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Blah2127 plays Pokemon Firered!


blah the Prussian
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Hello and welcome back to Pokemon Firered! Last time, we defeated the unholy alliance of Neo Nazis and SJWs for good! This time, the time has come to obtain the last Gym Badge!

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Huh. That's... really convenient. It's almost like it was specifically designed so I couldn't do this until I performed the exact tasks that I've been performing since this journey's started. But no... that would be silly.

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OBJECTION! For the Gym Leader to reach his current position, he would have had to walk through this door. Thus, the aid WOULD HAVE TO HAVE SEEN HIM! But wait! Could this mean... there must be a secret passageway that the Gym Leader used to reach his current position! And that secret passageway was used by the real killer! yes Ive been replaying Apollo Justice, sue me

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So... lets end this.

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Headcanon: Giovanni here was about to say "fuck" but then remembered he was in an E rated game, so awkwardly changed to an evil laugh. That's the only explanation for the insanely awkward phonetics here.

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Riiiiight. Team Rocket's former glory, which included such Herculean feats as trying to steal fossils and getting stopped by a ten year old kid, murdering a single, solitary Pokemon and getting stopped by a ten year old kid, hiding under an arcade and getting stopped by a ten year old kid, and attempting to take over a corporation and getting stopped by a ten year old kid. I see you define glory the same way the Serbs do, in the form of getting the shit kicked out of you. (look up the Battle of Kosovo)

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And I see you define greatness in the same way that masochists do.

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Not pictured: Guderian doing the same thing to whatever Giovanni's Pokemon was before this. In any case, down.

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Down.

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Down.

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And down. Man, I forgot just how EASY this fight was. I used to think these games were hard!

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And I see you define intense in a similar manner to people who like Batman v Superman. My goodness, Giovanni, you're certainly smitten with alternate definitions!

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Eh, might as well get Zapdos before heading to the Pokemon League.

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I have to say, this is probably the least inspiring location of the three legendary birds. What's next, Grasscuatro in a cardboard box?

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So, story time: when I tried to catch Zapdos, I was on a road trip from Krakow to Bratislava (for those of you across the pond thats a long road trip). It took me half of said road trip to catch Zapdos, and this is with the emulator sped up. Yeah. You think Fate's RNG is a dickhead?

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Next time: Woodrow meets his demise.

So. I'm once again going away for two weeks, this time to Scandinavia. See you in two weeks, basically. I will still be posting, but it will be on my iPad, so don't try to make like Phoenix Wright and bust me. Bye!

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  • 4 weeks later...
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Hello and welcome back to Pokemon Firered! Last time, we defeated Giovanni in a hilariously one sided battle, and caught Zapdos! This time, we head to the Pokemon League!

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...or fight Woodrow. Whatever, I'm always down for kicking the shit out of the man who makes Trump seem like a good candidate!

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Why? There's only one path to the Pokemon League (though you don't need to take it, as later events will prove)

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Well, Wilson was a slavery apologist.

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But enough talk, lets begin. The fight starts with The State going against Woodrow's Pidgeot. The State can't quite take out Pidgeot with Thrash...

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However, poison damage takes out the last sliver of its health.

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Guderian makes quick work of Woodrow's Alakazam with Bite, which is still a special move. For once this is beneficial, as Guderian's strong Special Attack stat is in play.

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Richtofen, of course, makes quick work of Venusaur.

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I came, I surfed, I conquered.

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I came, I... shockwaved? I conquered? Doesn't have the same ring to it, admittedly.

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You know, Woodrow, this isn't one of those other Pokemon games, where there's a finite among of evolution stones. Celadon City is right over there. There is no reason to still have a Growlithe.

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Bye, Woodrow! Have fun in your secret tunnel which is the only explanation for how you were able to beat the Elite 4 ahead of me!

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It won't be long now.

Next time on Pokemon Firered: Victory Road, and maybe Lorlei depending on how many screenshots I took of Victory Road!

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  • 2 months later...

I just had a read of Pages 1-2. I just couldn't help laughing at all of the straw political activist trainers and the constant historical references you put in. XY being my favourite game, I was particularly delighted to see the words "Vichy Kalos". A bit disappointed (though may be understandable due to Forum guidelines) that Koga or Erika wasn't Tojo's/Taisei Yokusankai's stooges.

Anyway, I'm looking forward to read Pages 3-4 to catch up.

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