question about making friends in college/university

[ZemZem]

How do you do it?
I mean, I have acquaintances who I nod and smile at (they do so back) if I see them walking around campus, but how do I make full-blown good friends. I only have one. ('ω')

My roommate doesn't even like me, and by extension, I don't think my suitemates in our apartment dorm do either. They ignore my existence, and I bet they'd even celebrate if I were to disappear.

tl;dr: making friends is too hard!

Edited January 5, 2017 by Zeems

[HK Motendra]

By making time and effort for them? At least as a start. Everything after that depends on chemistry, I believe. Idk how to explain it; for me, it just kinda happens, but then again, I'm also very rather involved on campus with various things, so that may be one factor you can consider

[EricaofRenais]

Be friendly and nice and if the other person is interested it will go from there, maybe you should join a club or group on your campus that sounds fun and that way you will have something everyone in the conversation is interested in to talk about for a start. I have a hard time making lasting friends myself so it can be hard and it does take a lot of effort to keep a friendship going at times and starting new ones can be even harder, but if you work at it you can make it happen.

[Rukina]

Find people you have things in common with and get to know them. Joining a school club or organization you like is a good way to start since you'll already have one shared interest with the people in it. You can also try forming or joining a study group with other students or simply working with them to solve homework problems during class.

[Quintessence]

It takes some time to make good and lasting friends, those that think about you and care about you.

My advice is to make everything naturally rather than looking like you're forcing something because that sometimes feels like 'wtf'. Think about the people you are around more often, which of them you would like to have a conversation or build a nice friendship, who are worth it and who aren't. Then do things slowly and with patience: join groups with that person, talk with them at free time, join a chat group with them and so on. If the friendship grows stronger, things will be natural, but if it doesn't then they will be just an acquaintance.

[Rezzy]

To echo others here, try finding clubs or study groups to meet with people with similar interests to you, or at least needing help with the same classes as you. You can also look for groups that aren't necessarily tied to the school. I still meet with my D&D group that formed in undergrad.

Don't feel bad if you don't sync with your roommate. In my freshman year, my roommate was okay, but as an introvert, I needed more space, and was happier in my own apartment. It also made romantic encounters less complicated.

[Roxas]

Freshman year roommates/suitemates are rarely friendships that last throughout the rest of your undergrad career. Just play nice with them and don't get into any dumb shit and bid them farewell at the end of the year and hope that they wave back when you randomly run into them on your way to your next class two years later.

Also git gud (looking)

[Randoman]

I remember one of my methods for making friends was to talk to the people in my class about what they thought of the lesson and if they got most of it or not (in terms of understanding it or getting lost at certain parts). I'd also invite them to work together on assignments (well, ones where we're allowed to work together) or study for tests/exams together to in study areas. From there, talking about hobbies and regular life outside of college/university (and transitioning into friends) kind of falls into place, especially when it comes to people naturally talking about what they're going to do once they're done in the study halls.

[ZemZem]

Alright, so it seems I need to mainly get more involved in activities/clubs and try to find more study groups. Alright, thanks guys.

Also I'm a sophomore, not a freshman. ^^;

[Darros]

If you're in STEM meeting people in labs is a godsend. That's how I met my closest friends in first year and every year where there's assigned groups I manage to make friends through it. It's easier when nobody really knows each other though I find.

[Parrhesia]

If you're in STEM meeting people in labs is a godsend. That's how I met my closest friends in first year and every year where there's assigned groups I manage to make friends through it. It's easier when nobody really knows each other though I find.

Hardly a STEM-exclusive thing. Most humanities tutorials should really involve group discussion. If there's someone you seem to be getting along with, keep the discussion going after the class is over.

Take the hint if they're brushing you off, though. I got a campus stalker for about three months!

Edited January 5, 2017 by Parrhesia

[Roxas]

Also join a fraternity, seriously. Assuming your school does spring rush, I'm pretty sure nobody will bat an eye at a sophomore rushing.

>https://www.reddit.com/r/Frat/comments/2t3spo/my_brutally_honest_guide_to_rushing/

Hardly a STEM-exclusive thing. Most humanities tutorials should really involve group discussion. If there's someone you seem to be getting along with, keep the discussion going after the class is over.

It's usually the crucible nature of STEM classes that bond people together. Not to generalize about humanities classes, but they usually don't have competitive class scaling or the ruthless premeds. 4 out of 4 people living in my apartment bonded over our school's freshman honors organic chemistry three years ago LOL.

Edited January 5, 2017 by Austin

[Darros]

Hardly a STEM-exclusive thing. Most humanities tutorials should really involve group discussion. If there's someone you seem to be getting along with, keep the discussion going after the class is over.

Fair and I didn't consider this advice ((I think I got unlucky in my humanities that I took... a lot of awkward silences but I was also in a higher year hahaha)) but this is really good advice.

[Tryhard]

i've always had no fucking idea what fraternities are or why you would ever have to fucking 'pledge' to one

sounds like some dumb shit to me

[Roxas]

Fair and I didn't consider this advice ((I think I got unlucky in my humanities that I took... a lot of awkward silences but I was also in a higher year hahaha)) but this is really good advice.

It's valid but it also places a lot of faith in how 18/19-year-olds meet each other:

"Wow wasn't that an interesting discussion on Freytag's principles of the drama? Hey [fellow student], what do you think of what Freytag offers as a contemporary update on the principles of Aristotle’s Poetics? I think, he offers more to the discussion in terms of story structure, rather than the tropes and archetypes that Aristotle offers in the Poetics, most obviously seen in the construction of the Five Parts and Three Crises of the Drama, where Freytag’s pyramid attempts the sweeping task of discussion story structure as a whole instead of characters and story elements as seen above. Let's continue this conversation over lunch!"

versus

"Literally fuck [professor] and his stupid fucking tests I hope he dies in a fire like hey [fellow student] did you not understand anything on that quiz? what the FUCK. Do you want to drink your sorrows with us and maybe study for the next one together?"

i've always had no fucking idea what fraternities are or why you would ever have to fucking 'pledge' to one

sounds like some dumb shit to me

Ok you don't have to be such a massive dick about it you

you

kagsucker.

what does that mean anyway

Edited January 5, 2017 by Austin

[Tryhard]

no really what the fuck are those though

is it just a social university club? because i think the US takes them too seriously if you have to fucking pledge and dedicate your student existence to them

and kagsucker is Kaga sucker because you fellate Shozou Kaga.

[Roxas]

no really what the fuck are those though

is it just a social university club? because i think the US takes them too seriously if you have to fucking pledge and dedicate your student existence to them

and kagsucker is Kaga sucker because you fellate Shozou Kaga.

Yes basically they are social clubs with alumni who do nice things for you.

You don't have to dedicate your student existence to them.

You can put in as little or as much work as you want to put into your fraternity.

tbh I don't want to write too much about this rn because I'm really not in the mood.

Just don't be a dick about fraternity men or the lifestyle if you haven't been part of that crucible or are absolutely unwilling to educate yourself in the proper avenues.

fuck i thought it was scottish tbh

I'm a kagsucker

[ZemZem]

I know for fact my parents want me to look at fraternities, but I'm still thinking about it. They're way better environments to meet new people than a dorm, that's for sure.

[Tryhard]

Yes basically they are social clubs with alumni who do nice things for you.

You don't have to dedicate your student existence to them.

You can put in as little or as much work as you want to put into your fraternity.

tbh I don't want to write too much about this rn because I'm really not in the mood.

Just don't be a dick about fraternity men or the lifestyle if you haven't been part of that crucible or are absolutely unwilling to educate yourself in the proper avenues.

well i'm not either, but I couldn't care less because I understand enough of the concept to know that I think it's some dumb shit. you don't have to like it.

that's all

edit: actually, I could go further and say about how many personal stories from ex-members there are about the almost cultist nature of at least a decent amount of fraternities and sororities are with the intent to make you dependant on a group over individuality and the many, many controversies surrounding them, but hey.

Edited January 5, 2017 by Tryhard

[Captain Karnage]

Take the advice of these people, I really only got into my group of friends because of a friend from high school introduced me to her friends while they were playing Cards Against Humanity.

In fact that's how I made most of my friends in college is through C.A.H

And I did join a fraternity this semester.

It's also better to rush as a sophomore as from what I've seen most fraternities don't take in very many freshman.

If you see a group of people playing Magic the Gathering or any other TCG they're almost always very friendly and looking for new people to join them.

[Res]

I've lived in the U.S. for 8 years and spoken to a few sorority girls and I'm still in the dark as to what a fraternity or sorority mostly is

Mind you, I imagine if they existed in the UK I'd probably still be clueless because I was always too uncool for that kind of thing

[Captain Karnage]

I've lived in the U.S. for 8 years and spoken to a few sorority girls and I'm still in the dark as to what a fraternity or sorority mostly is

Mind you, I imagine if they existed in the UK I'd probably still be clueless because I was always too uncool for that kind of thing

depends on the brotherhood or sisterhood

and it's mostly secret stuff

[HK Motendra]

Idk, fraternities always gave me bad vibes, though that maybe due to that the kind of people in them arent't my kind of crowd (that I still don't have). Then again, my otherwise, not so great perception of fraternities could lessen greatly, if not dissipate completely if i actually knew what they DO. Cause otherwise, it just seems like a circle-jerk to me. 'Course, whether or not they actually are is debatable and granted, I've met some great individuals who happen to be in them. Idk

[Captain Karnage]

Idk, fraternities always gave me bad vibes, though that maybe due to that the kind of people in them arent't my kind of crowd (that I still don't have). Then again, my otherwise, not so great perception of fraternities could lessen greatly, if not dissipate completely if i actually knew what they DO. Cause otherwise, it just seems like a circle-jerk to me. 'Course, whether or not they actually are is debatable and granted, I've met some great individuals who happen to be in them. Idk

it's best to avoid business fraternities like Pi Kappa Alpha

join a social fraternity

[Darros]

It's valid but it also places a lot of faith in how 18/19-year-olds meet each other:

"Wow wasn't that an interesting discussion on Freytag's principles of the drama? Hey [fellow student], what do you think of what Freytag offers as a contemporary update on the principles of Aristotle’s Poetics? I think, he offers more to the discussion in terms of story structure, rather than the tropes and archetypes that Aristotle offers in the Poetics, most obviously seen in the construction of the Five Parts and Three Crises of the Drama, where Freytag’s pyramid attempts the sweeping task of discussion story structure as a whole instead of characters and story elements as seen above. Let's continue this conversation over lunch!"

versus

"Literally fuck [professor] and his stupid fucking tests I hope he dies in a fire like hey [fellow student] did you not understand anything on that quiz? what the FUCK. Do you want to drink your sorrows with us and maybe study for the next one together?"

I feel like these are very extreme opposites of a spectrum. Idk. I mean I'm definitely a massive complainer but the reason why I found it easy in STEM to make friends in labs is there was always shit to do after the lab ended so I just ended up working with the people in my group slash around me. I don't think humanities would be that much different but it does sound like it'd be more class dependent.