Pale Sunshine

[kadajvonkarma]

An ancient fanfic I wrote around Karel and Lucius's supports. It has to be one of my favorite works that I've done. There's some minor shounen-ai, but if my perfectly straight yaoi-hating boyfriend can read it and say, "Holy crap, that was good," then you can, too. :D Also, since this is so old, my writing has improved, so don't tell me to fix this or that, because I probably already know about it.

Disclaimer: Own FE, I do not.

Pale Sunshine

It was raining when I first saw him. I remember it very well, for the rain had washed all the color out of the camp, giving everything a muted, colorless appearance. But as he traveled from the mess to his tent, his hair caught my eyes from underneath his hood. It shone through the grayness, like gentle pale sunshine on a sweet spring day. Back then, I did not know how to describe him, for those words were beyond my mentality, and I could not have uttered them even if I had read them in a book.

He was delicate, so much so that at first glance I thought him a woman, until I noticed a lack of certain anatomical features that women are famous for. He intrigued me, to say the least, and I watched him over the next several days as we traveled through Bern. I did not speak to him until our next battle.

I was drinking a vulnerary, so I could have enough strength to continue the battle that we were facing, and to ease the pain of a lance wound I had just received, when he bumped into me. After slopping half the vulnerary down my shirt, I glared at him, but did not say a word. He looked up at me, and blushed; it was the first time I had ever seen a grown man blush.

“Oh, ahh… Hello...” He stammered, straightening out his robes. His voice was high and feminine, adding to my fascination with him. How could a man be so…so beautiful?

Despite my curiosity, I was in no mood to be friendly to this person. I inhaled deeply, then said with a snort, “I smell…blood.” The shock on his face was worth the sticky shirt, and his voice trembled as he answered. “Wha..? What’s—”

“Ah, so you are a servant of Saint Elimine?” I drawled, smiling cruelly as he cringed. “I have no use for you. Begone.”

I stared down at the fragile man, still smiling at him in that terrible way so he would leave, but instead he dared to speak again. “So…err… That ‘smell of blood thing…’”

My smile widened, and I licked my lips for effect. “It will rain soon,” I said quietly. “Blood will fall like rain…” He made a soft yelping sound, and I chuckled. There was silence for a few seconds, then he said, “But aren’t we going to prevent all that? That’s why we’re fighting…”

I took one of his hands, surprised at how soft his skin was under my calloused fingers. “You, too… Your hands will also be stained red with blood…”

“What!” He jerked his hand away from mine, his blue eyes wide with fear and disgust. I leaned down and whispered, “You are not a fool. The more you see your own impurity, the closer you are to me. And I will not have to kill you…” I walked away from him, not caring to hear his murmured remark. I was glad, for I would not have to listen to the ramblings of his beloved Saint Elimine, yet I was also mildly disappointed, for I would also not be able to talk to him again. He still intrigued me…

I sincerely thought I would not see him again, but sometime later, during another battle, he tried to talk to me again. This time, though, he did not make me stain another shirt.

“Err, um… Karel…” He said timidly, just loud enough to catch my attention. I didn’t turn to him, but continued to walk away.

“If you want to babble about your cult, find another victim.” I snapped over my shoulder. He didn’t give up, though, and continued to follow me.

“M-my name is Lucius!” He persisted. “And I would speak with you!”

I stopped abruptly, making him collide with me and fall to the ground. I faced him, but did not offer a helping hand. “Very well, Lucius. Speak.”

“Well, before…” Lucius stood, serenely brushing dirt off his white and blue robes. “You said something…something I also have been thinking about for awhile.”

“Yes, that even the hands of the acolytes are stained with blood.” I answered impatiently. “So what would you do”—I smirked—“become disgusted and give up?”

“No! My beliefs give strength to my will!” He exclaimed, shaking his head. “I just…I wondered how you knew…” He trailed off, staring at his hands as a flush crept up his cheeks. My fascination with him returned, and I carefully selected my next words.

“…I live by the sword. My body is a weapon. I cannot live without the taste of blood.”

“But have you no compassion at all?” Lucius asked. “How could you know even grief without some kind of feeling?”

I thought about it for a moment, I truly did, and all the answers I found…frightened me. It was easier to push all feelings aside, for if they overwhelmed me, my body would lose its power, and I would not be able to kill. I looked down at Lucius, and frowned, though the frown itself held no emotion.

“...You are weak. Your blood means nothing to me.” And again, I left him standing there with a dumbfounded expression on his face. But this time, I was the one who had been frightened.

Later that night after the battle, I sought Lucius out. I had to talk with him, though I did not know why. I found him in his tent, brushing his long sunshine-colored hair. He was humming as he did so, making appear more feminine than ever. I stood there for a moment, watching him as several things clicked in my mind.

Lucius…light…angelic…innocence…purity… These words echoed inside my head as though someone had spoken them to me. It was completely random, but they fit somehow…fit him as if they were created for him, and for him alone.

“Lucius.” I said sharply, staring at him. He jumped and looked at me, obviously unaware that I was watching him.

“Karel…” He breathed, with what sounded like reluctance in his voice. Again, I gazed at him.

“...You are not a fool.” I stated. “And you are weak. That is why I do not need to kill you.” Lucius was silent, still looking at me with a mixture of fear and pity in his eyes. “Perhaps that also is why...” I continued softly. “When I am near you, I feel...calm.”

Lucius rose from the cot he had been sitting on and walked over to me, then placed a cool hand on my cheek. “You look tired.” He said after a moment.

“What?”

“Your face seems pallid, drawn, and worn,” He said, his gentle blue eyes studying me. “It looks unhealthy.”

I sighed. “Perhaps…I am…tired…” I could hardly believe I was saying these words, but they tumbled out before I could stop them. “When I fight, my entire body is filled with a hunger I cannot suppress.” I paused, and looked into those blue eyes, feeling them swallow me up. “I have never had the luxury even to imagine fatigue…”

Lucius sighed and removed his hand. “I don’t care about your fighting,” he said bitterly. “I cannot change the way you live. Nor would I. We both follow our own beliefs.” He turned away and started pacing. When I did not answer, he continued, “I don't know why you believe this killing is your destiny, but I pray that you will someday know peace.”

I sighed again, allowing my shoulders to slump. “I want…to sleep” I said haltingly. “If only for a little while…”

I closed my eyes and felt Lucius’ hands guide me over to his bed, and I laid down, feeling a peace coming over my body. “Rest now…” Lucius whispered, and I felt him cover me in a blanket…

I awoke much later that night, to the dim twilight of predawn. Wondering where I was, I let my mind sift through the memories of a few hours ago, snorting. I stood, nearly stepping on Lucius. He must’ve been concerned for me, because he was sleeping right next to the cot where I had been. He was so peaceful in his sleep, and so beautiful. I knelt next to him, lightly touching his sunshine hair, marveling at how delicate it was. It shone even in the twilight.

It was then I realized what he had done to me. He cracked the walls I had built around myself, and suddenly, I hated him. I hated everything about him, especially his sunshine hair. I left his tent in disgust, wondering at how I could’ve let him do such a thing.

I never spoke to him again. And he never approached me, either. We both seemed to agree that our, dare I call it a friendship, was destructive for both of us. I do not know what happened to him after the final battle with Nergal and the dragon; though I vaguely remember hearing of a kindly bishop that ran an orphanage in Araphen who was killed in the Bern Movement. I never did make it to Araphan in my travels, so I do not know for sure if it was Lucius.

It has been many years since then. I have grown quite old, and can barely remember how Lucius looks. There are some nights, in the twilight before dawn, when I close my eyes I see his pale sunshine hair, and I can hear him whispering, “Rest now…”

[Florete]

That was very wel written, but I don't particularly like the yaoi center of it. If yu have any more fanfics, I would like to read them.

[Tino]

I really like this too. I would love to read more of your fanfics.

[Florete]

To Dance With You Again

Read it, and have tissues ready. It's so sad, yet so very good. And it features MY favorite FE character. Well, not really, it features Heath, Priscilla only in remembrance. But it's one of the few fanfics I actually read all the way through. By Kage-San.

[Tino]

That made me cry... Almost...

That one is really good. Kage-San, get a cookie!

[Metal Rabbit]

goddam o_o

i hate romantic stuff like that... but it was good.

i only wish they had an emoticon that was crying...

because this post basically means i've given up my manhood <_<

[kadajvonkarma]

The Fourth Fox: Well, Karel/Lucius is one of my favorite yaoi pairings, even though this fic only hints at it. It's just the dialogue from the supports, though. And To Dance with You Again has to be one of my most popular fics on FE boards (on FF.net, my Heath/Legault fic is the most popular). Thanks!

Tino: COOKIE! *omnomnom* Thanks. Though, I have to admit, I don't have very many fics that can compare to To Dance with You Again...

Metal Rabbit: XD, it's okay. Even manly men cry.

[Metal Rabbit]

I've heard of your heath/legault one from a friend of mine.

I hate to say it, but could you post that too sometime?

[Raven]

These stories are good, but after watching Kanon, it takes alot to move me these days.