incomprehensible to you". But the way you had initially phrased it made it sound like this is something all girls do, and that no guys do it, which isn't a correct statement and rather unfair. Honestly, I don't think this is his thinking as much as it is him trying to find reasons that the breakup may not have been as devastating as he thought, which is a natural reaction to situations like this. Perhaps so, but sometimes people who try to rationalize a bad breakup in ways that are ... not quite so ideal, then it becomes their way of coping and it may influence their opinions on future girlfriends and relationships. Not that I think this guy will turn out in this matter, but I don't think it's so farfetched of a situation in which a young teen boy breaks up with a girl, blames her closeness with other male friends as a reason for the breakup, and then gets all paranoid whenever his future girlfriends have male friends to the point of trying to get her to stop being friends with them. Either way, blaming the other person for everything is not the way to go. Sometimes, things just happen and it's no one's fault. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FionordeQuester Posted March 12, 2014 Share Posted March 12, 2014 (edited) I understand that people have different experiences, and sometimes limited. But if you know you haven't had a wide range of experience, it's best not to try to make a general statement about a group of people you don't have a lot of experiences with. You may not have meant any harm, but statements like that are how people start to "otherize" people different to them. Hmm...that's a good point. At the very least, if I do make such a statement again, I'll make sure I'd have found a ton of research to back it up. All right. Cool. I remember back in that FE7 when talking about who Lyn should end up with, that we left that on a really sour note. I thought you hated my guts or something, and then I saw that you were willing to post in the later Awakening Pairing thread I made, and was pretty relieved. I hate the idea of ever being in conflict with anyone, so, I'm really happy that things didn't have to go back to a sour note again :)! There are ways to state that, though. "Your ex may be acting in ways that seem weird or incomprehensible to you". But the way you had initially phrased it made it sound like this is something all girls do, and that no guys do it, which isn't a correct statement and rather unfair. Right. I'll be honest, I'm a very blunt person. I hate beating around the bush, so I often say things exactly as they come to mind. But I'll try to be careful about that, okey doke? Perhaps so, but sometimes people who try to rationalize a bad breakup in ways that are ... not quite so ideal, then it becomes their way of coping and it may influence their opinions on future girlfriends and relationships. Not that I think this guy will turn out in this matter, but I don't think it's so farfetched of a situation in which a young teen boy breaks up with a girl, blames her closeness with other male friends as a reason for the breakup, and then gets all paranoid whenever his future girlfriends have male friends to the point of trying to get her to stop being friends with them. Either way, blaming the other person for everything is not the way to go. Sometimes, things just happen and it's no one's fault. Indeed. That's a good point as well. It's just, you phrased it in kind of a hurtful way, calling him "bad news" and stuff, you know? Edited March 12, 2014 by FionordeQuester Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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