Pick a card!

[Dragoncat]

First poster says a card, next poster tells a story about something that happened in their life at the stage the card represents and picks a card for the next person. Lather, rinse, repeat. Please keep stories PG 13 or under.

The cards:

Ace: baby to toddler/preschool

Jack: elementary school

Queen: middle/high school

King: after high school

Joker: your choice, but specify

IF YOU GET A CARD THAT DOESN'T APPLY, like if you get King and you're still in high school, it becomes Joker for you. If you want to randomize: https://www.random.org/playing-cards/

I used it and got King.

The other day I was playing Pokemon Go and somebody asked me if I was a boy or a girl, then when I turned around they said "never mind". I guess I don't look female until they see my chest sometimes.

Jack.

Edited July 22, 2018 by Dragoncat

[Re: The weirdo.]

when i was in elementary, im pretty sure i went into the garden, picked up what looked like a raisin off of the floor, put it in my mouth and thats how i developed a massive fucking phobia of BEEEEEEEEEEEEES. it was A BEEEEEEEEEEEEE , NOT a raisin. it was very early in elementary, and i was a july baby so i was the youngest in the class, but still. thats pretty dumb.

queen

[Dragoncat]

One time a guy came into the first class of the day bragging about how all he had for breakfast was a liter of coke. And it was all silent as we read our books, like what happened every day, and the idiot freaking started THROWING UP EVERYWHERE. Some of it got on my shoes. The teacher yelled at him to go to the bathroom.

Joker.

[Hawkwing]

Dragoncat started another topic for me to get addicted to! And I get to share my random life stories! YAY!

I went on a Disney trip with the highschool band Junior year, during spring break, and...

1. We played Star Wars music in public, and actually garnered a pretty big crowd.
2. Our band met with an actual Disney conductor/musician, who conducted our band as we improvised "Trashing the Camp" and the played the ending music to The Little Mermaid, with our recording being played over the actual movie footage.
3. I bought a lightsaber I made myself.
4. I bought a Star Wars book for my younger brother... and his babysitter bought the same book during their next visit.
5. I won the jackpot on an arcade game either called "slam-a-winner" or "Meteor Drop". Hilariously enough, I had won the jackpot on the same arcade machine a decade earlier, during my last trip to Florida.
6. I sent four pages worth of texts (as we typed them out onto a Word document, as I was changing phones and I didn't want them to be lost) to my mother back home, on a flip phone, where you had to press the buttons three times to get the letter you wanted. And it was all grammatically correct.
7. ...I could spend all day here describing every ride we went on, what parks we visited, etc. so I'm going to stop now.

Queen

[SMEDIA]

Ok, in high school, I dated an Asian girl who had a sadistic habit of slapping me really hard in the face, even in front of other people. I know something like that would bother most men, but I enjoyed it because I have a few masochistic tendencies.

Anyway, we were on the bus going home from school together one day and as she was sitting in shorts she was giving me a very very good look at her ass in her panties. So I reached all the way down and gave her a wedgie. She turned around and slapped me in the face again. Needless to say, I masturbated as soon as I got home.

queen

[Dragoncat]

2 hours ago, Hawkwing said:

Dragoncat started another topic for me to get addicted to! And I get to share my random life stories! YAY!

You're welcome xD

@SMEDIA Can we keep stories PG 13 or under please? Sorry...

There was this big snowdrift between the main building and the art building and boys were climbing on it and running on it and one of them fell into it and his butt print was there until it melted.

Ace.

[DisobeyedCargo]

One time I was messing around in my grandmothers house, and somehow I threw something and broke the water heater to the entire house 

 

King

[Hawkwing]

12 minutes ago, Dragoncat said:

You're welcome xD

I just need to remember to not go into TMI territory. As in, not explain my (awesome) back-scar story for the third time to unsuspecting viewers.

1 minute ago, DisobeyedCargo said:

King

The day after I graduated from High School (but before the ceremonies and all that), I woke up and did my morning routine. Immediately after I was done brushing my teeth, my mom told me "We're getting [you] a job." What we thought was going to be a thirty minute process turned into a five hour journey of filling out an application, doing an interview, filling out several papers of tax information, a drug test, and even a safety video. At least I got the job (even if I accidentally didn't get paid until a full month later, but that's (a surprisingly serious) story for another time).

King again.

[Dragoncat]

1 hour ago, Hawkwing said:

1 hour ago, Dragoncat said:

 

I just need to remember to not go into TMI territory. As in, not explain my (awesome) back-scar story for the third time to unsuspecting viewers.

It's not as TMI as what S Media said.

We went to a KOA campground one time and I had a two piece swimsuit and me and my younger brother were at the pool and the elastic broke in my bottom piece. About this time my dad came up to me and told me I should probably leave because my brother had found some boys his own age to play with and it wouldn't be "cool" to have his big sister around. I told him perfect timing because my pants were falling off and proceeded to walk back to the camper holding my pants up. Also my dad fell asleep in a lawn chair and woke up with a chipmunk on his chest. My dad also set the tablecloth on fire trying to light the grill.

Queen.

[Hawkwing]

5 minutes ago, Dragoncat said:

It's not as TMI as what S Media said.

TMI as in I give a really personal story without realizing it. That, and I kinda realized that saying (as well as how I said it) that I nearly puked in health class in a different thread... wasn't one of my wiser moments, to say the least.

14 minutes ago, Dragoncat said:

Queen.

I once convinced my Civics teacher to use some games from the website iCivics as a class project. All I did was search up "good political games" and lo and behold! some exist.

King

[indigoasis]

Jokes on you, I'm still in High School.

Anyway, since it's technically a Joker for me, back when I was around 7 or 8 years old, I moved to a new state. There was a girl next door that took notice, and tried to be friends with me, although the way she went about it was more adult than I expected. She tried to get me to marry her or something like that, so I got one of my dad's ties and put it on because I was told by the girl and her friends. I wore the tie while also wearing what were basically civvy clothes (t-shirt, shorts, etc.). She got a gown on, and she got some of her friends to be those officiators or whatever they're called (one of them wore a tie, too), and when they said "You may now kiss the bride," she closed her eyes and got ready for the kiss....

So I kissed my hand, tapped her cheek, and ran home.

I haven't seen any Aces yet, so let's go with that.

[Dragoncat]

When I was like 4 I decided I was going to play hide and seek with my mom without telling her. I sat in the dog's doghouse and didn't come out. She yelled for me and I never responded, she went around the block asking neighbors if they saw me, panicked and called the police, and then she saw my feet sticking out of the doghouse, paddled my butt, and made me sit in there again so she could take a picture.

Jack.

[Hawkwing]

My parents told me that if I could ride my bike around the block without training wheels, I would be able to play the "Sonic Mega Collection" that they bought for the original Xbox. Needless to say, I learned pretty quickly how to do so, and now it's one of my favorite hobbies.

Third time in a row, the RNG decided to show me a king after showing me 2 of clubs, spades, and diamonds.

[Dragoncat]

2 hours ago, Hawkwing said:

after showing me 2 of clubs, spades, and diamonds.

You can uncheck everything but Ace, Jack, Queen, King, and Joker.

I found a driver's license in the street and was going to take it to the police department and my mom recognized it as the lady who lived right across the hall from me. Don't ask me how my mom knows my apartment neighbors better than I do, because I don't know either.

RNG gave me Jack.

[indigoasis]

In 5th grade, me and my class went to one of the kindergarten classes to read with them. Later on, I had to use the bathroom. Luckily (or for how this story goes, unluckily), there was a single person bathroom in the classroom. Only problem was that it connected to the kindergarten classroom that was opposite to the one we were in and the doors couldn't lock. So when I was in there, some kid kept peeking in to see if the bathroom was empty so HE could go. I didn't want traumatize the kid or embarrass myself, but let's just say I ended up needing a change of clothes. Some people are just too damn impatient.

I used the randomizer and got a king, but we already have enough of those, so the next pull was ace.

[Dragoncat]

My mom got tired of dragging me out of the dog food so she let me put it in my mouth. I made a face and never touched it again.

Queen.

[Hawkwing]

In-between 7th and 8th grade, I went to a summer bible camp (that my friend got me into, but sadly, he didn't come) that was just for guys. Spent an entire week in the woods, sleeping in a military tent, without any electricity or running water (besides the showers, but those were in the main area and that was the only reason we went there).

It was great.

We played paintball (I was in involved in three rounds. Got shot in the stomach once. I was nervous as heck, but I'm proud that I stayed in the front lines and never once had the thought of retreating), got lost exploring the woods, traveled to some sand dunes one day and went sand-boarding and jeep-riding (and got sand permanently stuck in my (new) watch), fired a shotgun for the first time in my life (and realized I was a terrible shot with one, but if Time Crisis and a carnival game were anything to go by, I'm a much better shot with a pistol (I'm right handed, but left-eye dominant, and I think that throws my aim off a lot more than you think it would)) and read and studied the story of Samson. And we beat each other up with wooden swords and shields at the end of it (kinda. We couldn't thrust, and if you got hit, you were "dead." Cue everyone forgoing a direct fight and just running around, slashing each others backs).

1 hour ago, Dragoncat said:

You can uncheck everything but Ace, Jack, Queen, King, and Joker.

*Facepalm*

Ace

[indigoasis]

On my first or second birthday, I was sitting in my high chair ready to eat my birthday cake. So I ended up getting my face covered in birthday cake, and you would think that would be the highlight of my day, but when I realized what I did, I started crying. 

Queen.

[Dragoncat]

One time at lunch a guy was throwing grapes and stuff at me, so I told him the next thing he threw at me was going down the toilet in the girls bathroom. He threw his pencil at me and it went down the toilet in the girls bathroom. He stopped after that.

Joker!

[The_antithesis]

My first word was 4. Yes, the number 4.

Basically, my parents counted "one, two, three" but then stopped because they got distracted by something. Apparently, I got annoyed and decided to continue "four" them, despite the fact that I had never spoken before in my life!

Queen

[SMEDIA]

When I was about thirteen when my visited (one of which was his three or so opportunities a year to visit me). I roped him into buying me a video game, but for some stupid reason I not only stayed while he got the game, but didn’t even request one. So he bought me Civilization 2 (he figured you could learn something from looking at the cover; which you can) That game isn’t really my cup of tea, but my older brother loved that game.

 

Queen

Edited July 24, 2018 by SMEDIA

[Dragoncat]

Somebody spread poop all over the boys bathroom upstairs in high school. That bathroom was locked for weeks and one teacher wasn't letting any boy in her class use the bathroom for awhile.

Jack.

[Hawkwing]

Some time in... third grade, I think? I was playing with my neighbor, and after telling I told her a series of jokes, she told me she didn't understand any of them. So I decided to show her some good old Wallace and Gromit to give her a sense of humor.

The next time in school, she was actually joked around with some fellow students, but got in trouble for talking while the teacher was, and was punished in the usual fashion for it. I immediately felt guilty for teaching my neighbor what humor was, and being honest, I still kinda do.

Jack again.

[SMEDIA]

One day I was walking alone down the street after school to get home. I have no fucking clue why it was there and why it was unsupervised, but there was a fire truck just sitting there. So I decided it would be cool to climb up on it. So as soon as I started to climb, I got grabbed from behind by my older brother who literally came out of nowhere. I wasn’t mad at all; just surprised.

[Dragoncat]

I'll do a Jack since SMedia didn't specify one.

There was this hill outside the school that everybody played on during recess and one day the teachers made it off limits because it was kinda far out in the field and I was pissed.

Ace.