Dragoncat Posted June 3, 2015 Share Posted June 3, 2015 Last weekend my mom said something that caught me completely off guard. We were watching How the States Got Their Shapes, and before the commercial break there was something about a forgotten state, my dad said it was called Franklin. He was right. I asked how he knew that and my mom goes: "Your dad's a smart feller, not a fart smeller." So yeah I thought it was pretty hilarious and it gave me the idea for this topic. Included grandparents because I can probably fill a book with crazy things my grandpa says. Stuff like: "KFC stands for can't fry chicken." "I saw a truck dragging a car once." (in response to me talking about dragons) "Cheerios are donut seeds, plant one and it'll grow into a donut tree." "My first job was an elevator operator, they paid me to push the button." I got him back on that last one, I said his first job was at the M&M factory and he got fired for throwing away the Ws. Took him a few seconds to get it lol. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Original Alear Posted June 5, 2015 Share Posted June 5, 2015 The M&Ms one is great. Well...this isn't a grandparent quote. In fact, it's a really long story. But it has a great ending. Give it a try if you're up for it. There are shorter versions, but the ones I've seen don't have the same gentle spirit that the long one does. http://natethesnake.com/ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Loki Laufeyson Posted June 5, 2015 Share Posted June 5, 2015 "Want in one hand, shit in the other. See which one fills the fastest." ---my Grandpa (gods rest his soul) Probably the best advice ever. Another one of his favorites when someone asked what time it was: "Half past a monkey's ass and a quarter to his balls." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anacybele Posted June 6, 2015 Share Posted June 6, 2015 (edited) Man, my stepdad says so many funny things I never remember them all. I keep telling him he needs to be a comedian. :P My mom isn't funny nearly as often, but one thing she said once while we were out on the road somewhere somehow sticks out to me. We were getting hungry, and she's well aware of my two preferred fast food places (usually. Depends on the area). "Do you want Dairy King or Burger Queen?" All I could do was crack up until my sides hurt. lol She laughed too. EDIT: I've read that story, Severlan! :o I don't remember where, but I do remember reading it before! It is pretty funny in the end. lol Edited June 6, 2015 by Anacybele Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dragoncat Posted June 7, 2015 Author Share Posted June 7, 2015 Lol Dairy King or Burger Queen.... One time we were at Dairy Queen and my dad was ordering a desert called the Peanut Buster Parfait and he pronounced it as "peanut butter barfay". Loki, your grandpa sounds awesome indeed. My other grandpa (the one I quoted in the OP is my dad's dad, this one is my mom's dad) had some good ones too. When somebody asked him why he was mixing his food he'd say "it all goes in the same" and sometimes he'd add "comes out the same place too!" And during family meals: "grab it and growl, or else you won't get any!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anacybele Posted June 7, 2015 Share Posted June 7, 2015 Oh wow, "peanut butter barfay" lol XD Well, I can't think of anything else atm... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dragoncat Posted June 7, 2015 Author Share Posted June 7, 2015 Yeah, the lady who took the orders told us that people butcher that name all the time and they laugh and laugh. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anacybele Posted June 7, 2015 Share Posted June 7, 2015 Oh wow. lol Parfait is an actual French term though. I forget what it translates to since it's been quite sometime since those French classes I took in school, but yeah. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dragoncat Posted June 7, 2015 Author Share Posted June 7, 2015 Yeah I think the term means dessert or ice cream or something like that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anacybele Posted June 7, 2015 Share Posted June 7, 2015 (edited) Probably dessert, as I believe ice cream is "glace" or something like that. *looks up to be sure her memory is correct* I was close. lol Glace is just ice and ice cream is creme glacee. But with accents above some of those E's. I can't do accents on my keyboard. EDIT: And "parfait" actually means "perfect." lolwut, that has nothing to do with food... Edited June 7, 2015 by Anacybele Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dragoncat Posted June 7, 2015 Author Share Posted June 7, 2015 xD It can! Sometimes perfect is used to describe food... I was told the f word meant baby seal in french. According to google translate, it doesn't. Not surprising considering I heard it from some random guy at school. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nym Posted June 7, 2015 Share Posted June 7, 2015 (edited) Dragoncat: The word you are looking for is ''phoque'' which is seal in french. Yea its very similar to the f word. (Maybe you knew that already, Google traduction is so useful sometimes). Edited June 7, 2015 by Nym Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Philranger Posted June 10, 2015 Share Posted June 10, 2015 My dad used to be the scoutmaster for our scout troop. Every Monday was the troop meeting at 7:30 with a leadership council meeting at 7:00. So we're in the leadership meeting before the regular meeting and some of the scouts out in hall are getting a little loud and rambunctious (as 11-16 year old boys are apt to do). My dad told someone to go out there and reign them in but his word choice was gold. He was gonna say either tell them to quit "Goofing off" or "Jacking around" but combined them in the worst possible way. He knew his mistake as soon as he said it but that didn't stop someone from saying, "Well I hope they're not doing that out there" This is something dad did rather than said; Mom and dad have been remodeling their house since they hadn't done any updates since they bought it in 1993. So one of the things they're doing is getting new appliances notably a new oven. Dad was ready to just haul the old (but still functional oven) off to the dump or junkyard or whatever but mom wanted to donate it to Salvation Army or Habitat for Humanity or something. So dad told her to call one of them to schedule a pick up. In the meantime the old oven sat in the middle of the living room because there was nowhere else to put it. Now this being December and rapidly approaching Christmas it was getting close to time to put the tree up but the oven was sitting where the tree needed to go. Dad told mom if she didn't have that oven out by Friday he was gonna say screw the tree and put lights on the oven. Mom I guess didn't think he would do it so the oven was still there. So dad made good on his promise, strung lights all over the oven, and even opened the oven door a shoved some presents inside. Mom came home, saw it, and the oven was gone the next day. In 5th grade I fell out a tree and broke my arm. Dad said, "Guess you learned not to do that again!" Although to be fair, he didn't say this until after he drove me to and home from the ER and made sure I received the necessary medical attention. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Agent Shade Posted June 13, 2015 Share Posted June 13, 2015 (edited) Almost a year ago, my cousin came out to me as asexual aromantic. She told me not to tell anyone, and I was the first person she ever told. Which was a good call, as I happen to be asexual, though romantic, myself. A couple weeks later, my mom and I were chatting and my cousin happened to come up. My mom then said, "She's really not into boys, unlike her half sister was as a teen. Is she asexual aromantic or something?" As neither my brother and I are...well, not your typical 15 year old heterosexual males, she's quite adapt to terms and such in the LGBT community. Anyway, I sat there for a moment, not sure what to say, and then decided to explain it to her, telling her to not tell my cousin's parents as she wasn't out to them yet. My mom said, "Oh," went silent for almost half a minute, and then blurted out, "Our gene pool is going to die." A couple months ago, my dog was refusing to eat the food my mom made him for dinner, and he hadn't eaten his breakfast either. Our dogs can often be picky eaters. Frustrated, my mom said, "Max, if you don't eat your food, you're going to be one skinny bitch." Another time was in 2013, on my brother and I's 14th birthday (we're twins), we had done a small celebration thing with our parents, and we were having that damn awkward moment when you've opened all your gifts and you're really not sure what to do. My mom broke the silence by saying, "Well, this is the last time we're going to see our kids this weekend." My brother laughed so hard he almost fell out of his chair on to the ground. My dad has said some funny things to, but most of them not as good as my mom. Edit: Typo that took me a long time to notice. Edited June 13, 2015 by Agent Shade Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hen Posted June 14, 2015 Share Posted June 14, 2015 "Devon James?" -My Grandpa Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Infinite Dreams Posted June 23, 2015 Share Posted June 23, 2015 My mom called a Junior Chicken sandwich a "baby McChicken" once. I giggle whenever I remember that. It sounds so cute. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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