TheGoodHoms Posted November 21, 2017 Share Posted November 21, 2017 I feel like if I didn't give that a 10/10 I'd be a bad Catholic. Rene Descartes walks into a bar and takes a seat, the bartender asks if he would like a drink, Descartes responds with: "I think not." Then he disappears. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rex Glacies Posted November 21, 2017 Share Posted November 21, 2017 ... Ohhh! 9/10. Two chemists walk into a bar. The first one states, "I'd just like some H2O please." The second one says, "I'll have some H2O too." The second chemist dies. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stephen the Great Posted November 21, 2017 Author Share Posted November 21, 2017 Nice, nice! 10/10 Examples of responses to history exams: The inhabitants of Egypt were called mummies. They lived in the Sarah Dessert and traveled by Camelot. The climate of the Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere, so certain areas of the dessert are cul- tivated by irritation. The Egyptians built the Pyramids in the shape of a huge triangular cube. The Pramids are a range of mountains between France and Spain. Without the Greeks, we wouldn't have history. The Greeks invented three kinds of columns - Corinthian, Doric and Ironic. They also had myths. A myth is a female moth. One myth says that the mother of Achilles dipped him in the River Stynx until he became intolerable. Achilles appears in "The Illiad", by Homer. Homer also wrote the "Oddity", in which Penelope was the last hardship that Ulysses endured on his journey. Actually, Homer was not written by Homer but by another man of that name. Martin Luther was nailed to the church door at Wittenberg for selling papal indulgences. He died a horrible death, being excommunicated by a bull. Bach was the most famous composer in the world, and so was Handel. Handel was half German, half Italian and half English. He was very large. Bach died from 1750 to the present. Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf he wrote loud music. He took long walks in the forest even when everyone was calling for him. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died for this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SullyMcGully Posted November 21, 2017 Share Posted November 21, 2017 10/10 Hilarious! What do you call it when Batman leaves a Catholic church? Christian bail! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stephen the Great Posted November 21, 2017 Author Share Posted November 21, 2017 Nice, nice! 10/10 More history: Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest Precedent. Lincoln's mother died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he built with his own hands. When Lincoln was President, he wore only a tall silk hat. He said, "In onion there is the strength." Abraham Lincoln write the Gettysburg address while traveling from Washington to Gettysburg on the back of an envelope. He also signed the Emasculation Proclamation, and the Fourteenth Amendment gave the ex-Negroes citizenship. But the Clue Clux Clan would torcher and lynch the ex-Negroes and other innocent victims. On the night of April 14, 1865, Lincoln went to the theater and got shot in his seat by one of the actors in a moving picture show. The believed assinator was John Wilkes Booth, a suppository insane actor. This ruined Booth's career. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SullyMcGully Posted November 22, 2017 Share Posted November 22, 2017 10/10 I love these! Where are you getting them? Classic Christian pickup lines: "Do you need prayer? Because I wouldn't mind laying hands on you!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stephen the Great Posted November 22, 2017 Author Share Posted November 22, 2017 (edited) 10/10 Nice! The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespear. Shakespear never made much money and is famous only because of his plays. He lived in Windsor with his merry wives, writing tragedies, comedies and errors. In one of Shakespear's famous plays, Hamlet rations out his situation by relieving himself in a long soliloquy. In another, Lady Macbeth tries to convince Mac- beth to kill the King by attacking his manhood. Romeo and Juliet are an example of a heroic couplet. Writing at the same time as Shakespear was Miquel Cervantes. He wrote "Donkey Hote". The next great author was John Milton. Milton wrote "Paradise Lost." Then his wife dies and he wrote "Paradise Regained." @SullyMcGully: This site. Edited November 22, 2017 by Sigismund of Luxemburg Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rex Glacies Posted November 22, 2017 Share Posted November 22, 2017 Donkey Hote was one of my favorite stories in that time era. 9.4/10. Two muffins are in an oven. One of the says "Is it getting hot in here, or am I imagining things?" The second muffin says "Oh my gosh, a talking muffin!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stephen the Great Posted November 22, 2017 Author Share Posted November 22, 2017 (edited) Oh, the irony! 10/10 From Pokemon Vietnamese Crystal. Edited November 22, 2017 by Sigismund of Luxemburg Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheGoodHoms Posted November 22, 2017 Share Posted November 22, 2017 8/10 An older fish swims past two younger fish and says "Hey boys, how's the water today?" One of the younger fish turns to the other young fish and asks him "What the heck is water?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stephen the Great Posted November 22, 2017 Author Share Posted November 22, 2017 (edited) Nice! 10/10 Same source as above. Edited November 22, 2017 by Sigismund of Luxemburg Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SullyMcGully Posted November 23, 2017 Share Posted November 23, 2017 I don't know a lot of Pokemon, so... ?/10 How do you cook toilet paper? Brown on both sides, then throw it in the pot! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheGoodHoms Posted November 23, 2017 Share Posted November 23, 2017 (edited) Ehh... 6/10(sorry toilet humor isn't my thing.) When you play FE Cipher against @PeaceRibbon and you use a swear word in the chat... Edited November 23, 2017 by TheGoodHoms Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeaceRibbon Posted November 23, 2017 Share Posted November 23, 2017 ... 14/10. best encapsulation of my life's story. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stephen the Great Posted November 24, 2017 Author Share Posted November 24, 2017 Genau! 10/10 Given that "to meet one's Waterloo" = to experience a great defeat: If one falls into a toilet in his house's flooded basement, he has surely met his Water-loo. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SullyMcGully Posted November 24, 2017 Share Posted November 24, 2017 British toilet humor is definitely worse than American. Sorry. 6/10 Spoiler Two women die and go to heaven at the exact same time. They meet each other and introduce themselves. One's name was Connie, the other's was Bettie. Connie began to make small talk: CONNIE: "So, how did you die?" BETTIE: "I froze to death." CONNIE: "Oh my, that sounds terrible!" BETTIE: "It really isn't that bad. It's kind of like falling asleep. So... how did you die?" CONNIE: "Heart attack." BETTIE: "Heart attack? How'd you get one of those?" CONNIE: "Well, it's a pretty crazy story. You see, for the past couple of weeks, I've just had this feeling that my husband was cheating on me. And then when I got back from a trip to my daughter's house two days early, I walked into my house and I could smell this strange perfume, and then I knew that my husband had cheated on me, and that the woman was still in the house! So I ran upstairs, checked the bedroom, bathroom, and all of the closets - but she wasn't there. Then I ran downstairs, and checked the kitchen, pantry, dining room, and family room - but she wasn't there either! So I went outside checked under the porches and around the tire swing. It was when I got on my knees to look in the crawlspace that my exhaustion caught up with me. I had a heart attack and died on the spot." BETTIE: "Oh!" CONNIE: "What is it?" BETTIE: "Well, if you'd checked the freezer, we'd both still be alive!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
B_E_P_I_S_M_A_N Posted November 25, 2017 Share Posted November 25, 2017 6/10. That's clever, but it's also horrible. Also, the beginning reminds me of this old SNK vs. Capcom comic I heard about on Wikipedia where Akuma kills Kyo, so Iori kills himself to fight Kyo in Heaven, and M. Bison also kills himself to get to Heaven or something like that. I dunno, it's weird. Anyways: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SullyMcGully Posted November 25, 2017 Share Posted November 25, 2017 5/10 Yeah, well... it's definitely funny for someone... @Sigismund of Luxemburg this one's for you. The Adventures of Abraham Lincoln - YouTube Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Randoman Posted November 25, 2017 Share Posted November 25, 2017 Sadly, I think most of the jokes and references flew over my head since I'm not very fluent in history. But some of the random parts did get a chuckle from me. 5.5/10 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rex Glacies Posted December 1, 2017 Share Posted December 1, 2017 I dunno. I can't say I found it very funny at all, sorry. 3/10. And the Lord said unto James "Come forth, and receive eternal life." But James came fifth, and won a toaster. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SullyMcGully Posted December 1, 2017 Share Posted December 1, 2017 9/10 That's a really good one! So last night I was lying in my bed, staring up at the stars and thinking about how beautiful they were, when it hit me: what the heck happened to the roof?! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DisobeyedCargo Posted December 1, 2017 Share Posted December 1, 2017 (edited) On 12/1/2017 at 2:07 PM, SullyMcGully said: 9/10 That's a really good one! So last night I was lying in my bed, staring up at the stars and thinking about how beautiful they were, when it hit me: what the heck happened to the roof?! 8/10 This it totally my favorite poketuber: Edited December 27, 2017 by DisobeyedCargo Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Randoman Posted December 4, 2017 Share Posted December 4, 2017 (edited) I... feel like I'm missing some context for the joke. But the weird cat ears and the big-eyed "shush" face the guy has is rather amusing. 5/10 And now for some classic CD-I Zelda videos: Edited December 4, 2017 by Randoman Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DisobeyedCargo Posted December 4, 2017 Share Posted December 4, 2017 (edited) On 12/3/2017 at 9:41 PM, Randoman said: I... feel like I'm missing some context for the joke. But the weird cat ears and the big-eyed "shush" face the guy has is rather amusing. 5/10 And now for some classic CD-I Zelda videos: The joke was him being my "favorite" poketuber, his YouTube is Verlisify and he is well hated amongst the community. I just choose the worst picture I could find if him. 10/10 CDI Gabon is best Ganon I have a good one: Edited May 20, 2018 by DisobeyedCargo Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rex Glacies Posted December 4, 2017 Share Posted December 4, 2017 The music is good, but everything else is horrendous, apparently. 7/10 Schrodinger walks into a bar. And he doesn't. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.